Originally posted by: Miss.M
I just watched the episode and hats off to the whole crew for doing such a great job. I hate the fact that I am unable to watch it on TV. I have to do homework from the previous EDT (Which today I will since there seems to have been some great POVs on the episode. Here's mine 😊.
It starts with him indecisive and then almost as though the words are pulling him in, he starts reading her diary and is taken into her inner most thoughts pre-marriage, picturing what she must have looked like at the time, almost in sync with how he's seen her writing her diary in the present.
He is annoyed that she's writing about her love for Dev till his name comes up and then we see a glimmer of the old Shiva, who as she put in her diary, always wants to fight with her. The teasing tone he's using to reply to her thoughts is very Shiva-like, giving replies that if she was there, would have caused them to argue some more. Raavi's self praise is so her through and through, she loves herself and is self involved which for me is all hearts. Shiva puts a valid point forward (to her thoughts that she makes the brain go cookoo as she's the only one who actually understands what she's on about) and then he stops and looks at the image he's formed in his head of pre-wedding Raavi and almost looks at her in a different light.
The colour comparison was unknowingly apt. She wants someone to fill colour in his life (At that point it obviously wasn't her) and how her inclination to the colours for his life that she wants to see,which are her favorite are the same that he smells of. I'm not sure of the word he uses but he implies that she's a hypocrite; Oh the irony, that she is happy to look but not smell, similar to the life that she had pre-wedding where all she saw was Dev.
He looks away, almost embarrassed at his actions when she starts talking about Dev again, the private moment in her life that he knows he shouldn't be peeking into, but can't resist reading. He still taunts her about things she's written, till he reads that she has nothing to do with him; you can feel his heart shatter ever so slightly, because even though they've always fought and they hate each other, he never knew her dislike for him was this intense. She has behaved very differently in front of him pre-marriage and this was a side of hers he has probably never seen before. As she continues, its in his eyes, he's withdrawing from his feelings for her, understanding that what he's seen in the mirror is a reality, that he was never suited for her, she wanted and deserves someone more than him.
He tries to grab the diary to throw it away? as though getting rid of it will get rid of her thoughts, but it disappears and he comes out of his reverie to see that his manifestation is a reality that has seen him do the abhorrent act of reading something so personal. She calls him uncivilised (my interpretation for junglee) for reading her personal diary which tips him over the edge and he wraps himself up in a tighter cocoon, defending himself, telling her that he'll always remain the same.
She's hurt that he's come home drunk, but still catches him when he stumbles because she unknowingly cares. His childlike complaint that he's ruined her life and the innocent question why she didn't leave him when he'd given her the full right to gives so much food for thought. Telling her that they have no future, no actual relationship bar a name for their mutual existence and how his feelings are a replica of hers. Her questioning gaze as to why he's bringing all this up is a league of its own, she asks so much without saying a word and the togs turning in her head wondering whether what he's asking is valid.
Her comeback is sensational. Her feelings of how he takes out his anger for others on her, the enmity and his treatment of her before marriage, led her to saying those things to her friend. He listens and absorbs her words, knowing that she is right and lets her break him a little more when she tells him he is not worth her feelings. Calling her mami ki behen ki beti is a defense mechanism that he uses to protect himself and that they will always remain enemies (wedding vows parallel) but he cant say the words that he wants to end the relationship. How can he? after all she has made a place in his heart that he doesn't want to name.
Her tearing and burning the pages of the diary is a like a purging of her soul. She knows that she's moved ahead in life and carrying the weight of her past is not going to get her anywhere. She has started dropping that baggage when she told Sneha not to say anything about her husband and then when she rightfully questioned his intoxicated state. The flashbacks gives a beautiful summary of their tumultuous relationship and how they have grown into each other. The piece of paper she saves from the fire has Shiva's name on both sides (I dont know why that gives me so much feels!) The end of their flashback scene gives us a glimpse of where she's reached in her thoughts of him, being together on an equal footing not quite husband and wife but close.
His words at the end are heart breaking, blaming himself for ruining her life, but at the same time accepting that he'll remain the same. He wants to set her free and to change their path, but I hope that she stands in the way and they go down the road of all encompassing, all consuming love together.
The episode had so many inner demons being faced. Shiva with his insecurities, Raavi with her past, Dev with the guilt of taking away the room that belonged to his brother and bhabhi.
My thoughts as usual are all over the place, but the episode was definitely in the rewatch bank kudos to Kanwar and Alice for such awesome acting.
Special mention to the hotness that was Gautam who got drenched because of his brother. Krish who has the best one liners and is in a league of his own and the relationship that is Dhara and Shiva in Gautam's eyes.
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