Why do actresses stay in toxic marriages?? - Page 10

Deol brothers especially Sunny was friendly with Hema and daughters.In 90's interviews it was mentioned.

But i duno whether it went sour later.

Originally posted by: blue-ice.1

I think Salman never got married because Aish is the only girl that he actually loved.....yes the way he showed it was wrong but Aish was the ONLY one....

Also I think that when his Dad married Helen.....he was maybe 15 or 16 at that time.....a very tender and impressionable age....Salman loves his Mom more than anyone else.....and he must have seen his Mom suffer ....that must have impacted him and his siblings.....I think all this also is a reason of the way he is....

To give credit to him......while his family could have easily fallen apart after Helen's entry....he I believe is the one who kept them together.....I simply admire the way he respects Helen despite what him Mom must have gone through.....We all know how Arjun Kapoor and the Deol sons never accepted their Dad's second wives....and I do not blame them....

Not justifying Salman's behviour ...just trying to say that there may be some reasons for the way he is...luckily his family didn't break up...and all looks good now.

Also Salman never ever talks about Aish...like ever....She is happily married with a kid....he could have blabbered anything about her but he has always maintained a dignified silence about Aish which is commendable..

Most of the actresses who chose to stay in toxic marriages (maybe the reference is to Ajay-Kajol)..seem to in general be ok with adultery, as long as they continue to be the better half on paper, plus for the sake of kids etc..and mostly because most of them seem to not be working for a while as well. It all eventually comes down to finances. Their kids get to go to elite schools/ unis..they have a great lifestyle and fancy vacations etc..husband's cheating ko toh they probably give a pass, as long as he doesnt get too serious (like Akki and cough Mr Khan for PC). Even a Millennial like Alia is ok with RK's cheating ways..toh 90s actresses toh phir bhi Gen X se hai, who still believed in pati parmeshwar concept.

If women want equal ground and command loyalty in a relationship - I do think being financially independent is the key.

Well obviously status, lifestyle etc matters a lot to these women. And tbh, it’s difficult to figure out emotional abuse for many. Idk if Devgn is emotionally abusive b/c that’s a big claim but his public he’s your does show he’s totally dismissive & neglectful of Kajol. And she seems perfectly fine with it, going so far as encouraging him by laughing constantly at his “jokes.”

Studies also show that women who earn more than their husbands are more likely to be cheated on/ abused. In such a scenario, what can one even do. Women are forever neglected, abused & most men are toxic towards women. In some way or the other. BW women are a whole different league of messed up anyway b/c their world is such.

Originally posted by: Autumn_Rose

People react differently to abuse. It takes a while to acknowledge what they have been through. But you can keep justifying and making excuses for an abuser if it makes you feel better for being a fan.

well no excuses I posted there, but Seems like you did not understood my post.

The meetups between Salman and Somy I am talking about were NOT during the relationship in yesteryear's which you understood, but years after that and in recent times as well whenever she visits India or when Salman visits USA they meet up regularly and it's been reported on the news as well with the pictures.

Not questioning her but just wondering why someone will be friends with someone who caused such extreme abuse to her on a regular base which caused severe lifelong physical injuries as well

My guess is the actresses have no other option. They get married for having family, social custom, financial stability, companionship or something else. They live in a male dominated society where the oldie man can get a young girl even after multiple marriages, children etc but a women won't. They can't marry poor, as lifestyle needs to be maintained and other rich guys have women in their lives. If they were to leave how do they survive?

Who will give them attention or fulfill their desires?

So grin and bear it.

Kajol had once spoken of growing up in a broken home and how she saw her mom manage alone after divorce. I think she stays for sake of kids and does not want kids to grow without a father or seeing mom and dad separate. She dotes on her kids a lot.

Neetu was not an educated woman. She was a school dropout, child artiste. She was not even a big star. She had no self esteem. She was only too glad to be DIL of such a huge family and marry a highly educated and elite man like Rishi. She has upgraded her status in life by marrying a Kapoor. Women of her generation were also raised to tolerate anything and stay married at any cost and told to make marriage work or stay for sake of kids or in laws or told that their acceptance of their man as he is, will make him realise their value someday or so what if he has affairs or drinks or abuses, it is male nature or atleast he comes back to you eventually and legally you are still his wife and mother of his kids or you gotta stay for sake of kids and not deprive them of a dad.

People like Jaya and Neetu were old school. Jaya was reportedly very close to in laws and Bachchan seniors were fond of her and thought she was lucky for Amitabh. It was in laws and kids who made her stay and it was in laws who forbade Amitabh from leaving Jaya for Rekha or else he was ready to divorce Jaya and marry Rekha at one point.

Sridevi was also someone who never went to school and was controlled by her mom all life. She had no self esteem. She was later controlled by Boney. Women like her, who do not even control own finances or whose mom decides which film she will sign or not, will obviously tolerate anything and not take a stand or keep self busy with kids and let men do anything.

Usually divorce is a huge stigma in India even now. And most Indian women have low self esteem, are raised to be dependent or keep family together at any cost or stay for sake of kids or make it work. Or told how woman's ultimate aim in life is to get married, have kids, please husband and in laws and win them over or how unmarried or divorced daughter is burden for parental family or will be lonely etc. The pressure is too much.

Likes of Samantha, Kiran, Reena Dutta, Adhuna Akhtar, Dimple, Tanuja, Suzanne Khan etc have been trolled and bashed till date by so called fans and media for separating from husbands or blamed for ruining life of men or labeled selfish or lonely or whatnot. I remember Rajinikanth's daughters also trolled like no tomorrow when they separated from husbands.

The pressure is too much. Very few have thick skin to be able to ignore it. Or withstand it and lead life on their own.

Divorced woman is seen as vamp, available, faulty, loose character or whatnot. Indians also bash single moms and kids of divorced parents a LOT.

Media also hounds star kids about divorce of parents. Like Sara, Shahid, Shruti and Akshara Haasan etc still get asked about divorce of parents.

Or Amrita was always hounded on her divorce or marrying a younger man or how she handles as single mom or blamed when Sara was summoned by NCB.

It is not easy to handle such pressure or scrutiny or backlash.

Some are also threatened by spouse or in laws to keep quiet or paid hush money to stay and put up happy face in front of world for sake of family image.

Fear of media and public backlash or losing image or fans are huge factor in projecting happy family image.

Aamir and Kamal Haasan for eg have lost lot of base among conservative Indians after 2 divorces and are seen as selfish or failures or someone who failed to control women or stay loyal to one and even their ex wives are bashed by trolls. Dimple is still abused and blamed by fans of Kaka for his downfall, while Jaya and Neetu are hailed as some mahaan pativrata naari for sticking by their man no matter what.

Some women are plain dependent, mentally, socially, physically, financially. Some are kept married due to superstitions or luck or social image.

Some stay purely for sake of wealth, prestige and power that marriage to some big khandaan guy brings with it.

Most stay for sake of kids or in laws or own older parents.

Also some, who married for security or safety, will stay no matter what, as they find threat outside home bigger than mess inside home.

It is still a deeply patriarchal country and society.

Yogita was an actress once but tolerated all affairs of Mithun. She threatened to commit suicide when she saw Mithun too serious about Sridevi and ready to leave her for Sridevi. She was too dependent and also gave up own work for kids and did not want to lose Mithun.

Actresses leaving or cutting down on work after marriage and kids also keeps them more dependent on spouse and they tolerate any shit for sake of kids and see no other mode of survival.

Some divorced ones like Karishma are finding it hard to get work or earn at this stage and her comeback attempts are failing. It is not that easy for them. Only ads and endorsements for atta or noodles will not pay for lavish lifestyle she and her kids are used to. But she has Kapoor tag so she has less issues. Ones like Shilpa for eg, have tolerated anything for sake of probably big money of husband.

It takes ages to figure out if person was actually abusive or it was a bad day or bad phase or mood swings or some reaction to something bothering them.

Most women do not even know what kind of trauma or dysfunction runs in their in laws' family.

People see superficial things when they marry. They also hide a lot of their real stuff and never show true colours before marriage.

Also, women tend to ignore warnings in case someone warns them against a guy. And think maybe it was just someone jealous or bitter.

Marriage and kids are hyped so much by society, religion and culture globally and touted as ultimate aim of life for woman, that she ignores red flags.

Also, many times people suggest having kids will improve relations with in laws or spouse or make spouse more loyal and responsible or bring peace and happiness in family. Most women buy this lie and think kids will ensure man is loyal and in laws also keep woman and heir and not dump them.

There is pressure to have kids too soon.

Some actresses also get pregnant before marriage and rush marriage precisely as they are pregnant and do not want to abort.

It is not as simple as people think.

Originally posted by: shubh.shubh

well no excuses I posted there, but Seems like you did not understood my post.

The meetups between Salman and Somy I am talking about were NOT during the relationship in yesteryear's which you understood, but years after that and in recent times as well whenever she visits India or when Salman visits USA they meet up regularly and it's been reported on the news as well with the pictures.

Not questioning her but just wondering why someone will be friends with someone who caused such extreme abuse to her on a regular base which caused severe lifelong physical injuries as well

I also think that people are used to being with their partner for so long that they can’t imagine their life without them. It’s out of habit or for some reason they can’t fall out of love with their partner.

Getting a divorce is turning your life upside down. Doesn’t matter how rich or famous you are.

It's not just the actresses who are living in toxic marriages; 80% of women out there are living like that.