Today's episode was one of the best we have gotten in the history of the show. It seemed like perhaps SaiRat are back to square 1 of their jalebis, but I actually thought it marked a beautiful progression... here are some ramblings...
The montage was absolutely beautiful. It was particularly significant to me, because while SaiRat were staring at each other, they were remembering all of the moments in which they have taken care of each other. There was nothing Virat wanted more than to take care of Sai, and there was nothing Sai wanted more than to be taken care of Virat. There was nothing more that both of them wanted than to surrender themselves to each other. And, the monologues were such a perfect touch. Virat recognizing that this is all happening due to a lack of communication... that if he had confessed before, Sai would not be in the hospital today. Then, Sai asks herself why Virat had to ruin everything. Her inner thoughts therefore implied that they have something to be ruined. So, once again, even if it was unintentionally, she acknowledged the reality of their marriage and their relationship.
The Sunny and Virat scene touched my heart. Despite the fact that Virat has done things that are unacceptable, he has been alone in his regret, sorrow, guilt, and desperation throughout this entire sequence. His family members have been bashing him, rightfully so. But, he already knew that what he had done was wrong, even before anyone told him so. What he needed was someone to understand where he was coming from and someone to talk to. And today, with Sunny, he was finally able to do that. Virat's words to Sunny today showed his progression. He, without anyone having to explain to him or help him, already knew what had resulted in this entire situation. He knew that it was a result of his possessiveness and jealously building up and bursting inside of him. Sunny was trying to convince him to confess, and yet Virat said that he has lost his opportunity and that if he confesses now, Sai will leave him. So, instead, he will do his farz of being her husband and hope that she will see in his eyes and actions what he can't say in words. This to me was the most powerful dialogue of the entire episode. And, while it seems like they will be back to square 1, I don't think that will be the case. Little does Virat know, Sai already sees his love in his eyes and sees in his actions how he feels about her. That is why she is constantly confused about him in the first place. Because, she sees his actions and eyes saying one thing, but his words never confirm what she thinks is going on. At this point, Virat thinks that if he confesses, Sai will not believe him, because of the extent to which he has hurt her. He knows that he has betrayed her trust in him, and pained her to the core. And, he is completely right. So, instead, he wants to make it up to her...redeem himself...show her that he can be a good husband and that there is nothing more real for him than his love. He is so scared of losing her, that he would rather suffocate in his own feelings than to confess and risk her going away from him. I truly felt for him today. Because today, he chose the selfless thing to do. He wants to confess, but he knows that he has to redeem himself first. The most frustrating part about all of this is that little does he know, Sai is dying for his confession too... or rather, for him to make this marriage real. Even though he did it yesterday, she was in no state to comprehend him. Hopefully once all of this settles, she will be able to reflect on his words.
The scene when Sai is eating and SaiRat are staring at each other was once again beautiful. Sai has already forgiven Virat at this point. She is trying to hold her ground, but she is melting faster than an ice cube on fire. The moment when Virat was about to go inside, but decided not to because he saw her falling asleep was also really nice. No matter how desperate he is to talk to her, to spend time with her, at the end of the day, all that matters is that she recovers and gets better.
The next morning, when he comes into her room, he apologizes. This spoke volumes. He respects her boundaries fully. He knows that she does not want to see him, and he understands her pain. This reminded me of the scene when he put up the pillow wall himself even though Sai was already asleep... he is so gentle with her emotions and wishes.
The smile on Virat's face when Sai tells him that she will drink the coconut water... he knows that her walls are falling and he is hopeful that things will get better now. Pulkit seeing them together and leaving was really meaningful in that he wants to protect Sai and take care of her while she gets better, but at the end of the day, he knows that her happiness is in Virat. So, he will be there for her as long as she needs him, but at the end of the day, he will also play a part in bringing her back to where she belongs.
Also, the way in which Virat helped Sai when she was trying to get up... the intimacy and love pouring out of them was just 😭
When Sai says she has no home, Virat points to himself. He is her home. And she knows it too... she is just to hurt to admit nor accept it right now.
As Virat is leaving the room, Sai asks him if he stayed there the entire night so that he could take her home, and Virat says that he did, but he would have stayed regardless. To this, Sai asks him why. This girl is truly so desperate for him to clearly express his feelings to her, and yet he is too scared of hurting her to say the very words that she is dying to hear. Then, we got a typical SaiRat moment. Sai saying that he shouldn't miss his duty and that he should go home, and Virat saying that he has a more important duty. This was significant to me, because this time, he was meaning his duty as a husband, and Sai seemed to understand that in one way or another. She said that no person should come before his official duty. So, unknowingly so, she recognized that he was meaning she is the most important person to him. This has been a new progression throughout their hospital conversations. Sai is no longer countering him when he is expressing himself towards her nor pushing back as much. She is still confused and desperate for clear affirmation, yes... but, she is also starting to give into the fact that this relationship is real, even if it is unintentional on her part. Virat's smile in this scene was too precious. He could see that Sai wants answers from him regarding why he stayed and how he feels about her essentially...and he was relieved to see her getting back to her own self.
Virat essentially implying that he would have killed himself if something had happened to Sai was so heartbreaking. But, once again, he stopped short of fully expressing himself, and once again, Sai was desperate to hear the rest of his statement. These two are just going to keep on going in circles, even though both of them are on the crux of making this relationship real. Sai just needs the slightest push... but it needs to a clear and definite push that Virat, due to as expressed above, is unable to give her at this time.
Then, we finally got a monologue from Sai. She was crying, asking herself why Virat got so mad... was he jealous of AJ or is his thinking small? But, why would he be jealous since she is no one to him? The truth of the matter is that Virat already clearly expressed this to her yesterday, but she has just now calmed down, so she hasn't been able to reflect. But, even in her monologue today, it seemed like she knew that the answer was his jealously, and yet she wasn't giving herself the permission to accept it once again. That is why she tells herself that she means nothing to him. She is once again too scared to let herself believe that all of this is real, even though she practically knows at this point that it is. Also, she would not have already forgiven Virat if she thought that it was his mentality that was the problem. So, without even realizing it herself, she knows that all of this was due to the way in which he feels about her.
***
P.S.- The Pakhi scene was everything that I could have ever hoped for. The sternness with which he spoke, the way he was circling her, the way he said that he sees through her drama and her fake tears, the way he said that she can drop as low as she wants, but Sai and him will never be separated. And, perhaps the most important dialogue... that she has brought her current state upon herself. This scene was absolutely incredible.... this is the Virat we had all been dying to see. At this point, Virat knows that Pakhi is highly responsible for Sai battling for her life. There is nothing that is going to justify him ever becoming soft with her ever again.... so please Vankar, don't screw this up!!!
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