Just to clear any confusion, towards the end, I've weaved parts of their moon-staring scene from Saturday's episode into this piece and incorporated it with my khayali pulao... :)
Anyways, happy reading!
Raavi sighed looking up at the time. It was ten in the night and she had just finished up all the chores in the kitchen. It took a lot more time today as she had prepped up the vegetables for tomorrow so that her workload would be cut in half. She had an exam coming up which she desperately needed to study for and she wanted to devote some more time to her studying efforts. She took a quick shower to feel refreshed. Once she was done, she went and sat on the jhula in the aangan, propping up her books beside her.
She looked around and sensed a feeling of loneliness overcome her. Everyone had already retired to their respective rooms. Most of her nights were spent musing over how her childish dreams had led her to this point in her life. Not wanting to dwell upon her darkening thoughts, she opened her book and tried to concentrate on the words written within; however, her mind had a different plan as her eyes swayed towards the door. He still hadn't come home. Just because she called him bhootnath didn't mean that he had to live up to his name every day by staying out late at night. She huffed in annoyance, shooing his thoughts away from her mind.
Ten minutes later, the door swung open making her jump up in terror. She looked up and spotted him. Shiva. He closed the door and averted his gaze away from her, walking straight for their...no, his room. He had been doing this for the past two weeks after her arrival and she would be lying if she said it didn't bother her. She watched him walk over to the bathroom and shifted her focus back onto her books.
When she saw him walking over to the kitchen after 20 minutes, his name automatically made its way onto her lips. "Shiva."
He turned around to look at her. His eyes were softer than they used to be and they made her insides curl with an unknown feeling.
"Woh...maine tere liye ek plate mein khaana rakh diya hai. Counter par hai."
Shiva nodded and was about to walk away when Raavi spoke up again. "Main khaana garam kar doon?"
"Nahi, usski zarurat nahi hai. Main kar lunga. Tu apna padhai kar."
As he walked away, Raavi couldn't help but feel dejected. A few minutes later, knowing Shiva was back and she didn't need to worry in his presence, her eyes closed on their own accord and she felt herself drift off to sleep.
*****
When Shiva was done eating, he washed his plate and exited the kitchen only to stop in his tracks when he saw a sleeping Raavi on the jhula. Her book was about to fall from her hand and her neck was tilting in an uncomfortable manner. He shook his head at her carelessness.
"Yeh chipkali apna khayal kabhi nahi rakh sakti." He muttered under his breath as he found his legs pushing him towards her. He grabbed the book gently from her hand and put it to the side. Turning towards her once again, he couldn't help but trace her features with his eyes. She looked so peaceful while sleeping. His heart thudded against his chest. His hand inched forward to push back a few strands of her hair that had fallen on her face. Beautiful. He thought and snapped out of his trance.
He knew he couldn't leave her here. He looked over to the cot she had been sleeping on for the past few days and his heart ached at the thought that she had been sleeping here all alone. Ever since the two ladies had invaded their home, Krish had been sleeping in their mother's room and Raavi had been left here all alone. He knew how scared she got and so he had made it a routine to leave the door of their room open and sleep at the entrance instead. It was a perfect spot to keep an eye on her.
He rubbed his face, wondering whether he should put her to sleep in the cot or take her back into their room. She had made it clear she didn't want to sleep in the same room as him but his heart refused to leave her here. He couldn't do that, not on his watch. And she deserved a good night's rest after all the work she does as well. He remembered how she had held her back in pain two mornings ago. The cot wasn't necessarily comfortable and he knew her sleeping arrangement wasn't the best for her. She was his phoolkumari after all. Deciding to face her wrath later, he picked her up in his arms slowly and steadily so as not to break her out of her sleep. Walking them over to their room, he gently placed her on the bed and covered her with a blanket. She liked to be all wrapped up even when it wasn't cold. A small smile made its way onto his face thinking about her antics. Her hand grabbing onto his startled him as he stared at her nuzzling her face into his hand. He saw her exhale a sigh, dare he say, of content?
Trying to slowly remove his hand from under her, he mumbled under his breath, hoping she wouldn't wake up.
"Neend mein bhi chipakne ki aadat nahi jaati iss chipkali ki..." He clicked his tongue in panic when her eyelids moved. Fortunately, she continued to sleep and he managed to pull his hand away from her, albeit hesitantly.
He locked their door and went to the side of their bed, laying down on the mattress below. Tonight, he felt at ease knowing she was only a short distance away from him and not sleeping alone in the courtyard. He closed his eyes as exhaustion pulled him into a deep slumber.
*****
Raavi snuggled deeper into her pillow, loving the softness and comfort of it. Resting her eyes for a few minutes, she slowly opened them up, knowing it must be time to wake up soon. Her eyes adjusted to her surroundings and the light sprinkling through a gap in between the curtains. She sat up straight when she realized where she was. How did she get here? She must have fallen asleep while studying and Shiva might have brought her here. She looked beside her but he wasn't there. Then she spotted his mattress on the floor. Crawling over to the other side of the bed, she peeked at him and her heart raced at an unusual speed. He looked so serene when he slept. His lips were curled into a slight pout, making her chuckle slightly. Who would have ever thought this fire-spitting bhootnath could also look so cute? Her heart skipped a beat at the thought. She let her gaze wander all over his face, feeling something stir within the depths of her soul.
Clenching her fists, she got off the bed, prepping her mind to stop thinking about him. She tried to rile herself up to be angry at him for making her sleep in the bed, but somehow, she couldn't get herself to do it. She realized she wasn't upset about it at all. In fact, last night, she had gotten the best night's sleep ever since she had returned. Grabbing her clothes from the cupboard as quietly as possible, she tip-toed out of the room, but not before throwing one last look towards his sleeping frame.
*****
Raavi had just come back from her college after giving her exam and she felt exhaustion fill her up from head to toe. It was around 3 pm and she still had some time left before she had to prepare dinner. Deciding to take a nap, she let herself fall asleep on the cot.
When she opened her eyes the next time, she found herself looking at a smiling Shiva from across the cot beside hers.
"Shiva? Tu? Tu kab aaya aur...tu...tu aise smile kyun kar raha hai...?" Raavi asked puzzled.
"Arreh chipkali, tujhe dekh kar smile kar raha tha. Ek secret bataun? Tu sote waqt kuch zyada hi cute lagti hai." Shiva chuckled, his eyes sparkling.
Raavi stared at him baffled. Did he just call her cute?
"Tu aise kyun dekh rahi hai? Aur ek baat bata, main tujhe kitni baar bol chuka hoon ki tu humare kamre mein soya kar pan tu hai ki maanti nahi. Teri peeth akkad jaati hogi na? Chal tu mere saath." He got up and started walking towards their room. He turned back to look at her frozen in her spot.
"Raavi, tu aarahi hai ya nahi?" He asked, pointing his eyes in the direction of their room.
Raavi barely managed to nod her head as her legs led her forward. Her heart pounded against her ribcage as she pondered if this was reality. Yet she couldn't help but feel a sense of hope lighting up within her at the prospect. She smiled and walked into the room calling out to him. "Shiva!"
But as she looked around, there was no one there. He wasn't there. She felt her heart drop when she realized what had happened.
"Raavi.." A voice called out beside her. It was her Dhara di. "Tu Shiva ko dhoondh rahi hai? Woh toh dukaan par hai. Abhi toh sirf paanch baje hai."
"Paanch baj gaye?! Dhara di main kitni der tak so gayi? Aap logon ne jagaya kyun nahi?" Raavi asked in a hurry.
"Koi baat nahi Raavi. Tu bahut thaki hui thi toh maine socha tujhe aaram karne doon."
"Accha theek hai. Main chalti hoon. Dinner banana hai. Aap jakar rest kijiye." Raavi gave her a smile before walking off towards the kitchen. As she walked, she let her mind wander to what had happened a few minutes ago. She had conjured up Shiva through her imagination once again.
The first time Raavi had hallucinated Shiva around her was after she left Pandya Niwas. During her stay at her maasi's place, she would often end up thinking about Shiva and their relationship and all the what if's and could be's surrounding their fate. One night, as she sat in her room staring at nothing in particular, the power had been cut off in the entire house. She heard her maasi shriek and called out for her but nobody replied. She wasn't a fan of the dark and she felt fear start to crawl up her entire being. She took her phone and turned on the built-in flashlight. Suddenly, she felt warmth encompass her hands and she quickly moved her phone over to the other side in apprehension.
There, she found Shiva holding her hand reassuringly, much like he had done once when they were younger. "Tu phirse darr gayi kya? Itni badi darpok kaise ho sakti hai? Bachpan se lekar aaj tak tera yeh darr nahi gaya. Lekin tu chinta mat kar, main hoon na. Hamesha tha, aur hamesha rahunga." He squeezed her hand in comfort as she looked at him in wonder. Shiva was there and the mere thought infiltrated her senses with a tranquil feeling. She gazed at him silently while he drew patterns on her palm.
When the lights turned on, he was gone. She searched her entire room and even ran downstairs, finding her maasi in the process. She asked her if someone had visited their house but the answer was no. Somehow, she found herself frowning in dismay.
It surprised Raavi that she had imagined him while she was back at Pandya Niwas. She wondered if it was because she barely saw him as he kept himself busy at the shop. She couldn't lie to herself that she didn't yearn to catch a glimpse of him. Despite whatever went down between them, being in his presence seemed to be a necessity ever since their childhood; the same necessity which she had unfortunately not been able to recognize sooner.
Pushing her jumbled thoughts to the back of her mind, she continued to prepare dinner and in her head, went over all the assignments she needed to finish later that night.
*****
Later that week, while Raavi had been putting away all the utensils which Rishita had washed begrudgingly after dinner, a few of them slipped from her hands and fell, making a loud clanking noise when they hit the floor. Raavi winced at the sound and hoped she hadn't disturbed anyone.
"Ae chipkali, kya kar rahi hai? Dheere dheere kaam kar. Yeh kya itne raat ko sab kuch girate phir rahi hai?" Shiva spoke as he walked in hurriedly after hearing the sound of crashing plates.
Raavi turned around with widened eyes, her brows furrowing in confusion.
"Kya? Aise kya ghoor rahi hai?"
When he didn't receive an answer, he spoke again. "Yeh mujhe de, main teri madad kar deta hoon. Kuch aur der tu yahan rahi toh sab ko jaga ke rakhegi." He grabbed the plate from her hand and started putting it away.
Raavi looked at the time and saw that it was barely 9:30. He usually wasn't home at this time.
"Tu kyun aagaya? Phirse mujhe pareshaan karna hai?" Raavi whined.
Shiva stared at her as if she had grown two heads. "Kya matlab? Pareshaan kar raha hoon? Ek toh main tera haath bata raha hoon aur upar se mujhe hi baatein sunne ko mil rahe hai. Ajeeb hai." Shaking his head, he continued clearing all of the things cluttered on the counter and the floor.
"Shiva, tang mat kar. Mujhe pata hai, tu phir chala jayega. Sirf mujhe satane ke liye aata hai tu. Kyun aisa karta hai? Kyun ek khwab bann kar mere saamne chala aata hai?" She poked his chest while asking. When she felt the hardness of his muscles, she blinked in surprise. She poked again, willing him to disappear. He stood still, a perplexed look apparent on his face.
She closed her eyes and muttered internally. "Yeh sirf tera imagination hai Raavi, abhi tu aankhein kholegi aur yeh bhootnath yahan nahi hoga. Aisa do din pehle bhi hua tha. Phirse wahi horaha hai. Tu tension mat le."
When she opened her eyes, he wasn't gone. A gasp released from her lips and a look of mortification slowly took over her face.
"T-t-tu sach mein hai?"
"Aur nahi toh kya? Mera bhooth hoga?" Shiva asked.
Raavi couldn't believe what she had just admitted to him. As the realization sunk in once again, she pushed him aside and ran away.
Shiva watched her running away. Her words echoed in his ears..."Kyun ek khwab bann kar mere saamne chala aata hai?"
Did she really imagine him, and why? Was he not alone in his hallucinations? His own dreams of her swept across his mind in a haze and he felt his heart constrict within his chest. He didn't know what to make out of anything. In a daze, he finished her leftover chores and went to their room. As he passed through the courtyard, he saw her back turned towards him as she slept on her cot, covering herself under a blanket from head to toe.
*****
A day before their court hearing, Suman started talking about Shiva's second marriage right in front of Raavi. At the first mention of finding another girl for Shiva, Raavi felt her heart being engulfed in flames while it throbbed painfully. She felt her lips quiver as a sob threatened to break out amidst a flood of tears that were gathering themselves around her eyes. She looked away and found herself walking away before she would break down.
Finding herself within the confines of their room, she wiped the traitorous tears that had managed to spill.
"Dusri shaadi? Woh bhi mere Shiva ki? Aisa kaisa ho sakta hai? Shiva...Shiva kisi aur se..? Kya woh haan bol dega?" Raavi wondered in despondence. Suddenly, her mind zeroed in on the fact that she had addressed Shiva as hers. The fact that she wouldn't be able to do that when their divorce would be finalized stuck to her side like a thorn. She clutched her head and curled up on the bed, the gravity of their situation hitting her with full force.
*****
The night before the court hearing, Raavi heard Shiva complaining to Dhara about a headache and she decided to make a concoction of turmeric milk for him. She felt like she shouldn't but she wanted to nonetheless. She still cared for him, after all.
As she approached him sitting by the entrance, she heard him say, "Waise bhi zindagi jhand kar rakhi hai."
She felt hurt immediately. She knew she shouldn't assume, but old habits die hard. "Maine teri zindagi jhand kar ke rakh di hai Shiva? Saamne bol na, akele kya baith ke kos raha hai?"
Shiva looked at her with his lips set in a grim line as he spoke. "Dekh, mera dimaag abhi waise hi bahot garam hai. Tu aur bakwas mat kar. Ja yahan se."
"Mujhse badi pagal koi aur nahi hogi. Ghutne mein dimaag hai mera jo tere liye yeh sonth wala doodh lekar aayi." She spoke in a hurt tone and set the glass beside him.
As she was leaving, he called out to her. "Ruk."
"Tera bhi toh sar dukh raha hoga, kal talaq ki tareeq jo hai. Tu pee le." Shiva said, his voice suddenly reduced to a soft yet deep baritone. He gently grasped her hand and left the glass of milk in her hold. He took his place near the door when he heard her talk.
"Bahot khush hoga na tu aaj?" Her voice held a sense of deep hurt.
Shiva continued staring at the night sky as a wistful look spread over his face. "Kyun? Tu khush nahi hai?"
Raavi joined him, standing next to the pillar across from him. Both looked up at the luminous sky, lit up by the moon. She didn't have an answer for him. How could she when she could barely hold herself together at that very moment?
Both of them stole glances towards one another when the other wasn't looking.
Raavi, for one, wished for the time to stop so that the night couldn't proceed. She wished daytime wouldn't come. She wished for the court hearing to not happen. She wished for him to make things better. She wished for him to remain in her world.
"Kitna pyara lag raha hai chaand, aisa lag raha hai ki aaj ki raat khatam hi na ho." Lost in her thoughts, she spoke out loud the current desire of her heart, one which haunted her very soul since the morning.
Shiva slowly peeked towards her as her words registered in his mind. He searched her face for an answer. Were they on the same wavelength for once? He remembered the incident from the kitchen a couple of nights ago; her imagination. He wasn't sure about what she felt but deep down, he knew he wasn't ready to let her go. He knew what tomorrow held for them and it made his soul shiver. He knew he pushed her away but when reality started settling in, he couldn't fathom the thought of never having her in his life. How could he when she spent all of her time sticking to him like glue, right from their childhood to up until a few weeks ago? Despite whatever her other dreams may have been, one of them was always to gain his acceptance, and to achieve that, she had become a chipkali in the truest sense. Being married to her, he had eventually opened up his heart to her and started loving her clingy nature. He sighed in dismay knowing he could lose it all once their divorce was finalized.
Flittering through his thoughts, he didn't realize when he blurted out his own heart's desire. "Subah ka intezaar toh mujhe bhi nahi hai."
As soon as those words left his mouth, Raavi's head snapped up towards him. "Kya bola tune?"
Realizing his blunder, Shiva nervously raked his hand through his hair. He was tired; tired of putting on a facade. Tired of showing everyone that he's okay. Tired of the neverending problems which kept entering his life. Tired of how none of his hopes and dreams had come to fruition. Tired of avoiding everyone and overworking himself to the point of suffocating exhaustion just so that he could avoid their questioning gazes. He was just tired; tired of it all, and he didn't have the energy to fight anymore. He knew he couldn't come up with a lie on the spot so he went with the next best thing: the truth. So he answered her question as sincerely as possible, "Wahi, jo tune suna."
"Toh tere hisaab se subah nahi honi chahiye?" Raavi asked bewildered.
"Nahi. Lekin tu toh khush hogi na? Pehle bhi tujhse pucha tha par tune jawab nahi diya." He probed further.
"Kaisa jawab chahiye tujhe? Yahin ki main tujhe cheekh kar bataun ki mujhe kitni khushi horahi hai? Lekin jiss cheez mein koi sacchai nahi, usse kaise keh doon? Kaise ho sakti hoon khush, Shiva? Tu hi bata? Issmein mere liye kya accha rakha hua hai? Sab kuch mujhse chheena ja raha hai. Iss mein sirf aur sirf meri haar hai." Raavi answered in defeat.
"Kya chheena ja raha hai tujhse? Tera yeh Pandya parivaar jisska hissa tujhe bachpan se banna tha?" He asked in an accusatory tone.
"Sirf parivaar ki baat nahi hai. Tu bhi toh dur horaha hai mujhse." Raavi couldn't help but be honest. She was tired of bottling things up within herself. She couldn't stay strong, not anymore.
"Talaq hui nahi ki kaki ne teri dusri shaadi ki baat chhed di." Raavi spoke as tears pooled up around the edges of her eyes. She looked at him with a stare that made a spine chilling sensation course through his veins.
"Unnhone keh diya aur tune maan liya? Shaadi sirf ek hi baar hoti hai, Raavi. Aur meri shaadi ho chuki hai." Shiva answered truthfully. He would never consider a second wedding. Never. It didn't matter if it was his own mother pursuing the topic; he would never entertain the idea.
"Jab ek rishta tootta hai toh usski jagah ek naya rishta bhi bann sakta hai..." Raavi whispered. She didn't know why she kept speaking but it was as if her lips had a presence of their own. She was hurt by the very thought of this idea and she needed clarity.
"Nahi. Main nahi maanta. Main dobara shaadi nahi karne wala. Meri iss duniya mein sab kuch ek hi baar hota hai, phir chaahe woh shaadi ho ya p-" He stopped himself before he said too much.
The thought of him not considering another marriage made Raavi's heart thrum in relief. "Dobara shaadi nahi karni? Toh yeh wali kyun tod raha hai?"
Shiva looked at her with an emotion she wasn't able to decipher. "Tu nahi samjhegi."
"Nahi Shiva. Tu nahi samajh raha. Tere iss dimaag mein kya chal raha hai mujhe nahi pata. Lekin main tujhe apne taraf se ek baat bata sakti hoon. Teri dusri shaadi ki baat sunn kar mujhe bahot bura laga. Nahi bardasht horaha mujhse. Kisi aur ke saath nahi dekh sakti tujhe. Aur naahi mujhe humari yeh shaadi...todni...hai." Raavi broke out into hiccups towards the end of her sentence as tears started falling freely.
Hearing her words mixed in with her sobs, Shiva closed his eyes as felt his heart writhe under a mixture of emotions: surprise, pain, guilt, hope, fear, helplessness....and love.
"T-tu kuch bol kyun nahi raha? Main teri iss chuppi ka kya matlab samjhun?" Raavi asked sniffling. "Bol na, Shiva, please. Kya tu humare rishte ko ek aur mauka nahi dena chahta?" She went and stood right in front of him, willing him to open his eyes and when he did, their gazes locked.
"Tu jaanti bhi hai tu kya bol rahi hai?"
"Mujhe bahot acche se pata hai. Tu apni dekh aur sach bata." Raavi was astounded by her own confidence but she realized this was for the best. They needed to let things out in the open.
"Chahta toh yahi hoon ki yeh shaadi na toote..." Shiva uttered in a soft whisper, almost unreachable to the ears but Raavi heard his every word. His eyes glazed over with unsaid emotions while Raavi watched him fondly.
"Toh...bas phir. Hum kal court mein humare iss irade ke baare mein sab ko bata denge." Raavi hesitated a little before reaching for his hand. The warmth which she felt from being in mere contact with him made her shiver in delight.
Shiva stared at their entwined hands in surprise before a feeling of comfort overtook his sense. Isn't this what he wanted all along? Was life finally being merciful upon both of them?
"Tu sab kuch theek kar dega na?" She whispered, her eyes looking up at him with hope.
He could only nod a yes as he gulped back the lump which had formed in his throat. He squeezed her hand in reassurance and she leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. There was no awkwardness in between; just a deep-rooted sense of belonging.
"Raavi, aur bhi kuch baatein hai jinke baare mein humme baat karni padegi..."
"Pata hai mujhe. Woh bhi hojayega. Bas ab humara saath chhootna nahi chahiye."
They fell into a comfortable silence as they gazed at the starry night. Both were amazed by the turn of events as their night slowly came to an end.
Raavi sent a quick prayer to Lord Somnath for watching over her and Shiva. When she had first woken up this morning, her heart, mind, and soul were in shambles and she had thought her life would end up in chaos after tomorrow. In no way was she ready to face the challenges the next day would bring. But the night had brought along with it a pleasant surprise, one which she would always be thankful for.
Shiva watched Raavi lean against him, her eyes closed as she mumbled something under her breath. He couldn't believe the sight in front of him. This morning, he had woken up with his entire being in tatters. No matter how strong he tried to be, he still couldn't prepare himself enough for the despair that tomorrow would bring. But as the night approached, life seemed to switch gears and present him with his deepest desire; to be with her for the rest of his life - and a second chance at making things work.
Thanking the stars above, his eyes shifted to the glass she was still holding in one of her hands. "Tune sonth nahi pee?"
Raavi shook her head. "Usski koi zarurat nahi. Sar dard chala gaya. Tu peeyega?"
"Nahi. Mera sar dard bhi gayab hogaya hai." Shiva gave her a soft smile, making her blink in surprise. Recovering from the shocking jolt of his beautiful smile, she responded back with a smile of her own and put the glass aside.
After a few minutes, Raavi looked up at him when her overactive imagination got the best of her. She poked his chest. "Shiva."
With furrowed brows, he looked down at her wondering why she was ruining their moment.
"Kal tu first thing in the morning, Suman kaki ko bol dena ki teri koi shaadi waadi nahi hogi. Tere paas biwi already hai." She spoke with a pout.
He pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "Tujhe har moment ko bigadna kyun hota hai?"
"Tu pehle bol ki tu pakka shaadi ke liye mana karega." Raavi whined.
"Ae chipkali. Zahir si baat hai ki kal sab ko hum apne decision ke baare mein bata denge. Tujhe pata hai na meri zindagi mein sirf ek hi chudail ke liye jagah hai aur woh sirf aur sirf tu hai. Toh apne iss dimaag pe brake daal aur idhar aaja..." His voiced deepened as he pulled her into his arms, illiciting a gasp out of her.
Raavi forgot all about protesting against him calling her a chudail and instead, felt herself burning up as a blush crept up her neck. She burrowed her face into his chest mumbling, "Bhootnath kahinka." The captivating sound of Shiva's chuckle reverberating through his chest made her smile as she snuggled closer, finally feeling content.
*****
Holaaa amigos! Hope you all enjoyed this piece. It had been on my mind for a couple of days and I decided to merge it a tad bit with their moon-staring session :) It didn't turn out quite like how I wanted it to but it is what it is.š
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