Suprabhat Bhagininno! 🌻🌄🌻
I want to start with one of my favourite couplets: "Rahiman dhaga prem ka matt todo chhatkay, toote se phir na jude jude gaanth padh jaaye..."
I want to talk about the 'knots' first --
Tying a "knot" in English signifies the coming together of two people; in Hindi it's the 'gathbandhan'. Like when two ropes that need to be joined together, you fasten a knot so that it appears like one. Whether the long rope thus created is strong enough to carry the weight it must or not depends on how well the knot is fastened -- if not done well, the knot can definitely come undone and the two pieces of the rope will appear disjointed again.
But do ropes with knots that are tied well never come undone? If they are left to dry in the heat of the son, without the constant care and recheck that they need with passing time, the best of the knots would definitely snap, leaving the two ropes dangling as single pieces. What's worse is that a dried rope cannot be joined again, even in a knot.
Now, coming to the exact translation of the 'knot' in Hindi- it is called the 'gaanth' most commonly- the point of obstacle in a smooth thread. A gathbandhan is desirable but a gaanth is not.
But when a rope has snapped and you are left with two loose ends, the only available option is to find a knot than to let the rope slip from the hand. Why is it that people are often reminded that a 'gaanth' in a family relationship is never easy to remove.
It is especially true of spousal relationships -- sometimes it comes in the form of a tangled rope where the spouses don't always know how to remove the tangles they find themselves in when faced with a conflict or confrontation. Conflict resolution is uncomfortable and spouses can remain tied in internal knots refusing to build a bridge between each other to cover the distance that the conflict has left behind. Over the weekend, most part of which I spent in packing a lot of belongings for an impending move, I kept wondering why do I still want to watch this relationship unfolding on the screen.. why do I still have stronger curiousity instead of the frustration that I am also feeling... And I realised that I have been untying knots my whole life... 😅 The success in untying the knots does not come from the skill of solving a Rubik's cube but from the mindset. Whether it's a knot in a neckpiece, your Diwali sting lights or the long hosepipe of the garden or a whistle laynard in your uniform or the shoestring or just an invisible knot in a love relationship, the success of smoothening the chords depends on the approach that couples take.
Almost all relationships go through a situation where it develops knots -- disillusionment is a definite stage in every love relationship. Some face it early, some face it later and some remain in a perpetual state of disillusion if they don't adopt the right mindset.
Can Sai and Virat accept the conflicts between them as an invitation to come closer to understanding one another? So that it can end the days of pouting and definitely no thoughts of 'punishment' of any kind -- whether by the verbalised denial of food and physical force or even the non-verbal punishment of silence. Yes, silent treatment is also a mild form of punishment and has been long accepted because it is harmless but nevertheless it is 'punishment'. Either of the spouse even thinking of 'punishing' the other is working well to add a knot to the relationship. Instead, conflicts can be treated as an invitation to start conversations but who are we even talking about? Lack of communication is their forte...
Their disappointment remained conspicuously suspended between them even in the apology... The 'gaanth' has emerged.
In the past few days, the humiliation that Sai ensured -- beginning from the Ladakh outing fiasco to the humiliation at the hands of the one who should be standing up for her honour, she of course felt overwhelmed and her survial instinct took over to guard her remaining self respect. The 'gaanth' here has come not just from the physical force or the denial of food or the reminder about the ownership of the money at the hands of the one who should have been "protecting those rights". This 'gaanth' is of a deeper let down -- as I said the other day -- it was denying Sai the right to "come back home"... And home, here, is not their rotting mansion. The 'home' is the person -- the very person who stood in her way to deprive her of the right. It is the 'home' that you never want to leave once you settle in because it is built on the feeling of belonging, trust, compassion, empathy and the acceptance of a flaws. May be this couple isn't there yet because they had just about only begun to build that home in each other but she already had a rightful reason to want to leave that 'home'-- "jis ghar me mere Baba aur unki seekh ki Baar Baar beizzati ho, uss ghar me main nahi reh sakti..." Why would I even want to live inside you when you don't accept me being the way it is...
And today, it was this very man who wanted to "come back home" to her -- Why then should you wander so far away to the point of no return?
"Kya agar Kisi se galati ho jaaye toh usse maafi Nahi milni Chahiye?"
It is true. Forgiveness is the only way to go forward and spouses are often called to forgive one another after a sincere apology. Yet forgiveness is only actually a chance and not an eraser -- the scar cannot be wiped out. The visible marks of the physical force used on her wrist will fade away soon but for Sai's memory to push this incident into the compartment of "long forgotten" memories, Virat will have to put in a lot of hard work -- not just at being 'sober when angry' but also filling their combined memory bank with the good memories.
Sai's "Aapse Galti Nahi huyi Hai, Aapne apna asli roop dikhaya Jo koi insaan Nahin dikhana Chahta lekin Apne gusse mein chhupa Nahi paata... Aur wo roop iss dikhawati roop se bohat alag aur daravna hai..." is the voice of every one of us watching the episodes since last week.
It cannot be discounted that Sai's dialogues were far more powerful than that of a woman wanting to forgive -- she did not seem convinced with the apology at all but rather more taken aback and touched that he was not using the suspected words to describe his feelings for her.
In all honesty, no apology actually matters-- because it would hold no meaning unless followed up with the action that has been promised -- "Aisa dobara kabhi nahi Hoga..." But, I also want to see the apology from the other side. Two wrongs don't make a right. One apology does not clean the slate for a fresh start because the hurt was mutual although one crossed a bigger no-go line than the other.
The incident has created a distance between them and caused a dent to the intimacy they were beginning to forge.. it was visible in the hesitation of the moment - more Sai but it was also because although Virat said he was apologetic and 'sharminda', her lack of spelling out the "maafi" that he wanted was making him impatient again. It almost felt like if the demand for apology was not met with, he would actually go on another rant about pyaar Nahi Karti 🙄 Was the 'cold' feeling because of the 'mistrust' that Sai was trying to convey and leaving him upset even though "sharminda" because he began with "Saari Galti meri hai" but did go into "tumhe sirf meri Galti dikh rahi hai" 🙄😑
But the stand on the apology has to be consistent or she would really wheel the bag out of the room -- bag Ladakh nahi Gaya toh Gadchiroli toh jaa sakta hai...
I don't think Sai Joshi accepted Virat's apology. Sai Joshi spoke about the 'galti' that Aaba would never make -- never give her so much takleef. Sai Joshi wants corrective action, reform of the Galti by seeking a promise that "no one" will be denied food again or be treated against the values of 'insaaf and aadar'.
But the apology was definitely accepted by the 'wounded wife' even though none of the wounds were examined. Before Virat, in his moment of madness, pumped bullets into her pride and self respect, it was the wife in Sai that was cross. The 'wife' was actually placated with three sentences he spoke, accompanied by the tears, joining hands or the verbal sorry:
"Tumhara sach aur Mera sach alag ho Sakte Hain... main ye toh samajh Gaya hoon ki main tumhare liye mayne Nahi rakhta... Par tum mere liye bohat mayne rakhti ho..."
She was taken aback, it was an answer to her "Aapke pass Dil hai? Aur wo mere baare me sochta hai? ( But didn't you say you pledged your heart to someone else? So how me?)" She was not expecting him to say that -- still a jalebi but a sentence moving towards the point that should be made because mayne replaced the word "zimmedari and farz" for the first time. In translation it is, "You matter to me/You hold value" --but in literal sense - "you are the intention on my mind, my means to find the end".
Still in the phase of hesitation and wading out of a fight where each of them needs to acknowledge their own emotions -- it was at least the base for setting up the interactions to "let's give this feeling a chance"...
That followed by the "Main waqt bitana chahta tha tumhare Saath..." twice -- wahan bhi aur aaj bhi, she was taken aback but she joined the two dots and if there are was any doubt about the expression of interest, there came the third: "Mujhe apna parivaar samjho, mujhe dushman mat samjho apna... I am your family."
Family, in what relationship?
Now, this was a moment that could have ended in an embrace between a husband and wife that would have melted any part of the ice glaciers floating between them but how many more steps before they become 'husband and wife' in verbal acknowledgment to remove the awkwardness and pull each other in an embrace?
What stopped them was definitely the 'gaanth' that has just been added to their already entangled rope.
It will loosen only when she tells him that his sach and hers are different too -- he may think he doesn't have 'maayne' in her eyes but the truth is that she did not know where would she head even if she were to wheel that bag out of the mansion... There is no denying: Sai has moved out of her Aaba's world into his. It wouldn't be easy to leave him.
So this is a convenient game of tennis -- with all her spashthly asked questions and the revelation made in view of the family, one would think it was the best opportunity to address the issue of the 'vaada, Dil and Didi' but no -- it moves to the maayne match now and the ball is back in Sai's court.
So until she tells him he holds maayne, he won't tell her, 'mujhe apni family Nahi, Pati samjho' 🙄😑
And of course like women are blamed for using tears as a weapon to bring men to their knees, men most certainly use a weapon that works without fail to get the 'wife' to drop everything else aside -- "Aapne Khana Kyun Nahin khaya?" The information that he was also starving was enough to divert her attention ... But the mention of the Didi was not missed and the biggest let down for me was the "usse bhi Jhagda ho Gaya Mera". This was such a put off that I wanted to log out of the video, no kidding. How does his mind process the 'jhagda' with the woman at this point -- she is the root cause of the turmoil of the standing in front of him, who he doesn't want to lose... So subconsciously Shravan Kumar of Chavan niwas will go to make up with the Vedi vahini as well? It just made me feel like we are in square one -- the entire crux of the matter has been ignored.😑😑😑
Waise, just to ask -- does placing a hand on the head make the vaada more unbreakable than just holding out a stretched hand like earlier vaada 🤔? I hope it's not one of the "vaada toh toot jaata hai" type jalebis.
I felt that the conversation Ashwini had with Virat the other day missed out on one important sentiment that should have been added when she reminded him about Sai's large heartedness and her faith in him -- she's been at the receiving end of all kinds of humiliation and in that fiasco she was served the ultimate humiliation of 'thinking' that she was his 'wife'. I don't think the idea has registered with the UPSC topper yet despite Sai saying it spashthly twice.
What Virat has done will remain his biggest transgression. It can never be amended and it will always remain etched in Sai's memory and like a scar on her heart, which will sting if and when, God forbid, he does it again. The fact is that this 'khata' cannot be forgotten in one tender moment -- it cannot be brushed under the carpet, especially when this is not even a "marriage" yet between the two souls. Whether this 'connection', affection, attraction will turn into the "marriage of minds" will only decide if they will move ahead from the awkwardness where they stand.
But, accepting the reality is an essential step. Yes, there was a mistake -- it was a huge one. But the acceptance has to be accompanied by the belief that changing it is possible and the resolve that it will not be repeated. Getting in touch with their deepest desires -- to be close to one another and earn each other's respect and agreeing to work toeards the transformation can be the only way forward... Will they untangle the knots to offer and accept the 'whole' of one another?
Because they say, "Jis dhaage mein aayi huyi gaanth khul Sakti ho us par kainchi mat chalao"
*****
Really didn't understand what was the point of Usha maushi taking by taking the unfinished dinner back to Mohit's room 😣🤯🙄 I guess it was only to give Karishma the cue for announcing Maha shivratri as per Chakram niwas clock.
*****
How do you forgive someone you love for hurting you in ways you didn't expect? Would a man who loves a woman hurt her pride? Many couples make serious mistakes in their marriage -- some on a daily basis. Some of these hurts are not those that you think you would ever overcome. But a hurt in marriage is like a fracture to a bone. It heals on its own if given the right treatment and rest with appropriate care to ensure that the same injury is not inflicted again.
There can never be any 'punishment' between spouses. If there is, it takes the form of recrimination, resulting in constant reminders of the past offence during future arguments.
Forgiveness is just the beginning of a healing process of the fracture -- it is the cast on the injured bone. Just as physical injuries take time to heal, so do emotional injuries. The desensitising of the wound can take months or years.
Would you give 'love' it's first chance, here?
A mid morning coffee ☕☕☕ or tea 🍵🍵🍵 can certainly help one see 🤗🤗🤗❤️❤️❤️
Have a great day and own your week ahead!
Lots of love
❤️J !
.
Cricket
Marathi TV
