OS: Unsaid, by Pallavi

Originally posted by: GoldenHour

Few months have passed since the wedding:

Pallavi watched him carefully as he was sleeping peacefully on his kingsize bed, dozed off like a child after a long day at the playground. Sitting across him on the sofa she went into her thoughts, not removing her eyes from him. Eyes filled with innumerable emotions and questions were looking at that person lying on the bed, who unfortunately was unaware of how passionately he is being looked at. Eyes, controlling themselves to not even let escape the smallest drop, fearing that one tiny drop would trigger an unstoppable waterfall.

Pallavi spoke to herself.

Raghav...

Jab tumne mujhe us din sab ke samnee badnaam kiya toh main roi, boht roi, bura bhi laga bohat bura laga. Lekin waqt ke saath mujse ehsaas hua ke tumhari us harkat ne mujhe kahin na kahi phir se jeene ki umeed bhi di. Uss din mujhe samjah main aya ke main kabhi ek ghar main rahi nahi thi. Main toh ek aise pinjree main jee rahi thi jahan sab ki khushi ka khyaal rakhna meri zindagi ka maqasad ban gaya tha. Aur sab ki umeedon peh pura utarte utarte main yeh boohl gayi ki meri khud ki khushi kya ka. Auroon ke sapnoon ko poora karte karte maine khudh ki pehchaan hi kho di this.

"AUR PHIR TUM AAYE".... she said to herself with a smile and tear escaping at the same time, looking at Raghav.

Mujhe tang kiya, mujhe dukh diye, mujhe challenge kiya lekin in saab main bhi tum humesha meri dhaal bane. Ek sone ke pinjre se nikal kar maine urrna seekha, maine larrna seekha aur khwab dekhne chahe. Iss sab ke doraan mujhe kabhi darr nahi laga. Tumhari laakh dhamkiyoon aur tumhare gusse se bhi main kabhi daari nahi.

Raghav...

aaj humare beech main sab kuch bohat alag hai. Main jaanti hoon tum mujhse pyaar karte ho, beeintehaan pyaar. Tumhari haar ek baat iska saboot deti hai.

.....

Pallavi Sawant ek bachi thi jisne aapne ayi baba kho kar jaise taise aapni life apne dada aur vahini ke saath bitai.

Pallavi Deshmukh bante hi, iss naam ko rakhne hai haq maine kho diya. Aapne saare sapne bhool kar woh Pallavi ek masboot aurat bani jisne aapne parivaar ki har zimmedari bakhoobi aur behad khushi se uthai. Lekin in sab main Pallavi, sirf Pallavi kaun hai yeh toh mujhe pata hi nahi tha. Bachi se lekar aurat ki safar main, main ek larki bana toh bhool hi gayi thi.

Ab main shayad woh larki hoon jissi nakhre karne ka haq hai. Mera har naaz uthate ho tum, mujhe pyaar se cherte ho. Tumare saath reh kar mujhe kabhi yeh nahi sochna parta ke meri koi baat tumhe burri toh nahi lag jae gi. Bebaakh aur befiqar ho ke joh mere dil main aata hai main tumse keh deti hoon.

Raghav....

Tum mujhse office se aate hue aapni hasrat bhari nazroon se har rooz poochte ho ke "Pallavi" tumne mujhe miss kiya?

Miss toh ek bohat chota lafz hai un saari feelings ke liye joh aap main tumhare liye mehsoos karne lagi hoon. Tum thori deer ke liye bhi meri nazroon se door hote ho toh mera dil bechain ho jata hai. Woh tumhare subha subha "bye" kehna ek ajeeb sa daar chror jata hai mere dil main. Jab tak tum wapis nahi aate mera dil nahi lagta. Lekin main tumhe yeh kabhi ehsaas nahi hone deti, ke tumhare jaane se mujhe faqra parta hai.

Ek cheez agar maine zindagi main seekhi hai toh woh yeh hai ke kisi se mohabbat insaan ko bohat kamzoor, bebas, aur majboor bana deti hai. Is ki misaal (example) tum bhi ho aur main bhi. Tum aapne Amma aur Keerthi ke pyaar main zindagi bahr in feelings se guzre aur main Deshmukh Parivaar ki bahu ban ke. Aur in teen jazbaaton se mujhe nafrat hai. Iss ke bawajjod bhi tum meri zindagi ka markaz (centre) bante jaa rahe ho.

Tum jab mujhe poochte ho, ke Pallavi meri kya quaity tumhe achi lagti hai? Main tumse yeh kaise kahoon ke tumhari kaunsi baat mujhse achi nahi lagti?

Tum mere ird gird jab ghoomte ho, tumare woh gehri nazrain joh har pal mere har ek kadam ka peecha karti hain, tumhara mujhe har waqt time dena, mere har kaam main meri dhaal bana, Tumhare har andaaz. Har baar jab tum mujhe girne se bachte ho, tumhare mere haathon se bane hue khane se baar baar aapni plate bharna. Tum jab mere liye aapni aapko badalne ki koshish karte ho toh main tumhare aage jhukne lagti hoon.

Jab tum mere liye AC ki speed kam karte ho, mera saath Hyderbad ki choti si choti markets main jaate ho meri sareeo ke kaam ke liye. Five start ke bajye mera saath chaat khate ho. Yeh saab tumhare standards ke khilaaf hai phir bhi maine kabhi tumahri nazroon main yeh sab karte hue mere liye ehsaan nahi dekha. Tum jab bhi haq se mujhe Mrs. Raghav Rao bulate ho, to main moom ki tarha pighalne lagti hoon.

Main jab simple si saree main tayaar hoti hoon, toh bhi tum meri tareef is andaaz main karte ho, ke jaise main duniyaa ki sab se khoobsurat ladki hoon.

Tum jab mere peh gussa karte ho toh usmain sirf aur sirf tumhara pyaar jhalakta hai. Meri taraf barti har museebat ka saamna tum karte ho. Koi mujhse koi choti si baat bhi keh jaye toh tumara bass nahi chalta ke tum usko insaan ko khade kadhe tabah kar do. Tumhare saath main aapne aap ko mehfooz samjht hoon.

In saab jazbaaton ko pyaar ka naam deena toh bhoat chota lafz hain. Main tumse pyaar nahi balke mohabbat karne lagi hoon Raghav.

Par main yeh sab main tumhe kabhi nahi bataaungi. Tumhare har waaday par hasson gi. Tumahri har tareef ka mazaak banoon gi. Jab jab tum mujhe poocho gi ke tumne muhse miss kiya, har bhar main yeh jhutlaun gi ke HAAN RAGHAV maine tumhe miss kiya. Tum mujhe pathar samjhte ho toh samjhte raho, lekin main tumhare saame reeth (sand) ki dewaar nahi ban sakti. Mujhe toot jaane se khoof (fear) aata hai.

Aane aapko Pallavi Rao kehne se dar lagta hai, aggar phir ek bar mujhse kisi ne meri pehchaan cheen li kissi ne toh phir kya hoo ga. Abh main kisi bhi naam see jurre rangoon main dhalna nahi chahti. Aisa lagta hai jaise zindagi har ek khushi siraf kisi cheez ke badle main deeti hai. Khush hone see acha toh phir yahi hai keh main kuch mehsoos an karun. Shayaad main is traha aapni kismat ko dhoka de kar humesha tumahre saath reh paun gi. Toh kya hua agar main aapne pyaar ka ishaar na kar paun. Maine bohat kuch koya hai Raghav. Tumhe khud se judaa nahi hone doon gi.

After sitting there for a few more minutes she fell asleep.

Then suddenly Raghav opened his eyes and said to himself.

R: Tumhe kya laga Pallavi, main yeh sab nahi jaanta. Bewakoof ho tum. Arre, tumhari aankhe mujhse yeh saab har rooz keh deti hain, tumhara pyaar lafzoon ka mohtaaj nahi hai. Tum fikar na karo Saree ka Dukaan, tumne mujhse yeh sab kabhi naa bhi kaha toh bhi mere pyaar main kaami nahi aye gi. Main umar bhar bhi us paal ka intezaar karne ke liye tayaar ho, keh jab yeh sab tum mereko kaho gi, tumhara secrect mere paas safe hai. He gave a loving smile toward her as he slowly fell asleep as well.

This is just a really short story if you can even call it that. This is a little dramatic, but Pallavi kind of talks like that.

The second part (some exact dialogues) is highly inspired by Kashaf in Zindagi Gulzar hai, so the credits there as well, just a little modified. I just thought these words fit Pallavi's angst really well, the fear of losing Raghav and the restrictions she puts on herself to fully open herself to him.

(Bhool Chook Maaf)