CHAPTER 12
A bug called love
She pulled her car into the Mehra driveway. The entire drive back
from the dance program, Ashu and Maithili had talked about how good
Gauri's performance was. At the end of the performance, they had all
gone backstage to congratulate Gauri. Using some made-up excuse, Tanu
and Maithili purposely left him alone in her dressing room. They
cracked jokes outside for a few minutes before joining them again.
Gauri was blushing when they had walked in. Tanu wanted to stay back
and help her undress and pack up, so she said goodbye to Ashu and
Maithili.
Maithili and Ashu were sitting in the Mehras' kitchen now, sipping some hot mint tea.
"You know, when she did that circular movement in the white dress, your face pretty much glowed, Ashu."
He smiled shyly.
"It did!" she continued with a grin. "You really like her, don't you?"
"Yeah. I do. I don't know why it's so hard to…"
"Go further?" she completed his thought. He nodded.
"I know what you mean," she said with a twinge of sadness. She was
thinking about herself and Adi. Ashu knew that that's what she was
referring to.
"Maithili…if you don't mind me asking, what do you think is holding you back? With Adi, I mean."
"I wish I knew, Ashu."
She continued after a moment.
"Sometimes I think it's because I don't want to jeopardize my
friendship with him, or my work relationship with Shruti aunty…but it's
something more than that. When I was growing up, I always had to be
careful not to show my loneliness or pain around my father. I guess it
would've just hurt him too much. He was so conscious that I didn't have
a mother, or any siblings, you know. But in trying to protect him, I
think I developed a really bad pattern of turning all my
vulnerabilities inward. It's just so difficult to let someone in, even if that someone happens to be Adi."
She stopped, surprised, suddenly realizing she was talking a bit too much.
"Sorry, Ashu. I'm rambling…"
"No, no. I was just thinking that I really relate to what you
said," Ashu said. "I mean, I live with my mom, brother, sister, and
it's great, but I've always actually really been alone, in a sense.
Maybe it's just that the stuff I do is so different from what everyone
else in the house is into. Mamma likes her social work stuff, Adi likes
his business, and Tanu…well, Tanu is a kid. It's pretty hard for me to
let people in, too. I guess I have just always been a shy and quiet
guy, completely the opposite of Adi."
Maithili smiled at the mention of Adi. "Adi is…he's so sure of
himself, of what he wants. I almost envy that. I think I always envied
that about him, even when we were in college."
"You know, Ashu, we used to hate each other in college."
"Really?" he chuckled.
"Yes. Immensely. We never got along…but things are so different now. And also a lot more complicated."
He nodded.
"Gauri is mature, I think she'll give you the space and time you need," Maithili said.
"Why would she wait around for me like that?"
"Because you mean that much to her, silly!"
"You think so?"
"Ashu, Gauri likes you for who you are. She sees that it's taking you some time, and she still likes you. Maybe that is why
she likes you. But the point is, she isn't trying to rush you because
she's in a hurry to have what she wants. I'm sure she cares about what
you want, too."
"I guess you're right," he nodded in agreement. He smiled at how easily they were able to talk to each other.
"So why don't you tell Adi this? What you just told me about why it's difficult?"
"I wish I could…," she trailed off for a moment before continuing, "okay, you have to promise not to tell him this, but he completely unnerves me, in the most unexpected times."
Ashu smiled, "Gauri does the exact same thing."
They both chuckled quietly.
"Hm, before I leave, there's something I have to confess," Maithili
said. "When I came to pick you up, and even when we were at the
program, I kept wishing that I had taken Adi with me instead…which, I
know, is a very, very selfish way to think about it, because I know how
much you enjoyed seeing Gauri tonight. But I have to say that I'm
really glad we went together, and especially that we had this talk."
Ashu smiled before replying. "I'm glad too…Okay, now we have to do
the secret Samurai code-of-honour handshake, which seals our
friendship, and most importantly, keeps everything we said to each
other strictly between us." Ashu sarcastically put on a serious face to
go with his childish request.
Maithili played along and shook his hand with a chuckle.
Unbeknownst to them, just a few feet away from them in the patio
outside the kitchen, someone sat quietly listening in on their entire
conversation.
* * *
Maithili was tired by the time she got back home from the Mehras'.
She quietly got ready for bed, trying to not wake Kamal. When she was
restlessly tossing and turning in bed, she knew it was because she
missed Adi. What he told her earlier in the evening changed everything,
she knew. She thought of the comfort she experienced in his arms, and
she wanted that…forever. And yet. She didn't know how to tell him that.
Or how to tell him that she wanted things to slow down a bit.
Suddenly she found herself alarmed by her shrieking phone. Who
would call me this late, she wondered, and picked it up quickly before
looking at the display. She didn't want it to wake papa.
Silence.
"Adi?"
"Yeah."
"Hey…I was just thinking about you."
"I know."
She rolled her eyes. "And how did you know that?"
"Just did."
The conversation drifted. She nervously went on about how good
Gauri's dance was. About how she was bonding with Tanu, and about how
she was becoming friends with Ashu. He had gone quiet. So she began to
talk about what she knew occupied his mind.
"Adi, the other day in the office…that was really difficult for me."
Silence again. But she continued.
"It was difficult because I want you, too. But I am just afraid that…"
"Afraid of what, Maithili? Life is full of risks. Every relationship is a risk. But don't you think some risks are worth it?"
She spoke after a long silence. "Yes."
"Yes what?" He was sitting at the edge of his bed, absentmindedly playing with a keychain.
"It's worth it." And then slowly, after a long pause. "You're worth it, I mean."
He froze when she said this, dropping the keychain to the floor. He
closed his eyes and laid backwards onto his bed. A smile spread across
his face.
"I wish I could have seen you say that."
"Why don't you drop by, and I'll say it again," she said playfully.
"I'm sure your dad would really appreciate that."
"Actually, I have a crazy father. He actually might appreciate
that. He tends to worry that I am a crazy loner who pretty much avoids
getting close with anyone."
"And he's…wrong about that?"
"Fine. Take his side."
"That I will. So maybe I will come over right now."
"Adi, you will do no such thing! I was joking."
"I need to see you, Maithili." Hearing him say this in the way he said it made knots out of her stomach.
"Tomorrow."
"Right. Now."
"Adi, there is just no way you are knocking on my door right now.
Nor do I have any intention of stepping outside at the moment. I'm
comfortably in bed, and quite tired."
"I'm sure you're tired. I heard your car leave pretty late. I guess the three of you must've talked for ages."
"Three of us?"
"Yeah, you, Mamma, and Ashu."
"No, it was just me and Ashu. I didn't see aunty downstairs."
"Oh. I thought she was downstairs reading in the patio. But maybe
she went back to her room before you two got back. Anyway…did Ashu
spill the beans about his crush on Gauri?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Hmm..," he said mischievously, "speaking of sealing your lips…"
"Adi!" She blushed uncontrollably.
* * *
Gauri stood in her balcony in her pajamas. She closed her eyes and
thought of Ashu's face when he came backstage to congratulate her. She
smiled at how he was slowly beginning to warm up to her. "You were just
beautiful," he had blurted out. And then, "I mean, the performance was
beautiful, I didn't know you danced that well." Gauri chuckled when she
remembered his reddened face as he tried to compliment her. And how she
had teased him about it.
Her thoughts slowly drifted back to Tanu. Gauri and Tanu had a
ritual of going out for ice-cream after her performances. Gauri usually
needed it to relax after all the stress of performing. Tonight, Tanu
said she wasn't in the mood for ice-cream. Gauri noticed that Tanu was
kind of quiet and disturbed tonight.
She sighed deeply and drew her thoughts to a close. She walked back
into her bedroom and drew her curtains, getting ready to head to bed.
She knew she'd sleep well tonight.
* * *
The water poured upon her with a comforting force. She held her
arms around her body, letting the water flow over her. Tanu had a habit
of taking late night showers.
Her mind revisited the confusing ways in which she felt her body
react to Percy. She suddenly held out her arm, looking intently at it.
She remembered the way he had grabbed it the other day. She moved her
fingers towards her hand, up her wrist, through to her shoulder.
And then, flashes of thoughts washed over her just like the water.
The way he looked at her. His smell. A shiver went down her body and
she suddenly held both arms around herself again, turning the heat of
the water up a notch.Edited by --arti-- - 15 years ago
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