Before I begin, I would like to say that this post is only to explain about Virat’s state of mind. It is not to justify his actions or defend him. A friend of mine wanted to get my views on Virat’s behaviour and I had replied with the below to her. This doesn’t mean I support his actions or behaviour. As many of you know I am also quite upset with him. This post is only to explain about human behaviour and their thought process.
Also, none of these also mean that I think that Virat need not have clarified it to Sai. I had also expected that he shared about his past to Sai and also about the cafe meet.
Virat has taken it too far this time. I think all the while he didn’t think take it too seriously or personally when there has been issues between Sai and him, but this time he wanted to act selfish, he wanted to make it about him. I think ever since she refused to appreciate his efforts during the anniversary celebration, he got too hurt and took it personal. From that moment onwards he had given up that after whatever they have, they share and even after whatever he has done, she was questioning his intentions, she was not willing to accept their relationship. I think up until that moment, he has been really patient but he lost it after that.
Some people let go of many things, they continue to stay hopeful that things will change but when it reaches a threshold and nothing changes, when the person always is made to let go and the other person doesn’t take any efforts, they lose it. There is only so much that a person can take. It all depends on person to person too. Some can be patient for years but for some the patience can run out quite quickly too. It all depends on how desperate they are as well.
Virat probably had developed too much of expectations from the anniversary trip and especially after how happy Sai grew after the birthday party. He failed to think what was actually supposed to be done by him (coming clean about his past).
When his expectations or dreams shattered, he couldn’t take it. He is a self absorbed person alright but was also a patient and a forgiving person (who has tried to set things right after fights between them). This time he didn’t want to. He wanted to put his foot down to let her know that he is not going to do anything anymore to mend things between them, she should do it if she wants.
By letting her know that she is no one for him, that she shouldn’t do anything for his family or interfere in his family matters, he was just trying to push some buttons, trying to make her realise that he had let her do all of those, all these while and she never really got a glimpse of how he could have been if he had considered it to be a deal marriage.
For quite sometime he kept trying to push her away for her to understand how much he had let her in, in his life. It was his desperation that was coming out this way. He didn’t want to tell her that he needs her, or ask her that she accepts him this time. He wanted to show her that she will need him, he will distance himself from her so much that she will realise what she has done, realise her mistake of hurting him by not accepting their marriage or refusing to acknowledge all the things they had shared so far. This is not like how a rejected lover would feel but it was that of a person who was hurt that even after whatever they have shared, she continues to call it and consider their marriage as a deal one.
He wanted to show her that he can stay without her, can act indifferent just like her, can show her that he can also be keeping her away from him just like how she does.
A human does all this to make the other person realise their mistake, to make them feel that void, to make them realise what they had been and what they can be too. It is to express their hurt that it is not just you, but even I get hurt and to say that I can also do the same things as you so that you know how hurtful it is.
It all started like this for him to make her feel that when she said there was nothing between them, he will actually show what it means that there is actually nothing between them. It all started as a way to express his hurt.
It slowly turned into anger when he started to lose the battle since Sai never gave up, since she never accepted it. He heard her speak to Samrat, then to Shivani after cafe meet and again to Sunny and Shivani. All the while he kept getting hurt more and more that even after everything, even after his indifference, him going away, she never once reconsidered her feelings, it never made any difference to her or brought a change in her, she never tried to run to him saying she needs him or asking him to not go.
He would have wanted her to talk to him asking him not to leave her but instead she had chosen another way to stop his transfer. Not just she stopped it but she also stopped it not for him but for his family. That hurt him much more than her cancelling the transfer.
Whatever he is fighting with her about the transfer is not because she got it cancelled but because she did it even then only for the family not because she wanted him to stay back.
He is not angry that she had rejected him. One has to look at it like what I have written above than actually looking at it as rejection. You can’t exactly call it as rejection.
It is pure hurt. He so badly wants to be accepted by her.
He badly wants her to think of him as her husband, to feel bad that he is acting indifferent, not stay strong and act indifferent herself when he acts indifferent.
He wants her to feel that she would miss him rather than thinking his family would need him.
He wants her to try to make it up for whatever happened during the anniversary trip and not give him attitude in return.
He wants her attention just like how she gave him when he fell ill or after the cafe meet when she wanted to know what happened.
He will melt if she runs to him to try to close the gap between them.
The more and more she tries to insinuate that he and Pakhi have feelings for each other, the more and more he gets mad since he is getting misunderstood, since she is failing to see his feelings for her and that made him act mean by ganging up with Pakhi and insulting her. Again, I am not justifying but explaining how one has led to another.
And the final straw was when she was giving him cold shoulders by deciding to lie down on the floor and also refusing to attend the Pooja. He wants her to manaofy him if he is angry.
It is like has he always got angry with her after their fight? Why can’t she for once try to bridge the distance between them? Why can’t she for once try to set things right between them or let things go?
That is when I think his ego started to surface. Hurt turned into anger and at the end turned into ego.
Why can’t she do it this time is his biggest problem.
How can she show him attitude, how can she start to maintain distance from him when he was planning to do that to make her realise what she has done.
His plan to act indifferent with her didn’t work and instead she started to act indifferent with him at the end. That’s exactly why he got mad.
She started to pack her bags right? Which means that she was okay to leave the house when he was expecting that she might start to realise about their relationship, about his feelings.
At one end he expected that she will start to realise from his indifferent behaviour as to how he has always been and how he is now which in turn could have make her realise what he feels for her, at the other end she was even willing to pack her bags and leave saying that is what he wants from her.
That lag, that difference or gap that they still had irked him. Her failing to understand what he wanted her to do and instead thinking completely opposite to what he was thinking pushed him to the edge.
That is why he became really really mad and shut his brain and heart made this move to show her that she can’t push him away and that she has to follow what he says. It wasn’t exactly to attend the Pooja if you ask me, it was more to do with the fact that he didn’t like her acting indifferent when he wanted her to run to him apologising to him to have not understood him. Her stubbornness, her not willing to hear, not willing to understand, her indifference, the fear of her leaving the house - all of these actually made him lock the room to show her that she is his wife and he can go to any extent to make her do what he wants. That is just a fake thing that he was trying to show since she was not giving it a thought about him and her at all. Again, I don’t approve of his actions of locking her up. This is my understanding of what is running in his head.
I was failing to put all these in words all the while when I felt these to be the case. If you think about it him locking the room and staying stubborn, saying that she is acting stubborn, not following the rules of the house are all the consequences of her failing to understand his feelings, her failing to understand his need for her.
It was all because she didn’t try to fix things between them even when he continued to stay upset with her but she instead started to choose to go in her own way. He didn’t like that. It has now become a war for him to show her that she can’t act this stubborn. The underlying issue was her acting stubborn to not consider about her feelings and her relationship and not actually the Pooja.
I also have the below doubt but I am not too sure about this.
Her refusing to accept the Pooja is because she doesn’t believe that they are being truthful, it is as if she doesn’t believe that his and Pakhi’s chapter is over, it is as if she feels that this Pooja is baseless/meaningless when these two have feelings for each other. It is that which irked him because it also means that she still fails to understand what he feels for her and that he has no feelings for Pakhi.
He has failed to understand that her problem is because Pakhi is faking it as Sai told Pulkit.
Even if she says that Pakhi is faking it, it also would mean to him that she doesn’t believe him too. It means that she thinks that he is not happy with this but is doing it all for his brother. He doesn’t want her to think that way.
He wants her to understand and accept that he has no feelings for Pakhi at all.
Anyway it is this stubborn nature of her, which he had seen when she failed to give in to what Samrat was telling her or when Shivani spoke to her and again when Sunny and Shivani spoke to her that he is disturbed about. This along with her refusing to attend Pooja, her trying to go on her own way, acting adamant made him mad. It made him want to take control, wanted to show her that she can’t always keep doing what she wants but has to listen to others too, that she can’t always thinks that what she is thinking is right.
His anger towards her made him talk to his family saying that she doesn’t follow anything that the house expects, they have given her choot and all because he is so bugged and irritated at the moment that he had always let her go, let her choose her path, didn’t take any strict action like how people in his house always do, has supported her against his family only because it is her but this time, he wouldn’t have any of it, this time he would show her what he could have been but what he never was. This time he wanted to show her that she can’t act stubborn.
He can’t talk about his hurt, about the actual issue, that she fails to reconsider about their relationship, that she is acting stubborn and not accepting him as her husband and calling it a deal always to his family. He knows what these people will say. They all anyway don’t like her and will ask him to let her go if she thinks that way. Hence he doesn’t want to tell these people about all of that but instead chose house, tradition, rules so that they all agree with him, so that they support this decision of his.
While acting stubborn, he failed to realise when he crossed the line and when his act had become an inhuman one. He is a guy who is too hurt and has given up that he doesn’t even want to realise what he was doing. He is acting as if he is right because Sai is acting too stubborn.
Because he has done so much, he has left so many things but she is not leaving it this time, the first time he started to give her cold shoulders.
It is these that is running in his head and not the room locking and hence he doesn’t even think that he is wrong.
I am not sure if I made sense. I could give words to my views only now. It is just an attempt to understand and explain about human behaviour. I have only tried to explain Virat’s state of mind.
This doesn’t mean that I approve of his way to gang up with Pakhi or act so harsh with Sai or even approve of him locking the door. All of that is too wrong. His behaviour is toxic but is also another human way of reacting I guess.
Yeah, he did go too far without actually realising. That is what zidd does to a person sometimes. Lack of remorse is disturbing but that’s because he feels his actions are justified because she has been acting stubborn all the while and now it is time for her to get a taste of her own medicine kind of a thought. He has failed to realise that he has failed as a human in his stubbornness. What disturbed me was that he wasn’t really concerned even after seeing the torn kurta of Sai. I expected him to get concerned but he has thought it to be her challenging him. This is what happens when a person is judgmental or opinionated. We know that he is one. Other than that, sometimes a person’s nature, their past behaviour makes a person to assume that this is also because of the same thing.
Like even if Virat genuinely feels sorry and cries, some of us will be made to think that is how he always is. Let’s take the example of him crying and apologising to Sai after she returned home from hospital after after the accident. Not many were able to believe that it was a genuine apology. It looked like yet another apology and crying session.
The same way, to Virat it looked as if Sai took it as a challenge and not because she can’t take this behaviour from him. It was both for her but he is not in a position to think that way. I feel that it wasn’t room locking for him, it wasn’t teaching a lesson exactly for him, it was to show her that he can also act stubborn. That could be the only reason for him not to feel guilty at all.
Virat has to learn to control his emotions and also may be go for a therapy or anger management classes. When he gets hurt, he always makes mistakes or blunders or even crosses a line and ends up abusing too and he doesn’t even realise it. His emotions are too high and he lets his emotions overpower him.
Can I request that this post be seen as a way to understand a character and nothing else. It is not to defend or justify Virat’s behaviour. He shouldn’t have behaved the way he has been behaving. There is and can be no justifications for it.
Anupamaa
