Hello,
Thank you for all the thought-provoking comments to the last chapter... not going to lie, was scared to post that chapter, because I know how hard it is to see exactly how much Arnav loves Myra. BUT, the story must go on and I am hoping you guys trust me enough to believe that Arnav and Khushi will end up together... that's the whole point of this fic. How do two such diverse people, with so much baggage, find solace in each other?
I will reply to some comments above... just figured you will want to read the next chapter asap 😆
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The content of this story belongs strictly to the author, -Archi-. Any unwarranted use/copy of it is not encouraged and is strictly prohibited.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Depression
“You paged me Sona?”
“Someone is here to see you, but they don’t have an appointment.”
A line appeared on Khushi’s forehead. “Who is it?”
“Anjali Singh Raizada. I told her to wait in the lobby.”
Khushi was stumped. A week had passed since she successfully completed her intern exam and was hired as a resident doctor in Abhaya Hospital. Although workwise this promotion didn’t do much, on a personal note, Khushi was quite relieved and at peace. News of her repeating her internship had finally spread to the rest of her class, but just like how Ved had promised, no one alienated her. She was accepted just the same, and now, there were fewer complaints about her getting the best cases to work on.
That was the best she could hope for.
Other than that particular detail, things were pretty much the same… with one great exception. However, that was something she resolved not to get involved in. She was still yet to digest Arnav’s words before he left for London, there was no way she was going to put herself on the path to many more such confrontations.
So, gathering her resolve, Khushi made her way to the hospital’s lobby, where sure enough, her eldest sister-in-law was seated, her face grave. Something had to be very wrong for Anjali to make a trip all the way down to the hospital, for unlike Lavanya, she was neither whimsical nor chatty. In these past few months, she had respectfully kept her distance, speaking to Khushi only when the occasion called for it.
“Er hi Anjali,” Khushi greeted awkwardly, stopping in front of her. Then on second thought, she added: “Didi.”
Anjali stood up at once. “Don’t be so formal, you can call me just Anjali.”
“Uh okay… how can I help you?”
“I need to talk to you. Is there some place private we can go?”
Khushi dreaded speaking to her alone, but not having much choice, she simply nodded her head and began to lead the way through the hospital.
“They still haven’t found me an office,” she explained. “We can chat in the cafeteria, it’s usually empty around this time.”
Anjali simply nodded, not attempting to smile. Unsettled, Khushi cut to the chase as soon as they were seated at a table.
“So what happened?”
Anjali took a deep breath. “I wanted to talk to you about Chote.”
Oh no.
“Something is wrong with him,” Anjali continued, her eyes drenched in worry. “He is not going to the office or attending any client meetings… He is refusing to pick up any calls and wouldn’t even let me into the apartment when I went to see him this morning!”
“Lata should be home to open the door-”
“He dismissed her,” Anjali replied hastily, as though there was no time to talk about details. “Which was why I went to see him! I knocked for an hour, but he wouldn’t respond. I am so, so worried Khushi! It’s so unlike him to just ignore everyone…”
Khushi disagreed with that point but chose to stay quiet.
“You must have noticed it too?” Anjali asked with pleading eyes.
As a matter of fact, Khushi had noticed.
Since the day of her intern exam, Arnav had become withdrawn, refusing to eat meals or have any form of communication. It had alarmed her on the first two days, when she tried multiple times to strike up a conversation to figure out what exactly had happened. But he either refused to answer, or softly asked her to leave him alone. It was weird. After making sure he wasn’t becoming delusional due to a high fever –by checking his vitals one night when he was asleep– Khushi stopped bothering him.
It was none of her business what was up with him. For all she knew, maybe he was only treating her this way. She hadn’t quite yet forgotten how bitterly he had ignored her in the initial days of their marriage.
Of course, her silence didn’t affect him much. Arnav continued to keep to himself, preferring mostly to stay in his room or the attached balcony, thinking about god knows what. Unable to bear this detached behaviour, Khushi willingly took up extra night shifts since the last three days hoping his bad mood would clear if she wasn’t around.
Apparently, it did not.
“I am not sure what you mean…” Khushi finally said, playing dumb.
Anjali took a deep breath. “I wouldn’t have come here if I had another choice Khushi. Something serious has happened, and I won’t be able to figure out what it is if he just shuts me out like this!”
Realization dawned to Khushi, about the true reason for Anjali’s visit.
“I am sorry,” she replied genuinely, using the tone she often used with parents when their children were admitted. “But whatever Arnav is going through, I won’t be able to help. I have an extra set of keys, if you want to go inside and talk to him yourself-”
“You don’t understand!” Anjali said, desperate. “He is hurting Khushi. My baby brother is hurting. You don’t have to love him, but at least as a friend, you can talk to him and find out what is wrong?”
Khushi bit her lip. “I don’t think you are understanding Anjali. Arnav and I don’t share that kind of a relationship… Sure we are friends, but if he clearly cannot tell you or Lavanya, I don’t see how I can help. And in my opinion, sometimes it’s best to leave someone like this alone to let them figure it out. It’s not my place to interfere, that much I know.”
She knew her words pierced Anjali, for her head hung in defeat. It was obvious that she had trudged all the way to the hospital, pinning all her hopes on Khushi. Although, why she thought Khushi would be able to get through to Arnav, when no one else could, was rather puzzling.
“Don’t you care at all?” Anjali asked in a small voice. “That Arnav is upset, and in pain? Because like me, you know, that this is not him wanting space, this is not him getting angry at everyone, this is not him disappointed with himself… this is completely different, and it’s making me anxious. I’m worried he might do something really really stupid and I don’t know who else to ask for help.”
Guilt pooled deep in the pit of Khushi’s stomach. The honest answer was, yes, she did care. She cared a lot. Despite their stupid argument, Arnav was still her best friend, and she was just as anxious as his sisters for his well-being.
“I tried to talk to him Anjali,” Khushi confessed. “I truly did. But he is ignoring me too. What am I supposed to do?”
“Just try once more, for my sake? I know you think you have no place in his life, but he does value your opinion. I have seen it many times.”
“But if he doesn’t listen-”
“I know you can make him listen,” Anjali replied, with a weak smile. “Would you give up on him if he was your patient?”
Khushi simply sighed and nodded. She wouldn’t have given up on a patient, true, but Arnav wasn’t her patient. But seeing how pained Anjali appeared, it felt unfair to tell her that. If talking to her brother gave her some consolation, then Khushi would try, even if it was futile.
The rest of day passed by in a blur, and much too soon, Khushi found herself gingerly walking into the darkened penthouse, looking for Arnav. She knew he would be locked away in the bedroom or better yet, the balcony, but she still hoped a miracle would happen and she would find him sitting in the den, typing away on his laptop.
But when did things ever go the way she wanted them to?
The apartment was unmistakably still, with no sign of Arnav in any of the rooms. Accepting defeat, Khushi finally crept to the bedroom. And sure enough, Arnav was lying down on the armchair, his eyes closed, but his face too stern to be asleep.
“Hey,” she murmured, walking in.
He didn’t respond. Khushi sat down on the bed, keeping her eyes on him, waiting for a reply.
Except, nothing came. As the seconds slowly slipped into minutes, she became more and more sure that this was going to be a monologue. But where to start? What could she possibly say to him? After an hour of racking her brain –or so it seemed– Khushi decided to follow Anjali’s advice and treat him like a patient.
“You know,” she said, her voice echoing in the silent room. “They teach us in medicine that there are five stages of grief.”
Silence.
“They call it the Kubler-Ross model… the first is denial, the second anger, the third bargaining, the fourth depression and the last, acceptance. Do you really need me to tell you what stage you are at?”
Arnav’s eyes snapped open, but he didn’t move from his position.
“You and your whole family seem to think that I don’t pay attention, that I don’t notice what is going on. Just because I don’t say anything, doesn’t mean I don’t know anything.”
Arnav stared at the ceiling, but Khushi knew he was holding onto every single word she was saying. Renewed with determination that she was making some impact on him, she continued.
“So, I am going to cut to the chase and ask you only one thing: why isn’t Myra here in my place as your wife?”
He arose, finally sitting straight up on the armchair. His eyes betrayed no emotions as he gazed at her, perhaps deciding how best to answer her question.
“I am not grieving,” he said.
“Yes, you are.”
“You know nothing about my life-”
Khushi clasped her hands. “Then tell me. Tell me about your life. Why aren’t you and Myra together?”
“Because I married you.”
Khushi couldn’t help but be reminded of that day in the hospital when she had uttered the exact same words to him about why she wasn’t practicing medicine. It felt as though they had come a full circle.
“No, that’s not true,” she answered, patiently. “You said so yourself that you had a choice to get married or not, and I want to know why you chose me.”
He didn’t reply.
“I get it,” she said after a few minutes of silence. “You are in a bad place right now, but sooner or later, you are going to have to snap out of it. Your family is freaking out. They don’t know what is going on with you and you won’t return any of their calls. Is this how you are going to repay them for loving you for so many years? They stood by you through your worst, and you are just going to ignore them?”
“You are not my wife,” he said shrewdly. “Stop acting like one.”
That was meant to be a low blow, but to her surprise, Khushi found that she didn’t care. She had been expecting worse from him.
“I am not trying to be your wife-”
“Good, because you are not-”
“I know and I don’t want to be either-”
“Then stop lecturing me about what to do! Stop showing so much concern for my family! And stop using some idiotic psycho-analysis on me!”
Khushi couldn’t help but be reminded of a mischievous child throwing an angry fit. Trying not to be riled up, she asked once again, “Are you going to tell me about Myra?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s not your business.”
“And my internship was? My life was none of your business too, but you went ahead and dug all of that up. At least I am asking you nicely instead of going behind your back.”
Arnav’s eyes flashed. “I don’t need your help, okay? It’s all done, Myra and I are over.”
“Doesn’t look like that to me,” she answered with a shrug, recalling his conversation with Lavanya that day in the den. “Either you both haven’t accepted the break-up, or you are not broken-up at all – which one is it?”
“You think you are so smart, don’t you?” he asked sarcastically. “With your stethoscope and fancy words? You are just a doctor Khushi, not god to know everything about me.”
“I am not trying to be a god Arnav, I am trying to help.”
“Well, I don’t need it!”
“Clearly you do. You are not going to work, you aren’t doing anything useful at home, you dismissed Lata and this morning, you wouldn’t even open the door to let Anjali inside – I mean, what the hell? This has gone too far.”
“Oh! So Di put you up to this?”
“As a matter of fact, yes!” Khushi retorted. “I don’t fancy talking to someone who clearly doesn’t value me.”
“At least we are on the same page about something.”
Khushi was now starting to lose her calm. “How old are you?”
“What?”
“How old are you,” she repeated. “To sit here and sulk about how crappy your life is? Well, guess what Arnav, that’s why it’s called life. Myra left you. Big deal! People change their mind, people are selfish, people are unpredictable – that’s just how the world works. If she really meant the world to you then why don’t you try being a man and win her back?”
His eyes narrowed dangerously, but Khushi didn’t care. She had enough of shutting up.
“But no, you rather sit here, lick your wounds and drink yourself to death. Do you have any idea how childish that is? How immature? You are running a goddamn empire! So why don’t you buck up and stop being an utter pain in the a*s for everyone?!”
The room was painfully still as they glared at each other. Khushi knew she might have crossed many lines today, but it was high time he heard her. For so many months now, it was he telling her what he thought and she, taking it in without a question. But not anymore. If he was going to continue dragging her into the mess that he undoubtedly created, then he should at least know what she thought about it.
When it seemed like he had nothing to say, Khushi stood up, ready to leave. That’s when he finally spoke, and it was much worse than what she had expected:
“And how childish is it, to still be too scared to stand up to your own father?”
She froze.
“Why are you sulking about the unfair situation I put you in when you know very well that you landed here because of your own decisions?”
“I didn’t have a choice-”
“Was there a gun to your head?” he challenged, also standing up. “Were you going to die if you refused to marry me?”
She didn’t answer.
“No. So you had a choice – either stand up to your father and fight for what you wanted or accept this alliance. And what did you do? You picked the easy way out.”
Khushi’s hands curled into fists.
“So guess what, people choose what’s easy for them, what’s convenient. That’s your whole problem isn’t it? That I married you for my convenience, instead of doing the right thing, but looks like you did the same too. So should I also be strutting around, crying about how unfair you have been to me?”
“Don’t you dare-”
“Cut the crap Khushi!”
She stared at him, trying hard to contain the anger his words were causing her.
“Stop playing the victim card,” he continued darkly. “When you’re clearly using this marriage to your own advantage too. So why don’t you grow-up for a change and learn how to deal with your father before telling me what to do with my life!”
It was one big slap across her face. He knew it as well as she.
So gathering what little dignity she had left, Khushi walked out of the room, cursing herself for even thinking about a getting a man so arrogant as he to care for her. Wherever Myra was, she did right by walking away and saving herself a future of misery.
If only Khushi had been so lucky.
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So I know the last chapter opened up a very big can of worms. And I promise every question of yours will be answered before the last chapter, have thoda sa patience.
Coming to Arnav, he is grieving the loss of his relationship with Myra. It does not excuse his behaviour (will never deny that), but there is an explanation for everything he has done since chapter 1. The five stages of grief are as follows:
1. Denial (chapter 6): Arnav was in denial that the break-up even happened, and hence, as an extension of that, refused to accept his marriage to Khushi.
2. Anger (chapter 7): Once Anjali makes him realize that Myra is indeed gone, he moves on to the next stage. And he is angry, at everything and anything. And because Khushi is the number one reminder that his relationship is indeed done, he lashes out on her. Everyone kept asking me why Arnav blames Khushi for the marriage, and this is partly the reason.
3. Bargaining (chapter 27): After Khushi’s internship thing is resolved, Arnav has a chance to reflect on his life and realizes that life without Myra is impossible. The pain of her absence is terrible, so he decides to do anything to get her back, which ever way he can. That’s why he goes to Ira, asking her to convince Myra to meet him once. If they cannot be lovers, then fine, they can be at least friends. It’s desperation.
4. Depression (this chapter): Hearing about his child made Arnav realize that things between him and Myra are indeed over. If she didn’t feel it was important enough to inform him, that only means, their relationship is beyond repair. The truth is settling in now and he feels helpless about it.
5. Acceptance (yet to come): Stay tuned to see how this happens 😉
We cannot deny that Arnav had a very deep relationship with Myra, and he will feel the loss of it. One cannot just come out of that. How does Khushi tie into all this? She doesn’t. Arnav (and Khushi too) don’t feel they are married, they don’t think they owe each other anything. Khushi is softening up, yes, but until both parties agree to see the other as a potential partner, nothing can happen. Yes, it is a “marriage”, but both of them are yet to realize what that even means.
The next chapter(s) are all in flashback. Arnav got angry at Khushi because she held up the mirror today, called him out for his behaviour. He, of course, yelled back (defence mechanism), but her words will force him to think.
Waiting for your amazing thoughts and discussions!
Love,
Archi
Edited by -Archi- - 5 years ago
he got his girlfriend of 6 years pregnant and broke up with her to save his family from getting bankrupt and destroyed khushi s life too.. I know he has a thing with self doubt and take disappointments but what did he do.. He still loves myra what is he doing with khushi... Why khushi
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