Love, Unrequited [Thread 2 : Pg 140] - Page 33

32. The Perils Of Paying Too Much Attention

‘For breakfast we have all the arrangements, so don’t worry. We have paper plates, plastic spoons…’ Kirti was elaborating when Nishit interrupted her, ‘Paper plates? But for breakfast I only prefer tin plates.’

She looked at him, exasperation dancing in her eyes. ‘Joke finished?’ He bobbed his head in agreement.

He seemed to be in an extraordinarily pleasant mood. The weather must be the reason. It was just the right blend of clouds and sunshine.

Once alighting from the bus, they had traversed the rest of the journey on foot. It must have been tough for Nishit and his sister but they hadn’t complained, she’d have to give them that. Nishit wasn’t even wearing trek shoes.

Had it been Tejas, he would have grumbled the whole journey.

It had drizzled for some of their distance and they had taken shelter under an awning of a closed shop. She had thought, anytime now, Nishit’s dam of patience would break but it seemed he was made of sterner stuff. Or once he was onboard a decision, he did not look back.

She had enjoyed the spell of shower with Biplab breaking out into a song, Baarishon Ke Cham Cham mein teree dar par aaye hai...and when Prasanna had laughed over it, encouraged he had started O Bhole Shankar padharo...chhup ke baithe kahan…’ these were the songs their father used to play in the morning hours when he would be picking up passengers. Now, Biplab was using them to woo a girl! Well, all depended on who you were devoted to!

The rains were so appealing with their scent and sound, that she had wanted to slip out, let her face be caressed by it, but had been pulled back by her squad leader. ‘It’s unseasonal rain. You will catch a cold.’

Old habits die hard. He still thought he was responsible for the whole group.

Or afflicted by some misplaced notion that he was responsible for her too. Even her own brother was busier in impressing girls over looking after an errant sister.

Now they sat together in an open field surrounded by lush trees on one side and fields on other. It was a nice verdant place away from civilization.

‘Is that a cuckoo that I hear?’ Prasanna asked.

‘Yes, so sweet no?’ Kirti replied.

‘And the other noise? What is that?’ Nishit asked. He was sitting next to Kirti.

‘I think vultures. They are screeching.’

‘Wow, awesome contrasting noises,’ Biplab remarked.

‘What’s this? It’s very tasty?’ Nishit asked, eating the karanjis. Kirti felt very proud, answering it was her Dadi’s specialty. He nodded, taking one more. Then, his phone began to ring incessantly. She heard him talk in a technical jargon before wiping his hand in a napkin and getting away from them. A few feet away from them, she saw him engaged in a deep conversation while pacing back and forth.

‘Bhai, should switch off his phone and just enjoy.’

‘Do you want me to throw his phone away for you?’ Biplab offered.

‘You mean if I want your head thrown under the bus? No, thank you.’ Prasanna wisecracked.

‘Let him be. It’s good he’s busy with his phone. Otherwise, he would be here fighting with me over some topic.’ Kirti opined.

‘Fight? But my brother never fights or argues. Even if he doesn’t like something, he will let the other one finish and only then put his point. He's a reserved kind.Concerned with his own matters.’

I beg to differ, Kirti wanted to say but instead said, ‘I must have judged him wrong then. Okay, you two enjoy here, I will go and explore the woods a bit.’

‘Should we come?’ Prasanna asked.

‘No, stay here and talk. And take care of my baby for me.’ She finished with a grin which brought a blush on Prasanna’s face. So whipped for my brother! The Bip too, for not once he offered to leave behind his Estella and accompany his Mrs.Joe.

She was ready for her retreat into the woods mission when absent in the book character, Estella's brother blocked her way. Her hands on her elbows, where to? His eyebrows asked, half his attention on the phone, half on her.

‘The cynosure of your eyes should be your sister, not me! Protect her. I can take care of myself.’ She spelled out the words loud and clear But the thickheaded guy followed her on her adventure to explore trees and some puny animals, those that cannot attack.

Once he cut the call, he asked, ‘What do you plan to do?’

‘Nothing. I have a packet of salt in my pocket. It would be such a waste to not get any leech stuck to me. So just going to attract a few.’

‘Why don’t you sprinkle some of that salt on your brother? He’s gluing capacity is making me nauseous.’

‘If that is the leech qualification we are going by, I should sprinkle some on you too.’

A soft and cool breeze blew rustling her shirt.

It was not a very thick wood. She wished it was, then she could have filmed that song on herself. Gazab sa hai din...dekho zara…

‘Do you like guavas?’ She asked him.

‘Umm yes, I do,’ he answered hesitantly, them standing close to a guava tree. ‘Would you ask me to go and pluck them from the tree?’

‘Why would I ask you when I can do that all on my own? Hold my phone okay?’

‘Are you serious, Kirti? You are going to climb the tree?’

‘Yes, Nishit. If you find it undignified or very beneath your class, you can take yourself and go back the same path you came here.’

‘Don’t fall for I am not going to catch you.’

‘As if I was banking on you to catch me,’ retorted Kirti.

When up on the tree, she was shaking the branch, she saw him look at her very concernedly, with very endearing eyes.

‘It is in your nature, isn’t it? To be concerned for one and all, despite their social station.’

‘Stop talking and give us some results. Have you done this before? You haven’t been able to make fall even a single fruit!’

‘Didn’t you see the finesse with which I climbed the tree and yet you doubt my expertise?’

‘I pray and hope you can come down with the same finesse. All your bones intact. It was not long ago that I had taken you to the hospital.’

‘Shut up!’ She said and ‘Pass me that stick,’ she said pointing to one that she had prepared from a random tree’s low broken off branch.

Once she had plucked an ample amount of fruits, she jumped down the tree.

‘Are you okay? No sprain or anything?’

‘Of course I am!’ She shooed his concern away, bending to pick up the fruits and fill her pockets.

‘That is bitten by some bird. Don’t pick it up,’ he cautioned.

She clicked her tongue in response, ‘You don’t know anything, do you? The guavas bitten by parrots are the sweetest.’

‘And unhygienic too?’ He countered.

‘Spoilsport!’

‘Oh is that frangipani flowers?’ Kirti exclaimed, looking at the few flowers spread on the floor. ‘Nishit, please, pick a few for me.’ When he shilly-shallied, she ran herself and picked two, a guava falling from her pocket. She picked up the guava, putting it right back into her pocket. The frangipani flowers she gave to Nishit. ‘Keep them for me. My pockets are full.’

When they reached back to their sitting spot, she saw Prasanna and Biplab quite cozy in each other’s presence. Prasanna’s open hair was up now, as she listened to Biplab speak, her chin resting on her hand. Biplab meanwhile lay on the mat, his head on his arms.

‘Children, look what the evil sister has got? Sweet guavas!!!’

‘Yes, children please feel no burden as you bite into its sweetness, for she might have endangered only a few bones or at the most, her life to bring these to you all.’ Nishit added.

‘Sister, we are very much obliged,’ Prasanna said biting into the fruit after washing away the dirt.

‘You should have got chaat masala and some black salt, Di. Maza aa jata,’ Biplaba added his two cents, earning a whack from his sister. ‘My dear brother, A contented mind is a continual feast.’

He took a grave offence at being hit in front of others. ‘It doesn't look good. I am no kid!’

‘But you’ll be a kid to me forever, Babu’ she said, pulling his cheeks, and irritating him further.

‘Where’s my green chips?’ Kirti asked later when she felt she had digested the guavas. ‘Biplab, where’s my green chips?!’

‘I ate them,’ was his flippant answer.

‘Why would you? You knew it was MINE!!!’

‘It’s okay. Just a packet of chips.’

‘Just a packet of chips? It was my favourite chips! When yesterday I asked you if I should buy one for you, you said no! Then why would you eat mine?’

‘Chill Di, eat something else.’

‘Nahi khana something else!’ She had been saving it for the last and this glutton came and swiped it off from existence. ‘You are a devil spawn! No remorse you have, having spoiled my trip! Look at you laughing there!’

‘Prasanna, don’t be scared. I am usually nice but there are things I am really passionate about so…’

‘And why are you laughing!’ She turned her ire on Nishit.

‘It seems KIRTI DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!!!’ He said, his eyes glinting with amusement.

‘Chips and not food. Didn’t you see me sharing guavas?’

‘Ah yes, how magnanimous of you.’

‘So, Green Lays, Kirti doesn’t share green lays.’

‘Actually, Kirti, I was the one who ate your chips. I didn’t know. Bip asked which one and I chose green.’ Prasanna confessed.

Kirti was saved from consoling and relieving the girl from the guilt as her phone rang. It rang a few times but she did not pick up.

‘Who is it?’ Biplab asked, picking up the phone. ‘Oh, from the coaching,’ and then without any preamble told the others, ‘Di, has got an offer to teach in a Polytechnic coaching class.’ As if it was such a big offer.

‘That’s nice,’ Prasanna complimented. See, nice. When people have nothing good to say, they say nice.

‘Will you be joining?’ Nishit asked.

‘Haven’t decided. My joining depends on a test.’ Then to change the topic, she asked Biplab if he had deposited some amount in the bank as Dadi had ordered him to the previous day.

‘Bank was closed due to the workers on strike.’

‘Oh, I forgot. They are protesting against the privatization and rightfully so,’ she commented.

‘You don’t agree with privatization then?’ Nishit asked, making her turn to face him.

‘I don’t. Do you?’

‘100 percent.’

‘You know why during the Lehman crisis, when the world economy was falling apart, our country was able to weather that financial crisis? Because of the strong nationalised banking sector. Controlled by state, they had stuck to lending and depositing business,’ she reasoned.

‘That was past. The present state is that the banks have been bleeding money. You know how much capital injection and reform has been done in the past few years? Any idea of the stressed assets? Why should the government carry the burden of non performing units?’

‘Because the people working in banks are also the government's responsibility. The students depending on banks for jobs are also the government's responsibility. And privatization cannot be the cure? Does changing ownership will all of sudden bring about revolution?’Yes bank, and such other debt ridden private banks had needed the support of PSBs to bail them out. And wasn’t the whole point of nationalising banks was to reach the benefits of banking to all the people, poor and rich alike. This is a very simple and easy solution. Privatisation.’

‘You think? It is one of the boldest decisions to be taken. You know how politically fraught it is with the unions going against it. But it is the needed reform of the hour. The government is every year spending taxpayers’ money into keeping them afloat. The same money should be used in alleviation of poverty.’

‘But if privatisation were the key, YES bank would not have to be needed to be bailed out. What about the poor, rural people who trust banks because they are government banks. Would they be able to put the same trust on private banks? Forget trust. Would they be able to afford private banks? Isn’t the well being and inclusiveness of every individual the agenda of the government?’

‘Then, what do you suggest?’ He was looking at her queerly and Kirti felt self conscious. She didn’t have very deep knowledge about the issue. Sometimes she read or scrolled through internet posts and that’s it.

‘Why not focus on governance of the PSB’s? Reduce government’s stake to below 50% as recommended by PJ Nayak committee. Let the banks hire top leaders without interference of government. Stop asking debt waivers from the banks, it puts them under stress. Or…’

‘Or?’ He prompted. It was like there were only two of them.

‘Or...convert them into an organisation like LIC, so that there is government ownership as well and the PSBs have the desired autonomy as well.’

‘Good’

‘Huh?’

‘I said you have valid points.’

She felt her cheeks warm up. How long since someone had praised her for some knowledge in areas other than selling products or cutting hair. It was nice to be reminded that she wasn’t a dropout but had full fledged degrees.

His eyes were still on her, making her nervous. She reached out for a water bottle and sipped from it to cool her nerves. Prasanna and Biplab had sometime in between their debate gone to collect sounds. Prasanna’s vocation and hobby.

When they returned, they looked extremely pleased with each other. Did something happen in the woods? Biplab was glistening with joy. She decided to tease him.

‘Biplab, guess who just called me?’

‘Who?’ He asked, dropping next to her.

‘Lily!’

‘So? What does it have to do with me?’

‘Nothing. She was just asking if your brother finally got over me or not?’

‘Stop being an ass, Di.’

‘Well, it is what it is. Prasanna. There’s this girl and Biplab couldn't take his eyes off her.’

‘Shut up, Di!’

‘She must be very pretty?’ Prasanna asked, her face impassive.

‘Very. She had a brow and lips piercing and she called me up to ask where did I get my tattoo? Biplab likes girls with tattoos.’

‘I dislike tattooed girls. And tattooed sisters, I hate them with a vengeance,’ Biplab declared.

‘Pretense of indifference. It’s okay, you like Lily, just accept it.’ Kirti added oil to the fire when she witnessed Prasanna looking at Biplab with accusing eyes.

Their romance was moving at leaps and bounds pace.

‘You don’t understand words, do you?’ Her brother charged towards her, and caught off guard, she had no place but to hide behind Nishit. Catching hold of his shoulder, she played peek a boo with her brother.

‘Want to make stories? Come I shall teach you to fabricate one?’

‘No, no sorry. I was bluffing. Now go away...shoo…’ She was bunching up Nishit’s shirt, when the man himself turned all of a sudden, putting her off guard; she would have fallen if not for his arms around her.

She knew he was tall. Had always been, but in that moment, entrapped by all of him, she felt his height, his gaze. His beautiful eyes. He had very long eyelashes. Had she noticed before?

‘So, this is the real you?’ He asked.

‘Hmm?’ She was in a daze, that’s why she did not feel him back off. It was only when she felt bereft and cold, a strong breeze brush past her cold skin that she realised he had stepped back.

Looking everywhere but at him, she walked to Prasanna and sat next to her. When out from her enchantment, she noticed how she had hurt the girl.

‘It must be nice to have a tattoo? My mother would never allow me.’

‘My grandmother also didn’t. I went and got it without her knowing. I was looking for jobs those days and with the turn of circumstances felt very out of control. So, there is a place on my way to the station, I would keep thinking what if I got a tattoo, how would the world look from a tattooed girl’s eye? Would she become a badass? So, I just went in and got one. I will show you someday. Not today as I am wearing a T-shirt.’

‘Did the world look different?’

‘Want to know?’

When Prasanna looked at her with bewilderment written all over her face, Kirti pulled out a black ink pen from her bag. ‘I can make one for you.’

‘Can you?’

‘Just give me a second. Let me tie my hair.’ When Kirti opened her purse to look for her back pin, she found none. ‘But I had kept it here. Biplab, have you see my back clip?’

‘Umm Di…’ He faltered.

‘Actually, he lent it to me. I can give it back to you,’ Prasanna offered sheepishly.

Kirti looked at Biplab who immediately looked away.

From the corner of her eyes she saw Nishit’s shake of shoulders. She couldn’t blame him, could she? Her brother was pathetic!

Well, if this was how her brother behaved in love, giving away all her things to his love interest. Then all my plans of retirement and mooching off him once he bags a good placement, Kirti thought, would go in drain. The guy would become a wife slave. And which wife would bear a parasite of a sister in law. My brother under my thumb, I was thinking of ruling the house but seeing the situation, I’d be thrown out within a week and penniless. Because whatever i would have, he’d give it to his wife.

‘Oh no, you keep it. I will use something else.’ The rubber around the small sweet packet, she tried on her hair but it snapped soon. The straw was not strong enough to hold her hair. If she puts her pen in her hair, how will she tattoo Prasanna. She was still looking for a stick or something when a pen materialized under her nose.

‘Oh, thank you,’ she told Nishit. Bunching up her hair into a bun, and pushing the pen through it, she began outlining a design on the inside of the wrist of Prasanna.

‘What are you making?’

‘A swan’

‘Oh...Kirti, do you have a dream?’ Prasanna asked as Kirti progressed on her design.

‘Uh?’

‘An aspiration? Or any wish you would want to check off your bucket list?’

‘I have been asked to abstain from dreams.’ Kirti replied.

‘Huh?’ Prasanna was beginning to understand that Kirti was truly very different from her own self.

‘Arre she is quoting a couplet. Zindagi Ne mere marz ka ek kargar ilaaz bataya. Waqt ko dawa kaha aur khwahishon ko parhez bataya. It’s her favourite.’ Biplab filled in Prasanna. She turned to him. ‘Biplab, do you have any wish or dream?’

‘I want to meet our mother once. Just once,’ he said, making Kirti look up from her craft. Inadvertently her eyes went to seek Nishit’s. When she realised his eyes were already on her, she looked away.

‘How long had you been nurturing this thought, Biplab?’ She asked without voicing in words.

‘Long, very long.’ She heard him answer but no words were spoken.

‘Your mother?’ Prasanna had no idea about their family dynamics.

Kirti had told Nishit, though. Long ago, in one of her weak moments.

‘She left us when Biplab was two and I, eight,’ Kirti said nonchalantly.

Then turning to Nishit, she asked, ‘What is your dream?’

He shrugged his shoulders. 'Telling your dreams don't make them come true or so I have heard.'

‘I know his dream,’ Prasanna said in place of him. ‘He wants to work with Adam Krugman. One of the top economists.’

‘Oh. And what is your dream Prasanna?’

‘To go on more such trips? Watch In the Mood for Love with you? Can you at least, now, come to our house?’

‘Why don’t you come to our house? You can meet our grandmother as well,’ Biplab jumped into the conversation.

‘Aren’t you moving too fast?’ Nishit taunted, making Biplab blush and back off.

‘’Yes, Prasanna, come to our house. And please also see what kind of movies he watches. See if you can manage that test of friendship, then you’ll have my blessings.’

‘Really? What does he watch?’

‘Gundaraj, Aaj Ka Arjun, Suriya, Suriya Ka Badla. English movie also he watches dubbed only.’

The inside knowledge yielded a sweet sounding giggle from the young woman.

‘But you must also have a wish. What is it Kirti? Please tell me.’ Prasanna pleaded.

‘I really don’t have any.’

‘I, her brother, will reveal her secret wish. She wants to one day achieve freedom and position enough to be able to wear a zari sari, preferably those FabIndia ones. The back of the blouse extremely low and her hair tied into a bun, so that her tattoo is on show. One day she wants to walk freely like this in a room full of people.’

‘Bullshit! Stop fabricating things!’

‘Did you not tell me this was your wish, last summer break? You did. Now, don’t lie.’

‘I am never going to share anything with you!'

‘But why do you want to do it one day? Why not any day?’ Prasanna asked, cutting in between the brother and sister’s feud.

‘Because it demands some amount of liberation,’ Kirti answered.

‘Does not living your dream liberates you?’ Prasanna asked.

‘It’s a vicious cycle. Living a dream frees you but to live a dream, you must be truly free, mentally and physically. Someday, I am going to check off the list that is above this dream and then live it.’

‘I think I have found a new dream,’ Nishit said.

‘What Bhai? What? Tell us too.’

‘I will show you if I am able to live it.’

‘Your swan is done, Prasanna. Now, who’s next. Who wants to get a tattoo? Only at the cost of twenty dollars. Biplab, do want me to make a swan on your hands? A squirrel? A donkey?'

‘No thank you very much. I’m good.’

‘I want one,’ Nishit offered his hand, catching Kirti off guard. She couldn’t even deny him, in front of the two others.

‘Where and what do you want drawn?’

‘Anything and anywhere’

‘Okay…’ She took the back of his hand and drew a pair of oval shaped eyes, having large, curvy eyelashes. A straight line nose and a curl of lips with big donkey teeth.

'The ink is permanent?'

'Obviously no'

'What a shame!'

'Done!'

‘So soon? Won't the artist sign her name?’ He asked.

She drew the initials of her name. K.S.

Opening her palms, she said, ‘Now my fees?’

‘Sure!’ he affirmed dropping two eclairs into her opened palm.

XxxX

‘What does your brother do?’ Biplab asked Prasanna. Nishit was again on his phone.

‘He’s CFO at FORSES’

‘CFO? At 28? He's the same age as Di, no?’

‘Yeah, but he has exceptional credentials.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yes, he did his BA Hons in Economics. Him choosing Economics didn’t come as a surprise to us. You should come and see our home. It’s a repository of Eco and Finance books, research papers and all.’

‘My sister is also a BA(H) in Eco,’ Biplab beamed.

Kirti was embarrassed at Biplab’s display of pride in her qualifications. She was nothing like Nishit, if that was what Biplab was aiming at.

‘Mine was a correspondence course. I barely managed to get first division by God’s grace and assignments’ 61.23%

When she had got no placement through her college, she had for a year, job hunted without any positive results.There were just too many unemployed engineers desperate for any or every kind of work that paid. Why would a company then hire junior engineers when engineers were ready to toil at the same meager amount?

Many of her batch mates had enrolled themselves in engineering programmes, a natural transition. Engineering Diploma holders were laterally admitted to second year. Kirti, however, could not afford tuition fees of such degree colleges.

Sandy aunty had then advised that they enroll in a graduate program. Having a graduation degree would make them eligible for the government jobs. Fees was also low so Kirti had agreed but there had been a catch. To get into an undergraduate course, you needed a 12th pass certificate, which she did not have. Even though diploma degrees were equivalent to 12th, college had refused to acknowledge the degree. She had to first clear 12th from private and only then she had been able to get admission. All that for a correspondence course! Full time program, she could not afford it because she was still looking for jobs. And how fate likes to make fun of her! Out of all the colleges in the city, Nishit’s college had been her IGNOU centre! By the time, BA studies had started, she had become too jaded by the whole process to pay any attention to her course; studying only when terms were around.

‘Correspondence or full time, a degree is a degree, Di!’ Biplab said, pulling her out of her thoughts.

‘Yes,’ Prasanna affirmed before continuing, ‘But Bhai is an MPhil in Economics. From Cambridge University. He also has a PG Diploma degree in Financial Management. Kirti, that he did through correspondence when he was in Zambia.’

‘Zambia?’

‘He worked there. You didn’t know?’

Kirti shook her head. She hadn’t kept tabs on the guy.

‘He worked as an economist in the Ministry of Finance of the Government of Zambia.’

‘Economist in Zambia? How does one become that?’ Biplab asked.

‘He was an ODI fellow. Overseas Development Institute places post graduate economists with governments of Africa and the Pacific.’

‘Then he worked as a trader in Citi Global markets in Hong Kong, for a year. At the emerging markets credit trading desk. After which he worked as a country economist in IGC.’

‘What is IGC?’ Biplab was again curious.

‘International Growth Center. It’s based in London School of Economics. It’s a LSE and Oxford offshoot. It advises on policies to the developing countries. He worked there for two years.’

‘Goodness, that is a lot in such a small span of time. Haina, di?’

‘Huh? Yes.’ Kirti, who had been very diligently digging mud with a white plastic spoon, answered.

‘Mom and Dad can’t stop singing his praises. He returned to India only a few months ago.’

‘That’s why I didn’t come across him all these years. Nowadays he’s everywhere.’ Kirti thought.

'Sorry, that took long' The country economist had returned.

'What are you doing?' He asked, plopping next to her.

She felt no inclination to talk.

'Kirti, what are you doing? Digging worms?'

'No, digging my own grave,' she answered.

'Huh?'

'Go, do your work and leave me alone!'

‘The mood swings are back!’ She heard him mutter.

‘Get up,’ she ordered him.

‘What?’

‘Get up from my mat. I’m going to fold it,’ she said, getting up.

‘Why? We are leaving?’ He asked, getting up as she had started pulling the sheet from under him.

‘What happened Di?’ Biplab came to her.

‘Nothing, I am going to find some other place.’ Away from economists, sound engineers and lawyers.

‘Why?’ Her brother asked.

‘Oh, there are ants here,’ she explained.

‘Ants, some of them she invited and some others she dug out herself.’ Nishit joked.

‘Yes, the black ones I have dug out, but that line of those giant red ants, they came on their own. Unlike his saying, I did not dole out any invitations,’ she explained to her brother.

‘Right, those coconut crumbs and mashed petals were but humble offerings that you lay at the feet of those giant ants. Sorry, I mistook it as you sending out invitations. Mighty wrong on my part to have misunderstood your intention.’

‘Don’t you have any other call to attend?’ She was irritated by his attempt at jocularity.

As if on cue, he did get another call and had to excuse himself.

She glared at Biplab for he had laughed at Nishit’s joke. Then dusting off the cloth sheet, she picked up her essentials and walked off to the other side. Biplab and Prasanna had begun to follow her when she ordered them against it.

‘I just want some me time. Meditating and straightening out my thoughts. I will be there. Right in front of your eyes.’ They seemed to be perked up too at the prospect of some lonely time together. Oh, the young love and infatuation!

Finding a pest free spot under the shadow of a Kadamba tree, she spread the cloth and sat down leaning against the tree. Taking out a small notepad from her bag, she began breaking down her chapters and allotting them to specific dates. She didn’t feel very confident about bagging the job considering her preparation. Perhaps along with Computer, she should brush up a little of Economics too. Obviously, she cannot ever become an Economist. But a clerk in a bank? She can appear in a banking exam. That was why she had taken up Economics in the first place. But banking was also not an easy game. Prelims she could manage, Mains was a tough nut to crack!

Lost in thoughts, she began to sketch two mountains, a wide river flowing between the two. This wide was the gap between them, she thought, her pen expertly shading the river. This mountain was him, she thought and then she drew a small stone. A very small, rough stone. That’s me. Or maybe, the ocean is him, am some shallow lake, waiting for the Universe to throw some pebbles of success to cause some stir in my silent, unhappening life. And I am supposed to be grateful for such meaningless blessings. Like Dadi says, thank my stars. My miserly stars.

Dropping the book next to her, she closed her eyes, trying to just be in the moment. Let everything else fade. Fade. He achieved what he did on his own. No point resenting him. I’ve to live my life, however prospectless it was, on my own.

‘You see I’ve made a circle around in salt. To keep leech and the likes away. So cross at your own risk.’ She spoke aloud without opening her eyes. So many times their path had started crossing that she could tell him by his perfume now.

‘Hah! Crossed and safe. It’s true then that the Universe rewards calculated risk and passion!’ He came to sit down next to her.

She still did not open her eyes.

‘This is a Kadamba tree, right? Reminds me of the poem we had in seventh or was it eighth? Yeh Kadamba ka ped agar maa hota yamuna teere...main bhi uss par baith kanhaiya banta dheere dheere.’

‘Subhadhra Kumari Chauhan,’ she quoted the poet.

‘What is this? Preparing for the coaching job?' He asked, making her quickly open her eyes and snatch the notepad from him.

'When's the test?' He asked, leaning against the tree, his shoulder touching her and legs stretched out in front of him, the turquoise socks clad feet one above the other.

'Next week. But I am not appearing.' She said just not jinx her chances. The more number of people would know, the lesser the chances of success.

'Hmm. Why?'

'Just like that'

'Don't give such vague answers. I can't respect people who aren't serious about their careers.'

'Then, I'll tell you something that would totally make me fall in your eyes. I don't even take my whole existence very seriously.' As if she was dying for his validation!

‘Start taking then! Choti bacchi nahi ho jo har baat ka tedha jawab deti ho! Instead of letting your frustrations and past experiences lead you, why not for once, you stop worrying and expend that energy on healing, believing and creating?’

She did not say anything to that.

‘Did you ever apply anywhere which can make use of your BA degree?’

‘Yes, they kept me as a data entry operator. The wage was low and atmosphere suffocating, it was like I was an office girl at everyone’s beck and call so I resigned. Anyway, at least they gave me a job. Many companies do not let correspondent students apply. I am a graduate just for namesake. My Economics knowledge is at best passable.’

‘But earlier you were making some good points.’

‘Those were not my points. I was only parroting what I had read in papers. I do not have your insight into things.'

‘That’s a pretty good start I would say. With time, you’ll have your own opinion about things. You were able to list out the data and committees as well verbatim, that’s commendable. And what insight are you talking about? Have you seen my papers, my predictions? How much do you know about my stand to talk about my insight?'

'You have been at posts, you have experiences? Makes you much better than me.'

'All occupying the posts doesn't naturally qualify to have insight. Else, there would be no bad policies.'

'What is your point?'

'Just reminding someone that there are just too many others so one should stop comparing.'

She waved him off dismissing his dubious encouragement. She didn’t need pity!

‘Why don’t you…’ He had started. Uh, the same monotonous talk. Now, he will say, you’re wasting away your degrees. I know this person! Should I recommend you to a post? Just like Tejas.

Why did you return to India?’ She changed the topic.

‘Huh? I shouldn’t have returned?’

‘No. I am just asking.’

‘Because I wanted to do something that will directly feed into Indian discourse. And then...everyone was here…’

Having succeeded in distracting him from her career, she pried no further into his answer.

They both remained silent then, lost in their own thoughts.

‘What is your opinion on the vast difference between the economic growth of China and India? Your brother and my sister were comparing the growth of the two countries. When both of them were at the same page some four decades ago, how did China outpace India?’

‘Two very different countries with very different outlooks and ways of ruling and party systems, is it wise to compare?’

‘Why not? Whom do we compare with if not our neighbours? Assessments and comparisons from time to time, I believe contributes in development.’

‘Umm, China has a headway because it has a communist party system so it’s easier to dictate? Make stringent rules…’

‘North Korea has dictatorship as well, Venezuela has too.’

‘They have cheap labour that attracts foreign companies?’

‘Many other countries that have cheaper labour. Avg per day wage of Rs 247 that is approx. $3’

‘Geographically, it is well endowed?’

‘Many others are too.’

‘Maybe because whatever wealth India had was drained by the British? After Independence, it has still achieved much keeping in mind that it is a heterogeneously diverse society. Unlike China, we are a secular state and whatever progress we’ve made it is keeping intact the secular property of our state. The growth of GDP is important to us, but more than that there are other factors that dictate our concept of growth. To quote the former PM, any reforms taken by a democracy is far more durable than reforms introduced by a non democratic set up.’

‘Do you want to know what I feel?’

She looked on curiously.

‘See, if a state like Jharkhand is underdeveloped despite having such resources at its stake, you can excuse it taking into consideration that it’s not been long since it got its statehood. There has been constant political instability as well. But if a country like India after seventy years of Independence hides behind excuses of cheap labour, and British drain of wealth, dictatorship and democracy, it is a pitiable situation.’

‘There’s a theory in psychology, Kirti. Locus of control. For a while, it’s okay to blame the external factors, but in the long run don’t you think, it is the internal factors, the choices one makes, that shape the destiny of an individual or a nation. In this case, the policies that our leaders choose to frame for our country. If you want your tomorrow better than today, you’ve to make the right choices. Quoting one of the favourite couplets of our former PM, ‘Ye jabr bhi dekha hai tareek ki nazron ne, lamhon ne khata ki thi, sadiyon ne saza payi..Much injustice has been seen in the saga of for history when for a mistake made in a moment, centuries have suffered. If some country is doing better than ours it is because of the right policies they adopted and implemented.’

Kirti listened to him keenly, a very fervent need to brush up on all the topics that would/ could make her intellectually prepared enough to debate with him. The fact that she might have been wasting her talent, began to harp on her. The voice that she had put to sleep long back. It would be nice to be in the company of people like him with whom she could exchange ideas, theories, have stimulating conversations.

The moment she accepted that she was enjoying his company, his phone lit up with a call from Mithila. He denied it. The phone lit up again. This time with an invitation for a video chat. He swiped and answered.

‘Hiiee,’ her voice boomed in. ‘What’s up? Where are you?’

‘Trek’

‘Alone?’

‘No Prasanna and there’s Kirti too.’

‘Oh wowww. Is she there? Hi Kirti! I hope you’re having a good time.’ And then, ‘Can I speak to you alone? I had something very urgent to discuss.’

Neither had he tried to hide her presence nor Mithali had any problem seeing her boyfriend going on a trek with another woman. Perhaps, she didn’t qualify as the other woman in their eyes. Like Sana, Mithila too did not see her as a threat. She remembered an incident at school when Sana had lost an on the spot stage competition; Kirti had gone to console her and said, ‘It’s okay Sana. I had also fumbled on stage before. No issues.’ Sana’s clipped answer had been, ‘But I am not you!’ One sentence enough to make her aware that these lot did not see her as equals. That is why Sana was never jealous of her and Tejas’ friendship. In her eyes, she was not a woman Tejas would ever be interested in!

Slowly packing up, she saw Nishit cackle and blush at the jokes and innuendos the girlfriend made. Kirti felt a hot surge of resentment rise in her veins. What was he doing flirting with her? And flirting he was! Was he also thinking along the lines of Navyam. Poor girl, she’s caught my fancy. Let’s relieve the itch. No father or guardian, he’d have to be answerable to. Yes, that was what he was doing, fattening her up for some indecent proposition but in a more subtle and smoother way. Even a desirable way! Way that made her heart tremble. Making use of his sister as well. Like those gully bhaiyyas who’d make use of chubby babies in their arms to lure girls to talk to them. Dadi had strictly warned her against such Bhaiyyas.

The more she saw him laughing and chatting with the other girl, the more defined she felt the prickling of her singlehood.

She scrolled her own contacts. Why didn’t she have someone special too? She texted Shruti but received no response. She texted Tejas.

‘Long time no see? Still upset with me? Let’s meet one of these days.’

The reply didn’t come...immediately. It came when the utterly in love with his girlfriend guy came to stand next to her. She wanted to push him away and shout, ‘Go keep talking to your girlfriend!’

Rather, ignoring him, she looked at her screen, reading Tejas’ message.

‘Oh, the network is still going strong?’ He said.

Despite all his achievements, Nishit was a jealous man! Always jealous of Tejas even to the point of stealing his girlfriend. This is not a man she should be respecting or thinking about. No, she had better standards.

‘Nice to know that I am the only one you like to ghost.’

‘Random people, it’s easy to not reply to them. But dear friends, I can’t ghost on them, can I?’

He did not say anything in response. Just followed her silently as she walked to Prasanna and Biplab.

‘It’s time to return? Already?’ Her brother asked. Prasanna was upset too. They pouted and argued for which Kirti had no patience. Seems the other brother also had reached his limit for he was grunting and barking responses to his sister. They all walked down the slope in silence, Nishit pushing Prasanna’s wheelchair and Biplab occasionally pulling Prasanna into a conversation. It was a difficult tread for Prasanna and they took rests in between. When they reached the foothill, Nishit who had already called up his driver, proposed a ride together but Kirti vehemently refused.

‘Did you two fight?’ Prasanna asked her brother, once they were in the car, headed towards home.

‘No’

‘Then why was she like that? As if annoyed or angry with you?’

‘Just the perils of paying too much attention.’

In the bus, Kirti remembered, she still wore Nishit’s pen in her hair.

Biplab wondered if he had denied enough his interest in Lily.

Prasanna in the changing room found that she had worn Kirti’s back pin to home.

Nishit, when he shoved his hands in his pocket, withdrew his hands to reveal two small flowers of frangipani. Wilted but the heady fragrance still alive.