Part 7(a): Overshadowed life-1
Abhir looked at his Papa. His left cheek stung.
"Nikkiji... I let you say everything so that you can remove your frustrations because I knew I was the reason you were in pain. Whatever you said was true... Whatever you felt was true... There is no denying it... I am your culprit... You can punish me... you have every right to do that.. and I will accept your punishment... I will try for your forgiveness till the end... But I will never force you to forgive me... "
Abhinav said with tears in his eyes.
"I hurt you... You are right... I abandoned you .. you are right even there... I was not there when you needed me the most... I promised to be with you but I couldn't... No matter what the reason... I broke that promise... Kasauli to Udaipur.... Sharma to Birla... Docman to Real wale papa... everything was too much of a change to you. I should have been with you during those times..."
"I am sorry Nikkiji..."
He felt the sincerity in that apology. Papa was feeling bad about everything. Abhir knew everything... but he was just not ready to forgive. He just couldn't
"Your sorry doesn't solve anything... " He said slowly.
"I know..."
Abhinav came closer to Abhir.
"I know I cannot undo your past... I cannot erase your pains... But now... I will be with you...I want to be with you... to help you fight your monsters which you had to fight all your own till now... At least I can do that right?"
Tears started welling in Abhir's eyes. Those sincere words were trying to open his heart. His papa really meant to be with him .. to help him.. to support him. But.. but... What if he can't do it again... like last time?
"No... I cannot trust you anymore..." Abhir said vehemently shaking his head.
"That is my battle.. which I have to win...I need to regain your trust.."
"Why do you have answers for everything?"
"I really wish I had all the answers Nikkiji.."
Abhinav wished he knew all the answers. Why has he been lied to all these 3 years? Actually, why did he get involved in that accident 9 years ago? His son needed him the most... why did destiny play this dirty trick on them.
"If you don't know all the answers, how would you help me?" Abhir asked angrily.
"I will try to get the answers... if I am unsuccessful.. then we can try together.."
"Things are not that simple anymore..."
"Things can not be that difficult also right?"
"You have no idea.."
"Then you will help me understand right?"
"Why should I?"
"Don't you want to untangle yourself... Don't you want to lighten the burden from the chest? "
"No..."
"Nikkiji..."
"I said No... I don't want to solve this mess..."
"Nikkiji..."
"I want to stay in this state... In this broken state... "
"Nikkiji..." Abhinav's voice was somewhat serious.
Abhir didn't care anymore. He wanted to spit venom at that calm face in front of him... He wanted to hurt anyone and everyone. Hearing all these reassuring words.. comforting words was only making him more mad. Where were these words when He pushed Roohi down the stairs.. where was this support when he was alone in the boarding school? Where was this care when he was feeling suffocated in that house?
"I want you all to see my wretched life and suffer.. this is my way of punishing you all..."
"Nikkiji... "
"You all selfishly decided my life.. so pay for it Damn it!!... See it for yourselves... What you 3 have done to me..."
Abhinav held his shoulder, "Nikkiji... Do you even know what you are saying?"
"Get your hands off me!!" Abhir shouted as he jerked off Abhinav's hands.
"What happened? feeling pain?.. hearing all these? Why were you all not feeling any pain when you made me go all through this?"
"You know, Nikkiji... We never wanted to hurt you..."
"WHO CARES!!!" Abhir shouted. He needed to tell him all his feelings.. he really needed an out. Things can't be normal anymore. He knew that... It became way too complex. He was now getting used to being a Birla. The power that comes with it. The dangers it holds and how to deal with all the pressure. He was used to being a Birla now. His Papa has his own family. Probably a sweet normal family. They really cannot go back like they were in Kasauli. He changed. His dreams changed. His view of the world completely changed from back then... His definition of love changed. His Papa will never be able to accept this Abhir... Because he is no longer the 'Nikkiji' he thought of. What if Papa again thinks to abandon him after knowing the changed Abhir? He would not be able to handle it again. If this was going to happen again... giving him false hopes and then abandoning him.. he did not want any of that anymore.
"You all hurt me!! whether you wanted it or not... But I was the victim here.. So I would decide the punishment... That is how it works... My stinking life should be your punishment...I will live this life only to punish you guys"
"Then one day... when I get tired of punishing you three... then I may just pull the trigger to end it once and for..."
Abhir could not complete that sentence as he was slapped the second time that day. This time by Shivu.
"ABHIR!!! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!" Shivu shouted.
He slapped Abhir again. "Get a hold of yourself!!!" Shivu growled as he pulled Abhir's collar.
Abhir came out of his reverie. He just realized the gravity of his words.
"Shivu..." Abhir stuttered.
"Yeah... Now you get it..." Shivu scowled.
"Shivu... I...I .. didn't... I really didn't..."
"You didn't mean to? Eh?" Shivu said as he cracked his knuckles.
And before Abhir could say anything else Shivu punched him.
"Even after knowing what happened to me? With my dad? " Shivu punched him again.
"Not everything is about you!! Shivu!!" Abhir shouted as he tried to get up. He had enough of people telling him what to feel and what not to feel. He had every right to feel and express himself.
Abhinav didn't know what was happening. Shivu kept on punching Abhir. He tried to separate those two.
"Abhir, Shivu!!"
"You think that was funny?"
Abhir then punched him back, "No... I don't think it was funny...I am going through it..."
"Shut up!! You A***ole... You are just a whiny little coward..."
"Don't you dare call me a coward..."
"You are a pathetic little weakling... "
"Shut up!! S***bag!!"
They both kept punching each other and cursing at each other. It was violent. Abhinav tried to stop them. "Stop it you both... This is getting out of hand..."
The boys were rolling in the mud.. punching and pushing.
Abhinav pulled Abhir away from Shivu with much difficulty. Shivu got up and came to attack Abhir, Abhir was also trying to get out of Abhinav's clutches. "Stop it you two!!" Abhir got away from Abhinav and lunged toward Shivu. Abhinav pulled him back at the last second, resulting in Shivu landing his punch on Abhir. Abhinav then came in between and pushed the kids far away from each other. Both Shivu and Abhir landed on the ground with a thud.
"That's it both of you!! ENOUGH!!" Abhinav angrily shouted. There was silence. The 3 of them stared at each other while panting heavily.
"What...hmph... What were you ...doing?" Abhinav asked in the middle of panting.
"He.. is the worst... Saying things.. which he doesn't know" Shivu said glaring at Abhir.
"What do you mean? I am feeling that.."
"Oh!! Shut up! You are nowhere near that feeling"
"Those are my feelings... I can decide on them... Thank you" Abhir spat
"You are nowhere near those feelings... You jerk!!"
"How do you know?"
"I know... Because I saw him!!!" Shivu was getting more breathless
Realization dawning on Abhir. Shivu hid it for all these years.
"You mean you were...?"
"Yes... I lied...I was not sleeping that day... I saw him... I heard him... That is why... that is why... haaa..haaa..." Shivu was clutching his chest. Abhinav did not understand anything but he was getting concerned about Shivu. Shivu's eyes were looking glazed, unfocused. His left leg jerked once
"Shivuji... relax..." Abhinav went closer to Shivu. The kid didn't look good.
"Shivu..." Abhir's leg felt weak... What did he just do?
"Haa... Haa... I... I saw... them... his eyes... I... I know... I know the hopelessness... I saw that... You don't have them...Haa...Haa.. haa. he.. was not even crying... I saw that... Haa...I saw him do it..."
Shivu was bending down holding his chest. His legs became stiff. His hands started jerking.
"Dammit... I saw his eyes when he pulled the trigger."
Saying this he went into an epileptic seizure.
"Shivu!!" Abhir screamed and ran towards him.
Part 7(b) next
Music Corner
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