Posted:
Hello friends..Raj here, back again with some jokes on one and only Damn-esh..sorry sorry jee, I mean Dharmesh..😉😆
1...On walking into the factory, Dharmesh the Managing Director of the company noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing..
He approached the young man and calmly said to him, "How much do you earn?"
The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such apersonal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn Rs.8,000.00 a month, Sir. Why?"
Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed Rs.24,000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said,
"Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty!
Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.
Noticing a few onlookers, Dharmesh the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies to everybody in this company".
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man I just fired?" To which an amazing reply came - "He was the pizza delivery guy , Sir!"...😆😉
He approached the young man and calmly said to him, "How much do you earn?"
The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such apersonal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn Rs.8,000.00 a month, Sir. Why?"
Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed Rs.24,000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said,
"Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty!
Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.
Noticing a few onlookers, Dharmesh the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies to everybody in this company".
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man I just fired?" To which an amazing reply came - "He was the pizza delivery guy , Sir!"...😆😉
2...There once were four guys named Manav, Satish, Ajit and Dharmesh.
Manav was brought up in a hospital and all he knew how to say was "I did it! I did it!"
Then there was Ajit who was brought up in a restaurant and all he knew how to say was "forks and knives!"
Then there was Satish brought up in a candy shop and all he knew how to say was "goodie goodie gum drops!"
Then Dharmesh was brought up in a glade plug in store and all he knew how to say was "plug it in! plug it in!"
One day they all met in a park and there was this dead guy on a bench.
A cop walks up and says who did this and Manav said "I did it! I did it!"
And the cop says how did you do this and Ajit said "forks and knives!"
The cop says what do you have to say for your selves and Satish says "goodie goodie gum drops!"
Then the cop says you are all going in the electric chair any last words and the fourth guy Dharmesh says "plug it in! plug it in!"...😆
Manav was brought up in a hospital and all he knew how to say was "I did it! I did it!"
Then there was Ajit who was brought up in a restaurant and all he knew how to say was "forks and knives!"
Then there was Satish brought up in a candy shop and all he knew how to say was "goodie goodie gum drops!"
Then Dharmesh was brought up in a glade plug in store and all he knew how to say was "plug it in! plug it in!"
One day they all met in a park and there was this dead guy on a bench.
A cop walks up and says who did this and Manav said "I did it! I did it!"
And the cop says how did you do this and Ajit said "forks and knives!"
The cop says what do you have to say for your selves and Satish says "goodie goodie gum drops!"
Then the cop says you are all going in the electric chair any last words and the fourth guy Dharmesh says "plug it in! plug it in!"...😆
3...Dharmesh's new policy....EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY:
New Company Policy: Effective August 1, 2010
Dress Code-
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise .
Sick Days-
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.(Lagta hai pichle janam mein Hitler ki army mein tha bhonpu kahin ka..)😆
Personal Days-
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave-
Other than your own, This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
New Company Policy: Effective August 1, 2010
Dress Code-
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise .
Sick Days-
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.(Lagta hai pichle janam mein Hitler ki army mein tha bhonpu kahin ka..)😆
Personal Days-
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave-
Other than your own, This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
(What about the person having Acute Constipation?..and a person who is suffering from Diarrhea..?😛😉)
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
(how come you are sitting one hour for your Lunch?😉😛)
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere..😛
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere..😛
M.D.
Dharmesh..
(And after one week all the staff went on strike, sued dumb Dharmesh and finally won the case, leaving him pauper...and now this Damn-esh..sorry Dharmesh has become Tiffinwala..carrying tiffin boxes in trains from Churchgate to Borivili..and in the evening he runs wada pav stall..)😆😆
Waiting for your views and comments..😊
Thank you..😊
God Bless You All..😊
Set_raj...😉
