Chapter 35 Soothing the wounds
On doctor's advice Mini took Neil to rehabilitation center. She left Arya under Mickey's care. Though she wanted to come too but Mini thought witnessing Neil's breakdown everytime will not be easy for Arya also. Doctors clearly told that curing drug addiction is not easy, patient will go through a very tough phase. Arya has always idolize Neil and she wont be able to witness all this. Besides, Mini was very clear that their circumstances were result of both of their mistakes and only both of them have to make it right again. She considered it her right to have share in Neil's pain just like it was his right to have share in her problems.
Though Neil was still in depression but somehow Mini had managed to convince him to come to rehabilitation center with her. The few positive feedbacks and comments on that fateful incident had given him hope. But he was clueless as to how he is gonna make it through this situation. He felt lost, defeated and shattered. Even though he got Mini back but he use to feel he lost right to claim her love as he was not that same Neil anymore, he has lost his respect, identity. He feared he is not gonna recover from this and moreover he is gonna take down Mini with him also.
On work front Neil had signed the legal paper work involved in disbanding with the other band members and Mickey was handling the the issues related to it like distribution of monetary and IP rights of their previous albums and works together.
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Neil woke up from his sleep somewhere in the middle of the night. He had a bad dream about that incident again. He was sweating heavily and feeling restless. He had a strong urge to have drugs. Its been few weeks they have been in rehabilitation center and doctors were working on his health. Though he had improved and fighting it but still it was difficult to suppress the urge to have drugs specially when he was emotionally disturbed. During these times he felt nothing else could calm him down except his drugs.
He shuffled through his bags, almirah of his room in search of search of it. He had brought some drugs from his stash secretly hiding from Mini, thinking he will only take it emergency. He knew he was doing wrong but addiction made him do it.
He grew more restless when he couldn't find it anywhere. "Where the hell it is? I am sure I had kept in left pocket of the bag." Neil muttered getting frustrated.
"You are looking out for this?" Neil turned around to find Mini had come out from her adjacent room and she was holding his drugs in her hand.
"What are you thinking Neil? Mini ko kaise pata chala hoga?" Mini guessed his questions.
"That night when you again took drugs from your stash hidden in cupboard, I checked the whole house next day and threw away all of it I could find but I didnt trust you on this one bit. The moment I talked about coming to this rehabilitation center, I knew from your hesitant tone that you wont agree easily and even if you did you will bring your stuff here too. So as soon as we landed here I checked your bags and found this." Mini explained.
Neil hung down his head feeling guilty. "Look, I am sorry ok. But...Its not easy for me. I...promise I will try my best to get rid of it but it will take time....I cant just stop it all of a sudden." Neil tried to explain while coming close to Mini.
"Dont! Dont try to act over smart with me Neil." Mini stopped him at a hand's distance before he could have attempted snatching drugs from her.
"You promised me Neil, promised Arya and Mickey that you will try your best to get rid of it. And dont give me the shit that you will gradually stop it. It needs to be done at once...." Mini tried to reason.
"Do you even understand what its like to go through this? I feel like my whole body is on fire, something crawling upon me, my throat feels dry as desert, it feels like I will have heart attack soon....I will go mad if I dont have it." Neil shouted in frustration.
"Thats why we are here, to seek professional help. Doctors are doing great work. Look at yourself Neil you have improved a lot...a lot...mentally and physically and still you want to go back to your old ways." Mini explained.
"I know I am getting better and I have been clean all these weeks. I have never touched it till now. I only brought this to take in emergency....and this is bloody emergency!" Neil shouted yet again and banged his fist on the wall to show how badly he is in need of drugs.
Mini was taken aback with his outburst. Doctors had already warned her that addicts can do anything to get just a taste of it, they can lie, they can steal or even beg and if they continuously denied they can turned violent and can hurt even their loved ones. But still hearing all those stories and seeing it unfolding in front of your eyes is totally different. No matter how much Mini had prepared herself mentally for it but when she saw Neil losing his cool, she was kind of scared. More that the thought that Neil could hurt her, the consequences that will follow afterwards, once Neil will be back in his senses and he will realize his mistake, he will breakdown further, he wont be able to forgive himself for hurting her, this thought was scarier.
Mini took a deep breath to calm down, she cant lose like this, she has to fight, she resolved, "There are medicines for emergency Neil, you can take them. I will get them for you." Mini tried to hand over medicines to him but Neil throw them and smashed the glass of water she brought.
"I am tired of it. It makes me sleepy all the time. In my sleep also I am not at peace. I feel like someone has shut my eyes close but I am awake and I am craving for drugs." Neil ran his hand in his hair to divert his mind elsewhere.
"Then do exercise or jogging or any activity which will calm you down but you are not taking this thing again." Mini said with finality and before Neil could have stopped her she ran into the washroom and emptied all his stock into the basin and flushed it.
"What did you do? Why dont you understand....I am going crazy...nothing helps me. I feel like dying. You wanna kill me?" Neil screamed and shook Mini vigorously from her shoulders and pushed her at the end. She lost her balance and fell down narrowly escaping her head being hit to the sink. She just sprained her ankle.
But as Neil witnessed the scene, the horrific possibility of her suffering serious head injury because of his fault, jolted Neil out of self misery and he ran to help her.
"I am sorry...so so sorry Mini...I didnt do it purposefully. I didnt mean to hurt you. Oh God! What have I done? Why you even brought me here. I am not worthy of your affections. You should have left me alone, to rot in hell. There is nothing I can give you. Why are you wasting your time over me." Neil kept mumbling all the while he lifted Mini off the floor and placed her on the bed carefully.
As he was about to go away Mini held his hand and pulled him back closer. "Because I love you, you idiot."
Neil kept looking at her in disbelief. It was after years he was hearing these words out of her mouth. They have not confessed their love after their misunderstandings got clear, not after he was admitted to the hospital, not even when he was back, not when she got him here....but now, hearing those words after so long...so long that he had forgotten when was the last time she said it, he had lost the hope he will hear it again ever. He was overwhelmed with emotions and tears started flowing through his eyes continuously. His urge to have drugs, restlessness, all started disappearing and calmness started spreading in his heart.
"If I would have been at your place would you have left me...all alone to deal with all my miseries? No, right? You came to help Arya, me even when there were misunderstandings between us and you expect me to leave you to suffer? How can I? Do you even know I have not loved anyone in my life as much as I have loved you. Even when I hated you, I knew somewhere I love you....you were, you are, you will be the only love of my life and when I finally everything is fine between us, when I can have a chance to my forever with you...you are asking me to give up and leave you....no f***king way Neil Oberoi." Mini said while holding Neil's collar, angry tears rolling down her cheeks blurring her vision and she was not even wiping them off.
He knew Mini loves him thats why she didnt left him, thats why she supported him in his darkest phase of life. thats why she brought him here but as if it was not enough and he wanted a reminder of what it feels like to be loved, to be told how much she cares for him. He closed his eyes in content and melted in that moment.
"And I love you, there is no moment in my life in which I have not loved you. I just...I was not living without you...I was just existing and it was painful. No matter how much I tried to put my mind somewhere else, through any means but only you occupied my mind. I was on self destructing mission and look....where it has landed me...us...I am hopeless...I am..." Neil also confessed his feelings and feared how he will be able to get out of this situation. Emotions taking toll on him started to make him depressed again.
Meri raahein tere tak hain
Tujhpe hi toh mera haq hai
Ishq mera tu beshaq hai
Tujhpe hi toh mera haq hai
But before he could curse himself more Mini stopped him. She shut his mouth with her lips, pulling him down on her until he was hovering over her. At first Neil went numb, he couldn't respond for few seconds. The feeling that Mini, his Mini, his one and only true love has kissed him....kissed him after a long long time....almost after an eternity, took some time to sink in and once it did, it ignited a passionate fire in him after so long. A lively fire not the destructive one. A fire which generated new energy in him, to live, to love, to conquer problems.
Saath chhodunga na tere pichhe aaunga
Chheen lunga ya Khuda se maang laaunga
Tere naal taqdeeran likhwaunga
Main tera ban jaaunga
Main tera ban jaaunga
He started responding to her kiss ever so softly as if fearing that this is a dream and it will break any second. Mini broke the kiss due to lack of proper response, she looked in to his eyes fearing did she cross the boundary, was he not ready for this, is he upset but all her fears got washed away in the storm of raw emotions which engulfed her senses when he almost immediately claimed her lips back not liking the loss of contact between their lips. She closed her eyes feeling content as she again felt love filled warmth seeping through her heart, taking away all her worries, promising her that he will always be there for her.
Sonh teri main kasam yehi khaunga
Keetey waadeya nu umraan nibhaunga
Tujhe har vaari apna banaunga
Main tera ban jaaunga
Main tera ban jaaunga
Mini pulled him completely over her, she was holding him so tight in fear of losing him and he was fighting his own demons to stay with her in this precious moment as long as possible.
Lakhaan ton juda main hoyi teri ḳhaatir
Tu hi manzil dil tera musaafir....
Neil broke the kiss when they went out of air. He settled beside her on the bed adjusting himself on the elbow. He caressed her face, wiping her tears and she did the same to him. Mini rolled him over and came almost on top of him. She delivered feathery light kisses on his face, neck, chest as if to take away all his pain. She again captured his lips in a promise of love which represents their greatest strength to over come all the difficulties in life.
Lakhaan ton juda main hoya teri ḳhaatir
Tu hi manzil main tera musaafir
Rab nu bhula betha tere karke
Main ho gaya qaafir
Without breaking the kiss Neil rolled her over this time to compensate for all the pain she has gone through because of him and for him. He kissed her eyes, cheeks, chin and sucked the sensitive skin of her neck and exposed chest. Mini removed his shirt and he helped her with her clothes. Both were sitting on bed, in each others arms without any barriers between them, relishing the feeling, as if someone has put soothing ointment on the deep scars that they were carrying all their life. The kick that he used to get when he consumed drugs made him forget himself, numbed his senses thereby helping him forget his pain but the affect of their love and closeness was having on him was of delightful and gratifying, thereby curing the pain not hiding it momentarily.
Tere liye main jahaan se takraunga
Sab kuch khoke tujhko hi paaunga
Dil banke main dil dhadkaunga
Main tera ban jaaunga
Main tera ban jaaunga
After caressing and kissing each other for long time to make their heart believe that they are finally in each others' arms, Neil pushed Mini to bed to claim her in every sense. Two lovers enjoyed the joy of union, being one all night long. Their passion wore off gradually but the need to be in each others company as intimately as possible didnt let them move away from each other. Both stayed buried in each other till the dawn.
Sonh teri main kasam yehi khaunga
Keetey waadeya nu umraan nibhaunga
Tujhe har waari apna banaunga
Main tera ban jaaunga
Main tera ban jaaunga
Meri raahein tere tak hain
Tujhpe hi toh mera haq hai
Ishq mera tu beshaq hai
Tujhpe hi toh mera haq hai
Neil woke up in the morning when he felt bed was empty and Mini was gone. He got startled, wore his clothes quickly and started shouting for Mini. He frantically searched her in room, balcony garden. He panicked not seeing her anywhere and was about to go out to find out her whereabouts when she came out of the bathroom.
"What happened Neil? Why are you shouting? Mini asked as she tried to hold on to the towel she barely managed to wrap around herself when she came running out of the bathroom, fearing Neil might be having another of his drug induced panic attacks.
Neil sighed in relief when he saw her. He walked in long strides towards her and took her in a tight hug, almost lifting her above the floor. "I thought you left me." He mumbled while burying his face in her bosom.
"I am not going anywhere. Our sufferings have ended Neil, we need to trust ourselves, each other and on our love. We are still scared of our past. We need to get out of it." Mini explained to him and to herself also.
"Hmm" Neil just mumbled too busy inhaling her freshly bathed fragrance.
"And we should feel happy, bury the bad memories and relive the happy ones or probably should create the new beautiful ones..." Mini kept talking not noticing that Neil had already started walking with her in his arms.
"Hey! what are you doing?" She asked when he reached the bathroom.
"Creating new beautiful memories." Neil replied before turning on shower and taking her lips to stop her from talking further.
Making love to her was proving the perfect distraction for him during his restlessness and she gladly let him mark her with his love as it was her respite also. She had almost forgotten what it felt like to be loved by him.
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Neil made a lot of progress and very quickly after that. Their love was the answer to all his miseries. Not only Neil but Mini too came out of her insecurities.There were episodes of his panic attacks, the urge to consume drugs again, abandon the battle field and take the easy route but Mini kept up his motivation. With the help of medication, Mini's support and healthy routine, doctor declare him addiction free after almost 5 months. He vowed on his love that he will never consume drugs again in his life. He was feeling hopeful after like centuries, ready to begin again, fight again, face the people close to him. He knew journey ahead is not that simple but he was not willing to give up or hide behind the things like drugs, alcohol like losers. As he walked out of the gate of rehabilitation center, he clasped Mini's hand in his seeking assurance and she answered back in pressing his hand, silently promising that everything will be fine once again. When they were together they can fight against all odds.
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to be continued.....
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