This is an OS that follows the probable internal monologue of Virat on the night after Sai's college admission - mainly, about how he'd felt about Sai getting lost and later, upon finding her too.
_______________
Dear Diary Sai,
I don’t have a habit of writing a diary – or even letters, for that matter, but some words are better hidden and unsaid. For now, it also feels like the right thing to do, because how do I tell you? And what all do I tell you?
Now, as you sleep across the room, beside the cushions and the pillows on the bed, there’s a peacefulness and calmness inside the room. However, within these four walls, there’s also a suffocating energy, because your unwavering energy is missing, and you aren’t laughing and talking to me.
It was the absence of this energy around me that made me realize earlier in the day about your absence behind me. I know, I shouldn’t have listened to you, but a lot of times in life, some things are just meant to happen. Karna hum kuch aur chahte hain, aur ho kuch aur hi jata hai.
When I didn’t find you walking behind me, I’d felt a surge of panic shoot through me and,for a very brief period, I wasn’t sure what to do. I’d stood still in the middle of that road, numbing and my mind blanking, because I didn’t know whereto look for you.
Nagpur isn’t Gadchiroli and you aren’t acquainted to the city, either. If I hadn’t found you, I wouldn’t have known what to answer Maushi and Aai – they worry for you, you know? Aai sees the daughter in you she’s craved to have since so long and I think, if I’d ever had a sister of my own, she would’ve been a lot like you. That’s probably why, Aai sees that daughter in you – like a reflection in the mirror.
They consider you their own family and I… you’d laugh at me if I tell you, I consider you as my family. You’d tell me that you’re a responsibility that I’ve to bear, but how do I tell you, Sai, that over these few days you’ve begun to mean something a little more? Although what, I don’t know.
You know after I’d found you today, there was a very comforting feeling inside me. A feeling which calmed me so flawlessly, that I wasn’t sure if I was ever worried or panicked. Don’t get me wrong, though. In all those moments I couldn’t find you, I was restlessly looking around – a pang of guilt unraveling within me.
I know I blamed you, but it was my fault too. I shouldn’t have listened to you when you’d denied holding my hand – or even when you’d asked me not to turn around. Sure, it wouldn’t have been easy to force you, because you’d have had your arguments ready. Wouldn’t you? However, if anything had happened to you today, I would’ve cursed myself life-long.
You tell me, you’re only my responsibility, Sai. But how many times do I tell you, that family is responsibility. It is that sense of awareness that lies within you, that concern for someone else whom you deeply care for.
You know, when you’d finally held my hand later, there was a warm, fuzzy feeling inside me. A feeling that made me feel like, everything would be fine if you stayed by my side. That, you were that sanctuary I wanted to return to on a tiring day and find comfort in; the sanctuary I’d want to return to when in pain because there would be no one better who could understand and heal my pain. And it’d be that smile of yours alone, that’d relieve me of all my pain.
I don’t know what you mean to me, Sai, but I want to. Time clears it all, uss behti nadi ki tarah, and I’m certain, one day I’d know what you mean to me, but…
Would you ever understand what I mean to you, Sai?
Yours Virat Sir
_______________
This diary entry doesn't have a conclusion as such because I doubt Virat and Sai knew each other that well back then to bring about a closure, but surely there were some emotions either of them felt. Thank you for giving this story a chance and I'd love to know what you thought of it.
Riaa :)
comment:
p_commentcount