Dil Galti Kar Behta hai {AsYa Fanfiction} - Page 2

Will you be continuing this? Eagerly waiting

Right Yes, I am alive and kicking.

Posted it on a whim. May edit it later

Apologies for disappearing outright ...

Brainstorming credits to one and only @wandering_mind

P.s Even though it was months ago :)

Chapter Two

The five fuc"ing stages of Grief

There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.”

― Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever

It's been a week since she received the wedding invitation.

The wedding invitation of Rabert aka Ayaan Rashid Ahmed Khan

And

Its been a week since she rejected it

Well yes, It has been a week since she received the invitation and a week since she politely declined it giving an excuse of being busy with her work and sending her best wishes to him over a video call; it has been a week meaning Zoya has been trying to throw the wedding invitation in the trash, only to put it back on the easel. Stare at it for a long time, like the key to all of the sadness, the key to her reminiscing all those moments in India, reciting Asad s name like a sort of curse and prayer, sits in the layers of dark dark red. Red that seems to weep into Zoya l’s vision until she can’t quite see anything else. It’s not an angry red, it’s clawing and mean in a pathetic sort of way, and no matter how much she shuts her eyes, it finds a way into her vision, with the noise of Asad s’s voice splitting all over the place running parallel to it.

The Wedding Invitation sits by the easel along with the countless books.

She tries to throw it out, really, but she can’t.

She hasn't thrown it.

Won’t Throw, probably, if the masochism she reserves for Asad is anything to go by. She stares at the Ivory coloured Wedding invitation at times. One time she tried to paint it. It’s a minute long but replayed it, let the colours bring themselves into her hands. But in the end, the piece was all messy and mean. It was like she drew her heart bleeding out all over the place without realizing it. Zoya couldn’t wash the red paint off of her hands for two days. Tattooed against her body, tangible evidence: of the foolish decisions she made.

The work sits in her office. Burning the midnight oil, with heaps and buckets of coffee. Always finding a distraction desperately finding a distraction in her job. She’s gotten a few compliments from her seniors in the department actually for being a workaholic but her subconscious knows better. The reason for working overtime without any major reason in the office restricted hangouts and in total avoiding people s situation. She usually in the mirror stares at the girl in the reflection. almost refusing to recognize herself. Red eyes and bags underneath and cold swollen hands (how is it that the cold has reached here too? It’s so so embarrassing, to be reminded every single day that the only thing that Zoya knows about herself is that she desperately wants to see f"king Asad Ahmed Khan and she rejected probably the only chance she would have ever got .)

Zoya is sitting in the main studio working on a programme when one of Sara " s friends, a fellow colleague and friend turns up.

It’s not that Zoya doesn’t have that many friends that are just hers, it's just that when she wasn't well quite in the mood, she sort of let Sara take the reins when it came to getting to know people.

They’re more of a group now if anything.

Zoya is quite close to one guy called Leo who is on the same team as her. He’s from France but lived in Seattle for much longer than the rest of them so he knows all the good places. He smiles and talks a lot too, and Zoya likes that about him. Says enough for the both of them without saying too much.

Leo enters the room and he gives her a smile before asking what she’s working on. She shuffles sideways on the bench and gives him a place to sit, describing how it’s an assignment that she's working on. Leo only moans into her shoulder about how it's super unfair that she has to be on top of everything because that makes him feel guilty about the fact that he went out drinking last night. Zoya laughs and says how he’s getting more of a social experience than she is.

Before Zoya can ask about how last night went - she’s pretty sure it was a date - there's a knock at the door. The guy who’s entering the room is someone she hasn’t spoken to before. He’s tall in that lanky way where he’s bashing into a lot of objects on the way to her desk.

He reaches her eventually, and asks “You’re a friend of Sara right?”

Zoya looks up, sees how he’s got a sort of blush dusting his cheeks and thinks, oh. This again. (Sara has… many suitors. It’s a shame she always picks the nasty ones because this guy looks quite sweet. All British in a way that makes her want to smile a little bit. Wants to pat the seat next to her and ask about something stupid like the weather so that she can keep him around.)

“Yeah? She’s not here right now though, think she has a meeting.” She fiddles with her phone, “I could probably text her if you needed her.”

“No, it’s alright,” He pauses. Zoya notices there’s a sort of nervousness about him that she didn’t see before. “Was looking for you actually,”

“Oh,” And that’s all Zoya says. Zoya next to her suddenly becomes incredibly solving something of a math equation on a piece of paper, and Zoya's mind starts to scream, oh no. Oh no. Even with the awkward feeling in the room, the guy carries on.

“There’s this thing on Friday, they're showing an old classic India movie called "Pakeezah in paramount theatre” He pauses, flushes red, “And Sara I told me you might like to go? With me, I mean.”

Zoya flushes the same sort of red that the guy is at. When was the last time something like this happened? It's not that she’s never been asked out like this, but Zoya has a certain tendency to turn any potential partner into a really close friend. She doesn’t like to think about why it never goes any further. Doesn’t want to name the licks of desire, and guilt, awful guilt, she feels when moments like this happen. When someone is sort of holding their heart out to Zoya without knowing that hers is still stuck at that goddam country called India and a certain city there called Bhopal, still stuck at Asad

Zoya feels awful. Because he’s looking at her with all shy smiles, Zoya is reminded dreadfully about the fact that she likes scratch that is madly in love with someone else. The fact that, no matter how much she’s tried to outrun it, she still loves Asad Ahmed Khan. Is still somehow thinking of Asad’s lovely small smile while he looks at her (quite rarely at that ) Noticing how this guy's lips open widely all teeth that Asad doesn't, notices how he’s all teeth about his smiles while Asad is all quiet. And somehow she doesn’t feel guilty about thinking like that at all.

“Um,” Zoya breathes after a moment, “Sara told you to talk to me?”

“I think she’s seeing my roommate,” His smile falters a little, confused as to why Zoya l seems so weirded out. “And she mentioned she had an Indian friend who liked old Indian movies, and I don’t know, directed me to you I guess.”

“That was nice of her,” Is all Zoya says for a minute, trying not to drown in how bad she feels because this guy looks so so nice, and Zoya is so so awful for what she’s about to say. “But I’m sorry, I’m not interested.”

“Okay,” The guy looked a bit upset about it, but it seems that after Zoya's stall in speaking he sort of got the idea. “Well, if you’re free you should go anyway. I know there are some other movies displayed there,” He gestures around the room and smiles, “Guess you’d be pretty interested in that?”

“Sure,” Zoya says, and smiles back, “Sorry again, though.”

“No need to apologise,” He makes his way out of the room, but before he leaves he turns to Leo and says, “Nice hat.”

It’s only after he leaves that the room starts to breathe again. (There’s always this sinking feeling when things like this happen. Like Zoya had the chance to escape but she didn’t. She knows it’s unfair if she did go out on a date, pretended to like someone, like a fellow colleague but her heart outright refuses the idea She always thinks it Would’ve been nice for her to act braver than she is for once.) But before Zoya can get a break, Leo turns to her and asks,

“Why the hell did you say no?” He looks a little flushed, and Zoya’s brought back to when the guy commented on his hat and remembered how he sort of shifted in his seat.

“What do you mean, why did I say no?” Zoya shuffles so he’s properly facing him on the bench, “I barely know him,”

“So? He was hot, Zo,” Leo shakes her shoulder “You always get all these hot guys half in love with you and never do anything about it.”

“He was not half in love with me, for starters,” Zoya rolls her eyes, and feels a little uneasy? “Plus, I don’t know, I’m busy right now.”

Leo glares at her, “With what? Winning Miss Employee of the month for the third time in a row? I know you're a workaholic and everything but You cannot tell me that you won't just go home tonight and illegally watch, like, Po"n or something.”

It’s Zoya’s turn to flush now, “No,” Leo just glares longer, “I could be planning to go shopping and stuff,”

“And stuff,” Leo responds, looks at her carefully and says, “You can date here, you know that, right? I don't know if it’s because you have really strict guardians back home but-”

“It’s not that,” Zoya says, and her heart is jumping a little bit.

“Zoya,” Leo starts, “Whenever anything good comes around do you run in the opposite direction? I want you to be happy Zo, I do. But something stops you every time you nearly make the choice to start living your life.”

Leo s gaze is pinning her face expecting an answer he would never because she couldn’t reject so many boys without being obvious about the fact that she doesn't want them. Because she Wants Asad, awfully, even in this humiliating moment, wants Asad Ahmed Khan,( Mr Khan holding her close to him, lifting his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, then brushing his fingers across her cheek. Wants Him to hold her embraced tightly in his arms and to say nothing. Just to be there, tucked into Asad s heart.

Leo finds Zoya preoccupied with her thoughts so he relents

“Don't have to tell me you don't want to, Zo.” Leo pulls at her hand, and gets her to look up, “Just don't want you hurt.”

“Bit late for that,” Zoya whispers, and Leo s eyebrows raise, and Zoya sees how his shoulders square that little bit “I’m okay though, promise. Part of moving here was sort of getting over it,”

“Okay,” Leo moves their connected arms around a bit, antsy. Always antsy. Zoya loves that about him.

“You’re good though?”

“Great,” She smiles, “Tired. And thank you.”

Leo and her sit for a minute, before Zoya says,

“Now I know what you said about living my life,” Leo gives a questioning look, “But I am really in the mood to leave here, grab a Frappucino, and Crash the theatres ?.”

Leo grins. “Thought you’d never ask.”

*****

It is after that day, that Zoya takes Leo and a bunch of other colleagues to watch the evening show of Matrix Resurrections treating the lot of them with dinner. Zoya gets back past midnight. Sam and Anthony aren't at home, so the apartment in front of her is dark. Walking in her apartment She can see the flashing lights of Seattle painted against her wall, can see the glare of the cars passing by, and decides that there’s no real point in turning the lights on. She’s planning to just about crash into her bed the second she’s brushed her teeth and gotten into some sweatpants and a tank top.

She debates watching something before she sleeps, maybe some news - she’s misses -- the stupidly boring intense reactions of a certain Khan. She misses India. (You miss Mr Khan, a nasty part of her mind whispers) Maybe she’s only thinking that now, because Asad was big on cups of tea and debate shows in the news looking as if the world is gonna end if he didn't hear it, as much as Zoya has tried to outrun it, missing Him is just about the only thing that she knows how to do.)

She decides against watching the news since her eyes droop while she brushes her teeth, and instead crawls into bed. The darkness and silence settle around her, and she’s drawn back to her first night there. How she was so scared, for maybe the first time since knowing Asad, of her own isolation.

It has been months 11 months,13 days to be exact since she moved, sure, and she’s made friends and improved her lifestyle (Improved is… an interesting word. more like completely evolved )

A part of her misses India though. Misses the familiarity that the words had in her mouth, sometimes she debates speaking it to herself when she’s alone, but she fears she might say something stupid. Scared that her heart might betray her, and she’ll just end up whispering Asad, Asad, Asad, into the darkness like some sort of spell.)

But Zoya is lonely. She thinks that this sort of loneliness, the one where she feels like she should hear the patter of Asad around her apartment kitchen, or should feel a head push itself into her shoulder while she watches something stupid and so incredibly American, is where Asad can be found as the ghost most clearly. And the worst thing, the worst thing, is that Zoya doesn’t even mind it. As much as coming back to America was to run away from Mr Khan in the stupidest way possible, the idea of no sounds of Mr Khan was much scarier than any ghost. So Zoya keeps the ghost, tucked into a dark and sad corner of her heart.

Zoya doesn’t even notice when she falls asleep, only when she wakes up suddenly to her phone buzzing. Seattle is always so loud, (perhaps that was part of why Zoya moved, over the noise of the city the sound of her thoughts grew so much quieter) that for a moment she doesn’t catch it. But the noise weeds its way into her dream - a dream of small smiles, lingering touches, and tragically she beneath Mr Khan - so Zoya wakes up. Who would be calling her at 2 in the morning

Looks over at the caller ID and thinks, I must still be dreaming.

Maybe it’s her mind trying to protect itself, her heart telling Zoya to pull away, to go back to sleep, but there’s that stillness in the room that Zoya knows far too well for it to be a dream. If it was a dream, the room would feel much more alive because Asad Ahmed Khan would be there. Next to Her and he’d be drowning even as he woke up, asking blearily what the noise is, would say Zoya -ah you should go back to sleep and Zoya would nod, and let Zoya tuck herself under his chin and she would feel her smile against his shirt, and she would think, dreadfully, that she must still be dreaming.

But Zoya is awake, and the phone has stopped ringing. She hears someone outside shout about something and quite realises it isn't a dream ... Sees her phone light up with the missed call notification from Mr Khan.

She shakes her head to see if she read that wrong.

But no.

Her hand is shaking, but she picks up the phone anyway. Zoya s gut is twisting and twisting and she knows it’s a bad idea, she knows it is, but that doesn’t stop her from tapping the notification, going to redial the same number. Just a minute away from letting Asad s voice fill the room. There is a moment, where Zoya debates not calling back. Debates pretending that she was still asleep and it was all a wistful dream.

But then her goddam heart stops her from doing anything of the sort.

The sound of the bell beeps around two continents ..

And for a moment Zoya couldn't hear anything

“....Ms Farooq- Zoya,” Asad s voice starts

And all hell breaks loose

******

Oh my days! You stopped there….! I need more! Please please update soon

Wow. Just wow. I have no words. I literally cannot describe in words how much I loved this. Your writing just leaves me itching to read more!

Pweeeeaasee update ASAP!!

💖💖

Oh my god! Please update soon, been waiting for this story for so long. So keen!

It was really nice and amazing......please update soon

Wow just wow... I'm so intrigued by this story. Felt bad for Zoya though but it was nice for her to move on even if she can't move on from the memories of a certain Khan. Really loved the way you've written this. Try to update soon if you're going to continue this story

Are you planning to continue? It's good❣️

Damnnn amazing it was. Please pm me when you will update

Binge-read this story. Loved it.❤️

Please continue soon.