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Notes to your younger self
Nona Walia| TNN | Sep 24, 2017, 00:00 IST
Notes to your younger self
We've all said this to ourselves at times - I wish I knew this then, when I was young and naive. None of us has a time machine but we can all learn from what others offer us as advice. Ellyn Spragins, author of What I Know Now: Letters to My Younger Self, believes writing to ourselves has a therapeutic effect. She says in her book, we have two versions of life - a public one, and a private one, and it's in the private life that we "store the bumps and bruises". "If you go back to some of those times, it's really hard, and maybe you still don't feel so great. Maybe you feel like a failure, and something about that time still gets to you. What I believe happens is we kind of orphan those experiences, and shut them away. We don't necessarily want to revisit them, but when you write a letter to your younger self, there's so much acceptance and understanding of what you've learned, it's almost like reclaiming a piece of yourself," explains Spragins. Let's ask some people about what they would say to their younger selves...
Inner strength comes from repeated affirmation
Mithali Raj, cricketer
Dear Mithali,
I want you to never give up on your game. Though this quest for success may seem like an endless struggle and suffering, don't give up. Always practice discipline, don't let the odds or anyone's negative comments get to you. Remember, inner strength comes from repeated affirmation. Also, while following your dreams, remember to enjoy your life. Spend time with family and nurture friendships. Celebrate small moments, for these moments will help you walk the long path of your dreams.
You could've devoted more time to singing
Ayushman Khurrana, actor
Dear Ayushman,
You can hold on to your dream to become a singer, even if people say you are meant to face the camera. Don't give up on singing. Believe a little bit more in your first love. You'll later realise, you can do both at the same time - singing and acting. Form a band, then
become a singer/actor in Bollywood.
Life would be perfect.
Spend more time with your dad
Anurag Basu, writer/director
Dear Anurag,
You'll be surprised and quite happy with the way your life turns out. Wherever you grow up (Bhilai, Chattisgarh), if your parents encourage you, you learn to break boundaries, and dream big. You are lucky to have parents who believed in raising a curious child, who questions things around him. You are lucky that your father made you politically aware, never imposed any ideology, taught you to read between the newsprint and question everything. You can learn so much more about life from your father. Also, watch as many movies as possible, and make it a point to go for some town theatres.
Don't stress over the small stuff
Sophie Choudry, actress, singer and VJ
Dear Sophie,
Don't stress over the small stuff - the things you can't control. It's not worth it. The sleepless nights, the tears, are all part of the process. Save them for bigger issues in life. Don't overthink every decision and don't plan every detail. Learn to go with the flow. And above all, focus on what makes YOU happy. Your career is a huge part of your life and who you are, but your happiness cannot be solely dependent on your professional life. Happiness comes from those random moments with friends, family, pets, from your travels and unexpected adventures. Don't miss out on them.
Expect the most from yourself
Dhanraj Pillay, former Indian hockey team captain
Dear Dhanraj,
Never give up your dreams, even while playing barefoot with broken hockey sticks. Remember, hockey is in your blood. Keep your head in the game and keep playing even when they point fingers at you. Expect the most from yourself. Keep learning, keep strategising your game. Never shy away from roughing it out. There will be moments of desperation - never let it get to you. Don't get swayed by the glimmer of fame. Remember what mother said: Be humble in all circumstances. You have to make your own destiny.
Keep reading. Start writing early
Amish Tripathi, author
Older-self (O-S): "Guess what, Amish. I am you from the future. And you actually become an author."
Teenage-self (T-S): "Abey, kya baat kar raha hai? Itna jhoot mat bol ki sunne waale ko paap lag jaaye."
O-S: "No, really. It's true. And even more bizarrely, a lot of people actually want to read your stories."
T-S: "What are you saying, man?! I love reading. But I have never written any fiction in my life. I don't have a creative bone in my body."
O-S: "Our body..."
T-S: "Yes, our body... No creative bone. Zip."
O-S: "Apparently, it was well-hidden. But it does show itself."
T-S (shocked now): "So what should I do?"
O-S: "Keep reading a lot. And start writing a little earlier. You wasted many years without being creative. Start early."
T-S: "Ok. Will do... But listen, my older-self, can I give you some advice?"
O-S: "Yeah, sure."
T-S: "Exercise more. And cut down on the biscuits. I am slim. Look at how fat you have become!"
O-S: "Ok, shut up!"
Facets of your personality which distress you, hold the key to your success
Anuradha Dhawan, fashion designer
Dear Anuradha,
Learn how to balance the different pulls of life - work, love, and then marriage and family. Know that life has a way of messing up one's best-laid plans. Jobs, friends and lovers will come and go. Others could rise fast and high while you mourn the death of your dreams. Indulge in your vagaries and delinquencies and believe in yourself.
Tough days will make you question your values and beliefs. Go find hope and a stronger voice, at such times. Be gentle, kind yet firm in your relationships. Losing yourself whilst catering to others must not become a habit. Dream those picture-perfect daydreams, ignoring the guilt. Facets of your personality which distress you, hold the key to your success. Learn to tap into them.
Choose grace over everything else
Shilpa Shetty, actor
Dear Shilpa,
Don't allow negativity to block your shine. Always choose to be dignified and graceful. Don't let your emotions get the better of you. Keep moving ahead. Try to spend more time with your family. Live in the moment and learn to let go of things that don't serve you.
Don't change for the world
Mishal Raheja, actor & entrepreneur
Dear Mishal,
Don't be such an honest and straight-edged person. We live in a cut-throat world. Learn to adapt. Think hard before lending money. Learn to recognise double-faced people around you. But while doing all that, don't change for the world. Be yourself even if you have to stand alone.
Thinking too much gets you into a mess
Arpana Caur, artist
Dear Arpana,
I would like to tell you shyness gets you nowhere. You can't even lift yourself off the road. You have a permanent chair in the bathroom and a book to retreat to when the odd guest comes. You get 'handled' in buses to the college and may slap a guy only once. You even wear plain glasses to hide your face! You don't go out with friends, only to the langar with your mother to make endless rotis; what kind of life is this? Weep less for others. Feeling more for others resulted in you having a bypass so early. Thinking too much gets you into a mess. Why can't you just enjoy painting and forget these faceless people?
Live life to the fullest
Shovana Narayanan, dancer
Dear Shovana,
Don't try to control things. Don't lose your temper so often, nothing is worth it. Live life to the fullest. Stay away from negativity. Don't hurt people.
Inner strength comes from repeated affirmation
Mithali Raj, cricketer
Dear Mithali,
I want you to never give up on your game. Though this quest for success may seem like an endless struggle and suffering, don't give up. Always practice discipline, don't let the odds or anyone's negative comments get to you. Remember, inner strength comes from repeated affirmation. Also, while following your dreams, remember to enjoy your life. Spend time with family and nurture friendships. Celebrate small moments, for these moments will help you walk the long path of your dreams.
You could've devoted more time to singing
Ayushman Khurrana, actor
Dear Ayushman,
You can hold on to your dream to become a singer, even if people say you are meant to face the camera. Don't give up on singing. Believe a little bit more in your first love. You'll later realise, you can do both at the same time - singing and acting. Form a band, then
become a singer/actor in Bollywood.
Life would be perfect.
Spend more time with your dad
Anurag Basu, writer/director
Dear Anurag,
You'll be surprised and quite happy with the way your life turns out. Wherever you grow up (Bhilai, Chattisgarh), if your parents encourage you, you learn to break boundaries, and dream big. You are lucky to have parents who believed in raising a curious child, who questions things around him. You are lucky that your father made you politically aware, never imposed any ideology, taught you to read between the newsprint and question everything. You can learn so much more about life from your father. Also, watch as many movies as possible, and make it a point to go for some town theatres.
Don't stress over the small stuff
Sophie Choudry, actress, singer and VJ
Dear Sophie,
Don't stress over the small stuff - the things you can't control. It's not worth it. The sleepless nights, the tears, are all part of the process. Save them for bigger issues in life. Don't overthink every decision and don't plan every detail. Learn to go with the flow. And above all, focus on what makes YOU happy. Your career is a huge part of your life and who you are, but your happiness cannot be solely dependent on your professional life. Happiness comes from those random moments with friends, family, pets, from your travels and unexpected adventures. Don't miss out on them.
Expect the most from yourself
Dhanraj Pillay, former Indian hockey team captain
Dear Dhanraj,
Never give up your dreams, even while playing barefoot with broken hockey sticks. Remember, hockey is in your blood. Keep your head in the game and keep playing even when they point fingers at you. Expect the most from yourself. Keep learning, keep strategising your game. Never shy away from roughing it out. There will be moments of desperation - never let it get to you. Don't get swayed by the glimmer of fame. Remember what mother said: Be humble in all circumstances. You have to make your own destiny.
Keep reading. Start writing early
Amish Tripathi, author
Older-self (O-S): "Guess what, Amish. I am you from the future. And you actually become an author."
Teenage-self (T-S): "Abey, kya baat kar raha hai? Itna jhoot mat bol ki sunne waale ko paap lag jaaye."
O-S: "No, really. It's true. And even more bizarrely, a lot of people actually want to read your stories."
T-S: "What are you saying, man?! I love reading. But I have never written any fiction in my life. I don't have a creative bone in my body."
O-S: "Our body..."
T-S: "Yes, our body... No creative bone. Zip."
O-S: "Apparently, it was well-hidden. But it does show itself."
T-S (shocked now): "So what should I do?"
O-S: "Keep reading a lot. And start writing a little earlier. You wasted many years without being creative. Start early."
T-S: "Ok. Will do... But listen, my older-self, can I give you some advice?"
O-S: "Yeah, sure."
T-S: "Exercise more. And cut down on the biscuits. I am slim. Look at how fat you have become!"
O-S: "Ok, shut up!"
Facets of your personality which distress you, hold the key to your success
Anuradha Dhawan, fashion designer
Dear Anuradha,
Learn how to balance the different pulls of life - work, love, and then marriage and family. Know that life has a way of messing up one's best-laid plans. Jobs, friends and lovers will come and go. Others could rise fast and high while you mourn the death of your dreams. Indulge in your vagaries and delinquencies and believe in yourself.
Tough days will make you question your values and beliefs. Go find hope and a stronger voice, at such times. Be gentle, kind yet firm in your relationships. Losing yourself whilst catering to others must not become a habit. Dream those picture-perfect daydreams, ignoring the guilt. Facets of your personality which distress you, hold the key to your success. Learn to tap into them.
Choose grace over everything else
Shilpa Shetty, actor
Dear Shilpa,
Don't allow negativity to block your shine. Always choose to be dignified and graceful. Don't let your emotions get the better of you. Keep moving ahead. Try to spend more time with your family. Live in the moment and learn to let go of things that don't serve you.
Don't change for the world
Mishal Raheja, actor & entrepreneur
Dear Mishal,
Don't be such an honest and straight-edged person. We live in a cut-throat world. Learn to adapt. Think hard before lending money. Learn to recognise double-faced people around you. But while doing all that, don't change for the world. Be yourself even if you have to stand alone.
Thinking too much gets you into a mess
Arpana Caur, artist
Dear Arpana,
I would like to tell you shyness gets you nowhere. You can't even lift yourself off the road. You have a permanent chair in the bathroom and a book to retreat to when the odd guest comes. You get 'handled' in buses to the college and may slap a guy only once. You even wear plain glasses to hide your face! You don't go out with friends, only to the langar with your mother to make endless rotis; what kind of life is this? Weep less for others. Feeling more for others resulted in you having a bypass so early. Thinking too much gets you into a mess. Why can't you just enjoy painting and forget these faceless people?
Live life to the fullest
Shovana Narayanan, dancer
Dear Shovana,
Don't try to control things. Don't lose your temper so often, nothing is worth it. Live life to the fullest. Stay away from negativity. Don't hurt people.
Anupamaa
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
