Previously On...
Riddhima finally tells Armaan that she isn't married to Sid anymore.
Track 52 - Apollo, Noah Reid
"I can't believe today was real," Muskaan murmured.
"It was," Rahul replied. "Very real. I'm sorry it took me so long."
He pulled her into another hug, probably their twentieth in the last half an hour. Muskaan snuggled in and said, "Don't be. We're here. That's what is important."
Rahul smiled and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "You're right," he said. "But I am sorry. It took us so long to get here. That's my fault."
"In a way, I'm glad it took us so long," she murmured. "At least now, we're both completely sure this is what we want."
"When did you get so smart?" He asked her, making Muskaan whack his arm. Rahul chortled. It was so reminiscent of their times before. He liked that. They'd both grown up and had matured, but this childish innocence in their relationship, their banter, their silly fights… he never wanted to lose them.
"Muski! Muski! Muski!" Riddhima's insistent voice broke their moment. She was knocking furiously on the door, making both of them startle. Rahul rushed to the door and yanked it open. The sight on the other side stopped him cold.
Riddhima was clearly not having a good night. She was crying, had been for a while, if the red, swollen eyes were any indication. Her face was wet with tears and snot and her words were coming out garbled.
"Ridzy?" Muskaan asked, pushing Rahul aside, who seemed to have forgotten he existed as he just stood there and watched Riddhima, absolutely aghast. "What happened?"
"I… I… Armaan… Muski… I… I… told… Armaan… I told… Told him… Him. Armaan… Armaan… he… he… He knows. He… He… He hates me. He hates me!" She sobbed, falling to the floor. Muskaan immediately sat next to her and pulled her into a hug.
"It's okay," she whispered, running her hands up and down Riddhima's back in a soothing gesture. "It's okay, Ridzy. Everything will be okay."
"Nothing will ever be okay again, Muski. He… you didn't see him. He's… he's so mad. He… He said he could… He could never… never trust me again. He… He just… he was so upset… he never… Never wants to… To see me again. He'll… he'll hate me. The one… One thing… that I… one thing that I didn't want… It's… it's happening. He hates me," Riddhima cried.
Muskaan kept one arm around Riddhima, holding her tight, and used her other to tug on Rahul's pants, pulling him out of whatever it was he was thinking. Rahul yelped, surprised.
'Armaan,' she mouthed to him, spurring Rahul in action. He nodded and hastily made his retreat, all but stumbling to Armaan's room.
He was absolutely not ready for the sight that greeted him. Armaan was sitting on the floor, his knees pressed tightly to his chest, sobbing into his hands. It reminded Rahul of the early days, when Armaan had just arrived in New York and his past still plagued him. He fell to his knees next to Armaan and immediately pulled him into a hug. Recognizing Rahul, Armaan's sobs grew louder as he pushed himself closer into Rahul's arms, seeking any and all comfort his best friend was ready to provide.
Rahul wasn’t sure how long they sat there. It could have been days and he wouldn’t have noticed. All that mattered was Armaan. His sobs transported Rahul 7 years into the past and for a second he felt that he’d dreamt everything. That none of it had been real. Armaan and him slowly moving on with their lives, finding Tamanna, watching Jaanhavi and Rohan fall in love, meeting Shilpa again, reuniting with their friends, meeting Myra, confessing to Muskaan - all of it felt like a dream, a different reality. But, when he opened his eyes and saw where he was, he couldn’t deny that it had all been true for he opened his eyes to stare directly at the photo they’d taken a few days ago - all his friends bathed in cake, laughing. That had happened a couple weeks ago, he remembered. So, it was real then. And Riddhima had broken Armaan’s heart again. He didn’t know if it was for better or worse that he hadn’t dreamed it all up.
When Armaan was all cried out, and his sobs finally ceased, the tears stopping to give way to bloodshot eyes and gaunt cheeks, Rahul pulled back to give Armaan some space. He made Armaan drink some water and then patiently sat by his side, waiting for Armaan to say something, anything.
“They’re not married,” Armaan finally murmured softly, almost too softly for Rahul to hear. There was no question about who he meant, obviously.
“She lied to me, Rahul,” he continued. “After always preaching to me about trust and honesty, after telling me she thought of me as her best friend, she still lied to me for weeks. We spent so much time together and not once did she correct my assumptions about the two of them.”
Rahul’s heart broke at Armaan’s pain. Armaan had already seen so much heartache in his life and now, after everything that happened in the last few days, with so many things happening all at once, he was reeling from yet another betrayal. Some days, all Rahul wanted to do was lock Armaan in a tower, away from all the people who would hurt him. Rahul had always scoffed at those fairytale villains, the evil parents, who locked their kids up in castles, away from the world, but in the last few years, he realized that he almost understood where they were coming from. He’d had to stamp down those urges within himself as well.
Yet, as much as this hurt, he knew that there must’ve been a reason for all this. Riddhima was many things - unreasonable & unpredictable at times, while painfully obvious at others - but she never did anything without a reason, no matter how far-fetched it was. She must have a reason for this too, he was sure. He might not understand her reasons, but they would be there, and in her warped logic, they would be justifiable too, he knew. He’d been through enough of the two’s fights to understand how both their brains worked and he was sure he would be able to piece it all together and make sense of her silly reasons.
Because, truth was, Rahul knew that Riddhima still loved Armaan. It didn't take a genius to figure it out. Rahul had been there since day one. He'd seen everything. He'd seen Armaan & Riddhima fall in love, he'd seen them break each other's hearts, he'd seen them be happy, he'd seen them fight, and he'd seen them pine. Armaan was either too stressed due to the wedding and everything that was happening around him to be oblivious to Riddhima's feelings, or he was in denial of the truth because of a variety of very understandable reasons.
But, Rahul was not. One look at Riddhima and he was sure she loved him. It was why he'd tried to dissuade her earlier, bluntly approaching her to stay away from Armaan. But that was when he thought she was married, much like Armaan did. But, if she wasn't… well, he hated that Riddhima had broken Armaan's heart so brutally, hated that she'd humiliated him in front of their entire workplace and then proceeded to give him mixed signals for the next few months, but he couldn't deny that Armaan would probably never love anyone else the way he loved her. Armaan would never be truly happy with anyone else.
It had been a long time and Armaan had moved on from whatever had transpired between him and Riddhima, but Rahul had seen all his failed attempts at relationships since then. He'd seen Armaan try, almost desperately, to fall in love with someone else, just as deeply, wholly, crazily he'd been in love with Riddhima, and he'd seen all Armaan's efforts go in vain every single time. Rahul had resigned himself to the fact that Armaan would probably spend the rest of his life without a romantic partner. It was also the same fate he thought he'd have, but then Muskaan had walked back into his life and somehow forgiven him his mistakes and also bestowed upon him this chance to make it right. Rahul was hit with the aching realization that he wanted the same for Armaan. He wanted Armaan to at least have a chance to make it work with Riddhima.
It was so funny that he felt this way when just mere weeks ago even the thought of Armaan & Riddhima in the same room was painful to him. Rahul was the only person who'd been privy to Armaan's crippling heartache every time Riddhima left him behind and it scared him. It scared him so much to see the calm and collected, happy-go-lucky Armaan suffer so badly. He didn't know how many times Armaan could break before he lost the will to build himself back up again. He hadn't wanted to even take a chance that time.
But now, things were different. It had been mere hours since he'd gotten together with Muskaan, but the peace and contentment that had found its way in his entire body was not something he'd ever felt before. He hoped that Armaan would have that too. Riddhima wasn't married as he'd feared, and she'd had the chance to grow since the last time she'd been with Armaan. They both had. Rahul knew, with utmost certainty, that if they gave this a try, they'd never succumb to their childish mistakes again. Because that's all they'd been. Childish mistakes borne out of their refusal to be honest with each other.
The snarky part of Rahul reminded him that they were in this situation at this precise moment exactly because of that refusal.
"Armaan?" He prompted when he realized his best friend was yet to say something.
Armaan sighed. There really was no point in hiding anything from Rahul. The man had the uncanny ability to make him reveal everything. Plus, Armaan really didn't want to hide anything from him. Confiding in Rahul made him breathe easier. So, he did.
"She thought I was dating Tamanna and didn't want to mess that up by presenting me with a choice," Armaan explained. Which Rahul did not have the energy or inclination to unpack right now but made sense when he remembered how she'd reacted on finding out that Armaan had pretended to be Muskaan's boyfriend in front of her parents.
"She also didn't want me to hate her," he added as an afterthought, and that Rahul understood perfectly. With so much distance between them, was it any surprise that Riddhima had thought telling him might end badly? Not really. She knew Armaan better than anyone else at some point in time, but she had no clue who this Armaan was, did she? She didn't know how he'd react and as much as Rahul wanted to be offended on Armaan's behalf, because there is no way Armaan would have ever reacted badly to it if Riddhima hadn't lied to him in the first place, he did understand her motivations.
"I trusted her, you know? We had this tentative friendship and I was really enjoying the time I spent with her. I believed her when she called me her best friend, when she said she trusted me. And then…" Armaan trailed off, not knowing what else to say. He remembered that one morning in Riddhima's room, surrounded by her family when he'd trusted her to do right by Shilpa, the night by the swimming pool where he'd laid himself bare in front of her, spilling his deepest regrets. Many other moments where he'd let himself be vulnerable, where he'd thought she was opening up to him. Had they meant nothing to her? How could she have said and done all that while hiding such a huge truth from him?
"Armaan," Rahul said, bringing him out of his musings, "I know you're hurt. She broke your trust, betrayed your faith in her. She shouldn't have done that. We all have our secrets, there are things we're not comfortable sharing, but no matter how uncomfortable it made her, this was something you should've known from the start. I totally agree with you. Your anger is justified given the situation, and I don't want you to think I'm trying to dissuade you, but maybe you should take some time to cool off and then think about this thoroughly, okay?
I'm not excusing Riddhima's actions at all, but maybe you should talk to her properly once more? Understand why she did what she did in a better way."
"You want me to talk to her after what she did? Why? So I can forgive her?" Armaan asked incredulously.
"No," Rahul replied. "So you can find closure and stop feeling so betrayed. If you want to forgive her, well… That's your choice. But I doubt she wanted to hurt you. Riddhima is not that kind of person, is she? She made a mistake. One that she definitely should not have made, but a mistake nonetheless."
"I don't want to talk to her," Armaan said, stubborn as ever.
"You know I will never pressure you into something you don't want," Rahul assured him. "If you don't want to talk to her, don't. I just think it might help you, but it's your choice. Everything here is your choice, Armaan. No one is going to pressure you into anything."
"Maybe not you, but…" Armaan stopped and looked at him. They both knew he was referring to their very meddlesome friends.
"No one is going to force you, Armaan. I promise. I'll talk to them. They're not going to emotionally blackmail you into anything you don't want to do," Rahul swore. He would make sure of it.
"Okay," Armaan relented. "If you say so."
"I do," Rahul answered. "Now, it's late. Let's get some sleep. Lots to do tomorrow. You want me to stay with you?"
Armaan nodded once, a quick, sharp thing. Rahul smiled. Of course he knew that Armaan wouldn't want to be alone right now. He dropped a kiss to Armaan's forehead and then helped him up the floor. They both got in bed and Armaan reached for Rahul in the dark, holding his hand tightly.
"I've got you, Maani," Rahul whispered.
__________
The next morning, Rahul left a sleeping Armaan in bed to cook him some breakfast. The night before had not been easy. Armaan had woken up a number of times from nightmares and hadn't gotten proper sleep. From previous experience, Rahul knew that Armaan would be really cranky on waking up and would sulk till he'd gotten proper food in him. Generally, he was very accommodating but during times like these he was a very picky eater. So, it would do some good for Rahul to whip up some stuff that he loved.
When he got downstairs, he wasn't really surprised to see Riddhima sitting on the couch, staring into nothingness. She didn't look like she'd gotten any sleep either.
"Riddhima?" He called, placing a tentative hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him, startled. Rahul was taken aback by her disheveled appearance. Her eyes were swollen and red, her face ashen, with dried tears still sticking to her cheeks. She looked entirely too sickly and Rahul couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy for her.
She'd hurt Armaan so badly, but she'd hurt herself too. He didn't like anything about this situation, and while he somewhat understood Riddhima's motivations, he couldn't deny he was still disappointed with how she'd handled it, but that also didn't change the fact that he didn't want her to hurt this way. Just like he never wanted Armaan to hurt either.
"I'm sorry, Rahul," she croaked out, as if she was trying hard to keep her tears at bay.
"I know," he replied gently. "I know."
That seemed to be the breaking point, the gentleness which he'd showered her with, the quiet acceptance in his eyes, and Riddhima wept. She wept because she'd hurt Armaan, because she'd broken any trust he had in her, because this was probably the end of the very cautious friendship the two had been building. But also she cried because it was a relief to finally have it out in the open, because she didn't have to pretend anymore, because it seemed like Rahul didn't hate her, even if Armaan did.
"Shhhh," Rahul soothed, rubbing her back and patting her head as he pulled her into a hug. "It's okay. Don't cry, Riddhima. You'll figure it out."
"I really didn't mean to," she emphasized again, once she had stopped crying.
"I know you didn't. You didn't mean any of it. It was a mistake. I know," he assured her.
"Why don't you hate me?" She asked.
The look Rahul gave her could not be described as anything other than pity and Riddhima didn't know if she liked that.
"I told you, Riddhima," he replied. "Even that day, I told you. I don't hate you. I could never hate you. You're my first friend. You're too important to me. I could never bring myself to hate you, no matter what. But that doesn't mean I'm not disappointed. Or angry. Because I am.
I understand that you made a mistake. I think I also understand why you did it. I know you didn't want to hurt anyone, and I know you didn't do anything maliciously or out of spite. But that doesn't mean it didn't happen. Armaan is… you hurt him so badly Riddhima, even though you didn't want to.
Intentions matter, yes, but what about actions? They matter too. Your good intentions don't mean all that much when your actions hurt so deeply, right? You made a very calculated choice of lying to Armaan for weeks on end without any outside pressure. It was your choice. You wanted it. No one else made you do this. So, you could've had Armaan's best interests in your mind but it doesn't matter.
And with the way he is, I think I'm entitled to feel offended on his behalf, don't you think? I told you before, all of Armaan's business is my business. He's my best friend, my brother. And I really don't like it when people hurt him. And you hurt him. So badly.
Which is why, even though I don't hate you, as you put it, because that's too extreme an emotion for me to feel for the person who was the first friend I ever made, I do feel angry with you, at least a little, and disappointed in you."
"I really didn't want Armaan to hate me," she replied. "You don't understand… I…"
"No, Riddhima. You don't understand," he cut her off firmly. "Do you think Armaan would've hated you for choosing your own happiness? For getting out of a relationship you didn't want? Do you really think so little of him?"
"No!" Riddhima exclaimed. "Never. I could never ever think so low of Armaan. I know he wouldn't have hated me for breaking up with Sid, but I thought that he was dating Tamanna which made me think he might've hated me for telling him then. He might've hated me for telling him that I chose my marriage over him only to leave that marriage a year after he left. I thought he might hate me for not realizing I could never have been stuck in that marriage for the rest of my life while he was still around. I thought he'd hate me for not leaving Sid when he begged me to.
Armaan has a lot of reasons to hate me, Rahul, and I don't begrudge him even a single one of them because he, more than anyone else, is entitled to hate me. He's the one who was always affected the worst from my selfish decisions. But I didn't think he'd hate me for leaving it behind. Only the timing of it.
And forgive me if it makes me even more selfish, but I have only known Armaan's love. I don't ever want to know what his hatred is like. It would break me. And I know it's selfish to feel this way after everything I've done, but I'm very selfish when it comes to Armaan and I've finally accepted that.
I'm heartbroken that my decision to not be honest hurt Armaan and I know that not everyone will understand my reasons, but they make sense to me."
"Riddhima…" Rahul whispered, not exactly knowing what to say. He didn't think he'd ever seen her be so open about her feelings for Armaan. Never. It threw him for a loop. But he couldn't deny that she loved him. It was clear as day. Riddhima still loved Armaan. So much.
Rahul didn't really know where to go from here. Did he want to encourage Armaan to pursue a relationship with her and be happy? Or did he want them to stay away from each other because they'd only ever hurt each other so much? This was a crossroads Rahul hadn't thought he'd ever find himself at, but here he was. He didn't know what he'd do but the only outcome from this mess would be Armaan's happiness. He would make sure of that, at least.
_____________________________________
As always, all gaalis, jootas, and chappals will be accepted.
I hope that this chapter lived up to your expectations. I know Armaan is very hurt right now and he is entitled to feel this way but it is important to remember that though Riddhima was wrong in what she did, she had good intentions. I know a lot of you don't like this Riddhima, but you cannot deny that she absolutely loves Armaan. And I need people to remember that. Hope that came across properly in this one!
Drop me a line and tell me how you liked it! Also, I have finals from Monday so wish me some luck! :D
comment:
p_commentcount