Hasta-prāpya-stabaka-namito bāla-Mandāra-vṛkṣaḥ (FF) Ch. 36 p. 15 - Page 9

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1215019 thumbnail
Posted: 3 years ago
#81

More questions for my dear readers (only if you want to come back to this story):


After Chapter Three, I was asked whether Amruta turned positive overnight in my story. How do you find my version of Amruta after reading Chapter Ten and Chapter Twelve?


How am I handling the homophobic content in this story? Did the dialogue that I wrote for Amruta and Raghav make them as bad as Anuradha?


How do you feel about Ghaṭotkaca now?


Am I giving Farhad and Mandar enough buildup of attraction, or should I put them in more romantic situations already?


How much is the sequence of events surrounding Mandar's disappearance clear to you, and what questions remain? How do you think the dots connect?


Have you noticed anything unexpected in the story? For example, why would Raghav welcome Akash? Any clues that have you guessing what will happen next? Please share your ideas.

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Posted: 3 years ago
#82

Originally posted by: BrhannadaArmour

More questions for my dear readers (only if you want to come back to this story):


After Chapter Three, I was asked whether Amruta turned positive overnight in my story. How do you find my version of Amruta after reading Chapter Ten and Chapter Twelve?


How am I handling the homophobic content in this story? Did the dialogue that I wrote for Amruta and Raghav make them as bad as Anuradha?


How do you feel about Ghaṭotkaca now?


Am I giving Farhad and Mandar enough buildup of attraction, or should I put them in more romantic situations already?


How much is the sequence of events surrounding Mandar's disappearance clear to you, and what questions remain? How do you think the dots connect?


Have you noticed anything unexpected in the story? For example, why would Raghav welcome Akash? Any clues that have you guessing what will happen next? Please share your ideas.

One question I had was does Raghav know about Farhad's sexuality? Since Farhad and his family are so open with it that they told D's about it, in their first meeting, it doesn't make sense to say that Raghav does not know. But if Raghav knows (or even if he doesn't) then passing a comment on homosexuality is very out of character for Raghav, especially when he knows that his best friend belongs to that group.

Secondly, I don't understand Pallavi's decision to go back to Mandar, that too, you know, just like that. I am not saying this because I can't tolerate Mandar-Pallavi. Either Pallavi wants Raghav or she doesn't. There is no role of Mandar here. If she doesn't want Raghav then why is staying with him? She could left him when he booked her tickets but that time she thrashed Raghav with jhadu. If she wants him, then why is she ending her marriage with Raghav? Okay lets me assume that she doesn't want to live with Raghav for whatever reason. Fine, her choice. But then why does she want to return to Mandar as his wife? Because they were married for few hours? Especially when Mandar does not remember a single thing about her. Pallavi isn't the same person who married Mandar 2 years ago. She has changed drastically with the trauma inflicted by society and back breaking responsibilities. How can she just move in with him as if nothing happened? I would have understood if she wanted to stay as friends with Mandar till his memory returned and then try dating before tying the knot. But here it seems like Pallavi is changing husband's like changing clothes. Not much emotions, no conflict.


I also wanted to ask, who are the leads of your story? Is Mandar-Farhad or Raghav-Pallavi. Because it's not clear. You are focusing on so many characters that no character is getting the spotlight. I would suggest that you separate the 2 pairs and write 2 different books with each focusing on one pair if you want to show all 4 characters.

1215019 thumbnail
Posted: 3 years ago
#83

Shri_12, thank you so much for taking the time to comment, discuss what doesn't seem right, and suggest improvement. My replies to each point are in green.


Shri_12 wrote: One question I had was does Raghav know about Farhad's sexuality?


No; at the beginning of Chapter Two, Raghav asked Farhad if he had a secret wife, and Farhad thought that Raghav had no gaydar.


Shri_12 wrote: Since Farhad and his family are so open with it that they told D's about it, in their first meeting, it doesn't make sense to say that Raghav does not know.


Farhad is openly gay and he would confirm it if Raghav asked him, but what occasion is there for Farhad to start a conversation about his orientation at his job? Raghav is the boss; Farhad is paid to look after him and his vulnerabilities loyally, but it's not reciprocal. In Chapter Nine, Farhad's parents thought that because Farhad talked about Pallavi every day, he would have told her, and she would have told her parents. However, Farhad's parents don't approve of their son being so attentive to Raghav, as they expressed in Chapter Five.


Shri_12 wrote: But if Raghav knows (or even if he doesn't) then passing a comment on homosexuality is very out of character for Raghav, especially when he knows that his best friend belongs to that group.


On the show, when Pallavi said it doesn't matter whether "gadhā ho yā gadhī" called Raghav cute, Raghav teased her by acting surprised that she was "modern" - he didn't say "open-minded" or "liberal" - as if homosexuality is a new fashion and not the biological diversity shared by all animal species without any known exception. I imagine that Raghav would describe himself as modern, so he's not a gay-hater in my story. But when Pallavi teased Raghav that she knew he would rather be undressed by a boy, Raghav said that his mind is single-track, not double-track (conflating homosexuality with bisexuality), and "I'm not aisā-vaisā," both expressions implying that gay men are indiscriminate. So, I don't think it's out of character for Raghav to respond to Amruta calling him gay by saying, "There's nothing wrong with me!" in Chapter Ten.


Raghav makes disparaging comments about women, elders, the middle-class ... why wouldn't he make assumptions about gay men too? There's drama in Raghav not knowing something fundamental about Farhad whom he calls his best friend, and there's drama in any character questioning his own point of view, so I put it in the story.


Shri_12 wrote: Secondly, I don't understand Pallavi's decision to go back to Mandar, that too, you know, just like that. ... Okay lets me assume that she doesn't want to live with Raghav for whatever reason. Fine, her choice. But then why does she want to return to Mandar as his wife? Because they were married for few hours?


I laid out Pallavi's five reasons for leaving Raghav for Mandar in this post. Here, I'll limit myself to what I hope readers find in the story: Pallavi treasures her memories of joining Mandar's family (Chapter One); she and Mandar speak the same language and share music and laughter (Chapter Two); their marriage is going to be legal as soon as Mandar's death certificate is expunged (Chapter Five); she finds Mandar loving and lovable and handsome/cute (Chapter Six, Chapter Nine).


Shri_12 wrote: I am not saying this because I can't tolerate Mandar-Pallavi. Either Pallavi wants Raghav or she doesn't. There is no role of Mandar here. If she doesn't want Raghav then why is staying with him? She could left him when he booked her tickets but that time she thrashed Raghav with jhadu.


The story begins just after Raghav and Pallavi had a major disagreement: he wanted to save Kirti and she wanted justice for Mandar. So, in spite of her efforts to make the marriage work, Pallavi is feeling that she may not belong with Raghav. Sharada's advice in Chapter Eight was that everyone should follow her own principles, and Pallavi thinks that she shares principles with Mandar and not Raghav.


Shri_12 wrote: If she wants him, then why is she ending her marriage with Raghav?


In Chapter Three, Pallavi tells Raghav that he frightens her; she appreciates his love, but she doesn't trust or love him. She isn't sure she'll ever feel comfortable with his body around hers, because after he hugged her, he gagged her and threw her over his shoulder, which gave her nightmares and reminded her of him tying her up in front of a truck.


Shri_12 wrote: Especially when Mandar does not remember a single thing about her.


Mandar started to remember Pallavi in Chapter Two (favourite Rāga) and Chapter Three (birthdate), and by Chapter Four he remembered the courtship and wedding.


Shri_12 wrote: Pallavi isn't the same person who married Mandar 2 years ago. She has changed drastically with the trauma inflicted by society and back breaking responsibilities.


Pallavi's morals and values are not drastically changed by her experiences. She has spent those two-and-a-half years with Mandar's family, taking his place. You may not agree, but Pallavi's logic in my story is that Mandar's return gives her the chance to make her family complete. Raghav doesn't belong in that life, so she thinks she can give him up.


Shri_12 wrote: How can she just move in with him as if nothing happened? I would have understood if she wanted to stay as friends with Mandar till his memory returned and then try dating before tying the knot.


In Chapter Ten, Pallavi told Raghav that she'll wait a few days to start the annulment process. In Chapter Twelve, Pallavi told the Deshmukhs that she wouldn't move in with Mandar right away. Manasi asked if they were dating, and Mandar said yes.


Shri_12 wrote: But here it seems like Pallavi is changing husband's like changing clothes. Not much emotions, no conflict.


Pallavi would be ashamed to change husbands so easily, as she says at the end of Chapter Ten. If conflict means that Pallavi can't make up her mind, that could get boring for the reader. Pallavi making a decision and trying to stick with it in spite of new developments is a more dramatic kind of conflict. I accept that you think Pallavi isn't expressing enough emotions. She cried in Chapter Three. In Chapter Four, she felt Raghav's pain but told him how to deal with it without her. In Chapter Seven, she made the effort not to give in to Raghav. In Chapter Eight, she consulted Sharada about her choice. In Chapter Eleven, she suppressed her reaction to the kalāvā connection between her and Raghav. In Chapter Thirteen, she's thinking of Raghav when she shouldn't.


Shri_12 wrote: I also wanted to ask, who are the leads of your story? Is Mandar-Farhad or Raghav-Pallavi. Because it's not clear. You are focusing on so many characters that no character is getting the spotlight. I would suggest that you separate the 2 pairs and write 2 different books with each focusing on one pair if you want to show all 4 characters.


This is supposed to be Mandar's story with Farhad as his happy ending, but Raghav and Pallavi are prominent because they have so much history from the show.


Thanks for the suggestion to separate the pairs, but the story that I want to tell here is about the complexity of two intersecting love triangles: Mandar-Pallavi-Raghav (in which the triangle's third arm is significant: Mandar and Raghav are trying to figure out their impressions of each other), and Pallavi-Mandar-Farhad (in which Farhad is loyal to Pallavi). There's also a loop between Raghav and Farhad. So, the format is not like an Indian daily drama with one lead couple.


For my readers who want Pallavi and Raghav to be happy, I am working on Chapter Three of Delivery Boy. Hint: it will have in-depth Bharatanatyam.

Edited by BrhannadaArmour - 3 years ago
1215019 thumbnail
Posted: 3 years ago
#84

With the show finished, I hope everyone will find time to read Chapter Three of Delivery Boy. It is super-long due to the details of Bharatanatyam dance, but there are happy moments for both couples: Farhad surprises Mandar, and Raghav "surprises" Pallavi.


I haven't forgotten this story though; I'm writing Chapter Fourteen.


The cliffhanger in the middle of Chapter Thirteen was Raghav asking Kirti, who helped her to blackmail him (with the recording that could convict Pallavi of bigamy)?


I challenge my readers to guess Kirti's answer before I post the next chapter.


Hint: this character was named in a flashback scene, but never appeared on the show in 2021.

hapc thumbnail
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Posted: 3 years ago
#85

Chapter Nine: Mandhaar and Aai's conversation reminded me of why Amma was on of my favourites on the show before they ruined her with the Mandhaar track. I liked the tiny detail of Mandhaar feeling happy that he could say his age with confidence and the significance of the name Damayanti.

Chapter Ten: Ahh so it is Keerthi or Sunny who is involved in the blackmailing. Raghav is in a tight spot. Liked the tiny Amrutha Mandhaar moment. And finally the Keerthi misunderstanding is clear. I was laughing and feeling the second hand embarrassment at the same time. The insulin part was so detailed. I admire your research into these topics but I really enjoyed the fact that Raghav gave an explanation to Mandhaar. Pallavi and Raghav's conversation went unexpectedly well. Raghav's proposition was very like him and his final speech made me remember why I admired his character despite his countless flaws.

Chapter Eleven: My favourite so far minus Anuradha Aunty. Amruta's bitterness towards Farhad as well makes sense. I didn't realise that the Deshmukhs may not only have an unfavourable opinion about Raghav but also have one about Farhad. Regardless, they both clearly like each other but the conversion therapy plus Baba's attitude is in the way. The part with Akash was hilarious despite the fact that Raghav was hurting. I liked that Amma and Raghav used Bharatnatyam mudras as their own form of sign language. I personally found the gun action amusing. I'm just glad Pallavi arrived after the scene though. One more truth is revealed. I liked that. Also that Aai retied the Kalava that she had given to Pallavi to Raghav and that he touched her feet(looking towards them developing a closer bond in Delivery Boy) and for this I have to give credit to Damayanti

Chapter Twelve: I'm glad Amruta laughing about the marriage was to make Raghav uncomfortable and not due to her own homophobia. Also Mandhaar managing to make Raghav apologise made me feel satisfied and his fear of Mandhaar impressing Pallavi was quite funny. Farhad is also impressed by Mandhaar's kindness. The announcement made the Deshmukhs happy but since I know what is going to happen I felt a little bad for them.

Chapter Thirteen: I forgot about how Ved recognised Mandhaar... I now know about the homosexuality part but I guess I still hope you could remind me. I liked that you changed that detail. Suhasini is so much like Sulochana.. really bad job and hiding the reality on her part. Amma understanding Raghav's thoughts was nice. Keerthi and Raghav's conversation was the highlight. I felt so bad for the both of them and for some reason when Raghav asked Keerthi not to call him Annaya until she meant it, it broke my heart. I hope to see them make amends and try to rebuild their relationship. Mandhaar and Pallavi's conversation was interesting. It seems like Mandhaar is going to change his mind about Raghav.

Edited by hapc - 3 years ago
1215019 thumbnail
Posted: 3 years ago
#86

My replies in green.


hapc wrote:

Chapter Nine: Mandhaar and Aai's conversation reminded me of why Amma was on of my favourites on the show before they ruined her with the Mandhaar track. I liked the tiny detail of Mandhaar feeling happy that he could say his age with confidence and the significance of the name Damayanti.


Thank you for telling me specifically what you liked. It helps me to write better. I think you meant that Āī (not Ammā) was one of your favourites, and she was one of mine too. In this chapter, I allow her to express an opinion of Raghav that isn't as nice as how she treats him later in Delivery Boy - Chapter One. I am holding off on Mandar finding out that Raghav employed Nikhil and sent him to jail, but I wanted it to be clear that Sharada's acceptance of Raghav is tentative, and not comparable to her love for her own sons and Pallavi.


I would have liked Sharada on the show to progress more gradually to liking Raghav. Sharada felt contempt for Raghav when he met her at the hospital (to distract Pallavi while he was having Nikhil arrested); Sharada offered to "set this Rākṣasa straight" at the wedding; Sharada challenged Jaya to say that she would want her own daughter to marry someone like Raghav; and then Sharada's reaction to Raghav poking Vijay in the chest and shouting at him was, "Pallavi's husband is defending her." At the time, she knew what Raghav did to Nikhil, and how he forced Pallavi to marry him, and she wasn't ready to forgive Pallavi for not asking for help ... so how could she jump to taking Raghav seriously as Pallavi's husband? After the next scene in which Sharada slapped Raghav and fell at his feet, it was as if the writers thought she didn't need to work through any more feelings, and as soon as Raghav fixed the clock, Sharada never found fault with him again.


Chapter Ten: Ahh so it is Keerthi or Sunny who is involved in the blackmailing. Raghav is in a tight spot. Liked the tiny Amrutha Mandhaar moment. And finally the Keerthi misunderstanding is clear. I was laughing and feeling the second hand embarrassment at the same time. The insulin part was so detailed. I admire your research into these topics but I really enjoyed the fact that Raghav gave an explanation to Mandhaar. Pallavi and Raghav's conversation went unexpectedly well. Raghav's proposition was very like him and his final speech made me remember why I admired his character despite his countless flaws.


Yes, Raghav's fury at the blackmailer suddenly has no outlet, he has so many questions, and he won't be able to talk to Kirti until they return home from the pūjā - in Chapter Thirteen! Meanwhile, Mandar and Amruta are having fun, and she gets to be his helper to give Damayanti her insulin safely. I juxtaposed the two brother-sister relationships and drew attention to that with Farhad's prayer.


I enjoyed writing the awkwardness-all-around scene: Raghav supporting Kirti to face Mandar's family, while knowing that she's sabotaging him; Mandar feeling outraged that Kirti and Raghav showed up (together!), but finding himself in the wrong; Kirti summoning her courage to face Mandar, while Raghav laughed ... only Damayanti wasn't embarrassed!


I made the insulin injection scene so detailed, not just to be educational but to give a sense of the time that Mandar and Raghav are spending on the same side. Neither of them wants to be anything but enemies, but after getting embarrassed together and taking care of Damayanti together, they have made softer memories.


I already had Raghav pleading with Pallavi while she cried in Chapter Three, and Raghav lashing out at Pallavi who stayed strong in Chapter Four, and Raghav pretending that everything can be normal while Pallavi had made her decision in Chapter Seven. So, this time I wrote a scene that was again different: Raghav kept his hurt feelings to himself and spoke with assurance to Pallavi, who felt agitated, daring her to want him. I am glad that you enjoyed Raghav's explanation to Mandar and you found Raghav's proposition to Pallavi to be in character. I felt tingly writing those speeches. Raghav's love for Pallavi has turned his moral compass upside down. Now he cares what people say about him because he belongs to Pallavi, and his contempt for women who stray from committed relationships doesn't apply to Pallavi because she belongs to him.


Chapter Eleven: My favourite so far minus Anuradha Aunty. Amruta's bitterness towards Farhad as well makes sense. I didn't realise that the Deshmukhs may not only have an unfavourable opinion about Raghav but also have one about Farhad. Regardless, they both clearly like each other but the conversion therapy plus Baba's attitude is in the way. The part with Akash was hilarious despite the fact that Raghav was hurting. I liked that Amma and Raghav used Bharatnatyam mudras as their own form of sign language. I personally found the gun action amusing. I'm just glad Pallavi arrived after the scene though. One more truth is revealed. I liked that. Also that Aai retied the Kalava that she had given to Pallavi to Raghav and that he touched her feet(looking towards them developing a closer bond in Delivery Boy) and for this I have to give credit to Damayanti


Before Sulochana appeared on our screens, there was Krishna's mother Anuradha demeaning Pallavi in the very first episode. I will try to use such odious characters sparingly in the story. And I will try to write some believable romantic progression between Mandar and Farhad! How can I get them into more scenes alone, just the two of them?


Akash's fear of Raghav's violence wouldn't be funny in real life, but I'm glad that Akash not knowing how to react to Raghav's welcome was hilarious in fiction. I needed a comedic interlude for Raghav before plunging him into more drama and desperation. On the show, I liked the scene of Raghav insisting on giving Akash a lift to Manasi's cancelled saṃgīta, except that Raghav unsubtly ordered Akash to tell Ammā that Raghav is a good person. I was happy that Raghav understood that accepting Kirti's friend would impress Ammā, but when the saṃgīta finally happened, Raghav was inexplicably ready to punch Akash and ruin Ammā's mood, and that was Akash's last scene. So, I decided to write a Raghav-welcomes-Akash scene to bring Akash back into the story, but with insight into Akash's thoughts, and with Raghav's motive unspecified.


Raghav's gun gesture to Sulochana was harmless, and on the show it was played for fun, but with Raghav being miserable in my story, having just lost Pallavi, I thought it was more fitting that Vijay overreacted with words that ripped the scab off Raghav's oldest wound. While planning how Pallavi's choice would be revealed at the pūjā, I considered that if Pallavi was asked to sit with Mandar, as on the show, in my story she would have to agree, and then Raghav and Farhad and all of the Deshmukhs would have to react at the same time. I took Pallavi out of the scene so that it wouldn't happen. I really wanted Pallavi and Raghav to have a private conversation, and leaving Pallavi's announcement until after the pūjā allowed me to write reactions for the individual Deshmukhs, and not have Farhad find out just yet.


Just before I started to write this chapter, I got the idea to reveal the kalāvā secret through Damayanti. It allowed me to end the chapter on an optimistic note, with Sharada giving Raghav her blessing before she finds out that Pallavi has chosen Mandar, and without knowing that the blessing is to protect Pallavi. On the show, Sharada was paralyzed the first time I remember seeing Raghav touching her feet, and it was a blink-and-you-missed it moment. Raghav, who never bows to anyone but Jaya, and calls Pallavi's family by insulting names, actually showing respect to Sharada should happen on a special occasion. When I wrote Delivery Boy, Chapter Three, I wondered if my readers would think that the smile on Vijay's face would be enough to motivate Raghav to touch Vijay's feet. Luckily, no one has objected so far.


If there are any other secrets that my readers want revealed, please let me know, and I'll try to think of clues to make them come out, and situations in which they would make a difference.


Chapter Twelve: I'm glad Amruta laughing about the marriage was to make Raghav uncomfortable and not due to her own homophobia. Also Mandhaar managing to make Raghav apologise made me feel satisfied and his fear of Mandhaar impressing Pallavi was quite funny. Farhad is also impressed by Mandhaar's kindness. The announcement made the Deshmukhs happy but since I know what is going to happen I felt a little bad for them.


My version of Amruta took a while to show her personality in the story. She's not malicious, but being not quite grown up, she enjoys saying things that shock people. So, Amruta suggests that Raghav is gay, to insult him and watch Anuradha's reaction, because she dislikes them, and then she tells Mandar that she thinks two boys together is hot, just to tease her big brother that she's growing up too fast.


Raghav has thought about getting violent with Mandar since Chapter One, and Mandar was close to attacking him in Chapter Seven. As I disliked the way Raghav and Mandar got into a fight on the show for no reason, I avoided writing a fight between them until now. I thought a little hand-squeezing and arm-twisting was enough, just enough to convey that Raghav shouldn't take winning for granted. I am glad that it satisfied you.


Farhad's feelings for Mandar are growing deeper. How will Farhad feel when he finds out that Pallavi has chosen Mandar?


I like to write happy scenes for the Deshmukhs, because they have had so few since Manasi's wedding. I only feel a little bad for them, because they can still have both Mandar and Pallavi.


Chapter Thirteen: I forgot about how Ved recognised Mandhaar... I now know about the homosexuality part but I guess I still hope you could remind me. I liked that you changed that detail. Suhasini is so much like Sulochana.. really bad job and hiding the reality on her part. Amma understanding Raghav's thoughts was nice. Keerthi and Raghav's conversation was the highlight. I felt so bad for the both of them and for some reason when Raghav asked Keerthi not to call him Annaya until she meant it, it broke my heart. I hope to see them make amends and try to rebuild their relationship. Mandhaar and Pallavi's conversation was interesting. It seems like Mandhaar is going to change his mind about Raghav.


The show never explained how Ved knew Mandar. Ved happened to see Sharada talking to Pallavi, recognized "Mandar Deshmukh's mother," and wondered who she was to Pallavi. Preposterously, Ved had researched Krishna's family to disguise himself as Abhijit and work at Deshmukh Saree Emporium, and yet he didn't connect Pallavi's name and the shop's name to Mandar's family. Raghav's flashback of the hit-and-run ludicrously included "what I didn't know at the time" - Ved had arrived and said, "This is Mandar Deshmukh; I know him!" just before he got arrested. On the show, every detail of the hit-and-run was coincidental. My idea is more tragic: Mandar left home on his wedding night to stand up to Ved's threat against his married life, and Mandar lost his marriage anyway; Mandar denied a part of his identity for Pallavi, and Mandar lost all but that part of his identity and the name Pallavi.


Sulochana wouldn't appear without her signature bindī, so she had to find a fake name that matched. Naturally, part of her disguise was to make herself sound younger - the patient's sister, not his aunt!


Thank you so much for telling me how Kirti and Raghav's conversation affected you. It made my heart ache to write how the love between this brother and sister has been twisted and embittered, but it deserves to be expressed without Raghav slapping Kirti or getting drunk as he did on the show. I wanted Raghav sober to face Kirti's resentment of his selfish choices. Raghav thinks of Kirti as a child, and wants to be his childhood self to reassure Kirti, but she sees him as dangerous and incorrigible. Kirti never wanted to be like Raghav and disappoint Ammā, but now she is accused of a crime, and she could lose her future if she doesn't follow Raghav's bad example of ignoring the law. They can't coexist peacefully, and yet they miss each other terribly.


When Kirti began to refer to Raghav as Bhāī on the show, I thought it was strange because she would have grown up thinking of him as Aṇṇā. When Kirti would address him as Raghav (but addressed Raghav-the-taxi-driver as Aṇṇā), it signified the estrangement between them, and I wanted to keep that in this story. I came across the terms Celli and Aṇṇayya in JalebiJane's story Pallavi, and I thought they were perfect to express Kirti's special place in Raghav's heart and the empty place in Kirti's heart that she thinks Raghav doesn't deserve. Raghav once tried to reunite his family by fraud, when he married Pallavi, and it was a hollow victory because Ammā and Kirti stayed with him, but didn't forgive him. Raghav knows that he can't become Kirti's Aṇṇayya until he becomes a good example for her.


Mandar has a lot more to learn about Raghav. He will change his mind, and not just once.

Edited by BrhannadaArmour - 3 years ago
1215019 thumbnail
Posted: 3 years ago
#87

Chapter Fourteen


"Anna, Inspector Swami is here with an update about the hit-and-run case." Farhad's cheerful voice came through Raghav's phone.


"Good, bring him up to the den, Farhad." Raghav stroked Damayanti's back as he spoke. Damayanti's howling had forced Raghav to end his conversation with Kirti, open the door to his den, and take his affectionate dog into his lap. The bottles of whisky remained untouched; Raghav craved to be drunk, but he couldn't give in after the tongue-lashing Kirti had just given him about drinking and driving. Raghav had some driving to do, as soon as Damayanti was reassured, and Kirti would be in the car with him.


"I'll go," Kirti said, pushing back her chair and standing up.


"No, stay, Celli," Raghav nodded his head to indicate that Kirti should sit. "I want you to hear what Inspector Swami has to say about your case."


Inspector Swami and Farhad entered the den.


"Raghav, this isn't right," Kirti said. "The police shouldn't report to you." Seeing the defiant, stubborn expression on Raghav's face, Kirti continued, "You won't listen to me. I didn't expect you to do the right thing. But I will." Kirti left the den, shutting the door behind her.


"All right, Inspector Swami. What is it?" Raghav barked.


"Anna, our forensics team was able to extract DNA from the bloodstains on the hit-and-run car." Inspector Swami watched Raghav's face carefully; he did not know whether this was what the boss who had handed over the evidence to incriminate himself wanted to hear. "Today or tomorrow, the journalists will find out that Mandar Deshmukh is alive, and they will ask whether we did a DNA comparison between him and the bloodstains. Would you like our case files to show that we were not able to recover DNA from the bloodstains?"


Raghav wanted to say yes, of course he wanted the case against Kirti to be weak. He wanted Celli to be free to live her life without shame, like the child who had waved to him happily from their tree-house after he had lifted her up to the first foothold to start her climb. Yet, Raghav's thoughts went back to Mandar forgiving Kirti that morning, saying, your brother did what you should have done. Raghav hadn't forgotten the warmth of Mandar's blood on his hands, washing away in the cold December rain. Raghav couldn't deny that the bloodstains on the car belonged to Mandar, the man who had brought him blood to save his life, the man who had taken Pallavi from him and promised to protect her from him, the man who had talked him through a panic attack, the man who had twisted his arm to make him say sorry, the man who had saved him from harming Damayanti, who now occupied his lap. No one was important when Kirti's future was at risk, and yet Raghav could not dismiss Mandar as unimportant.


Seeing Raghav's hesitation, and feeling a rush of warmth to defend Mandar, Farhad spoke up. "Anna, I know that you want to decide for Kirti, but Kirti may feel differently." Farhad hoped that Kirti, if she truly meant what she said a few minutes ago, would convince Raghav to allow justice for Mandar.


"Wait," Raghav got up, setting Damayanti on the floor, and opened the door. He went to Kirti's room and said, "Celli, DNA was recovered from the bloodstains on the hit-and-run car. Do you want the police to compare it to Mandar's DNA? Even if it gets you and Sunny in trouble?"


Kirti took a deep breath. She hated that Raghav put her in this position. "Yes. Let the police do their work honestly."


Raghav remembered Amma's words: it may be your turn to do the right thing for Mandar at the right time. "All right," he said. "I'll tell Inspector Swami, and meet you downstairs. Let's not waste any more time."


Not even fifteen minutes later, Kirti was saying, "I can take care of this alone, Raghav," as Raghav drove them through the streets of Hyderabad to the address that she had given him. "You should wait in the car."


"No, you should wait in the car, Celli." Raghav thought it was obvious. "For your safety."


"You mean, so I won't get upset, watching you beating up my friend!" Kirti retorted. "Again." Watching Raghav's surprised face, she sighed. "Of course I know that you punched Akshay's face when you visited him to buy his car after the hit-and-run! You imagine that every friend of mine who happens to be male is looking to get into trouble with me, and you imagine that when you scare a friend away from me, I won't ask him why he's avoiding me. I saw Akshay's bruises when I went to tell him that I couldn't get a loan to pay for the repairs to the car. He didn't name you - obviously, you paid him well, but I didn't believe his story that he got plenty of money from selling the car to be stripped for parts, and he just happened to get attacked for his wallet around the same time. When you confessed to the hit-and-run and handed over the car to the police, it all made sense: the bruises and Akshay's refusal to let me pay for damage to the car. The same Raghav Rao who wouldn't let me borrow money from any lender in Hyderabad also forced my friend Akshay to lie to me."


"I know how to get what I want, Celli," Raghav said, ignoring the sadness in Kirti's voice. "That's why I should be the one to talk to Akshay."


"No, Raghav." Kirti's tone was firm. "This recording isn't like a car that you can physically take away from Akshay. No matter what you do to Akshay, even if you kill him, you'll never know if every last copy was erased. When Akshay helped me to preserve the recording and send it to you from a hidden phone number, he probably stored a copy on his computer, and made backups to the cloud."


"You just had to trust someone like that!" Raghav snapped.


"Someone as treacherous as you, Raghav?" Kirti shot back. "You had a chance to destroy the car, but you kept it in a shed for years. Why? So that you could blackmail me someday?"


"Kirti!" Raghav angrily slammed on the brakes, provoking the next three drivers behind him to honk their horns. "I would never blackmail you! Think - for these past ten years, you had what I wanted more than anything." Raghav controlled himself and resumed driving, speaking as softly as he could. "I wanted you and Amma to let me take care of you. If I had given you the choice, Celli, between my house and prison, what would you have chosen? But I couldn't talk to you like that. Even when you wouldn't let me see Amma in the hospital, I didn't want you to be afraid of me. Your secret was my secret."


Kirti had to admit that Raghav was telling the truth. "So, why did you keep the car, Raghav? It wasn't to get rid of Sunny, because you didn't know about him."


"I kept it to protect you, Kirti," Raghav said. "I couldn't trust Akshay. He knew that you got into a car accident; he probably guessed that it was a hit-and-run; and if he ever thought that I hadn't paid him enough, he could turn against you. Rumours would hurt you, even if no one found the car. So, I told Akshay that if he ever opened his mouth about you, I would turn in the car to the police, and he would be arrested as the owner of the car. Akshay had no proof that you borrowed his car, and the police would do what I tell them."


"Well, now we have no choice but to trust Akshay," Kirti said. "Don't beat him up, Raghav; that would make anyone want to keep his leverage and hurt you back. If I ask him to erase the recording, he'll do it for me. Akshay is afraid of you; he knew that you could come after him, but he helped me to blackmail you anyway, because he's my friend. We have to get Akshay on our side, for Pallavi's sake."


Raghav's face went slack as he heard Pallavi's name. Kirti shook her head. "Even without the kalāvā on your wrist for Pallavi, I would have guessed that Pallavi is the innocent person that you won't name. If you're hiding how your widow-remarriage surprised you, but not to protect yourself, you must be doing it to protect Pallavi. You want everyone to believe the story that Pallavi told the reporters, that you rescued her from widowhood. But the truth is that Pallavi was Mandar's faithful widow until you took her against her will."


Raghav felt hurt by Kirti's words. "Kirti, I've never forced myself on any woman. As my sister, you have to believe that much about me."


"This is India, Raghav, where marriage gives a man the legal right not to listen when his wife pushes him away. As an Indian man, you knew that marrying Pallavi against her will was like threatening her that you could violate her anytime, and the law would look the other way." Kirti paused for Raghav to think about her accusation. "It doesn't matter that you love Pallavi, Raghav; anyone who knows how you married her imagines that you forced yourself on her. Mandar, Krishna, Milind Uncle, Sharada Aunty, Nikhil, Manasi and Vijay Uncle, even Sulochana Deshmukh and Amruta - all of them think that Pallavi is your victim."


Raghav realized that what Kirti was saying was true. He had tried to show the Deshmukhs how much Pallavi meant to him, but they could see how uncomfortable Pallavi was with him. Everyone must have thought that he was still hurting Pallavi and she was still pretending that nothing was wrong.


Kirti continued, "I felt betrayed by Pallavi at first, because I don't want to go to jail, but I miss being her friend. I don't want everyone gossipping about how she should have behaved more like a widow, or how you defeated her when she didn't want to betray Mandar's memory. After all, scandal is worse for women. Raghav, you don't care how many people see those photos of you having sex with that woman. You even showed the photos to the Deshmukhs when you wanted them to believe that Pallavi let you have her. But in my case, although you ordered Photogram to keep deleting the photos of me changing my saree, and there's nothing suggestive about my underwear, somewhere there's always a dirty-minded man who saves the photos and reuploads them, tagging me as a prostitute. I don't want Pallavi to suffer because you recorded a private conversation on CCTV. Akshay is a decent man. He won't want to embarrass Pallavi. Just let me talk to him nicely, Raghav."


"All right, Celli." Raghav gave in. "I won't beat up your friend Akshay. And by the way, I don't kill people. And I shouldn't have used those photographs against Pallavi, but I didn't consent to be in them either. I was sedated when that woman simulated what you saw us doing."


"Raghav, you were ..." Kirti had thought that Raghav's sex scandal was his fault, because he had not been able to explain to Amma. Now, remembering how violated she felt by being spied upon, and thinking that unwanted touching was a worse experience for Annayya, Kirti felt sorry for him.


"Don't worry about me. I don't remember any of it, and Farhad convinced me to get tested for diseases, so it's over." Raghav spoke gruffly. Kirti didn't need to know that Raghav's men had followed Anjali to Delhi, kidnapped her and held her hostage for two months, and extorted a hefty ransom that left her family broke.


"What were you doing with Akash this morning?" Kirti changed the subject.


"I was just saying to him, don't go without meeting Pallavi, and inviting him to sit with you. You are friends, right?" Raghav made an effort to smile.


"Raghav, if you're trying to make Sunny jealous, or you've decided that Akash isn't so bad after all, in comparison to Sunny, it won't work. Akash and I are just friends," Kirti declared.


"I didn't have either of those ideas," Raghav lied. "I just wanted to make friends with Akash myself. I need a friend who is Pallavi's friend, so that I can stay in her life after she goes to live with Mandar." In truth, Raghav was hopeful that if Sunny got jealous and slipped up, Kirti might see that he didn't deserve her love. And if Kirti ever wanted to be more than friends with Akash, well, Raghav Rao's sister could afford to choose any man. Akash was harmless, and Pallavi liked him, so Raghav was willing to encourage his interest in Kirti if that would convince Pallavi that Raghav was no longer the man who frightened her. And knowing how to intimidate Akash, Raghav thought that he might be useful in case Raghav ever needed information about either Pallavi or Kirti.


"I don't believe that. You already have Farhad - he's your only friend, as you said earlier today, and he's close to Pallavi. You also have me in your life, and I'm trying to be friends with Pallavi, Krishna, and Manasi again," Kirti reminded Raghav. "If you won't beat up Akash any more, that's as it should be, but since when do you try to make friends?"


"Farhad is different. He's closer to me, and Akash is closer to Pallavi," Raghav argued. "I need them both. And you - since I'm the reason that Mandar forgave you, which makes it easier for Pallavi and Manasi and Krishna to be friends with you again, can I count on you to put in a good word for me with Pallavi? No more blackmail?"


"Mandar forgave me because he's an extraordinary person," Kirti said. "Don't imagine that he did it for your sake, Raghav. Mandar acknowledged that you saved his life, but he must know about at least some of the pain that you caused his family. He calls you a Rākṣasa. There's no way that Mandar thinks of you as a friend."


Raghav did not know why he felt dismayed, hearing Kirti's words. He didn't want middle-class Mandar for a friend, did he? Even Milind Deshmukh, who treated Raghav like family and made him think that contentment was possible, wasn't someone that Raghav would call a friend. Raghav wanted to eliminate Mandar from Pallavi's life; that meant that he hated Mandar, right? Raghav didn't want to be like the man who could laugh with Pallavi! And yet, Raghav thought, does Mandar hate anyone else, or only me? Did I make Mandar smile when I pretended that Carnatic music didn't borrow Rāgam Hamīra Kalyāṇī from Hindustani music's Rāga Kedāra?


When they reached their destination, Kirti went inside to talk with Akshay, and Raghav waited outside. Meanwhile, his loyal secretary was at the office, working busily through his schedule and anticipating a pleasant distraction.


"Mandar!" Farhad could not hide the excitement in his voice as he answered his phone. "Thank you for calling me back."


"I should thank you, Farhad," Mandar replied, feeling more alert than he had just a moment ago. "I couldn't answer my phone because I was at the notary's office, swearing my affidavit, but I listened to your voicemail later. Already you found out from Raghav what happened after my accident. Thank you!"


"I want to help, Mandar. We're friends." Farhad remembered how Mandar had smiled at him that morning, and felt certain that they both desired more than friendship, even if Mandar would be ashamed to admit it. "The story of what happened is complicated. Could we meet somewhere to talk in private?"


"I wish we could," Mandar said honestly. Meeting Farhad, even to talk about being betrayed by the health care system and Sulochana Kākū, would have been much more pleasant than the way Mandar had spent his afternoon so far.


With the notarized affidavit in hand, Subhadra had taken Mandar and Pallavi straight to Alanka Institute of Medical Sciences, the hospital where Pallavi, with Mandar's Āī, Bābā, Kākā, and Kākū, had been called on the morning of 11th December, 2018, to view a decaying dead body that had been wrongly identified as Mandar. On the way there, Pallavi had remarked to Mandar that this was also the hospital where Bābā was treated after both of his heart attacks. Upon entering the hospital, Subhadra had asked for an application form to invalidate a death certificate, and the clerk had promptly replied that no such application form existed. Subhadra knew how to be assertive, as any good lawyer should, and she had dealt relentlessly with a series of clerks and superiors until the correct form, Application for Change of Medical Record, had been provided and filled out. Unhelpfully, the hospital's Mortuary Administrator had pointed out that the form did not include "Death Certificate" as an option, as if there could be no need to fix that document, and Mandar should just go away and live with his status of a dead person. Pallavi, as much as Mandar, had been ready to give the administrator an earful, but with Subhadra on their side, they had silently admired how she marked up the form and obtained the administrator's signature. Keeping a duplicate of the form for her own records, Subhadra had obtained a receipt of its submission to the Records Committee. However, upon being informed that the committee would not hold a meeting for at least three months more, Subhadra and Mandar and Pallavi had had to leave the hospital disappointed.


Returning to the shop with Pallavi, Mandar had found Inspector Swami waiting to tell him that his cooperation was required in the hit-and-run case. Mandar's DNA sample had been collected with a cheek swab, and then he and Nikhil had left Pallavi at the shop and walked home to meet Vishnu. Sulochana Kākū was out at the beauty parlour, so this would be Mandar's chance to confide in Farhad about Sulochana Kākū taking him to Dr. Ramya's clinic. Mandar also wanted to tell Farhad how difficult it was going to be to get his death certificate expunged. Farhad would listen to him and find a way to help, Mandar was sure of that. First, however, Mandar had to say why he couldn't meet Farhad in person. "But I'm going to Vikarabad for the rest of the day. Vishnu is going home, and I'm going with him to pick up my clothes and other belongings."


"Is anyone else going with you?" Mandar's plans should have been a trivial disappointment for Farhad, but he was already thinking of how he could meet Mandar anyway.


"Nikhil," Mandar replied. "My family didn't want me to be alone on the return trip."


"Doesn't Nikhil need to be at the shop? If I went with you instead, we could find time to talk, right?" Farhad realized, as he spoke, that he was supposed to be at the office all day. "Let me check with Raghav Anna and call you right back."


"You're right, Farhad. I have something more to tell you, and Vishnu knows all about it, so we could talk all the way to Vikarabad," Mandar said, and they ended the call.


"Anna, may I go to Vikarabad with Mandar for the rest of the day?" Farhad asked as soon as Raghav picked up his call. "He needs to pick up his belongings, and I want to tell him what you told me about his accident."


"Good idea!" Raghav replied. "You can find out how Mandar has been living for the past two years. If you learn anything that makes Mandar unworthy of Pallavi, I want to know right away."


", Anna." Farhad realized that he was already keeping Mandar's secret from Raghav. He had always been loyal to Raghav Anna before, and he was devoted to Pallavi Bhābhī, but his heart ached at the thought of hurting Mandar.


Chapter One on page 1

Chapter Two on page 2

Chapter Three on page 2

Chapter Four on page 3

Chapter Five on page 4

Chapter Six on page 4

Chapter Seven on page 5

Chapter Eight on page 5

Chapter Nine on page 7

Chapter Ten on page 7

Chapter Eleven on page 8

Chapter Twelve on page 8

Chapter Thirteen on page 8

Chapter Fifteen on page 10

Chapter Sixteen on page 10

Chapter Seventeen on page 11

Chapter Eighteen on page 11

Chapter Nineteen on page 11

Chapter Twenty on page 11

Chapter Twenty-One on page 11

Chapter Twenty-Two on page 12

Chapter Twenty-Three on page 12

Chapter Twenty-Four on page 12

Chapter Twenty-Five on page 12

Chapter Twenty-Six on page 13

Chapter Twenty-Seven on page 14

Chapter Twenty-Eight on page 14

Chapter Twenty-Nine on page 14

Chapter Thirty on page 14

Chapter Thirty-One on page 14

Chapter Thirty-Two on page 14

Chapter Thirty-Three on page 15

Chapter Thirty-Four on page 15

Chapter Thirty-Five on page 15

Chapter Thirty-Six on page 15

Edited by BrhannadaArmour - 1 years ago
hapc thumbnail
8th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail
Posted: 3 years ago
#88

Who is Akshay? Also I'm glad the recording drama seems to be ending(I hope) Raghav and Keerthi's conversation in the car reminded me of the good old Keerthi. I also don't ship Akash with Keerthi anymore because it would be nice for her to have someone to stand up to Raghav(which she is more than capable of doing thanks to being his sister). Ohhh so Farhad and Mandhaar are going to get some alone time. Nice. I love that Damayanti makes an appearance in almost every chapter.😆

The highlight of this chapter was Raghav's emotions towards Mandhaar. Does Raghav respect him?? I mean this man hasn't really respected anyone except Aai and now Mandhaar😲. I like that he wants to be friends with him deep down and I feel that would do him good because Farhad does try to correct him at times but he is still Raghav's loyal right hand man with Mandhaar there would be no such thing.

Avneel07 thumbnail
7th Anniversary Thumbnail Navigator Thumbnail
Posted: 3 years ago
#89

Again a chapter I totally loved. U write so beautifully

1215019 thumbnail
Posted: 3 years ago
#90

Originally posted by: hapc

Who is Akshay? Also I'm glad the recording drama seems to be ending(I hope) Raghav and Keerthi's conversation in the car reminded me of the good old Keerthi. I also don't ship Akash with Keerthi anymore because it would be nice for her to have someone to stand up to Raghav(which she is more than capable of doing thanks to being his sister). Ohhh so Farhad and Mandhaar are going to get some alone time. Nice. I love that Damayanti makes an appearance in almost every chapter.😆

The highlight of this chapter was Raghav's emotions towards Mandhaar. Does Raghav respect him?? I mean this man hasn't really respected anyone except Aai and now Mandhaar😲. I like that he wants to be friends with him deep down and I feel that would do him good because Farhad does try to correct him at times but he is still Raghav's loyal right hand man with Mandhaar there would be no such thing.

Thank you to everyone for the reactions and comments. Akshay was mentioned on the show on July 15, in a flashback of the hit-and-run, when Kirti said to Sunny that this is Akshay's car and we have to return it in one piece. When Raghav bought the car, he must have made an arrangement with Akshay, either directly or indirectly. However, the show did not tell us anything more to answer hapc's question, "Who is Akshay?" I felt that the missing details of what Kirti did with the car after the hit-and-run, and how Raghav bought the car without Kirti finding out that he saw her, were significant, and so I needed to imagine Akshay. I worked him into the story as Kirti's friend who has the skills to help her edit footage and send it by anonymous text message. I decided that Raghav punching and threatening Akshay would be consistent with his treatment of Akash and Sunny, and sustain suspense. Will Akshay want to listen to Kirti, and will Pallavi be safe from the recording?


I am glad that Kirti in my story is coming through as the character she used to be. I always wanted to write how Raghav's relationship with Kirti can't be as pure and simple as he wants it to be. His ways of protecting her and showing his love are making her lonely and unsure of her morals. Kirti feels betrayed by Raghav; she desperately believes that she's better than his bad example, and wants him to feel shame; but at the same time, she can't be happy without him in her life. I totally agree that Akash as a partner for Kirti wouldn't be able to stand up to Raghav. Yet, I don't want every character to be as firm as Raghav, Pallavi, or Kirti. Akash, being a less confident character like Manasi, but resourceful and nurturing, could fulfill Kirti's expectations of a good man. I don't have any specific romantic ideas for them at the moment, but I do plan to use Akash's connection to Pallavi to reveal some secrets. Can anyone guess what?


Farhad does want alone time with Mandar. How much should they get on this round trip to Vikarabad? What should they say or do?


I am trying to make this story unpredictable, as Zara2021 has said it is. What could be more unpredictable than Raghav feeling respect for another man? And for the most inconvenient man in his life, at that! Raghav fought his romantic desire for Pallavi, and Raghav will surely fight his desire for Mandar's approval and goodwill!

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