OOPS!

Q: What's a mixed feeling?
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

• A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter says that there's nothin' special... we just flat out tell' em they're gonna die...

• The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
"What is it, child?"
"Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."
The priest turned, took a good look at the girl and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."

• A funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased - what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was.
The widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your dad.