This is so messed up - Page 6

Originally posted by: naq5

this is the point here. Alia dosent see sarang as a partner & companion to co parent her child with & with the kind of background sarang comes from, his father a politician & all, i wouldnt either. And sarang needs to understand that for co parenting he and alia should have that companionship & understanding. its just cant happen with anyone. here either he gives up the baby or he gives up. because this cannot continue for a lifetime. the baby will only get pulled in either directions. 

Alia doesn't have issues with sarangdhar's background. She has issues with him being present in her life. She is not ready to acknowledge that things have changed and she can't stick to her original plan as circumstances are not same anymore. They don't need to be in relationship to coparent a kid. There are kids around of world of divorced parents for example, who have moved on with different partners and they still coparent their kid. Understanding can only develop when alia reflects and gives sarangdhar a chance to by communicating with him with an open mind and find a middle ground. She is busy imposing her wishes so in reply he is also doing the same. Both are ridiculous. Sarangdhar  is not going to give up on the baby because of his own set of issues thanks to his father. Right now he is trying his best to prove himself which is a good thing as it is better than him just making demands. 

Originally posted by: john909

Alia is in a terrible situation but so is sarangdhar and people fail to acknowledge that. If this was not her plan, it was not in sarangdhar's plan either. Sarangdhar accepted the situation and is working with it while alia is running from the situation and still wants to stick to what she planned. Those are her insecurities and control issues at play. If sarangdhar is a stranger, she can get to know him more by having an open communication without any preconceived notions about him. Sarangdhar did not put her in this situation, life did. People need to stop blaming sarangdhar for this. He didn't consent to this and he would have never donated if he knew a child will come in the picture as he can't imagine not being in his child's life like that. What she wants is important but now a baby is in the picture so what is good for the baby now and in a long run takes priority over her wishes and plans. In a situation like this alia can call the shots but she has to be fair too. alia is not OK with coparenting, that is alright but she still has to find a middle ground with sarangdhar as it is unfair at this point to make decisions for him. why is sarangdhar suppose to suppress what he feels and wishes but it is alright for alia to impose her wishes on him? Respect is earned. if she didnt respect his autonomy on this matter and made decisions for him, how do you expect sarangdhar to say yes maam and move on considering just like alia he has his set of issues and backstory that is motivating him to be in this baby's life. I am not saying sarangdhar's way was right but if I am going to understand alia's side then I have to do the same for sarangdhar. He did what he did because alia brought him to that point. Did she have an honest conversation with him when she found out? She went behind his back, manipulated and abused his trust and got his signature on the paper. Is this the example she is setting for her child? When situation gets bad and things don't go your way, cross any line. When alia compared sarangdhar to veer, that was brutal. Her giving him a check to get rid of him was just mind boggling. I am saying all this because i know they are going to be a couple. even in real life, if something like this happens, respecting wishes is a two way street. just because you planned something a certain doesnt mean it has to be executed in the same manner even if circumstances changes everything. even in real life, in a situation like this, both parties will have to find a middle ground. it cant be my way or highway. if alia goes to court, what she did with sarangdhar can go against her as character representation also matters in court. so instead of being an adult and accept the cards life dealt her and working with them, if alia wants to go to court and make it more messy that is on her. at that point i can easily say she made a complicated and difficult situation an impossible one. Life doesnt care about our plans and it is unfair in general so instead of lamenting about it all we can do is work with it. At that point, what we have to change plans or find a way to modify them. being that rigid will make one lose out on opportunities, people and relationships. 

so far the hypothetical question about veer goes, it depends. There are a lot of variables that would need to be considered. Yes, I am pretty sure even if veer was there, sarangdhar would deserve to know his child in this type of situation. If a mother has a right on the child, so does the father. it also depends on what type of person veer is in that situation. 

sarang deserves to know but he doesn't deserve to interfere in babys life. And i think ur one who thinks that a father becomes one by only donating sperm. 

And about plans going haywire cummon its a babys life and the interference of an man unknown to her whom she dosent love dosent see as life partner in her life is not acceptable to any woman.. And sarang n alia are not a couple yet , so im not going to judge this situation based on that they are going to be lovers in future. currently they are not partners now and that is what i judge both on. 

And we cannot compare Alias situation to sarang's situation here. Alia is a planned mother who has waited for months to be a mother. whereas Sarang is an accidental sperm donor. 

And regarding Alia not letting sarang know about the donation, would sarang have not claimed right on the child if she herself would have told him. yes he still would have. so Alias fears were kind of right that sarang would come to claim the baby. Also he has parents also whom Alia heard on the phone asking for a waaris. Now let sarangs parents spcly father come into this & see what a mess it becomes. specially for Alia. And you want that Alia should work around this its a matter of adjusting all this for her whole life. Letting 3 unknown people into her life & a babys life. I would personally prefer to not become a mother than Sharing my baby with 3 unknown people & letting then take decicions on them. 

Edited by naq5 - 3 years ago

Originally posted by: john909

Alia doesn't have issues with sarangdhar's background. She has issues with him being present in her life. She is not ready to acknowledge that things have changed and she can't stick to her original plan as circumstances are not same anymore. They don't need to be in relationship to coparent a kid. There are kids around of world of divorced parents for example, who have moved on with different partners and they still coparent their kid. Understanding can only develop when alia reflects and gives sarangdhar a chance to by communicating with him with an open mind and find a middle ground. She is busy imposing her wishes so in reply he is also doing the same. Both are ridiculous. Sarangdhar  is not going to give up on the baby because of his own set of issues thanks to his father. Right now he is trying his best to prove himself which is a good thing as it is better than him just making demands. 

why does she need to accept things have changed. because her donor was exchanged without her consent ? her fault in that? i will say again it was alias plan to become a mother she went for ivf it was not sarangs plan to become father. he is an accidental father/sperm donor. here Alia has more right over the baby.  its not fair to her to ask to coparent with sarang when she wanted to become singe mother. why does she have to accept a stranger in her life

divorced parents co parent but then somewhere they have lived together and had a relationship. they are ones who have decided to live together but later separate. here Alia sarang havent choosen themselves as life partners. they havent dated and then broken up and then there is baby so they decide to co parent.  here its like accepting a stranger as your companion & partner as ur childs father. children of divorced parents do not have it easy nor do the parents have it easy. Sarang is not at all being practical here. Everyone including Alia & baby will be in a mess here. There is a difference between accepting a stranger in ur life as ur childs father vs accepting your ex husband /partner in your life as your childs father

Edited by naq5 - 3 years ago

Originally posted by: john909

Just saying sorry is not enough for alia. she needs to reflect and see how she can work with the situation and also address her own issues. I wonder if everyone would be so chill if it was sarangdhar who manipulated and took signatures from alia for something like this and started imposing his decisions like alia is doing.

Her wishes matter but so does sarangdhar's that is what i have been trying to say since i made this topic. Her imposing her wishes like that on sarangdhar, how is that fair on him? why is it only sarangdhar who is suppose to understand and move away but it is ok for alia not even try to find a middle ground with him. Her plans were ok till she was the only one getting affected. she doesn't have any right to decide what sarangdhar should feel or do (she already did that but not again). regardless of what sarangdhar feels emotionally, just because he was not a part of alia's plan, he should just let go of his feelings and wishes just because alia wants that? just because sarangdhar didnt plan for this baby doesnt mean he is not attached. Sometimes, it takes a moment of fall in love  and that is what happened to sarangdhar. true, he cant become father just by donating a sperm but that is the start of the process and he is asking a chance to be a part of the baby's life. you cant argue from both sides. co-parenting doesnt mean they have to marry. there are people who co-parent even with their respective families.  that is like saying if alia gets married, she is going to forget her babies. alia cant put whole blame on rahul. she is the one who pushed him to get those signatures. he is her employee, i agree he broke her trust and he shouldnt have done but she literally made him choose between his job and getting signatures so that is on her. rahul is to blame for the first part but the second part is solely on alia. Also blaming everything on rahul in court to save herself is immoral. I wonder what kind of example that would be for her babies considering being a mother doesnt just mean giving birth, the most crucial part is giving good values. just because she is in a bad situation, it doesnt excuse her from her mistakes. because all mistakes, intentional or unintentional, have consequences and intentions matter but so do consequences. 

why does Alia need to adjust her plans. imagine you planned a surrogacy & planned to be a single mother. your donor got exchanged n the new donor lands up at your house forcing it on you that he is also going to co parent. what will you do tell the guy come lets co parent ?

Originally posted by: music_l0ver036

It's very unfair to judge Alia based on hypotheticals. Anything court related hasn't even happened so calling her immoral based on what could happen is not the best idea imo. Yes giving good values is incredibly important, however, parents are never perfect. There are tons of values and beliefs that my parents have that I do not and would never want because I don't agree with them. But that doesn't make my parents bad parents. Yes obviously when we're little we're looking at our parents to teach us good values, however, when the time comes, kids grow differentiating between what was good and what was bad. Just like Alia and Sarang know what their parents did wrong and are straying away from the values that wasn't good. Alia wants her kids to have a better childhood than she did but that doesn't mean she's not capable of making mistakes and doing dumb stuff every now and then. But labeling Alia as immoral or a bad parent because she's making mistakes especially as a new parent is very unfair. 

Yes mistakes have consequences but we never learn or know better if we don't make mistakes. Alia is not perfect, she has room to grow just as much as Sarang or other characters. My hope is that this will make Alia realize that not everyone sees the world as she does and makes her reflect on it. 

And Alia is telling Sarang he's not fit to be a dad based on the qualities she wants in her baby's donor, not even a partner she's choosing for herself. So if he wasn't even in the list of her donor then how can he be close to being a co-parent. The one that she did choose to be her partner betrayed her so obviously she's going to be super careful in who she believes is the right choice for a co-parent now. 

i believe its not just about that, Sarang is still a collegue /stranger to her. how do u allow anyone to be a part of ur pregnancy & childs life which is a very private thing. 

Sarang anyway has a habit to interfere n get into peoples life. he dosent understand private space. example him getting alia to meet her mother by tricking her. 

What do you guys think will Sarang eventually make it big and fulfil his dream of becoming a famous writer? I really hope he succeeds but what do people on this forum think.

Edited by Aslesha99 - 3 years ago

Originally posted by: naq5

i believe its not just about that, Sarang is still a collegue /stranger to her. how do u allow anyone to be a part of ur pregnancy & childs life which is a very private thing. 

Sarang anyway has a habit to interfere n get into peoples life. he dosent understand private space. example him getting alia to meet her mother by tricking her. 

yeah i agree. Sarang has to grow up a little to fully understand what it is that he's trying to take responsibility for. 

Originally posted by: john909

 

It's very unfair to judge Alia based on hypotheticals. Anything court related hasn't even happened so calling her immoral based on what could happen is not the best idea imo. Yes giving good values is incredibly important, however, parents are never perfect. There are tons of values and beliefs that my parents have that I do not and would never want because I don't agree with them. But that doesn't make my parents bad parents. Yes obviously when we're little we're looking at our parents to teach us good values, however, when the time comes, kids grow differentiating between what was good and what was bad. Just like Alia and Sarang know what their parents did wrong and are straying away from the values that wasn't good. Alia wants her kids to have a better childhood than she did but that doesn't mean she's not capable of making mistakes and doing dumb stuff every now and then. But labeling Alia as immoral or a bad parent because she's making mistakes especially as a new parent is very unfair. 

If the situation was hypothetical and so was my answer for it. Calling alia immoral was only for a situation where she would blame everything on Rahul in court to save herself. You need to read the other person's post properly. She put a hypothetical situation and i answered by staying within that situation. It doesn't apply to real scenario. Parents are not perfect but they give their best efforts and they try to teach their kids by example by putting on their best behavior. Mistakes are ok but what she did cannot be categorized as dumb stuff or cannot be taken lightly. In this forum, people are either ignoring it or taking it way too lightly. 

okay that's fine about the hypothetical situation. Hopefully it doesnt come to that. I don't think anyone is taking it too lightly, but trying to arguee that if someone makes a mistake they should be given time to realize its a mistake in the first place and given time to rectify it as well. If I make a mistake, rarely I am aware of it right away and start reflecting on it as soon as it's made and start apologizing. When she's at the right mindset to realize what she's doing is wrong, she should also bee able to apologize for her mistake.  

Yes mistakes have consequences but we never learn or know better if we don't make mistakes. Alia is not perfect, she has room to grow just as much as Sarang or other characters. My hope is that this will make Alia realize that not everyone sees the world as she does and makes her reflect on it. 

That doesn't mean people should stop trying their best to not make mistakes. Mistakes are a part of learning but here she didn't care or even acknowledge it as a mistake or something unjust. She is in "the end justifies the means" mode right now. Yes, motherhood and her journey with sarangdhar for this 9 months will change her outlook and hopefully she becomes less sclerotic and learn to accept whatever life throws at her. 

Yes I hope so!!! 

And Alia is telling Sarang he's not fit to be a dad based on the qualities she wants in her baby's donor, not even a partner she's choosing for herself. So if he wasn't even in the list of her donor then how can he be close to being a co-parent. The one that she did choose to be her partner betrayed her so obviously she's going to be super careful in who she believes is the right choice for a co-parent 

She made that list of qualities and even found a guy with them. He fit her list but what happened in the end? He bailed on her so how does it make that list perfect or good enough to decide whether sarangdhar is good enough to be a dad. That guy had a good reason to bail on her but regardless of that, he bailed on her. Also her journey during that time period to find a donor also shows that she can plan to do her best but she can't make it perfect which is why she is rejecting sarangdhar as he doesn't fit in her definition. She has to learn to be open to new things and also that what she wants will not necessarily always be what she needs.  

I agree and that's also a process. Like she said today about how having a husband doesn't necessarily mean he'll be a good person or a dad and also the donor example you used. But I think if I was in Alia's shoes and I found out that the guy I thought was my donor wasn't my donor, it would take me time to accept that I'd have his baby, and even longer to accept the possibility that he would parent with him especially since I don't know him as anything besides my loud and obnoxious employee. Sarang is a fantastic guy and his heart is in the right place but that doesn't mean he should be the dad. And hopefully Alia stops being bitchy soon lol cuz it's just not needed. 

Originally posted by: naq5

why does she need to accept things have changed. because her donor was exchanged without her consent ? her fault in that? i will say again it was alias plan to become a mother she went for ivf it was not sarangs plan to become father. he is an accidental father/sperm donor. here Alia has more right over the baby.  its not fair to her to ask to coparent with sarang when she wanted to become singe mother. why does she have to accept a stranger in her life

divorced parents co parent but then somewhere they have lived together and had a relationship. they are ones who have decided to live together but later separate. here Alia sarang havent choosen themselves as life partners. they havent dated and then broken up and then there is baby so they decide to co parent.  here its like accepting a stranger as your companion & partner as ur childs father. children of divorced parents do not have it easy nor do the parents have it easy. Sarang is not at all being practical here. Everyone including Alia & baby will be in a mess here. There is a difference between accepting a stranger in ur life as ur childs father vs accepting your ex husband /partner in your life as your 

Because whether she likes it or not, things have changed. If donor was exchanged without her consent then i can say that sarangdhar was cheated and his right to consent was violated too. What is his fault in this?  You decided alia has more rights on the baby but that doesnt mean sarangdhar doesn't have any rights at all from a moral pov. Why does sarangdhar, who never would have agreed to donate had he known that he would contribute in bringing a child in this world and he would never meet or know that child, has to be okay with not getting a chance to be with the baby  either? He sees that as abandoning the child and responsibilities that come along with having a child. Minimizing his feelings on the matter and constant emphasis on alia's plan for being a single mother doesn't change the fact that favoring just one side is going to make things unfair as circumstances are not as clear as they were before. Everything is complicated.  Nobody is telling her to start a relationship here and now with sarangdhar. The point was about being fair as not just her but sarangdhar was also cheated. Life doesn't care about plans made and it is seldom fair. Accepting the changes life throws at you and work with it to find a middle ground in a way everyone wins with some compromise from all sides is best way to move forward. It builds a good foundation as mutual respect  and understanding grows due to jt. My way or the highway has never worked before and it never will in a situation like these. 

As a mother, she is calling the shots here. So just because sarangdhar didn't plan this, he can't possibly feel attached to the baby? By that logic, mothers with unplanned pregnancy and their partners don't love their babies. If he is a total stranger to alia so is alia for sarangdhar and yet sarangdhar is not stuck on that. The point is he has accepted this bizzare situation that they are in and has decided to listen to his heart. That same heart also motivated him to decide to make something of himself for their baby. In a situation specifically like this, even a total stranger who happens to be the father, deserves to be a part of the child's life (if that is what he feels) even if there is no relationship between the mother and father. I would not have said so if autonomy and right to consent was not violated for both sides  and sarangdhar donated knowing what he was getting into. everyone has accepted alia's extremely practical personality then to be fair they also need to accept sarangdhar's emotional personality and not judge him for it. They both bring their own set of flaws on the table and are not perfect. 

Originally posted by: naq5

why does Alia need to adjust her plans. imagine you planned a surrogacy & planned to be a single mother. your donor got exchanged n the new donor lands up at your house forcing it on you that he is also going to co parent. what will you do tell the guy come lets co parent ?

I have already answered to this in my previous post. To simplify, you are using pathos to argue and I am using logos and ethos so at this moment we are just being redundant with our respective arguments.