Posted:
Hello everyone,
written this piece after a really long time. Inspired from the famous book turned into a a recent, faaavv movie - 'all the boys I've ever loved.' Loved the book and the movie and thought to give it a go from Zoya's point of view. Based around the time, when Adi left for Paris a while back and picks up during that time. I hope you enjoy this - written with a lot of effort. Flashback in Italics are memories.
Please give your feedback and likes. thank you. x
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written this piece after a really long time. Inspired from the famous book turned into a a recent, faaavv movie - 'all the boys I've ever loved.' Loved the book and the movie and thought to give it a go from Zoya's point of view. Based around the time, when Adi left for Paris a while back and picks up during that time. I hope you enjoy this - written with a lot of effort. Flashback in Italics are memories.
Please give your feedback and likes. thank you. x
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Dearest Aditya Hooda,
There's so much to say that I don't even know where to begin. I have always found it easier and calming writing about my thoughts and thinking about you everyday is that one thing occupaying my mind and soul - overwhelming me eventually to write this.
We have known each other for about sixteen and half months, and in this span of time so much has happened that I feel like I've known you so since forever. It's utterly insane and crazy to think back to how we met - feels like so long ago - and yet no matter how much you wanna forget the circumstances, the moments in between end up being imprinted in your mind. never in my life had I chased someone endlessly in the narrow streets of mussoorie, until I was out of breath over a mere present that meant so much for the both of us that time. Who knew.
I hated you for making me run so much in my wedges that my feet ached and more so for ruining my favourite white dress which I adored so much by throwing the red powered thaal into air, landing on my dress and you somehow getting away with it again within a spec of seconds. Infuriated would be an understatement and yet I remember that mischievous twinkle in your eyes and that quirky grin that imprinted your face as you met my glance for under 2 seconds before scurrying away while I stood shocked. Mind you, I was set on going to the police later that evening because you snatched and really stole my favourite present that I set my hands on and I was hell bent on getting in back. Well, you don't mess with a certain Zoya Wasim Sidiqqui. It's funny as I even think about now. How utterly stupid and naive I was living in my own bubble, not knowing what a shit storm rained upon us that night - taking away my identity and not so strong willed, Zoya Wasim Sidqqui.
I hated you for making me run so much in my wedges that my feet ached and more so for ruining my favourite white dress which I adored so much by throwing the red powered thaal into air, landing on my dress and you somehow getting away with it again within a spec of seconds. Infuriated would be an understatement and yet I remember that mischievous twinkle in your eyes and that quirky grin that imprinted your face as you met my glance for under 2 seconds before scurrying away while I stood shocked. Mind you, I was set on going to the police later that evening because you snatched and really stole my favourite present that I set my hands on and I was hell bent on getting in back. Well, you don't mess with a certain Zoya Wasim Sidiqqui. It's funny as I even think about now. How utterly stupid and naive I was living in my own bubble, not knowing what a shit storm rained upon us that night - taking away my identity and not so strong willed, Zoya Wasim Sidqqui.
Going back, I was or so I thought extremely happy in my marriage. I was married to the love of my life, about to celebrate my 5th marriage anniversary. And that 5th marriage anniversary never even happened or did Yash came back to voice the answers of my countless questions and thoughts - utterly shattering my happiness, my thought process, my values and point of views which I held on to protectively for all my life-time and even more with the years I spent with him - losing it all - letting that sand slip right through the gaps within my fingers, no matter how tightly I held on with all my might, wondering and wondering where had I gone wrong. How could I be such a fool and not as strong headed as I thought as I was - fricking foolishly in love standing at the door of betrayal way beyong my likes of comprehending, too quickly for my mind to even process anything. How could I let this happen? Hating my self for it after I found out everything. Lekin, sab kuch bekhir chuka tha. Had disappeared into thin air, every single night no matter how much I held on - the protectivess, the values, the so called love and likeness - everything slipping beneath me in such a rush with no warnings, landing me in a space where no I had idea what or who to believe, what values to hold on to. I was not myself at all - thought I had died at one point with no identity or status of being - since every single thing of mine was connected to him and him only - not my family so much. Just me and him. Him and me. In this world. Not so together after all.
You came into my life so unexpected, out of the blue as you did when we first bumped into each other due to the present. and afterwards, every single interaction we hated each other with a passion - so overwhelmingly strong - to prove each other wrong. Hell bent on the other to see the other side of things. Mainly me. That night when I rushed out from the taxi to save you from walking into the busy on-going traffic, drunk as you were as I held on to your grey coloured polo t-shirt all too quickly, grasping on for dear life - so you don't knock and hurt yourself against one of the cars. Terrified. I was terrified. Pushed you off from the railing because I couldn't see you dying in front of my eyes - as we just lost two very important people the night before. Could see you numblessly breaking just as I was. While you were under the support of alcohol - I couldn't even have that. I was just as mind-numbed - wishing and praying to forget everything that happened that night before.
Wish it was all just a nightmare. But you know what, life had a really cruel way of throwing a nightmare at us, unable to escape which meant something in the long run. like now. sixteen and a half months later. I had never faced the impact of death so strong as such and I couldn't see one more. Clutching on to you - for your dear life, fearing you'd escape as the sand of memories and faith had slipped from my fingers - I held on you. for you. to let you know that we were destined, our mere interactions weren't just a coincidence, we were meant to keep on meeting, interlinked destinies for a better purpose. God knows what that was and what I even said. I believed the words as it rolled off my tongue then with the point to distract you as well.
But God knew what he was doing all along, how harsh it all was. I couldn't forget the intensity in your eyes - outshone from being under the lamp post and from the head lights of the cars passing by, reflecting that hazel in your eyes. I was spellbound of the mere seconds which ticked by spotting just as intense of the vulnerability of hurt in your eyes, just for half a second as it all gone. As if I'd imagine it all, how you held on to my waist with your right arm enclosed around me as you crashed into me as I'd pulled into you all too quickly - holding on to me for the both us, so I didn't go crashing into the brick-laned railing behind me, hurting my back unknowingly as you held on with an impassive anger. and just the next second, you scowled telling me to stop believing in such bullshit and taking the taxi I ushered way too quickly as it was passing by for you to get in, safely home - threatening you if you didn't get in, I would call the police.
Wish it was all just a nightmare. But you know what, life had a really cruel way of throwing a nightmare at us, unable to escape which meant something in the long run. like now. sixteen and a half months later. I had never faced the impact of death so strong as such and I couldn't see one more. Clutching on to you - for your dear life, fearing you'd escape as the sand of memories and faith had slipped from my fingers - I held on you. for you. to let you know that we were destined, our mere interactions weren't just a coincidence, we were meant to keep on meeting, interlinked destinies for a better purpose. God knows what that was and what I even said. I believed the words as it rolled off my tongue then with the point to distract you as well.
But God knew what he was doing all along, how harsh it all was. I couldn't forget the intensity in your eyes - outshone from being under the lamp post and from the head lights of the cars passing by, reflecting that hazel in your eyes. I was spellbound of the mere seconds which ticked by spotting just as intense of the vulnerability of hurt in your eyes, just for half a second as it all gone. As if I'd imagine it all, how you held on to my waist with your right arm enclosed around me as you crashed into me as I'd pulled into you all too quickly - holding on to me for the both us, so I didn't go crashing into the brick-laned railing behind me, hurting my back unknowingly as you held on with an impassive anger. and just the next second, you scowled telling me to stop believing in such bullshit and taking the taxi I ushered way too quickly as it was passing by for you to get in, safely home - threatening you if you didn't get in, I would call the police.
There's a film running in my head as I wonder about which moments to write, as there are way too many and yet special in their own way. The time when you came over to my house through the window, way under the dosage affect of the medicine I'd given you and plopped on my bed without a care to tell me how much it all hurt to which you couldn't even fall asleep. Just like the time we were in our office, I had mentioned to you that I couldn't fall asleep since months either. You went on to blabber about here and there, about how sorry how were about hurting me in the process of our journey - to making me see things and hating me for not budging up until I found out a month back. Under the dim light of my lamp as you dozed off occupying my bed as I sat by the bed post reflecting it all - I wanted to run my fingers through your dark brown hair - feel the texture beneath my finger tips as some of them came over your eyes as you slept.
The first time I really noted you properly - really looked at you and felt for you, just like I did for my self as it was the first time since your apologized in words. Your chiseled face structure with a bits of stubble, your long eye lashes - wishing I had them instead, the moisture which still stuck on as tears streaked down my own face, the way you curled up into the featel position - noting the way how visible your veins were running through your arms as I positioned a pillow under you all so gently and covered you up to go over my arm chair looking at you throughout the night as you slept and wondered about you until sleep clouded over me - how confusing and poignantly vulnerable you were at the same time. How this nightmare of a double cross murder ruined us into ultimately bringing us together for the better, I suppose. But for what?
The first time I really noted you properly - really looked at you and felt for you, just like I did for my self as it was the first time since your apologized in words. Your chiseled face structure with a bits of stubble, your long eye lashes - wishing I had them instead, the moisture which still stuck on as tears streaked down my own face, the way you curled up into the featel position - noting the way how visible your veins were running through your arms as I positioned a pillow under you all so gently and covered you up to go over my arm chair looking at you throughout the night as you slept and wondered about you until sleep clouded over me - how confusing and poignantly vulnerable you were at the same time. How this nightmare of a double cross murder ruined us into ultimately bringing us together for the better, I suppose. But for what?
Even when a month back before that memory, subconsciously I felt your presence near me as you sat on a metal stool while I was half awake, in pain as reality sunk in again and meds were yet to kick in. I felt your chiseled finger tips, very faintly as if you were afraid to touch me, running through the bits of hair, pushing back bits of hair to barely stroking my left cheek with your thumb, afraid to apply any pressure. Barely catching on your left hand in time as you took steps away from me, holding on your pinkie - I barely opened my eyes, blinking rapidly to adjust my vision and releasing a shaky in pain breath I released since you stroked my hair and stood way too close.
I slowly let my finger tips slide inwards in to the base of your palm to your forefinger and pinky, holding on to half the hand as your stood completely still, faltering in your step to look back meeting my eyes and realizing you were caught and as your glance sombered, swallowing as your adam's apple bobbled and you held the sheen of moisture within your eyes as I rasped out a thank you. You whispered a thank you as well as your finger tips enclosed against mine, accepting my gratitude as you apologized without having said anything as I could see it in your eyes as I kept blinking rapidly to avoid the moisture obstructing my vision as you left the room, rushing to call the doctor and seeing my tight lipped from groaning. I could barely move my arms as my body ached to wipe the tear that left my eye. And the moments in the office - you were just as infuriating and obnoxiously annoying to that - I still want to convey my gratitude to annoying me so much so to bring me back to life when I really wanted to not just exist. At all.
I slowly let my finger tips slide inwards in to the base of your palm to your forefinger and pinky, holding on to half the hand as your stood completely still, faltering in your step to look back meeting my eyes and realizing you were caught and as your glance sombered, swallowing as your adam's apple bobbled and you held the sheen of moisture within your eyes as I rasped out a thank you. You whispered a thank you as well as your finger tips enclosed against mine, accepting my gratitude as you apologized without having said anything as I could see it in your eyes as I kept blinking rapidly to avoid the moisture obstructing my vision as you left the room, rushing to call the doctor and seeing my tight lipped from groaning. I could barely move my arms as my body ached to wipe the tear that left my eye. And the moments in the office - you were just as infuriating and obnoxiously annoying to that - I still want to convey my gratitude to annoying me so much so to bring me back to life when I really wanted to not just exist. At all.
To the moment where I dropped coffee on you - a lame attempt to see you in a different outfit and it played out so hilariously stupid than I'd imagine, guessing you'd picked up on it and I pretended it it was nothing and you wondering if I had poisoned your coffee to teasing me by coming without a shirt in front of my face as I obstructed my view, covering my face turning my back on you. It was all for your birthday as I was preparing a collage you never got to see. I hadn't laughed that wholeheartedly - all genuine in a long time. Sharing with you for the first time ever how white was my all time favourite colour to wear and you agreed as we both laughed at the coincidence.
As you buttoned up, you laughed at my expense telling me to finally have a look as my way of covering up left gaps within my fingers and shuffling on the spot was too funny of your liking. As you were busy rolling up your sleeves to your elbows and tucking your shirt in your navy chinos while running a hand through your hair - I was left awestruck as a chord struck within me internally telling myself how frickin amazing white looked on you since the first time I saw you. How well the medium sized shirt accentuated while I had no idea about your size as you picked the Rolex to put on left wrist, busy in your moment as I stepped back behind you to take a shot way too quickly - your head a little bent fixating on you watch. You took a sip of your coffee next wondering if I really did make the coffee as it tasted quite nice and the next second letting me know offhand that if there was poison - you'd sue me and seeing my expression, you chuckled which turned into a laugh for both of us. Or later that time how drunkenly said - what would have happened if we met in a different life time? Holding on me as I was tucked on top of you wondering what you were thinking as you held my glance so insistently without much of fluttering of your lashes - all hooded of a glance which stirred something inside me as you looked on intensely as I looked away while you effortlessly put stray hair behind my ear. The imprint of your fingers and your whisper stayed all night before sleep enveloped me.
As you buttoned up, you laughed at my expense telling me to finally have a look as my way of covering up left gaps within my fingers and shuffling on the spot was too funny of your liking. As you were busy rolling up your sleeves to your elbows and tucking your shirt in your navy chinos while running a hand through your hair - I was left awestruck as a chord struck within me internally telling myself how frickin amazing white looked on you since the first time I saw you. How well the medium sized shirt accentuated while I had no idea about your size as you picked the Rolex to put on left wrist, busy in your moment as I stepped back behind you to take a shot way too quickly - your head a little bent fixating on you watch. You took a sip of your coffee next wondering if I really did make the coffee as it tasted quite nice and the next second letting me know offhand that if there was poison - you'd sue me and seeing my expression, you chuckled which turned into a laugh for both of us. Or later that time how drunkenly said - what would have happened if we met in a different life time? Holding on me as I was tucked on top of you wondering what you were thinking as you held my glance so insistently without much of fluttering of your lashes - all hooded of a glance which stirred something inside me as you looked on intensely as I looked away while you effortlessly put stray hair behind my ear. The imprint of your fingers and your whisper stayed all night before sleep enveloped me.
Or the dinner time - you forcefully dragged me out of the office late night, telling me enough was enough since I had been pulling all nighters from three nights straight due to a big project from a well-reowned company required way too much precision and needed to be handled well as there was still so much work to do. all protest in vain - hooked on countless cups of caffeine and barely 10 minutes nap in between. You wouldn't tell me where we were going on my insistent questioning - telling me to shut up as I talk too much. Look who's talking? You definitely chatter way more than me. obnoxious, annoying you. We stopped at Elan and awestruck as I was - I questioned you how come you knew. And you told me you remembered since I mentioned wanted to try it out dinner two weeks or so - I don't even remember that as hazy as my mind was then. I now wonder how even remembered such a mere detail about wanting to dine out. Yet you somehow ended up remembering all the details I mentioned in between conversations.. surprising me, because such a detail I didn't even remember. And that drizzle that followed on after we exist the dinner that night and walking a distance because we couldn't find your car and just when we did in a semi- empty parking lot, before you pressed the remote for the car to beep to open - you were suddenly struck with a thought.
...
...
"Hey, Zoya?"
As I mumbled exhausted you went on to say, "Let's have a dance?" done with life at that time, I told you how crazy you were. "Pagal ho gaye hain, aap? Is waqt kaun dance karta hai? Bahut thak gayi hoon main." And yet you went on to plead the case with the softest expression and the smile - which I had come to adore, which melted my heart no matter how fed up I was of life or you at times of your antics - but you were you.
"bas, eik min. Please?"
And I gave in. Scooting closer, you held on to my waist so lightly as I placed a hand on your shoulder, and one enclasped softly in your large hand swaying in a light breeze and drizzles that had started to come down way faster. just hearing the sound of the rain and moving in a circle beside our car.
"dance kyun karna tha aapko, achanak se?" (suddenly) after a minute passed in our element, I sleepily questioned with a yawn.
"Aise hi. Yaad hai, tumne kaha tha bachpan mein - you loved to dance in the rain and was waiting for the monsoon in mumbai and you didn't get a chance until now. So i thought why not? Aisi hi khyaal aya as we were walking."
Abruptly stopping, "Kya? bilkul ajeeb hain aap, pata haina?"
Chuckling, "I know."
Swallowing due to abrupt emotion washed over me since dinner due to his unexplainable courtesy of bringing up the wish which I relied to him way long ago it seems and - he had an undescribable emotion within him, a little subdued, a little vary yet remaining to be cheerful and yet quite the next moment.
"Aap.. Aap theek haina?"
"Haan... kyun?"
"You're sure, right? 'cuz you know, aap humse keh sakte hain."
"Yup, I'm sure."
Not sure if he really meant it as we had stopped to converse, still holding on to each other as it kept drizzling and we rapidly blinked.
few seconds later, he questioned my expression as I looked on - taking in his features and the thoughts surrounding his actions.
Ungrasping from his hold, I hesitantly lifted my left arm to ruffle back the fringe of hair that had freely landed atop his forehead and obscurring his left eye vision and very gently, I swayed them back. Taking an extra second to run my hand through his wet hair - feeling the texture within my tips as I had once imagined down as my heart hammered just as quickly I let go, just as he cleared his throat wearing a hooded expression.
"Yun hi." A few seconds later, "jaante hain, aap bahut ache hain." Clearing my emotionally heavy throat, I told him we should go as it was getting late and "ab aadat mat daal le jiye ga itne taarifoon ki." As he looked on chuckling and starting the car.
Having slept mid way through the car ride, he woke me up with his charcoal black leather jacket covering my upper body.
-
Having submitted the project early morning which he helped by staying up through home. walking into the office late morning and spotted a frapp drink on my glass coffee table with a note that turned my morning and world upside during the moment - not having to bid goodbye to you as I reached you a second too late.
What I hadn't said that night which I really wanted to say was how amazing you are, having had known you for about a year - aapka dil kitna saaf hai. Paagal hain, annoying hain, ajeeb hain, lekin achay hain. You brought me into being confident in terms of being independent and maintaining the self-esteem I lost way back that fateful night. For bringing in that childish spark within me through your antics which I had lost since my ex-marriage, for internalizing the thoughtful courage to live myself fully and to run a business which I had no clue of. For helping me pay the debt, from hating my company and becoming a partner with me happily - we covered quite a distance within the year. For being hellbent furious and stubborn to being forgiving and selflessly giving, and being able to let and being in that journey really helped my growth as a person. From being a stranger to a mere partner - to a companion and a friend - and then walking a distance to being a best friend in between - I wanted to let you know that morning at the airport how much you mean to me. Amidst our journey, when the status kept changing - it escaped my realization and our journey flowed seamlessly without lots of up heal and downhill of course.
You know it's pouring outside, while I sit under the roof of the terrace writing this late evening - reminding me all our times together, such minuscule moments of having coffee together to the time when you came over for pakoras and homemade fries over chai that one late afternoon during out pour. Pagal the hum - how much we laughed and joked around the evening. Shouting at you more so due to how annoying you were having not to forget the movie marathon we had of one each - watching clueless and fight club and fighting over who's movie was better over countless cups of chai. I miss sharing such moments with you.
Aditya Hooda - I miss calling you every other morning, being your alarm at most of the time - telling you to get your damn self to the office to a location we were supposed to be, together, yet you were mostly late. And being mad at you for that. And you going off - getting me hazelnut frappe or treating me to lunch or dinner, because you deserve it. After threatening you - the rare times you started you showing up early in my office - occupying my chair with the coffees ready and the annoyingly giddy smile - wanting to prove me wrong, lest i give in. Annoying me by throwing paper balls on me across the wrong while I was too focused in my assignment and hating my all too focused attitude and not being able to sit quietly. Forcing me to eating my lunch even if I didn't feel like due to the deadlines and stress toppling up - even if I threatened to not talk to you - which did work at times and you'd bug me constantly and I would give in - because, well you were damn annoying.
Or the time - I got relentently sick without meaning to as you barged in -
"Zoya! Zoya! Zoya!" It was early morning - 8:45 a.m on a monday morning. "Kitni baar kaha hai-" he barged in annoyed seeing me and abruptly stopped his rant seeing me splattered the light teal couch in my office and cont'd
"Kitni baar kaha hai phone uthaya karo." "Are you even listening to me?!! Hellloolo." As I kept typing at a rapid speed on my laptop pulling another all nighter, trying to type out the proposal I was supposed to present the owner by this afternoon - this being the fifth draft since he wasn't convinnced with the first copy I sent the guy and ignoring the one in my office.
"Not now Aditya. Chillana band kare, pehle toh aap." My raspy voice had come out, my back against him as he came over.
"Phone kyun off hai tumhara? Kitne calls kye and the messages I left." Being ignored, he even on knowingly - "phirse all nighter kya spent kiya haina? The least you could've done is pick up your phone. I went to your house and Noor told me you were here since last night."
Tissues were scattered around me and on the carpet along with the papers and files as I kept typing, sitting cross-legged, wiping away my puffy, watery eyes.
In a soft voice he had kept for me, he went on - "kya hua hai yaar, naraaz ho mujhse?"
Sniffing, "nahi. frustrated hoon aur ghussa hoon apne aap se. Please busy hoon, abhi nahi."
Grabbing the file that sat between us after a couple seconds, he held my hand from grabbing it and put the file on the glass coffee table beside us, giving me the look.
"baat karo mujhse. Kuch toh hua hai." giving me the once over who knew something was wrong, as my messy hair sat in bun with my shirt crinkled and I so looked like a mess.
My lower lip quivered as emotion took over me, trying not to cry over this shit as his he held on as I sat still looking at screen with only page done as something clicked. "Zoya, tumhe-"
"Humhe kuch nahi sunna. Tang aagayi hoon. Uss stupid compnay ke owner ko mera proposal pasand nahi aya. I requested him to give me one more shot - trying to put this presentation. I've been staying up all night trying to put it all together - wrote five drafts and yet nothing is coming out good. I don't know what to do. I'm-"
"Zoya! Tumhe toh bukhaar hai." he cut me midsentence with an emphasis.
"Nahi. Aise hi lag raha hai, aapko. Aisa-" As I wiped my eyes with the end of palm as he felt my forehead and side of the neck.
"Shut the hell up Zoya. Doraba kaha hai, aisi baat nahi hai - toh acha nahi hoga." Exasperated he went on - "yeh raspy voice, and your watery eyes and runny nose. Pagal ho kya. Full on bemaar ho tum, aur tumhe iss stupid assignment ki pari hai."
"Haan pari hai." I cried out. "Itna bara project hai aur contract pata nahi milega ya nahi. Afternoon mein submission hai aur kuch bhi sahi nahi hai. Itna koshish kar rahi hoon lekkin kuch acha nahi ho raha." Releasing up my pend up frustration, I ended up crying into my hands. He put away the laptop on the coffee table and scooted over -
"hey, hey zoya. Roote nahi hain. Sab theek ho jaye ga."
"Kaisay theek hojaye ga? Itni achi mein proposal bana ke usko beji thi aur usne reject kardi. Samaj nahi aati, kaisi usse pasand nahi aye. Last chance manga hai, aur inta kam time hai aur kuch bhi sahi nahi ho raha." Planting my forehead against his shoulder - I let it all out my crying furiously as he rubbed my back and hair as I kept sniffing - soaking up his navy blue crew neck.
"Bahut bara kamina hai agar usko tumhari proposal pasand nahi aye. I know you must have done an amazing job. I looked at your prosopal, remember? Usko toh mein dekh loon ga - number do uska, I'm gonna sue his a--"
"Adi!" I spoke up abruptly, reprimending him.
"Aur nahi toh kya. Usne tumhe rulaya - uski khair nahi."
"Uski wajah se toh nahi ro rahi.
"Stress toh usse ne di haina? Apni halat dekhi hai. Hadd hoti hai lahperwahi (ignorance) ki." Wiping away the tears as he plucked out the tissues for me to blow my nose into. "Kyun nahi bataya, bukhaar hai. Mein nahi aata toh?" As I shrugged in return.
"Bhar mein jaye yeh presentation. Usko nahi pasand aye, uska loss."
"Lekin, Aditya. It's really important. I don't have much time."
"No, you listen to me. Jo insan tumhe izzat nahi de sakta, usse izzat dena ki koi zaroorat nahi hai. You get it? If he gave a shit, he wouldn't have rejected your proposal. He probably has someone better and he's letting you on a hook. No need to waste you time-"
"It's good for the company, Aditya. Contract woh mujhe de raha hai, not me. I have to bend a little too-"
"Where the hell did you get that Idea? We don't - you don't owe anything to anyone anymore. Your company is at a good standing, being advertized in magazines through the projects you chose and completed on time now in the span of nine months. None of the others had an issue. He's just a a-- giving you a hard time and I'll see to it."
"Please, Aditya-"
"Not one more word." Closing the laptop and putting the papers together, he piled them neatly on the table, enclosing it in the folder. Threw the scattered tissues and came back to sit beside me, holding on to my hands in that soft voice of his.
"You need to start taking care of yourself, Zoya. Tabiyat khrab ho gi toh kuch acha nahi lagega. Health is utmost imporant, everything else comes secondary. You should have called him up and demanded more time, you have put in way more effort than neccesary. Upar se, all these all nighters are not good for you. You have stayed up far too many times without proper sleep. Kab samaj aaageya, tabhiyat kharaab nahi hogi toh kya hoga."
Seeing my sullen, paled face - he voiced - "Chalo. I'm taking you home. You're gonna have meds and sleep."
"Lekin-"
"Mujhse kuch sunayi nahi deraha."
Enclosing an arm around my lower back and under one under my legs, he picked me up without as I let out a raspy squeek.
"Yeh aap kya kar rahi hain. Please neche uthraye."
"Bilkul nahi."
"Dekhiye, koi dekh le ga. It's past nine am, people must be coming in."
"I really don't care. You should know that by now."
"Please, Aditya-"
"You know your rebuttals are not gonna work against me, right? When you're the matter on hand. When you can't take care of your sef, someone's gonna have to right? Aur woh mein hoon. Theek hai?"
Unable to come up with an argument, from his expression - he knew he'd shut me up. Who could win against Janaab Aditya Hooda.
"Stress aur mat lo. I'll get the assignment done and give a call to that a-hole. I'll let him who has the upper hand and I let him go with it to exhausted to argue as we left the building.
-
It's been four months since you've been gone and I feel your presence everywhere. Missing arguing and joking around with you. Watching you aimlessly when you aren't looking, noticing your expressions in the midst of a joke or a heated argument, or your silly laughs. Missing eating out with you, or going on walks - talking about anything or anything. Even that Silence in between. The way you stood up for me, took care of me, did my assignments for me, making sure I had food, entertained me and drove me home, gave me company even in silence - becoming a part of my world so slowly and so effortlessly - that time has flew by way too fast.
Janaab Aditya Hooda - I really really really miss you. It's been four months since you have been gone God knows where and I couldn't even say goodbye. Sab kuch adha adhoora lagta hai, aapke bina. Have sent you countless emails and yet you barely replied to any - except, 'mein theek hoon.' Aap sab kuch the humara, humari dunya mein aapne itne jagah bana li thi - ke ab woh khaalipan bahut chubta hai. Koi share karne waala rahi nahi. Ya abhi bhi hai, lekin pata nahi kahan hai. I have to much to say you to aur pata nahi kab woh pal ayeaga, kabse yeh lafz zubaan pe liye behthi hoon - rehearing mindlessly everyday just to tell you - ke aap se pyaar ho ga Aditya Hooda. Pata nahi kab hua, kaise hua, or even muhabbat hoti kya. Jab se bhi socha tha, yeh hamesha socha tha ke jis se bhi shaadi ho gi, woh mera best friend pehle ho ga.
Who'd ever I'd fall for - love can come secondary - pyaar ho hota hai aur kuch samay ke bad woh pyaar rehta bhi nahi hai. Jis ne shaadi karoon gi, I'll make sure - ke sabse pehle hum ache dost ban sake. Husband se pehle, he'll be my best friend - whom I could share and recall anything without any hesistance. Shohar toh sab ke ho jate hain, sab ko mil bhi jaate hain - lekin aik acha dost aik shohar mein, aur shohar banne se pehle, bahut naseeb waloon ko milta hai. Pyaar aur muhabbat karne wala insaan toh mila gaya lekin, humara aik acha, best friend nahi ban saka. Hum unhe samaj nahi paye aur na shayad woh humain samaj paye aur itna kuch hogaya. Jisse pyaar samjha, overtime woh bhi nahi raha - it remained a shadow instead.
Aap humesha se, jab se hum ache dost banne - ke hum aapko Adi bulaye. Rolling off a shortened version of your name, which everyone dear to you calls - feels oddly good on my tongue as the syllables roll off. Sounds like home.
Toh ab bula rahe hai aapko. Please aajaye aap jaldi waapis. Jaahan bhi haan aap. Aapko aik nazar dekhna hai aur bahut kuch bata hai. Ya shayad kuch bhi nahi. Bus dekh ki hi, humain sukoon ajayega. I need my best friend. My only best friend back. Please come back. I really need you. I'm in love with my best friend, Adi. I think this is love. I'm not sure. What I do know is, you are best friend before anything and everything. Yaad hai aapne kaha hai, 'ishq hogaya hai mujhse?" Toh kya kahain ab. Lagta hai waqai mein Ishq hoga hai aapse.
Toh ab bula rahe hai aapko. Please aajaye aap jaldi waapis. Jaahan bhi haan aap. Aapko aik nazar dekhna hai aur bahut kuch bata hai. Ya shayad kuch bhi nahi. Bus dekh ki hi, humain sukoon ajayega. I need my best friend. My only best friend back. Please come back. I really need you. I'm in love with my best friend, Adi. I think this is love. I'm not sure. What I do know is, you are best friend before anything and everything. Yaad hai aapne kaha hai, 'ishq hogaya hai mujhse?" Toh kya kahain ab. Lagta hai waqai mein Ishq hoga hai aapse.
Forever and always.
To my forever best friend,
I love you, Adi. I love you.
Yours forever,
Your best friend and love always,
Zoya Wasim Siddqui x
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