Addressing the elephant in the room... Note on Pg 21 (24 April) - Page 8

Originally posted by: ..Peppermint..

Will it be because of a missed lunch? Will he have tears in his eyes while saying it?

DevKit shadi

Kicks her out of HIS home.

Originally posted by: Srijeeta06

“Entertainment need not be mindless but continue to inspire people towards growth and progress”

True this.

Media has the power to control/influence our mind and unless we understand that, there is no way out, for we'll continue to expect the same mindless nonsense and we will be fed the same. Moreover, those behind the content have to be very, very careful with what they are showing. The TV world is changing, but ITV is still stuck where it was.

Originally posted by: sukri

Love your post. This is one of the reasons why I stopped ITV shows.

People don't realize how internet, social media, TV shows and movies have normalized this behavior over the years. It hasn't come overnight, the first time it was shown there should have been shock factor and outrage, but if every other shows have same personality of ML over past 15 years, they are saying men are like this, which is not true at all. Also by making FL doormat, being superwoman who does so much for in laws and sudarifys ML, forgiving years of abuse in 1 last episode of the show, they are setting very high unrealistic expectations from women, whereas for male, doing the basic decent behavior will make everyone drool. Also the fact being ML are usually attractive. Replace them with any regular looking guy, and see how easily it will be rejected.

Being possessive, jealous, suspecting of spouse is not romantic, I have couple of friends who are in such relationships and i can tell you its one cycle. The abuser gets a high, when he is eventually able to manao and make up, so they end up abusing them again and again.

How can the thought of physically hurting a person even come to your mind, esp when its a loved one?

This was shown so well in the movie Thappad. Yes it was just one slap, but she fought for herself.

Sai should do that, but we know she wont.

Yeah its a process of endless repetition and assimilation. If you are fed the same kind of thing, across several shows, every single day you are bound to assimilate the ideas that it is trying to perpetuate.

Exactly its shows like this that builds up the "all man are the same" belief. They are not. In trying to glorify the FL, they turn her into the kind of women who takes all the crap fron the family members, but will forgive, forget and help when that very family member is in difficulty. Her heart is so pure and she is so kind-hearted that she feels no animosity. Its unbelievable.

@bold- yes to this line - that's the very reason that they cast a gorgeous ML because he may be trash, but at least he'll be a gorgeous trash.

I don't mind a little bit of jealousy- but there is a fine line that your partner cannot cross.

I don't think i'd ever be able to forgive someone who threatened to lock me, who deprieved me of my basic needs and someone who taunted me of using their money - no matter how much I loved that person, the moment you trample my dignity, that too in public, is the moment I cut you off.

Originally posted by: KBBofRCIBC

Excellent post.

I am really thrilled reading the replies and the discussions that’s happening in this thread. Your post was on the top in the forum for sometime in the morning. I don’t know how they rank it but I was really happy.

The engagement in the thread proves lot of us agree the content shown in the serial romanticises physical and emotional abuse and it’s not ok. Ten years before the show you mentioned if we discussed against the male lead people would have pounced on us and all you care thread would have gotten closed 😉😉 (between I was watching it too!!)

I won’t agree it’s just tv serial and it doesn’t influence the society line. IMO it does majorly.


Initial days of YRKKH one of the scene Akshara was asked to remove the ghunghat from her head by her father-in-law (I think) and was told respect comes from the heart not from the way the dil dresses.

This one scene was so influential in rural Rajasthan and Haryana few houses asked their dil to remove the ghunghat. One family came for the star parivar awards mentioning the same. I am not sure if it was marketing gimmick but in real life I knew at least 7 families changed. Chances are there were more.

So my point being itv influences the rural population even some hifi urban households.

I come from a state where cinema stars were chief ministers, and still cinema and tv serial holds major influence in people’s lives.

My major grouse with the ongoing track is CV’s are showing an IPS officer, an Army officer misbehaving with women. Its just appalling on so many levels and puts me off.

I just hope the PH does some research and proceeds with the story.

thanks once again for the post and wishing you the best in life.

Normally, its ranked by the latest replies. So, maybe since we were discussing that it was on top...

I don't know if we are talking about the same show! But there were posts that were critical of the MLs behaviour - I don't remember the fate of those posts tho.🤣 Maybe like you said, it was closed.

But I do know that there were people trying to warn about such stuffs. I was lucky to be a part of a CC that formed due to the show and the lre the elder members were protective and they were trying to educate us.

Wow, the ghunghat dropping thing is such a nice touch and the fact that it influenced others to follow suit is great. I wouldn't even care that it was a marketing gimmick tbh, the moment there is a positive impact, it wouldn't even matter. See, this is why I don't agree when people say its "just a show". The impact of media is very subtle, causing you to consume content unconciously at times, but its there😶

I did not on dwell a lot on the fact that the ML is a reputed IPS officer on purpose - that deserve a whole essay of its own!

Originally posted by: Fruitcustard_9

Bilkul main aap ko PM kar dungi sure, thoda time de dijiye .

I'll be around😉

Originally posted by: deepzz

Great post! Agreed with each and every word. Channels are in the race to provide the regressive content. Sony shows different content but due to lack of TRP, they get axed.

Coming to Virat, as per his characterization it would have been best if makers skipped the physical abuse. They could have taken different route.

For starters, they could have shown Virat's shock on realizing that he can be emotionally abusive to someone, understand the reason behind it-- which could be easily his family's toxic environment and then his redemption. Similarly for Sai, her realization that she is becoming a victim of an emotional abuse as she may have never faced it in the loving environment provided by her father. She would have questioned her own intelligence and understanding of the situation. Then both Virat and Sai as a team could work on their relationship.

The emotional part at least gives a scope for their relationship to improve, to work upon but with physical violence, it is pack the bag and leave.

I am against both physical and emotional abuse but the reason I said above point is because it is really tricky to identify and tackle the emotional abuse. Most of the time, both the genders doesn't even know that they are becoming an abuser or a victim in a relationship. In such cases, people question their decisions.. even their own sanity.

Thank you for the post. It is thought provoking and I am glad to read various replies for the post.👍

SAB TV shows are a gem in this sea of regressiveness.

There are different ways to show the different traits of a character and there are many other ways he could have reacted to get his point across. But, abuse was the easy way out and its ridiculous how they'd put a few drops of tears in his eyes and its supposed to be forgotten. Like you mentioned, there is no introspection from Virat who is mature and a flag bearer of Nari Suraksha, he should have identified that his behavior was problematic. It took his mom to point that out to him. As for Sai, maybe she is unable to recognise the emotional abuse but the physical one should have rung a bell somewhere.

Like I mentioned such content are sensitive, and writers should have avoided going there if they did not know how to handle it.

Originally posted by: ..Peppermint..

The word mature made me lol🤣 I need some time to get over the definition of maturity that the show has tried to show me.🤣

On a serious note, though, I agree with whatever you said. The problem is, this is not what this show has been promoted as. Its on prime time, and tho. Im not from India, I would like to believe that during that time, there are different sets of audience that watches the show - amidst more mature ones and youngsters.

I would have felt the same as you, had I not known that the leads were the endgame and had I not known how scripts are changed just to suit the audience's demands. I've watched a lot of shows with such issues, many of them in my top lists of shows, but when you are dealing with such topics, you need to be forefront and show that as writers you are aware that this is abuse of some form and then work towards the progress of the storyline, in whichever direction that may go.

However, there needs to be the awareness and a strong voice telling aidiences that this is not ok. But here, in some instances the writers are trivialising the issue and they definitely shy away from straight out saying this is abuse. Sai is a strong woman and a strong critique, but will it not go against everything she stands for, when she falls in love with this Virat?

Since I watch shows across several languages, Ive always been more intrigued with grey characters. For me, Virat is too much into the mud to be redeemed. The threat to lock her in the room, witholding food or money is too low to be redemeed.

I would hope that the writers would work more on their characters so that the show is not further ruined for the audiences who still love the characters❤️

Oops! I forgot how allergic we are to the M word😆

I agree completely to your concern. Since it is being shown on prime time, we cannot be too careful about what is being shown. It can influence so many people.

Personally I would have preferred that Sai leaves Virat. And then his redemption arc could have been shown if they wanted. But I continued due to my weakness towards "seeing another perspective".

TBH I don't have much faith that the makers will take a sensitive path. I feel my time with the show is coming to an end.

100% agree with you. There is nothing to talk about chavan's. sometimes I wonder is this kind of families there in India. They are cheap. And on top of it they are normalize their insanity...True I enjoy outer beauty as non Indian. But on national television at prime time showing these toxic thing and normalize it is not a good thing. There isn't any hindi show that showing normal husband wife relationship. (According to my knowledgeI don't watch tv. I've seen on Insta little bit promo and all). Whether we believe or not there is a huge bad impact on the society from these serials.

Originally posted by: Taiyo

I am firm believer that a story is just a story and not a vessel for a message. It can be gory, regressive, misogynistic, and all types of ugly – even though it is not the type of content I watch. A writer creates a fictional world and populates it with characters – what type of it is his/her choice.

As someone who's spend the past years of her life analysing the media and reading between the lines, I know that a story is sometimes, just a story. However, a story becomes meaningful when it has an audience/reader and so, it will have a message whether the writer intended it to or not. This is why audience/readers' interpretation of the same content differs - audiences or readers will always try to make the content meaningful to them therefore creating their own message of what they got, by seeing or reading your story. Are the writers responsible if their idea of romance is perceived as problematic? Generally, No, but only IF the writers has not been throwing cues around. But here, writers have tried to pretend that they are aware that this is a serious issue by making Pakhi say that you have no right to behave this way with any girl and by making Sai pack her luggage. But, like some mentioned earlier what is the point if its gonna be repeated again, later, what is the point if its happy go lucky, raat gayi baat gayi kind of thing.

But the writer should be honest about its characters’ traits/values from the beginning. He/She should not tell me on page 100 or post 100 episodes that the male protagonist do not mind the use of force on a woman to make her submit to the rules of house. I should not feel cheated. Virat’s dialogues in the Alta episode came out of nowhere and made me remember again, why I don’t watch Indian television shows. The inconsistency, making a character mouth dialogues just to amplify the drama, no proper follow-up scenes, never-ending tamasha, and poor writing – I have no patience for them. Everything gets forgotten next episode or in a new track.

This!!!!👏

True that, especially since we've been told that Virat is responsible for woman's protection and he's explicitly said that he would never hurt a woman.

I didn’t watch the show you hinted at in the beginning of your post, as I have had enough of Gul’s type of romance after watching a few months of “Geet ….” For me, this show’s main attractions are Neil Bhatt’s acting and Sai’s instant replies and fighting attitude. But I know I’ll not be a long-time viewer. I’ll stop watching soon and go back to watching Korean dramas.

You have amazing clarity of thoughts and you express them beautifully. I loved reading your posts. All the Best!

Poor writing is the reason why I'll soon go back to my kdrama hole, there are some great thrillers going around🤪

Originally posted by: Mirage_OfStars

Extremely well written post @TM! 👏 And all the replies to this post is bang on! 👏

I too have virtually cut myself from this show and only following it through IF. In all honesty, this forum is more fascinating and addictive than the show itself. I only give myself a shot at it when I find good reviews for an episode.

It is. Sometimes I think we know the characters more than the writers😅

Everything that had happened till date in the show, I ignored it in the name of drama and also with this solace that our FL Sai is no doormat and that she would give it back to them sooth sameth ke! This is one such show where the drama is so OTT and at the same time, we have a FL who in real sense does not take shit from anyone. She isn't among those FLs who go by the description of "I will stand strong even if I am mopped around by people.."

You are so right in saying that it is Sai's ability to question the things happening that makes the drama more palatable.

Digressing from the topic at hand - Is it always necessary to show the ITV FL being a topper and an all-rounder? Would it not be real to show a FL actually studying hard yet coming 3rd or 4th or in top10? What is this obsession with being bright and coming first in studies all the time? What does it exactly imply?

Arey it implies ki sirf toppers aur big shots ki love stories hoti hain. 3rd 4th aney walon ka dupatta thori na hero ke watch mein atak sakta hain.

With reference to the ML, the least I say the better. Nuanced characters are great to watch. But these nuances do not make any sense when this character was initially established as someone who respected women and wouldn't even think of hurting them. The minute he physically restrained her, it totally undid all these many episodes of building his character. I might have even ignored that aspect for the sake of my own sanity had he not uttered these words - "mere paise" or denying the basic necessities to his own wife. Whatever be his complaints with Sai, whatever he feels for her - rage, budding love, possessiveness, jealousy etc., no longer matters anymore at this point.

I am more than bothered when he stopped her from having food and even said "you are buying from my money".. that is a huge sore to my senses itself! Because, it is not just a mere insult, but a body blow to anyone who is helpless, who is forced to depend on you for basic necessities and who have trusted you enough to marry and stay with you.

It is not something which anyone can point out even when the said person is experiencing extreme rage. If you at all, remind someone about the help you did for them, it would mean either of the two -

a) You too have expected something in return at some point in time

b) you never did it out of compassion and only helped out of compulsion. You never wanted to help in the first place.

For the first point, even for the sake of reasoning, I cannot be convinced that Virat has 'wifely' expectations from Sai and thus in his extreme insecurity, he keeps reminding her of all the goddamn 'ehsaan' he did for her. No. This isn't any explanation at all.

This leaves me with the second point that I do not want to dwell on simply because, that could not have been the case with him owing to his initial characterization and his ' savior complex'.

You said it better than I could. And like are we sure that the writers wanted to portray Virat as nuanced? Or is it simply bad writing, or should I say bad copy-pasting😶

Because like, a ML who has been promoted and establiahed as someone who respected women and cannot hurt women suddenly becomes nuanced when dealing with his wife. This sounds more like bad writing to me🤪

The money comment was the final nail in the coffin. And the forcing Sai to wear Alta ruined Virat for me.

So, what exactly was the reason that he used such demeaning and preposterous lines? He was hungry, frustrated, insecure, outraged ?? These are just no excuses for defending his behavior.

I have personally witnessed a few husbands joke around in front of their wives "I am the one earning money and she does nothing. Don't know what she does sitting at home all day". What does that even mean? Even for the sake of joking or teasing, such lines are unacceptable. And in this show, he blatantly states "you cannot buy because this is my money" in front of all.

For the very life of mine, I cannot ever forgive nor forget such people who try to show off their help to me. IMO, Sai should just be walking out on him never to turn back. But of course, TRP aunties will be outraged at the idea of a FL leading her own life and doing well professionally. Hence, she will eventually 'forgive and forget' or shall I say, the CVs (if any for this show) will dust it off. Raat gayi baat gayi! 😵

Ok, I will stop my rant here. Done. 😆

Such an insightful pov. 👍🏼