Enough - SaiRat TS Part 1 (3 May)

Hola Guys. So this is my attempt to write something after nearly 6 years so please pardon any errors. Like Sai, I was a Med student, but unlike Sai, I had no time to write anything over the past few years. This reaps from mandatory isolation after the Covid duty I just finished.

P.S. Not proof-read. Also, I wrote it before current events happened, so there are certain diversions from the original storyline - such as where the bullet actually hit Virat.

E N O U G H

He could feel her eyes upon him. He didn’t turn his head, but there was the familiar feeling of warmth around him, the one he had missed in the past few days. Like the sun rays were directed solely upon him, warming him all the way from the tip of his toes to the tip of his hair.

As Virat lay on the bed, eyes deliberately trying to focus on the task at hand and failing miserably, he could feel his wife’s eyes burning holes into his side.

He cursed to himself as tried to turn the page to his book with his one good hand, the other one lying limp on the side, and the book fell on the bed.

“Try an ebook next time,” Sai muttered to him, her first words since coming into the room. He looked up to see her getting up from her perch on her desk and making her way to the washroom.

It was stupid, he decided. This game of charades they were playing. It was fruitless and pointless and made him want to slap someone silly. Why was she being like this? After everything that went down at the hospital, he had expected there to be a semblance of normalcy in their relationship, although looking back, maybe it was foolhardy of him.

Rather, what he ended up with was an angry wife, and angry family and a painful and useless limb.

He saw her coming out, dressed in a sleeveless night suit he had never seen before and make her way to her side of the bed. Almost as though making up her mind at the last moment, she retraced her steps and went to the door. He saw her looking outside the door stealthily and sigh to herself.

“What happened? Can I help you with something?,” she said to the open door and on hearing Pakhi’s voice reply, he realised that in his “staring at his wife” gambit, he had missed the knock on his open door.

“No, just wanted to make sure Virat was alright.” He could finally see his friend at the door. Even from behind her, he could almost feel Sai rolling her eyes as she gave way to Pakhi and motioned her in.

“I wanted to make sure that you didn’t need anything,” she said, looking at him in a way he wasn’t really comfortable with, her eyes roaming around him and his room in a manner he didn’t quite fathom.

There was a pleading note in her tone, almost enough to sound like whining to his ears, because all he wanted right now was to have some peace and quiet.

“No, I have everything I need right here,” Virat said, intentionally looking at his wife while he replied to Pakhi. Sai, who had been looking at the ceiling, felt her eyes automatically look at him, as she heard the tone in his voice.

The tension in the room was palpable but he had eyes only for his wife who stared right back at him, with bright eyes and something akin to surprise in them.

“I just….,” Pakhi trailed off, noticing that neither of them were paying any attention to her. Her confidence shaken and eyes almost filling up, she gathered her left over courage and cleared her throat, bringing them both back to earth.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” She asked but this time it was Sai who replied to her.

“He got shot. I don’t even need to be a fully trained doctor to know that he is not alright. Please let him rest and I’m sure he’ll be better. I mean, don’t let the mangalsutra and wedding ring fool you, I am his wife, you know?”

When Pakhi looked back at Virat and didn’t see him reacting to her comment, instead just staring at his wife, she bit her lip and simply turned back and left the room in a huff.

Virat’s eyes followed his wife moving behind Pakhi, ushering her out the door and purposefully closing the door behind her, this time not forgetting to lock it.

“Thank you,” he said. She looked surprised to hear him as she made her way back to the bed.

“For what?,” she asked. As she sat down, resting her torso on the headboard, he turned to look at her. “For replying back to her? I don’t need a thank you for that. I do it for my own pleasure,” she continued.

Her eyes were filled with mirth and he smiled at her childishness. “Although I do appreciate the fact that you take pleasure in such small things, the thank you was for coming back. I know that it wasn’t easy for you, but…..”

She cut him off - “….like I said, don’t let the wedding ring fool you, I am your wife. And while you may not know a great deal about my qualities, be rest assured, running away from my duties, is not one of them.”

Nodding his head he started to get up, only to put pressure on his wrong arm, and fall right back on the bed. He angrily cursed at his impotent arm, only looking up when he heard her laugh.

He would have intentionally taken the bullet and the pain if he would have known that it would have made her laugh like this, he realised. She must have felt his intent gaze because her laugh abruptly ended and she looked unsure.

“Need help with something?” she asked hesitantly, looking everywhere but at him.

“I just need to change into something a little more comfortable,” he replied honestly, as he tried to get up, this time balancing himself on his normal arm.

He felt her hand stopping him, as he turned back to look at her, he saw her sighing to herself.

“Stay,” Sai said and got up from the bed again.

“What am I? Your dog?” He replied back, confused as he saw her come over to his side of the bed.

“Shut up and let me do my wifely duties,” she continued, “Or else your best friend will shoot through the door and taunt me about it.”

Virat wanted to reply, he really did, but the sight of his wife, in a form hugging kurta, sitting close to him did all kinds of things to him that he didn’t really know how to process.

‘She smelled like lavender he realised, and maybe peach’….he thought to himself. Taking in a deep breath of the scent that was completely Sai, he closed his eyes and took it in. If he could bottle up and sell this scent, he would be a millionaire.

He was so lost in his own bubble, that the feeling something soft touching his chest made him almost jump out the bed.

“What are you doing,” he asked in a panicked voice, holding on to the buttons on his shirt with all his might. His wife who had already opened the top two buttons and was on the third, frowned at him. “Removing your shirt.”

He raised his eyebrows at her and when he wouldn’t let go of his shirt, his wife finally let out a frustrated cry and looked up from the task at hand to his face.

“Sir, you clearly cannot change on your own. Let me help you. Seriously, it doesn’t matter.”

He pondered over that thought, and finally let go off of his shirt, letting his wife do what she wanted.

Sai must have finally figured out that her helping was not the issue - the fact that he was going to be half naked was. She could feel his breath on her face - her hair fluttered a little and so did her heart. She could feel his muscles tighten under her ministrations, his breathing was ragged and when she felt him take a deep breath and hold it, she looked up at his face from his chest, where she had been fixedly staring.

His brown orbs were gazing at her with an emotion she couldn’t quite place. There was angst and guilt in them, mixed with something she didn’t understand. Her hands were accomplishing their task well enough, even though her brain was hardly working. The breath he was holding finally gave way, causing the warm breeze to move her hair to the front of her eyes. She could feel the tell tale blush coming on to her cheeks but before she could put the fringe behind her ear, his good hand came up to do the job for her, his eyes never leaving hers.

As Sai worked on opening his buttons, Virat was trying to understand what was going on in her mind. Was she as affected by him as he was by her? The fact that the only reason she was even in this room with him was because he had just escaped mortal peril, was not missed by him. Was her guilt and caring nature the only reason she was back in his house, and his arms? Or did she reciprocate any feelings for him? His pain medications mixed with the plethora of thoughts running in his head made him feel dizzy. Although not as much as the fact that his wife had her hands on his almost naked torso. And she was wearing a kurta with a neck design that showed off her assets without actually revealing anything. He could make out the tantalising curve of her breasts, just covered with a net-like covering which left almost nothing to imagination.

His stare must have alerted Sai because he saw a blush cover her cheeks, traveling all the way towards the end of that alluring neckline. But never the one to back down from a fight, Sai kept her eyes on his eyes, staring him straight down. As she popped open the final button, she moved her gaze downwards, towards the smattering of light hair on his chest, almost hypnotised by it, having the faintest urge to simply bend down and feel it against her cheek, before the bandage on his arm and shoulder brought her back from her lustful thoughts.

To think that she could have lost him. Lost him forever, in a manner not different from the way the only other person in her life had died. Her eyes filled up and unable to stop them from flowing this time around, she gave in to the urge to cry.

Virat felt the change of emotions in the air from the unspeakable lust to the unspeakable grief as Sai began to get up from his side. Acting on his impulse, his good hand pulled her to the bed, while she fell on his chest with slight cry.

“What are you doing, Sir? Sai asked him, her hands ending up at the very place she didn’t want them to - his chest. But Virat didn’t answer - he used his hand to hold Sai’s chin and make her face him, as she avoided looking at his face. He saw the tears in her eyes, the way a few of them fell down from her eyes and landed on his chest. His chest felt heavy, he could feel the torment in her heart.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why are you crying?”

She left his gaze and straightened up. “Nothing. I was just thinking that if anything had happened to you, your friend would have actually murdered me.”

“Sai. Don’t joke. Seriously, what happened?” He asked her, this time holding her back by holding her waist. Their closeness was not lost on either of them, but they didn’t think about it right then. There were more important things to deal with.

Something in his gaze must have sobered her up, because she stopped struggling to get up and answered back, looking straight back into his eyes - “I can’t lose you. Not like this. Not in the same way I lost Aaba. I remember standing there, seeing him get shot, realising that the only person who had ever loved me unconditionally was probably not going to make it. And then seeing you on television, those bullets flying the air, the stray one hitting you, the sound of your fall, the way your eyes closed, the blood on your uniform……I’ve already lost my family to this uniform, I cannot lose my life to it too.”

Her dam had broken and so had she, because she burst into tears. Virat did the only thing he could do - he hugged her shivering body to his chest with his one arm and let her vent out her emotions. She kept blabbering incomprehensible things into his chest, but he didn’t let go. He didn’t miss the fact that she had called him “her life” and though it brought an inexplicable elation in his heart, he knew that she didn’t even realise it.

He didn’t confess to her that in those few seconds between seeing that bullet travel towards him and losing his consciousness, the only thought that had encircled his mind was that he would die without ever having gotten her apology. That she would never know that he loved her. That if he died, his family would make her life hell. That being the soft hearted person she was, she would always feel guilty about not picking up his call. That he would die without ever having held her in his arms and telling her that she meant everything to him - that she was the only person in this universe who mattered anymore.

“You won’t lose me. I’m not ready to go anywhere just yet, okay? I’m here and I’m fine” he kept repeating, gently stroking her hair.

A few minutes later, or maybe it had been hours, when Sai’s sobs had simmered down to hiccups, he let go of her, pulling her away. Confused, she looked up from his chest, but Virat gave no reply and just moved a little, forcing her to lie straight. Without letting her go, he made her lie down on his side of the bed.

“Come here,” he told her when she began to lie down on his pillow. Looking questioningly at him, she was surprised to see him asking her to lie down on his chest. She had a hundred different questions and thoughts in her mind but she didn’t have the energy to figure anything out. The comfort of his arms was alluring, and as she lay down her head on his chest, his steady heart beat was her lullaby. He was here and he was warm and he was alive and for now, that was enough.

She could feel her eyes closing when she heard his voice - “I’m sorry for everything, you know?”

“I know.”

“If I could go back in time and undo everything, I would. I know I was wrong. I know that it wasn’t just a simple mistake. I know that I betrayed you in the worst way possible. I have no excuses for what I did. I’m just sorry.”

“I felt awful about getting them married like that. Every single moment I was helping them, I kept thinking that I was hurting you. But I knew that you were righteous. I knew that no matter how bad things got, we could always untangle the mess….but that day. That day you broke everything, Virat Sir. How could you have done that? How could you have thrown your wife out of your house in the middle of the night?”

His grip on her waist tightened as he reassured himself that she was here, in his arms after the entire ordeal. But his guilt was his cross to bear. “What you said was right, Sai. Some mistakes have no excuses. The only thing I can say is Sorry. Can you forgive me?”

She took a few seconds to reply and raised her head to look at his face. Her hand which lay on her side made its way around his waist as she held onto him.

His eyes were filled with remorse and unmistakable pain. But Sai Joshi couldn’t lie to this man again.

“Maybe. Some day. Not today. But some day.”

He smiled at her answer, knowing that things would probably be fine some day. For today, she was here and that was enough. He had their entire lifetime to earn her forgiveness.

And earn, he would.

She lay back with her head on his chest taking him in as his heart beat and his gentle stroking of her hair lulled her to sleep, while her lavender scented hair intoxicated Virat into a dreamless slumber.

Neither one realised that Virat had forgotten to actually wear a shirt again, which meant that Sai had spent the night sleeping on his naked chest with his hands holding her skin where the kurta gave way.

Those were just the details.

I'm sorry it's so long. Also, maybe it is less emotional than is warranted. I'll try to address that in my next post. Leave behind your thoughts.

P.P.S : Stay safe guys! The reason I started writing again was to get away from a small mental breakdown I had while working in the hospital. So stay indoors, sleep in a prone position, consider loads of steam inhalation and get vaccinated. May none of you have to go through the devastation we get to see on a daily basis.

Bisous,

NeNe