Naina silently tip toed into her brothers room in the night, to know what is going on in his mind since the time he has retuned from Jaipur. She saw him laying his head on the bed rest and his eyes were close but Naina knew that he was not asleep. "Arjun bhaiya mujhe apse zaroori baat karni hai." Arjun looked at her and just nodded. "Bhaiya aap jante hai na ki aap mujhse kuch bhi share kar sakthe hain." "Haan Naina." "Toh bataye na ki aap kya chupa rahe ho, hum saab se." Aaaiissa kuch bhi nahi hai", Arjun said trying to avoid eye contact with his sister. "Achha ab aap mujhse jhoot bolenge. Apni behen se. Jab se aap Ahmedabad wapas aaye ho tab se main dekh rahi hoon ki aap khush nahi lag rahe. Kissi se achhe se baat bhi nahi kar rahe. Cricket mein bhi apka man nahi lag raha. Bhaiya joh bhi baat ho aap mujhe bata sakthe ho. Main wada karti hoon ki main gharwalo ko nahi bataungi." Arjun was still silent. So Naina decide to be more specific in her question. "Kahin apki pareshani ki wajah Shefali toh nahi." Arjun's eyes shot up when he heard her name and got up from the bed and stood in the opposite direction not facing Naina.
"Aa...aa.aisa uc..cchh nahi", he began to stammer. "Come on bhaiya, maine apke wallet mein Shefali ka photo dekha tha. Abhi bhi aap kuch nahi kehna chahte." Tears started spilling from his eyes and in no time Arjun slumped to the ground and started pouring out his heart. "Maine bohot badi galti kardi Naina. Bohot badi." Naina sat on the floor beside her brother. "Bohot galat kiya maine Shefali ke saath. Uska dil todh diya maine, usse bohot takleef pahunchai maine. Jab ki uski koi galti nahi thi. Haan ek galti thi uski. Mujh jaise kayar se pyaar karne ki galti. Main bohot bura hoon joh apne pyaar ke saath nahi de paya. Apne pyaar ko gharwalo ke saamne accept nahi kar paya. Bohot darr gaya tha main. Aur ussi darr ke wajah se maina sab ke samne jhoot bola ki main Shefali se pyaar nahi karta."
"Maine Shefali ki mom se vaada bhi kiya ki waqt ane par main humare pyaar ke bare mein ghar mein sab ko bata dunga. Maine unse promise kiya ki main hamesha Shefali ka saath dunga, hamare pyaar ka saath dunga, usse kabhi dokha nahi dunga. Lekin main apna promise nibha nahi paya. Na ek achha beta ban paya aur na he ek achha boyfriend. Main haar gaya hoon Naina. Aise mein, main kaise khush rah payunga. Sab ka dil dukha diya maine. Khas kar Shefali ka. Pata nahi kaisi hai woh. Bas ek baar usse baat karna chahta hoon. Usse maafi manga chahta hoon. Lekin main maafi ka layak nahi hoon. Akhir maine he toh Shefali se aur uski mom se vaada kiya tha, hamesha uske saath dena ka, humare pyaar ke saath dene ka. Lekin maine uska dil ke saath saath uska bharosa bhi todh diya. Tu he bata Naina kon aisa insaan hoga joh sab kuch bhool kar uss insaan ko maaf karde joh usse kiya hua vaada nahi niba paaya, jisne uska dil todha, joh uske zindagi ke saath kilwad kiya, joh uska saath chod diya, joh ek kayar ki tarah apna pyaar ko accept nahi kar paya. Maine bohot badi galti kardi uski dil todhkar. Uske dil main humare relationship ka, humare pyaar ka umeed maine he jagaya tha aur jab waqt aaya apne pyaar ka saath dene ka tab maine usse muh mod liya. Mera bas yahi wish hai ki dunya main koi bhi pyaar karne wala kabhi apne pyaar ko accept karne se na darre."
"Aaj jab sochta hoon toh Shefali ke liye bohot bura lagta hai. Main khud ke nazro mein ghir gaya hoon. Main kabhi uske pyaar ka layak he nahi tha. Main itna khudgarz ban gaya ki uske baare mein maine socha he nahi. Ki uss par kya beethegi. Kaash main aisa na karta toh aaj shayad mein khush rah pata aur cricket mein bhi mera mann lagta." Naina knew this was the reason for her brother's sadness, she didn't interrupt him when he was disclosing his feelings. She simply provided him a shoulder on which he could cry.
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Naina couldnt sleep that night. The conversation she had with her brother clouded her mind.
"kon aisa insaan hoga joh sab kuch bhool kar uss insaan ko maaf karde joh usse kiya hua vada nahi niba paaya, jisne uska dil todha, joh uske zindagi ke saath kilwad kiya, joh uska saath chod diya, joh ek kayar ki tarah apna pyaar ko accept nahi kar paya."
"Main kabhi uske pyaar ka layak he nahi tha. Main itna khudgarz ban gaya ki uske baare mein maine socha he nahi."
She couldn't dust away those thoughts and her mind immediately remembered SAMEER. The love of her life. Her reason to smile. The hard reality hit her that she was also the reason why smile had once disappeared from his face. Her Arjun bhaiya was right in saying that no one would forgive the person who failed to keep up with their promise, the one who calls their love as a mistake, the one who is selfish in a relation, who suddenly refuses to love the person they had loved for three years, who had took for granted their love and feelings. No one would forgive that person and shower the same love they did, after that person being the reason for you to shed a lot of tears. Even if they would forgive then too it would not be as easily as her Sameer had forgotten everything and loved her the same way.
A wave of guilt washed over her. How had she been so ignorant of his feeling. Sameer accepted her back in his life again but did she really deserve that amount of love and adoration. She did not know the answer. She just knew that Sameer did not deserve all those pain that she had made him go through. The one who yearned for love throughout his life. He had found solace in her love but what had she done she decided to snatch that very love from his life hat taught him how to smile, that taught him to live his life. Was she so selfish that she only thought about her family's happiness and not about the love of her life. For the family, who decided to marry her off to some random guy. Did she not understand the value of his love. When everything was back to normal. When Chachaji had given a green signal to their relationship she felt like she had got back her reason to live and immediately got back to Sameer and even he didn't object. Yes, he was having a fear of getting back into the relationship again and Munna's promise did bind him. But after Munna also agreed to their love he didn't waste any time to express his love for her. This made her think that if Munna hadn't made him promise, would he have held back his emotions and love from her even for a second... ofcourse he would have not.
She remembered the time after the truth about the bet was revealed to her. She was so angry with Sameer for playing with her emotions and didn't forgive him easily. She had forgiven him only after his repeated attempts to prove his love to her. That time Sameer was wrong. Now she was. She took the decision of breaking their relationship without having a word with him. She broke off when she wanted, she extended hand of friendship when she wanted and got back to him when she wanted. In all this Sameer just obliged to her willingly or unwillingly. During the bet how many times had he apologized to her but she was stubborn. Now not even once did she apologies to him yet he embraced her love again. So it made her question herself again did she really deserve his love? Did Sameer deserve all the pain and suffering? Only one person could answer all her questions...
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"Jabse woh GS bani hai na tab se bas usse apni zimadari he yaad hain. Main toh yaad he nahi rahta. College mein usse baat karne ka mauka he nahi milta. Hamesha busy rehti hai. Dekho na ab tak nahi aayi woh madam." Sameer was pacing around the classroom cribbing to Mundit about the lack of time Naina had for him. "Aree Sameer aisi koi baat nahi, bhabhi busy hain par woh tumjhe kaise bhool sakti hai. Abhi Navratri ki tayari main busy hai uske baad toh tumhare saath he busy hogi." Munna teased Sameer. Sameer smiled understanding the meaning of Munna's words. "Woh dekh Preeti aa gayi", Pandit said making Sameer turn back to see Preeti coming alone into the class and his face dropped with disappointment, for he expected Naina to accompany Preeti. "Preeti tum akeli aayi ho. Naina kahan hai." "Haan woh actually", saying this Preeri produced in front of him a chit. "Yeh Naina ne bheja tumhare liye." Sameer opened the chit and it read "mujhe college ke peeche wale bagheeche mein milo -Naina". Sameer immediately sprinted off to the garden,
He saw her standing with her back facing him. "So finally tumhe mera yaad aa he gaya. Thank god, mujhe toh laga GS banne ke baad tum bhool he gayi ho ki tumhara koi boyfriend bhi hain." Saying this he held her by her shoulders and turned her to face him but he was taken aback to see her eyes were filled with tears and upon seeing him, the tears spilled from her eyes. Naina came crashing onto his chest and hugged him tightly and started to weep badly. Sameer was shocked by her response. He wound his arms around her tightly trying to calm her down. "Naina mera woh matlab nahi tha. Main toh bas mazak kar raha tha." She gave no response but her tears didn't stop. "Naina kya hua. Naina please rona band karo na." But she made no attempt to control her cry. The more Sameer asked her to stop crying, the more tears spilled out of her eyes, wetting his shirt. So Sameer just stood silent, rubbing her back, letting her to calm down at her own pace.
After her cries had subsided a little he slightly pulled her away from him and cupped her face, wiping her tears with his thumb. He made her sit on the nearby bench and he too sat beside her. Naina wrapped her arms around him and burying her face in the crook of his neck, whispered "Sorry Sameer". Sameer had a questioned expression. Why was she apologizing all of a sudden and for what. "Naina tum kiss cheez ke liye maafi mang rahi ho". "Saab ke liye Sameer. Aaj tak maine job bhi galat kiya tumhare saath us ke liye, tumhare dil dukhane keliye aurr.. her voice came in sobs aur tumhare pyaar ko tukhrane ke liye. Saab ke liye. Mujhe maaf kardo Sameer..." Now he realised why she was apologizing. It was for the separation that he had to bear for 3 months. With that, the bitter memories of the past few months came back to him like a boomerang and he suddenly got up from the bench, they were seated on.
Sameer felt uncomfortable reminded off those painful days when he was away from her. The day when Naina decided to break up came before his eyes.
"Sameer mujhe lagta hai ki humme iss rishte ko yahi khatam kar dena chahiye."
"Mere liye pyaar se pehle meri family hai."
His facial expressions were more serious now. "Sameer meri taraf dekho na." But sameer didnt turn to her. "Main jaanti hoon maine bohot badi galti ki tumhe aur tumhare pyaar ko chod.." "Naina" he cut her and said "class ke liye der ho raha hai." He started to walk from there but Naina held his hands and stopped him from moving any further. He tried to blink away the the tears that had formed in his eyes by now. "Naina main uss saab ke bare main phir se sochna nahi chahta, woh dard main doobara mehsoos nahi karna chahta. Naina sorry bolne se kuch change nahi hone wala isse achha yeh ha ki hum apne present aur future ke bare mein soche." "Main jaanti hoon Sameer, par aaj mujhe mat roko please. Main aaj bolna chahti hoon. Agar aaj main tumse yeh saab nahi kahi na toh pata nahi kabhi keh paungi ya nahi. I am sorry Sameer."
"Na main tumhe jaanti, na tum mujhe jaante."
"Lekin humara pyaar Woh bhi galat tha."
"Sameer hamara pyaar khatam ho chukka hai."
He remembered each and every word she had spoken. Sameer was yet again reminded of that painful time. He jerked is hand away from Naina's hold... he closed his eyes as he felt anger surge through him. Why was he feeling angry all of a sudden. Hadn't he decided not to think about the past. He didn't want to spoil his moments with her holding back the past. He had got her back after a long time and he wanted to cherish each moment with her. Hadn't he buried all the pain somewhere in his heart and started loving her the same way. Yet those painful memories also brought the unexpressed anger within him. The pain which was somewhere buried deep down resurfaced, with all those memories being rekindled by one simple word 'sorry'. Sorry, was that enough, will that word heal all the emotional wounds that he had bore. For three months he was dying each day, not seeing her, not hearing her voice and worst, the thought that Naina snatched all the rights from him to love her. One fine day when he saw her, her hand dyed maroon, etched with someone else's name. That moment he understood he has indeed lost all rights over her. He doesn't even have the right to ask it back.
"Sameer meri taraf dekho please..." he turned but his eyes still closed he took a deep breath and letting it out to calm his emotions he slowly opened his eyes. "Sorry, really Naina sorry". After a pause he nearly yelled at her "tumhe ab yaad aya ki mujhe kaisa..." he stopped midway as he saw her body jerk because of the sudden raise in his voice. "Naina please main tumpar chilana nahi chahta, agar is bare mein aur baat kare toh main apna gussa shayad control nahi kar paunga." "Aur control karne ki zaroorat bhi nahi hai Sameer. Aaj tumhare dil mein joh bhi hain woh sab kehdo, main nahi chahti ki tum koi bhi emotion apne dil mein dabakar rakho, phir woh chahe pyaar ho ya gussa. Sab kehdo Sameer." "Kya kahu Naina" his voice started to crack "ki meri saansei toh chal rahi thi lekin meri jaan mujhse dur ho gayi, ki kaise har pal tumhare bina maut se kam nahi tha." He cupped her face, "Naina main tumse bohot pyaar karta hoon tumhare bina main apni zindagi soch bhi nahi saktha."
"Jaanti hoon Sameer aur main yeh bhi jaanti hoon joh kuch hua usme meri he galti thi, maine sirf apne paarivar ki izzat ke bare mein socha, tumhara aur tumhare pyaar ke bare mein nahi socha. kitna kuch kaha, tumhe apne se dur kar diya, tumse baat karna band kar diya aur yahan tak ki.." she fell to the ground crying and guilt clouded her eyes as she said, "yahan tak ki maine humare pyaar ko ek galti kahan. Par tumne phir bhi mere liye kitna kuch kiya, mere liye meri doosti bhi accept karliya, aur uss Sharad se bhi lad padhe, sirf mere liye. Aur maine tumhare saath bohot bura kiya, tumhara dil todh diya, phir bhi tumne mujhe aur mera pyaar ko apna liya. Aaj jab uss sab ke bare mein sochthi hoon toh main tumse ya khud se bhi nazre nahi mila pa rahi. Pata nahi ki main tumhara pyaar deserve karti hoon ya nahi. Tumse vaada kiya ki main tumhe chodkar kabhi nahi jaungi par asal mein kya kiya maine, tumse rishta todh diya, tumhe chott pahunchaiyi. Main tumhari layak hoon he nahi, na haisiyat main aur... aur na he pyaar main."
NO. This was definitely not what he wanted her to think, yes he was angry with her, but that anger did subside now. Yes, she did break his heart but that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve his love. What ever happened, it was not Naina's fault alone. He did not try to understand her situation, he also did not make her understand his feelings. What had he done instead, he took decisions in a rush that had hurt her more. She was in the most fragile state and he kept pushing her to her limits. Didn't he talk to Chachi and taiji about Naina's relationship. Didn't he propose Sunaina out of rage, did he bother to ask her what had happened, he just decided in a haste and proposed Sunaina. If Naina was at fault then he too was equally at fault. Instead of talking with her and solving matters, he made things even more difficult for her. He should have been her support at that time but he made her all alone. Had he given a thought how she would have felt. He just wanted her back in his life, so he took the wrong route of jealousy instead of understanding her pain.
Sameer knelt down in front of her and took her hands in his and said "doobara aisa kabhi mat kehna, agar tum mere pyaar deserve nahi karti toh is duniya mein aisa koi bhi nahi joh mera pyaar deserve kare. Naina tum mere liye bohot mayene rakhthi ho. Haan manta hoon ki tumse galti huyi, tumne mera dil todha par galtiyan toh mujhse bhi huyi hai na. Mujhe bhi maaf kardo Naina. Joh bhi hua usme sirf tumhari galti nahi thi, main bhi galat tha. acchanak se jab tumne rishta todha toh tumhe khona nahi chata tha issiliye maine jaldbazi main aisa bohot faisle liye jisse tumhe dukh hua. Maine tumhara situation samjha he nahi. Tumhe jalane ki koshish ki, tumhe wapas pane ke liye maine su... Naina mera yakeen mano mere dil mein tumhare alawa kissi aur ke liye koi jagah nahi. woh sab maine gusse mein kiya. Mujhe maaf kardo Naina. Tumhe aurr dukh dene ke liye. I am sorry. Main promise karta hoon ki aage se main tumhare situation samajne ki koshish karoonga. Pata hain tumhe jab uss din tum chatt par chad gayi thi na toh ek pal mera dil ruk gaya tha, aisa lag raha tha jaise saab kuch katam ho jayege. Abb uske bare mein sochta hoon toh lagta hai ki tumhe bhi aisa he mehsoos hua hoga na jab rakesh sir suicide karne ki koshish kar rahe the, ussi dar main tumne mujhse dur hone ka paisla liya aur maine tumhari halat aur majboori samajne ki koshish he nahi ke. Lekin promise karo ki kabhi bhi tum aisa koi bhi kadam doobara nahi uthaogi. Tumhe kuch ho jata toh main jee nahi paata. Promise karo muhje." "I promise Sameer."
He joined his forehead with hers and both of them stayed like that, crying, pouring out all the sufferings, pain and suppressed emotions. Pulling away from her, a smile adorded his face as he wiped off her tears with his hands. "Ab bas bohot ho gaya rona, ab main sirf khush rehna chahta hoon aur tumhe khoosh dekhna chahta hoon. Ab hum sirf apne present aur future ke bare mein sochenge, peechle baatoa ko yaad karkar ab koi phaida nahi, joh ho gaya so ho gaya, aur issi baat par yeh aanso pooch lo aur jaldi se smile karo. Aur agar tum sach main maafi mangna chahti hoon toh woh kaho joh main sunne ke liye taras gaya hoon." Naina smiled and kept her head near his heart, wrapping her arms around his waist she said, "I Love You Sameer." "I love you too Naina", came the reply as he lovingly stroked her hair.
Both of them got up to leave for the class when Naina suddenly said, "Sameer wahan dekho" she said pointing to the opposite direction. "Kahan" he turned his head to see where she had pointed but the very next moment he felt her soft lips caress his cheeks. Muahhh. Naina kissed him on his cheeks and ran away from the spot before Sameer could even react.
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