Originally posted by: Mahisa22
Bold: Being a housewife is not a choice. Its societal brain washing. How come 99% of men never think of becoming "house husbands" as a choice? It's because society gives that "choice" to women only. Because of that "for women, family comes first" nonsense.
Not bashing anyone, but there's nothing respectable about living off your spouse's earnings. Women in your grandmom's generation were forced to become housewives. But in today's world, it is absolutely NOT OK to become a housewife unless you're from a very backward-thinking "ghunghat wali auratein" kind of family.
Forgive my aggressive tone, but we really have to stop making women think that becoming a housewife is a "choice". That's a choice informed by regressive and patriarchal mindsets, and therefore not a real choice. If we're not teaching our sons that becoming a house husband is a respectable thing, then we have no business telling our daughters that its absolutely ok to be a housewife.
Your entire response doesn't leave room for choice. And feminism is essentially about choice. Women have too little/ men have too much. And equality of choice is what feminism aspires for.
Yes, our grandmoms were probably forced to be housewives. They weren't given a choice. So feminism works for the choice. But it doesn't give it as the only choice just like original problem.
Italics@ Absolutely untrue. Women have different aspirations and ambitions in throughout various stages in life. Just like men do too. Human beings in general. Yes, patriarchal society puts the onus on the men to be money providers, women to be homemakers but the choice to flip that notion is what breaking the stereotype is about. People must do what they aspire to and shouldn't be forced. This is vital.
Bold @ We don't teach them anything. We give them the tools and let them decide. Free will. Men or women both. It's not a hard concept to grasp. Why can't our sons be househusbands if they want. Why isn't that respectable. It's because somewhere society has a demeaning view of the housewife or thinks that housework is a woman's job therefore not worthy enough for a man. Also men should always hold the money pockets. Men are the ones good with money.
If someone's son wants to be a house husband that's fine, if someone's daughter wants to be housewife that's fine. They don't get to have a say in it if the spouse is okay with it. If they both want to work that's fine, if one wants to work that's fine. The permutations or combinations depend on the freedom of choice and the couple themselves. Nobody else. To take away that from both men and women and asking them to be one way or the other strictly is the problem in the first place.
Also the problem is also seeing the work of the housewife as something demeaning. That's also regressive. It's been seen like that for time immemorial because of patriarchal society and it's time to acknowledge that labour around the house is actual work too. Respectable work as any other. Essentially if two people are in a marriage and one works at a job and one in the house, they are BOTH providing for the family. That needs to be acknowledged as well by the couple and the families,socities at large. It's not pathetic in any way to take care of a home. A housewife isnt couch ornament,in most Indian families. And I find very demeaning to say a spouse taking care of a couple's home is living off the other. It's a marriage and that involves this basic understanding that two people hold the same footing. Both provide albeit differently. If not, then the spouse who thinks like that doesn't deserve to be married.
Someone taking care of the house, husband or wife,is the homemaker. Men have that choice too. Maybe not so much in desi societies because log kya kahenge syndrome but surely abroad. Even in India, I have plenty techie couple friends down south who after the birth of their child, the dad decided to stay home and take up the housework when the mom goes back to work because she earns more. With proper support from families, minimum societal judgement and with growing nuclear families, times can change. But if the wife wants to stay home, she has the right to. Nobody can call her choice 'regressive' just because they think women should be one way.Just like nobody should mock the husband's choice to stay home as some kinda dhabba on his manhood and status as a man as we do in desi societies. That's needs to change as well.
Also nobody should teach anyone what to be. They can decide it themselves. Parents and society as whole should work towards treating daughters the same way sons are treated, raising them with the same standards of education and liberty to choose and then being okay with whatever they choose to do. You can't take away someone's free will to do anything.
Financial independence is an issue ofcourse. But if there's enough security on both sides and the finances from one partner gets divided properly then I see no problem. Men who can't acknowledge their wife's work as actual work and choose not provide for her financially just like she does for him through managing the household are the problem.
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