Smoke & Mirrors | A Series of Revelations | Anuj - Anupama

A tiny intro

I've always been enchanted by the idea of shattering illusions and facing reality - and here you have a character, Mr. Anuj Kapadia, who is shown to be so blindly in love with Anupama. He seemed like the perfect victim to the evil writer in me.

Will I be able to make him face the truth? Or at least... what I think is the truth?

(His illusions seemed so deep it took me 4 chapters...I hope it doesn't feel too drag-y/forced)

Premise

Anuj thinks he loves Anupama for who she is - a lady who is full of simplicity, innocence, and a child-like sweetness. Someone who is kind, yet knows to be assertive when needed.

He might tease her for her long and winding lectures, but he secretly used to think that those are a reflection of her strong moral principles.

The way she can be so shy and coy with him...

The way her eyes turn fierce when she fights for her family...

Anuj Kapadia used to think she was just perfect.

The question was, who was going to tell him?

(Dedicated to all the people who used to love this show at some point in the beginning, and also those who loved the OG Anuj Kapadia)

Note: No Choti Anu, for my own convenience

Chapter 1 - Anuj looks in the mirror

2 years after the marriage

Anuj Kapadia looked in the mirror. He was feeling very old. And it showed. There were slight stress lines on his face, which was now gaunt and colorless.

It had been 2 years since he married Anupama and it already felt like a lifetime.

For the past 2 years, he had played the part of a devoted husband. He was surprised at the matter-of-fact way in which he admitted it.

It was not always like that though, he used to feel he truly loved her - he had actually thought that the day he married her was the happiest day of his life.

Things were quite normal at first. They still had that chemistry they had before marriage, but after a point, reality started setting in and all the spark started dwindling away. No matter how things looked like from the outside, no matter how much of a happy couple they looked like - the fact was, Anuj wasn't happy at all.

Anupama had never moved on from her past.

In fact, she was at Shah house right now. Vanraj had gotten into another accident, Leela had fainted out of shock - and the entire family was running around like headless chickens.

Nothing had changed at all.

Anupama had left after making frantic promises she would be back soon. She was apologizing so much Anuj had to insist her to stop.

"Please, just stop saying sorry, just stop - if you have to go, just go!" He yelled, his temper getting the best of him.

Anupama went silent, and her eyes glistened with tears. She silently packed her bags and left without another word.

Once she left, Anuj felt like he was getting eaten away by guilt. He very rarely lost his temper with her.

He was not blaming her for anything...infact, he never let himself blame her. He only blamed himself for not being able to take away all her pain and suffering.

But he was really reaching his limit. This time, he felt like he would finally explode, but he didn't even have anyone who he could vent to. He impulsively took his phone and dialed Malvika. This was an occasional habit whenever he felt lonely, and the call never used to go through, but he still used to keep doing it mechanically.

That was why he was so surprised when the call went through and started ringing.

5 times. 10 times. The sudden hope that rushed inside died immediately until -

"Hello? Anuj?"

"Mu-mu-mukku? Where are you? How are you? Are you safe? Are you okay? You are okay, right?"

"Oh my dear brother, take a breath first"

Anuj felt a wave of relief. He was hearing her voice after months...no, years now. It felt so good, so good to hear her voice again.

"Mukku...thank god you're okay. I used to...I used to wonder if you had blocked me out of my life."

There was a pause which stretched on for so long that it made Anuj quite uncomfortable.

"Bhaii...I was actually very mad at you for awhile, I cannot lie. What happened with Vanraj....what happened with my ex-husband, you have always failed to protect me especially when I needed it. The initial many calls you'd made, I deliberately didn't pick up"

Anuj couldn't even say anything. How could he when he didn't have any justification for his actions?

"I was raging, Anuj. I kept traveling places like I always do to take my mind off things. And it sort of worked. I...I calmed down after a while. There was this cozy little village I had found, like a hidden gem, nestled in the foothills of this mountain. There was a kind grandmother living alone there, she saw me wandering around and scolded me for not wearing a proper jacket in that weather. Called me in, and we had some warm, fragrant tea together - and I felt...I felt a strange kind of peace. She insisted that I stay for awhile. I refused at first but then I gave in. It was like...I felt so safe with her, you know? And it's...it's just not a feeling I feel very often."

Anuj felt like he was on the verge of crying.

Malvika laughed awkwardly. "Why am I even babbling about all this when I'm supposed to be so angry with you..."

Anuj finally found the courage. "You have every right to be. I...I was never a good enough brother to you, Mukku. I just kept disappointing...and disappointing.." his voice choked. Disappointing her, disappointing Anupama, that's all he did. Disappointing people.

"I am not angry at you anymore, Anuj" Malvika said with a sudden, swift impulsiveness. "I want to be, trust me; I really, really want to be; but I'm not, not anymore. I just keep thinking back to our childhood days even more than usual now. I was always pampered as a kid by our parents, but....but the one who pampered me the most....was you. There were times when you used to feel more like a second papa than a brother" She laughed.

Anuj felt a lump in his throat. "Tell me...tell me more about your adventures"

Mukku laughed. "Usually you don't show this level of interest, eh, brother? Today you're feeling so much love?"

"You know I love you, right, Mukku?" Anuj suddenly said.

Mukku laughed again, but somehow something was tugging her. Was Anuj okay?

She, however, continued.

"I have been staying in that village for awhile with Asha, she's the grandmother. Oh bhai, what a lovely, lovely person she is. So warm. But I was so sure that once she sees my real and wild sides, she might just politely ask me to leave. And I was a well-behaved good girl for the first 2 days, you know, I really was, but that's how long that lasted" Mukku giggled. "All my mischief came out eventually. And that sly old lady...she brought out her mischievous side too! The kind of vibe I have with her, even though they are very different... you know who I got reminded of? G.K. Kaka."

"G.K.....do you know where he is?"

Anuj immediately asked.

Anuj had been tempted to call him many times, but he remembered G.K.'s words before he left.

(Flashback)

"Anuj, I was both your mom and dad for so long, and now that you are finally settled with the love of your life, I'm just...I'm at peace. I've always wanted to go on a solitary journey for awhile, and now feels the right time. Something I want to do just for myself. Please don't try to contact me - when I'm ready, I'll contact you, man..."

Anuj had teased him a lot about it, "Eyy Mummy ji, what man, are you going on some journey of enlightenment that I'm like some worldly attachment you're trying to get rid of?"

G.K. only laughed. "I just really want to do this, man. Take it as a young bachelor's dream!" But Anuj could sense the seriousness in his eyes.

...

"Yes, I had talked to him on call. He's as lively as ever, hasn't changed at all. He sounded more wise than usual though"

"He called you?" Anuj was surprised. "He called you and not me?" He couldn't help but add.

"No no, I called him"

"But he told me not to -"

"Not to call him, and when he is ready he will call you?" Mukku interrupted.

"Ye...es" Anuj said slowly.

"Yeah it's simple - I didn't listen to him" Malvika said.

Anuj started laughing. It had been a long time since he laughed like this.

"Well, I did give him space for awhile, I do respect boundaries, okay?" Mukku felt the need to defend herself. "I called him from the village. I was pouring out my stories to Asha and.. she...she was the one who prompted me. And I thought to myself: I'm anyway losing patience with his one journey of enlightenment and peace - it's been months now, he must already be enlightened enough - he can handle a call from me"

Anuj let out a sliver of a laugh.

"And well, he picked up, and after profuse questions about how I was doing, he said he had been planning to call us soon"

"And bhaii, you need to hear this - G.K. said he met a young-ish guy in Somnath - named Aniruddh or something - some doctor who was all into therapeutic things; and hear this, they became fast friends. Wait not Aniruddh, his name was Advait, right Dr. Advait...and he was telling me, the kind of bond he had with him, it felt similar to the kind of dynamic you two used to have!"

"He already found a replacement instead of me? This G.K." Mukku laughed hearing Anuj's exasperation.

"I wish I could find a replacement like him" Anuj's thought spilled out a little, enough for Mukku to hear something.

"Are you okay, Anuj?" Mukku asked sharply.

"Yes, yes..what will happen to me, Mukku...so tell me more about G.K."

"Ah..yes..so...so I am traveling to Somnath now, that's why you were able to reach me. The village I used to stay in had very fluctuating network - probably one of the reasons I got the level of peace I did. G.K. is in a similar situation too, you might not be able to reach him easily. He has send me the location, so now that's my next little adventure! But bhai, he was quite serious about his journey - he and that doctor seems to be on some intense meditation sessions nowadays. G.K. is a sanyasi now" Mukku giggled.

"What about you? Tell me more about you" Anuj asked.

After Anupama came into his life, his family had slowly faded from his life. Again, he wasn't blaming her...but now that Mukku was on the line, talking to him like old times - he wanted to know every little detail.

"You've been staying with Asha for so long! You trust people so easily - she takes care of you well, right?" Anuj asked in a concerned voice.

"We take care of each other" Mukku laughed a little. "And I've been traveling places alone for years now, stop treating me like a kid"

Hearing Anuj's silence, she added. "You don't have to worry, Anuj, she's just the best. There was a time we unexpectedly got network - and we video-called G.K., and they talked to each other, just a few words, but guess what.... they had chemistry!"

Anuj started laughing.

"And this seems like the right time to let you know that Asha's husband had died years and years ago and she has completely, completely moved on. And also that I was planning on meeting G.K. and taking him back to the village. In fact, Asha was the one who invited them." Mukku said very innocently.

"Mukku....don't tell me....don't tell me you are trying to set them up?"

"G.K. is getting all sanyasi-like. We need to get him back to his worldly attachments" Mukku said promptly.

"Oh Mukku..."

"Ah I'm not that serious. Okay fine. Only a little serious. Little."

Anuj kept laughing.

"But like I said, Asha is the best. Before I left for Somnath, she told me...she told me I reminded her of her grand-daughter. She also used to keep wandering about like a little kid everywhere, forgetting her jacket! Hmm...but I think she was an actual little kid then"

Anuj laughed a little.

"Her son and family are abroad and they hadn't visited her in several years...it looks like they abandoned her. Maybe that's why...she feels for me this much. She feels like family to me too now."

Anuj was half-listening now. All he could think was, family...it had been a long time since Anupama had felt like family for him.

Mukku sensed the lack of attention and asked: "Bhai, I can sense you are not okay. The only thing in the world I can guarantee is the reason won't be the love and light and sunshine of your life, Anupamaaaaa" she said with a flair, wanting to make him laugh.

Hearing only silence at the end, Mukku knew something was wrong. "Anuj, you are not okay, this I know. If you are finding it difficult to talk to me about it...call that college friend of yours...that sensible one...Devika, yes, Devika. Call her, okay?"

Anuj half-remembered giving her assurances. Promising to call her again, he hung up. All the aliveness he felt a few moments ago listening to Mukku seemed to be gone as he felt the slap of cold, hard reality again.

Maybe...maybe he'll actually call Devika.

...

Chapter 2 - Anuj Sees Anupama

Anuj beckoned to Devika as she entered the cafe.

Devika looked a bit rushed but seeing Anuj, she smiled widely and made her way to the table.

For Devika, Anuj hadn't called her in a long time, so it was a very pleasant surprise when he did. She was in the middle of her event management work, but she temporarily transferred it to one of her subordinates and took the call.

"Hellooo Mr. Jeejaji, this is unexpected" Devika said buoyantly.

"Devika, I think...I think I need your help. I want to talk to you about something."

"Wow...no 'hi', no 'how are you', nothing? It's been 7 mon-"

"Devika, I'm going through something in life." Anuj said, unable to bear her cheery tone.

Immediately understanding the seriousness, Devika suggested a time and a place to meet after her work.

As she made her way to the table and got closer to Anuj, the dullness in his face stood out to her. He really is going through something, she thought to herself.

She sat and immediately said without any introductions: "Tell me, Anuj. Just tell me everything."

"I'm sorry I'm troubling you, Devika, I know you are very busy with your work but I didn't know who else to -"

"Stop insulting our friendship and just tell me Anuj." Devika began a little sharply and then softened her tone midway seeing Anuj's expression.

Anuj opened his mouth to speak. This was much harder than he thought - he didn't even know where to begin.

"I made such a big deal out of calling you and now that I'm here, I don't even even know what to say" Anuj laughed a little awkwardly.

Devika merely waited patiently.

"It's just...I think it's something like a trap people fall into....the trap of hope...you start fantasizing about a destination, you keep telling yourself - once I reach this destination, I'll be happy forever and everything will be sorted...but when you finally reach that destination, why do you feel so empty?" His words came tumbling out at the end.

"Anupama has gone to Shah house again."

Devika said crisply while Anuj looked surprised at how fast she understood his ramble.

"Maybe Baa had an accident, good if so, that old hag needs some humbling, or maybe one of her spoilt kids is demanding her attention as usual, or did Hasmukh have a heartattack?...no you consider him as your father... you won't react like this if so....so if you're reacting like this .."

Anuj was shocked at how matter-of-factly Devika was saying all this.

"Did Vanraj have an accident?" Devika guessed accurately while Anuj gasped audibly.

"So that's it. You look like your entire life has been drained out of you, Anuj, so it's easy for me to guess this cycle has repeated enough times for you to reach your limit. And knowing you, you are not going to put either any blame or responsibility on Anu"

Anuj looked down. "It's not like she's eager to do all this...it's out of compulsion...they keep begging her...and also humanitarian grounds. Devika...I can't help but remember all the grand things I told her - I mean isn't this the quality I said I liked the most?... how I loved her for her kindness and consideration, her purity and simplicity; I must have recited to her a thousand shayaris by now. And now....the more I feel distance from her, the more I keep trying to compensate for it with rosy words...but I feel so empty, Devika. So empty. I feel like....I feel like I don't have anything left to give anymore..."

"Anuj" Devika said sharply. "You might have loved the idea of her, or you might have loved the version she was when you met her, whatever it is, you meant everything you said to her when you did. Every shayari you'd recited, it has come from your heart. But my point is - feelings can change, people can change, circumstances can change - so don't give yourself a lifetime of punishment just because you've told her you love her many times!'

"Are you saying I should leave...I should leave Anupama?" He was shocked by how bluntly Devika was saying it. "Aren't you her friend? How can you -"

"No, Anuj. I'm saying - it's time for you to be honest with yourself and honest with Anupama. For your own sake and for her sake." Devika said very quietly but it felt like her words resonated.

"See Anuj, I can see a lot of good in Anu. I actually think she's so much more good than me. I'm crooked and I know it but I also own it. The world is not an ideal place and there will always be people who try to exploit you. Allowing yourself to be exploited again and again is not a virtue, Anuj" Devika looked at him, and Anuj felt she was not just talking about Anupama.

"Anupama wears the garb of progressiveness and gives long moral lectures - but she herself promotes so much more toxicity than she even realizes. When you become so tolerant that you cross the line and start tolerating intolerance, that means you start supporting intolerance and you go against everything you stand for"

Anuj hated hearing all this. "Anu...Anu is very kind. It's the world that's wrong." But he was also feeling so uncomfortable.

"Anu is a human being, Anuj. It cannot be so that she's right every single time and the world is wrong every single time." Devika said simply.

"I have noticed this many times" Devika continued. "You know there was a time I had gone to her place long back, much before the divorce, and even then I had started having serious doubts whether Vanraj was having an affair... right then and there. I had been cheated on by my ex-husband so I was extra sensitive about all the signs"

Anuj did not know this. "You...you had told her your doubts then?"

"Yes. Actually, in the beginning, I was in two minds about it since I wasn't 100 percent sure. But I did know that something...something was off. I finally warned her when I was about to leave, I just had to, I'd have felt guilty otherwise. You know what her reaction was?..

..Devika, how dare you say something like that about my husband. I feel like slapping you - please leave from here!

I wasn't angry at her reaction at that time, I could actually understand it. And you know...all I wished was I was wrong and she was right. But I turned out to be...to be right.

Vanraj has wronged her in so many ways, Anuj, and even after such a huge betrayal, she keeps going back to serve his family! Now that is completely her fault! And why...why on earth is she taking care of him now? What's wrong with her?"

Anuj looked very unsettled.

"I'm not done yet - there's another character - the dear old Baa! Baa is the most...well, I'm looking for a word that I can say infront of you...let's say uncivilized, regressive and manipulative person I've ever seen. I can understand her upbringing might be very different from ours, but that's not any kind of excuse. The world had changed but her toxic way of thinking hasn't changed even a little. I tried to be honest to Anupama once about how I felt about Baa, and you know what her reaction was?"

Anuj could already guess.

"Not another word, Devika! Baa is elder and elders are God!"

"...what? What does that even mean - yes the more years you live in this world, the more you can possibly gain life experience and wisdom. I understand respecting that completely. But what if you don't gain anything? Are you still a God then? And at what point do you transform from human to God - what is that age? The exact age?"

Anuj couldn't say anything.

"50? 60? 70? 71? Is there a special age for this? 70 you are human, 71 you're God, is that how it is?"

Anuj was about to speak but Devika said. "I know I'm nitpicking but all I'm trying to highlight is the ridiculousness of her arguments! And I know you and Anupama respect Bapuji like your own father - but that man has silently watched Anupama being abused for 25 years and even after that, but he has never taken enough concrete action, never!"

Anuj muttered weakly. "Yes, actually, I did mention that to him, to his face too..."

His voice trailed away as Devika laughed humourlessly. "This is how you must have told him: Bapuji, please forgive me for saying this, I don't even know if I have the right, but you have been silent when it was needed for you to speak up for Anu many times. Really, please forgive me for saying this..."

Seeing Anuj's expression, Devika sighed. "That's the problem with all of you! Everybody just mouths words, empty words - no one actually takes any action!"

"Anuj..." Devika softens. "I don't mean to be so harsh, but Anu needs to seriously change her ingrained ways of thinking. She needs to do some deep, deep introspection. I'm not saying she should change her nature, I'm saying she should get her priorities sorted. She keeps blaming her circumstances, but Anuj, a lot of the times those circumstances are created by her own actions. Her own actions!"

"And now that we are talking about self-reflection, I think you also need it"

Anuj nodded almost imperceptibly. There was a long silence and Anuj spoke. "It really....to be honest, it really hurts me to hear all this, but somewhere deep inside, I can sense truth in the things that you are telling me...I just...I just don't want to admit this at all. You're....you're such a good friend, Devika - I'm sorry for doubting you even for a second - you tell people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear..."

He paused and said like he got a sudden revelation. "And I've spend my whole married life with Anupama telling her what she wants to hear...not what she needs to hear. There have been times when I've tried to be honest with her, but then her expressions turn so pitiful, she keeps having all this insecurities that she might lose me....and well, I feel so helpless"

"That actually sounds like emotional blackmailing, Anuj" Devika said.

Anuj looked shocked but didn't protest.

"I'm not saying that's actually her intention, but that's the effect it has on you. She has an unhealthy dependence on you to the point where you're not even able to express yourself freely! You're not able to breathe in her presence, Anuj!"

Anuj let out a very long sigh. A lone tear glistened in one of his eyes. "I think...I think you're right, Devika. With you, with you I'm able to breathe freely, I did not even realise how much suffocation became my...became my habit"

Tears started rolling. "I...." He instinctively hid his face.

"Anuj..." Devika didn't expect this. "Anuj...I'm sorry I was so harsh, I should have expressed all this more gently"

Anuj started shaking his head behind his hand. "No...no...I'm glad you told me this in such a sharp way...I'm actually glad...nothing else would have shattered my....shattered my illusion" He ended in a sob.

Devika waited while he composed himself.

"You've given me a lot to think about" Anuj began again. "I need to be alone for awhile...but I do wish to talk to you again"

"Just let me know, Anuj" Devika said, softly now. "Anytime you need, I'll be there"

Anuj took a deep breath again.

...

Chapter 3 - Anuj decides to show the mirror to Anupama

Anuj didn't even know how he reached back home. Even while driving he was lost in his thoughts - thankfully, he didn't get into any accident. On reaching home, he slumped to the floor, his mind reverberating with Devika's words...at some point, he dozed off into fitful sleep right there on the floor.

He woke up frightened as if from a nightmare. Sitting in silence for awhile, he sighed, gathered his senses and got up. Memories of the meeting with Devika flooded back again, and his body was aching because of his awkward sleeping on the floor.

Restless, he went into the kitchen and made some tea for himself. Without even realising what he was doing, he pushed open the front door into the cool air. It was early dawn. He deeply breathed in the smell of the atmosphere and sat down on the steps, taking a sip of the tea.

The air smelled sharp and sweet and he started to calm down. Anupama's absence was really helping.

The first clear thought that came to him was: Devika was right. I need to be honest with myself and Anupama - that's the only way to save anything that's left...

...if there's anything that's left. He couldn't help but think.

He closed his eyes and leaned back, memories rushed in:

Anupama coming to him, uncertainty on her face. "Baa is severely ill. She is refusing to let Samar take care of her after he got her medicines wrong. Kavya is also not there, she left immediately after the divorce was finalized. Baa was...she was begging for me on the phone. She couldn't even speak properly...she was coughing so much.."

"Vanraj?"

"They need a woman...since Baa is..." Anupama began with apprehension. "Kinjal has gone for a 10 day conference. She's hardly there anyway. Pakhi is a chi - "

"So you're going." Anuj didn't even bother to argue.

"I'll come back soon. Very soon." Anupama hoarsely whispered.

Seeing her guilty, Anuj couldn't help but add. "Don't worry, I understand. But come back soon"

How lonely he had felt.

Now and then, something or the other used to come up. Pakhi's marriage in trouble again. Samar declaring he will marry Dimple and Baa's enraged outburst.

Dimple had eventually left Samar and that fizzled out. Thrice, she had went for Pari.

Sometimes for some ceremony or the other. He had stopped participating after a point after the time she left him when he had severe fever.

The one that affected him the most was when Bapuji had another heart attack. This time, he was concerned too. After Kavya and Vanraj got divorced, it felt like Kinjal found some newfound strength and courage. She too eventually got divorce and left, after winning Pari's custody. Pakhi and Adhik had moved back to their home, but they were back to bickering again, turning into a spectacle for the neighbours again.

Seeing his whole family break apart seemed to have pushed Bapuji to his limits, but the second attack was still unexpected. They stayed there for a few days, with Anupama always by Bapuji's side, gently scolding him for not taking care of himself. Baa had started cursing Kinjal, calling her the root of all the problems.

"I agree, she took care of Toshu like a wife when he was paralyzed, but that was her duty, she was his wife - and Toshu...no matter how he used to be in the past...what he went through completely changed him as a man and he had started understanding the value of everything. And that's when she left! What kind of behavior is this?" There was disgust on her face.

Toshu had hung his face in sadness.

"Poor Bapuji, how much can he take. First Kavya left, now Kinjal. I'm just staying strong for his sake." Baa went on, as Bapuji feebly looked on from the bed, too tired to speak.

Anuj had admired the way Anupama took a stand for Kinjal then. "Baa, you're repeating the same mistake you did with me. Putting all the blame on the person who has done the most for you" She spoke softly since she didn't wish to worry Bapuji.

"I was surprised Kinjal actually stayed the way she did after all my son" she looked at Toshu with a very firm expression on her face. "...did all he did. She has every right to take this decision and I hope she's happy now."

Baa looked angry but kept quiet due to Bapuji.

When they were going back home with Anupama driving, Anuj remembered with admiration the way she fought for Kinjal infront of the family. Anupama interrupted his thoughts. She appeared sad.

"Toshu has actually changed for the better, you know...the paralysis completely transformed him...and he has started valuing things that actually matter. It looked like he fell in love with Kinjal all over again. The way she used to devotedly take care of him when he was paralyzed, that must have made such an impact. Even while he was not fully recovered, he started sharing child-rearing duties with Kinjal so much more. It was so heartwarming. I didn't think Kinjal would actually leave, you know..."

Anupama paused.

Anuj looked at her.

"Maybe she didn't actually love him...."

Anuj felt something clutch at his heart.

"But the way you fought for her -"

"I'm grateful to Kinjal for taking care of Toshu when he needed her the most." Anupama said shortly. "But I didn't think she'd leave, not after everything...she should have stayed..."

Anuj had felt so disturbed then, but had gradually forgotten it.

That memory....looking back, he started seeing it in a new light. The old suffocation came rushing back and he started pacing on the verandah restlessly.

One thing was clear. He needed a break. He immediately called Devika up without realising the time.

Devika picked up the phone after a few rings.

Anuj started talking about the way he was going to go forward. The clarity in his thoughts shone.

He ended with: "I'm going to need your help, Devika."

"You know I'm there, Anuj" Devika said firmly and then proceeded to yawn.

Anuj looked at the time and started cursing himself. "I'm so sorry, I didn't even realise the ti-"

"Calm down, Anuj" Devika laughed, and that made her more awake. "I had some pending work anyway, I'll do it now"

Anuj felt a rush of gratitude as he thanked her and hung up.

...

Chapter 4 - Anupama Sees herself

Anuj knew Anupama would have woken up by this time. His next step was to call her. She hadn't called him after she left, and it had been 2 days. She must be upset and scared. As he called her, she immediately picked up.

"Anuj...Anuj..." She said breathlessly. "Thank you for calling. The way you reacted when I left, I felt scared to call you. We are in the hospital now, Vanraj seems to have lost his memory again. How are you? Are you taking care of yourself well?"

"Anupama" Anuj said firmly. "Will you be able to make some time to come here today? We need to talk."

"Anuj...?" Anupama started panicking. "You're not going to leave me, right? I'll come...I'll come right away..."

"Don't rush" Anuj immediately said. "You might hurt yourself rushing. Just calm down, and come here whenever possible today...is today possible?"

"Yes..yes..I'll come, I'll come" Anupama immediately jumped in.

He was about to tell her not to worry and that he won't be leaving her, but he couldn't bring himself to.

Anupama came in 2 hours, while Anuj was still sitting in the verandah quietly.

"Anuj..." the resolve on his face scared her.

"Come sit down" He gestured to the space next to him. "How's...how's Vanraj?"

"They're keeping him under observation"

"Good. Good..."

"Anuj, tell me. I know you're upset about me leaving again..."

"I think the issue is much bigger than that, Anupama" Anuj said gently. "I think...I think our marriage is in serious trouble."

Anupama looked like her worst nightmare was coming true. She started hyperventilating. Anuj immediately brought her some water and comforted her.

"Please...please don't get so scared." I must not back down now. Anuj thought to himself. "It's not like I'm going to leave immediately..."

"So you'll leave...in awhile?" Anupama looked horror-struck. "I promise...I promise Anuj. I'll never go back there. Even if they beg me..."

"Now you are taking it to the other extreme. It's not like I want to completely cut you off from your children. If you'd gone only when necessary..."

"I'll learn my boundaries, Anuj...I just need my time...it's so hard to break out of the habits I've developed for more than half of my life, it's so hard..." Anupama started sobbing.

Anuj kneeled down and wiped her tears. "I understand. And I'm glad you admitted this. You need help, Anupama. And that's okay."

"Help...help as in?" Anupama nervously said. "Thera...therapist?"

"Yes, you told me once you took Pakhi there, and how much it helped her. There is a lot of conditioning you need to break out of, Anu. I talked to Devika and she was the one who talked sense into me."

"If I...if I do this..." Anupama was stuttering as she was sobbing. "If I do this, then you won't leave, right? You won't leave me, right...like Kinjal left Toshu...you won't..."

Her desperation was making Anuj want to cry. "Anu...Anu...I just really need a break"

There was a silence and then Anupama started crying uncontrollably.

"Anu...Anu...I'm not saying I'm going to leave you, okay? We can always remain friends, right? Right?"

Anupama didn't say anything, she just kept sobbing.

"All I know is...I need a break from all this Anupama. This is doing so much damage to me. Lately I've even been having suicidal thoughts."

That silenced Anupama and she held his hand. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...I didn't even realise..."

"I know. I tried so hard to hide all that so you won't realise."

"I'll...I'll go for therapy. You'll be with me, right? I'd be able to do it if you are with me every step of the way. Together..."

Anuj swallowed and said. "Anu...I've asked Devika to accompany you every single time. And you know how loyal she is, how committed she is. But we can keep in touch through phone calls. We will keep in touch through phone calls."

Anupama started shaking her head. "Then you won't...you...where are you going?"

"To a place in the hills. To do my own kind of therapy. A place where...a place where I'd be able to breathe" His closed his eyes.

Anupama was looking confused.

"I'm going to meet Mukku and G.K. again, Anu" Anuj said.

Anupama nodded slightly, comprehension dawning. She looked very sad.

"Trust me, this is going to be good for the both of us. You trust me, right?" Anuj asked.

Anupama sat in silence for a long while. Then she said very softly. "I trust you."

....

Anuj was on board a bus, traveling towards the hills. It had been a long journey so far. Mukku, G.K. and even that doctor were staying at Asha's house, they all seemed happy together when Mukku last called. They all had gone on a little trip together and had network then.

He fondly remembered Mukku's excited face as he told them he was going to meet them. The way G.K. blinked his eyes at him in affection...

Devika was taking good care of Anupama. Today was her 4th session. She was slowly making progress, although she relapsed once. He picked up the phone and called her thinking: today's session must be over.

"Anuj..." Anupama immediately picked up. "It was okay-ish. I'm atleast starting to understand that there is a lot in me that needs to change."

"That's a biiiiig step, trust me" Anuj immediately reacted.

Something about the way Anuj said that made Anupama laugh. Anuj started laughing too.

"I just feel like saying something, Anu. When I finally met you properly, you were fresh from your divorce, and you know what was one of the biggest qualities I liked in you?"

"Oh I don't know, you had liked too many qualities in me then" Anupama said a bit playfully.

Anuj smiled. "Independence, it was independence."

Anupama grew silent. "That all feels so long ago."

"You can find your way back to that Anupama...I just know you can." Anuj said with a quiet confidence. Now that they were behaving like friends, it felt much easier to talk to her.

They hadn't initiated any divorce proceedings or anything yet, and nothing was fixed, but they mutually decided to let things be for the time being.

Anuj had let her know gently that he might need one in the future, and she took it much more gracefully that he expected.

Anupama was talking again.

"I think I have a long long long way to go, Anuj, to reach there. But I ....I definitely want to be the level of independent I used to be" Anupama said firmly.

When they finally hung up, a small smile lingered on Anuj's face again. He impulsively went to his gallery, and started going through pictures of Mukku and G.K. Mukku's expressions were making him laugh...and he actually started laughing openly.

He was starting to feel free again.

"Please keep quiet, Sir" the passenger next to him muttered.

Anuj stopped laughing but he still had a stupid smile on his face. He just couldn't stop smiling.

He was going to go back to his family again. He was going to feel....safe again.

....

Originally posted by: SoulSpiller

Chapter 2 - Anuj Sees Anupama

Anuj beckoned to Devika as she entered the cafe.

Devika looked a bit rushed but seeing Anuj, she smiled widely and made her way to the table.

For Devika, Anuj hadn't called her in a long time, so it was a very pleasant surprise when he did. She was in the middle of her event management work, but she temporarily transferred it to one of her subordinates and took the call.

"Hellooo Mr. Jeejaji, this is unexpected" Devika said buoyantly.

"Devika, I think...I think I need your help. I want to talk to you about something."

"Wow...no 'hi', no 'how are you', nothing? It's been 7 mon-"

"Devika, I'm going through something in life." Anuj said, unable to bear her cheery tone.

Immediately understanding the seriousness, Devika suggested a time and a place to meet after her work.

As she made her way to the table and got closer to Anuj, the dullness in his face stood out to her. He really is going through something, she thought to herself.

She sat and immediately said without any introductions: "Tell me, Anuj. Just tell me everything."

"I'm sorry I'm troubling you, Devika, I know you are very busy with your work but I didn't know who else to -"

"Stop insulting our friendship and just tell me Anuj." Devika began a little sharply and then softened her tone midway seeing Anuj's expression.

Anuj opened his mouth to speak. This was much harder than he thought - he didn't even know where to begin.

"I made such a big deal out of calling you and now that I'm here, I don't even even know what to say" Anuj laughed a little awkwardly.

Devika merely waited patiently.

"It's just...I think it's something like a trap people fall into....the trap of hope...you start fantasizing about a destination, you keep telling yourself - once I reach this destination, I'll be happy forever and everything will be sorted...but when you finally reach that destination, why do you feel so empty?" His words came tumbling out at the end.

"Anupama has gone to Shah house again."

Devika said crisply while Anuj looked surprised at how fast she understood his ramble.

"Maybe Baa had an accident, good if so, that old hag needs some humbling, or maybe one of her spoilt kids is demanding her attention as usual, or did Hasmukh have a heartattack?...no you consider him as your father... you won't react like this if so....so if you're reacting like this .."

Anuj was shocked at how matter-of-factly Devika was saying all this.

"Did Vanraj have an accident?" Devika guessed accurately while Anuj gasped audibly.

"So that's it. You look like your entire life has been drained out of you, Anuj, so it's easy for me to guess this cycle has repeated enough times for you to reach your limit. And knowing you, you are not going to put either any blame or responsibility on Anu"

Anuj looked down. "It's not like she's eager to do all this...it's out of compulsion...they keep begging her...and also humanitarian grounds. Devika...I can't help but remember all the grand things I told her - I mean isn't this the quality I said I liked the most?... how I loved her for her kindness and consideration, her purity and simplicity; I must have recited to her a thousand shayaris by now. And now....the more I feel distance from her, the more I keep trying to compensate for it with rosy words...but I feel so empty, Devika. So empty. I feel like....I feel like I don't have anything left to give anymore..."

"Anuj" Devika said sharply. "You might have loved the idea of her, or you might have loved the version she was when you met her, whatever it is, you meant everything you said to her when you did. Every shayari you'd recited, it has come from your heart. But my point is - feelings can change, people can change, circumstances can change - so don't give yourself a lifetime of punishment just because you've told her you love her many times!'

"Are you saying I should leave...I should leave Anupama?" He was shocked by how bluntly Devika was saying it. "Aren't you her friend? How can you -"

"No, Anuj. I'm saying - it's time for you to be honest with yourself and honest with Anupama. For your own sake and for her sake." Devika said very quietly but it felt like her words resonated.

"See Anuj, I can see a lot of good in Anu. I actually think she's so much more good than me. I'm crooked and I know it but I also own it. The world is not an ideal place and there will always be people who try to exploit you. Allowing yourself to be exploited again and again is not a virtue, Anuj" Devika looked at him, and Anuj felt she was not just talking about Anupama.

"Anupama wears the garb of progressiveness and gives long moral lectures - but she herself promotes so much more toxicity than she even realizes. When you become so tolerant that you cross the line and start tolerating intolerance, that means you start supporting tolerance and you go against everything you stand for"

Anuj hated hearing all this. "Anu...Anu is very kind. It's the world that's wrong." But he was also feeling so uncomfortable.

"Anu is a human being, Anuj. It cannot be so that she's right every single time and the world is wrong every single time." Devika said simply.

"I have noticed this many times" Devika continued. "You know there was a time I had gone to her place long back, much before the divorce, and even then I had started having serious doubts whether Vanraj was having an affair... right then and there. I had been cheated on by my ex-husband so I was extra sensitive about all the signs"

Anuj did not know this. "You...you had told her your doubts then?"

"Yes. Actually, in the beginning, I was in two minds about it since I wasn't 100 percent sure. But I did know that something...something was off. I finally warned her when I was about to leave, I just had to, I'd have felt guilty otherwise. You know what her reaction was?..

..Devika, how dare you say something like that about my husband. I feel like slapping you - please leave from here!

I wasn't angry at her reaction at that time, I could actually understand it. And you know...all I wished was I was wrong and she was right. But I turned out to be...to be right.

Vanraj has wronged her in so many ways, Anuj, and even after such a huge betrayal, she keeps going back to serve his family! Now that is completely her fault! And why...why on earth is she taking care of him now? What's wrong with her?"

Anuj looked very unsettled.

"I'm not done yet - there's another character - the dear old Baa! Baa is the most...well, I'm looking for a word that I can say infront of you...let's say uncivilized, regressive and manipulative person I've ever seen. I can understand her upbringing might be very different from ours, but that's not any kind of excuse. The world had changed but her toxic way of thinking hasn't changed even a little. I tried to be honest to Anupama once about how I felt about Baa, and you know what her reaction was?"

Anuj could already guess.

"Not another word, Devika! Baa is elder and elders are God!"

"...what? What does that even mean - yes the more years you live in this world, the more you can possibly gain life experience and wisdom. I understand respecting that completely. But what if you don't gain anything? Are you still a God then? And at what point do you transform from human to God - what is that age? The exact age?"

Anuj couldn't say anything.

"50? 60? 70? 71? Is there a special age for this? 70 you are human, 71 you're God, is that how it is?"

Anuj was about to speak but Devika said. "I know I'm nitpicking but all I'm trying to highlight is the ridiculousness of her arguments! And I know you and Anupama respect Bapuji like your own father - but that man has silently watched Anupama being abused for 25 years and even after that, but he has never taken enough concrete action, never!"

Anuj muttered weakly. "Yes, actually, I did mention that to him, to his face too..."

His voice trailed away as Devika laughed humourlessly. "This is how you must have told him: Bapuji, please forgive me for saying this, I don't even know if I have the right, but you have been silent when it was needed for you to speak up for Anu many times. Really, please forgive me for saying this..."

Seeing Anuj's expression, Devika sighed. "That's the problem with all of you! Everybody just mouths words, empty words - no one actually takes any action!"

"Anuj..." Devika softens. "I don't mean to be so harsh, but Anu needs to seriously change her ingrained ways of thinking. She needs to do some deep, deep introspection. I'm not saying she should change her nature, I'm saying she should get her priorities sorted. She keeps blaming her circumstances, but Anuj, a lot of the times those circumstances are created by her own actions. Her own actions!"

"And now that we are talking about self-reflection, I think you also need it"

Anuj nodded almost imperceptibly. There was a long silence and Anuj spoke. "It really....to be honest, it really hurts me to hear all this, but somewhere deep inside, I can sense truth in the things that you are telling me...I just...I just don't want to admit this at all. You're....you're such a good friend, Devika - I'm sorry for doubting you even for a second - you tell people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear..."

He paused and said like he got a sudden revelation. "And I've spend my whole married life with Anupama telling her what she wants to hear...not what she needs to hear. There have been times when I've tried to be honest with her, but then her expressions turn so pitiful, she keeps having all this insecurities that she might lose me....and well, I feel so helpless"

"That actually sounds like emotional blackmailing, Anuj" Devika said.

Anuj looked shocked but didn't protest.

"I'm not saying that's actually her intention, but that's the effect it has on you. She has an unhealthy dependence on you to the point where you're not even able to express yourself freely! You're not able to breathe in her presence, Anuj!"

Anuj let out a very long sigh. A lone tear glistened in one of his eyes. "I think...I think you're right, Devika. With you, with you I'm able to breathe freely, I did not even realise how much suffocation became my...became my habit"

Tears started rolling. "I...." He instinctively hid his face.

"Anuj..." Devika didn't expect this. "Anuj...I'm sorry I was so harsh, I should have expressed all this more gently"

Anuj started shaking his head behind his hand. "No...no...I'm glad you told me this in such a sharp way...I'm actually glad...nothing else would have shattered my....shattered my illusion" He ended in a sob.

Devika waited while he composed himself.

"You've given me a lot to think about" Anuj began again. "I need to be alone for awhile...but I do wish to talk to you again"

"Just let me know, Anuj" Devika said, softly now. "Anytime you need, I'll be there"

Anuj took a deep breath again.

...

Bold : SO SO GOOD....Such satisfaction 🌺💖💓

Wish it had been said to Anupama on her face.. But still ..so beautiful

A big thank you 😊

Originally posted by: Musketeer_95

Bold : SO SO GOOD....Such satisfaction 🌺💖💓

Wish it had been said to Anupama on her face.. But still ..so beautiful

A big thank you 😊

The Anupama at that time wouldn't even have understood it...let her self reflect some more, then she will say this to herself!

..for reading at your own pace, if you feel like!

I have no words to express how beautiful it is. Also, this is the kind of fantasy that neither the ITV creatives will make nor will the audiences be able to stomach.

Bas leads ki gaano pe nachwa lo aur coochie coo karwa lo.

Fantastic! I had a smile on my face as well as I reached the end. ❤️

What are the chances of seeing even a small percentage of this played on TV? I'd guess none.

Kya baaat haiii.... wonderful writing 👏🤗

Absolutely loved it...