How do you look into the eyes of the man you love beyond measure, and see incredible pain, caused by you. The man you thank God for each day looking at you with your betrayal reflecting back in them. All the words in the world fall short to express how sorry you are.
Intensely hoping that somewhere in his heart he will eventually be able to forgive you. The man, that sometime back in your life you would rightfully hug and kiss, now you wonder whether you even get the right to stand before him anymore.
What did you do Anika, Shivaay ko tho tu chor kar isliye gayi thi ke unki zindagi mein tuj se bethar koi aajai. Jo inko zindagi mein kabhi aapni patni ki waga se dunya ki nazar mein nicha na jukna pare. Par ye to jaise tut gaye hain, itna dard hain inki anko mein. Itni bhi kya tardi maar rahe the ke apna dayan bhi nahi rak pye. [You left Shivaay so that someone better can come into his life. Someone, so that in his life he would never have to be looked down upon by the world. Yet he has broken down, there is so much pain visible in his eyes. Why must he be so stubborn that he even forgot to take care of himself]
"Shivaay..."
Shivaay stands still some feet away from her, not breaking eye contact, afraid she will disappear. If this is a dream he wants to live in it until his last breath.
Tears brim his eyes, pain and betrayal fills his heart. How could she have left me? Without saying a word of what my fault was. I loved her. More then I ever allowed myself to love someone before, and she left me. Was I worth so little? Were my previous sins so grave that she left me so easily?
"Chaai mahine... Anika.. Chaai mahine" [Six months...Anika..Six months]
Flashback
Oberoi Mansion
"Pinky Aunty apne buliya?" Anika knocked on her parents-in- laws bedroom door. For the first time since her marriage with Shivaay Pinky Aunti had called her, not with anger but requesting her to meet and speak with her. Maybe...maybe soon she may accept me as her daughter-in-law. [Pinky Aunty you called]
"Haan Anika, aao" [Yes Anika come in]
Anika walks and finds Pinky on her bed looking at a photo album. "Betho" [Sit] she gestures towards the couch. Anika sits down and looks at Pinky as she continues to flip though the album. 'Yeh dekho Anika" [Look at this] She passes Anika a picture she has pulled out. Anika takes the picture, there is a little boy wearing only shorts in Pinky's hands, both smiling incredibly big. A school bag laying close by them with a small shirt.
"Shivaay ka phela din tha school ka" [It was Shavaay's first day at school]
"Yeh Shivaay hain!" Anika responded eagerly. She looked back down at the picture, smiling brightly along with the two. [This is Shivaay]
"Han,usko kho buhat daar tha school jaane ka. humeska mera paas hi to rehta tha. Om bhi us theen saal kya hi tha aur mera se door renhe ka dar usko bohut tha. Mene usko promise kia tha ke mein uske saath pura din rahoon gi tab ja ke wo maana kushi kushi. Bohat kush aur excited tha ek naya adventure shuru karne ja raha tha jab tak mein saath hoon. Mujhe yeh don bohat yaad aate hain Anika, jab mera bache ko meri zaroorat thi. Bas meina ur wo hi tha. Han wo Omkara ke saath bhi khel tha tha aur bohat pyaar bhi kar tha tha par din ki ant mein wo mera pas hi aata tha aur mujhe sab bata tha tha ke kya kia aur jaane se pehle mujse puch kar ja tha tha. Ab us ko meri zaroorat kya. Anika mein tumse nafrat nahi karti, mein tumhe apne beta ke kabil nahi samaj thi . Mein apne beta se bohat pyaar kar thi hoon . Mein jaan thi hoon ke tum jaan thi ho ke wo najiz hai par meina uss baat ko koi aimiat hi nahi di jab se Shakti ji ne usse mera hatoon mein rakha. Meine aapne bache ko kho dia tha mein use wapis paane ke liye kuch bhi karti aur jab maine shivaay kho dekha to mujhe laga ke Mata Rani ne mera pratna sun li aur mujhe mera baacha wapis kar diya. Mein usse beintaan pyaar kar ti hoon aur uske liye kuch bhi kar sakti hoon. Par mujhe nahi pata mein tera kya karoon. maine tujhe zabardasti se bhi nikalne ki kooshi ki par tu baar baar wapis aaja thi hai. Main tujse kya kahoon ke tu asal mein Shivaay ko chood kar chali jaye gyi. Tu apni aukat jaanti hai, kaise mera beta kai saath dunya ka samna kare gi, balke Shivaay ko jukna pare ga jab dune tujhe sawal karegi. Jis bete ko maine Dunya ko anke mein anke dal kar samne kar ne ko sikiya tha wo juke ga apni biwi ki waja se. Mein ye kaise maan loon, tu hi bata"
[Yes, he was very scared to go to school, because he was always with me. Om too was only three years old then, so the fear of staying away from me was terrifying for him. I promised him that I would stay with him all day if he agreed to go happily. He was very happy then excited to start this new adventure, as long as I was with him. I remember those days a lot Anika, when my child needed me. It was just me and him. Yes he did play with Omkara, and loved him a lot, but at the end he would always return to me. He would tell me everything he did, before he would go he would ask my permission. Now what need is there for me in his life? Anika, I don't hate you. I don't like you, because you aren't fit for my son. The son I love very dearly. I know that you know that he is illegitimate, but I never cared beyond the point when Shakti placed Shivaay in my hands. I had lost my child, and I would do anything to get my child back. When I saw Shivaay I thought that god had listened to me and returned my child to me. I love him beyond everything and would do anything for him. But I don't know what to do about you. I have forcefully tried to get you to leave, often, but you always come back. What can I say to you that will make you leave Shivaay for good? You know your standards, how will you stand with my son against this world? Instead he will have to look down when the world questions you. The son that I raised to be proud, and look the world in the eye and face everything, will look down because of his wife. How do I accept this? You tell me.]
Anika looked up to Pinky's eyes seeing her looking helplessly at her, "Aunti ji..". Pinky raised her hands.
"Mei tere aage haat jor thi hoon, use ki zindagi se chali jha. Wo nahi samaj tha par aage jha kar pachtayi gya.
Anika looked down at the picture and got up and ran out of the room.
Mein kya karoon, Pinky Aunty bhi sahi ke rahi hain. Mein unke laiak hi nahi. Kitni baar wo juhke hain mera liya. Jis kya koi naam, khoon khaandaan nahi usse humesha hi jukne pardhe gaye. Aapne saath mein unko bhi kyun jukaoon. Mein Asa unke saath asa nahi kar sakti. [What should I do? Pinky Aunti was also right. I don't deserve him. How many times has he been looked down on because of me? A person without an identity is often looked down upon but that doesn't mean I should bring him down with myself. I can't do that to him.
That Night
Anika is removing her jewelry and make up when Shivaay comes behind her. "Mujhe tumhara sada pun zade pasand hai. Make up mein to tumhari language mein kahoon to badi Dinchak lag rahi ro par make up ke bagar tum... noorani ho" [ I like your simpler ways better. With make up you look amazing, but without it you look... incredible]
"Flirt kar rahe hain?" [Are you flirting with me?]
"Nahi. Jo mera hai uski tarrif kar raha hoon" [No, I'm complimenting whats mine.]
"Kadar hai?" Anika teased[You actually value it?]
Shivaay looked her in the eyes, with all his love reflecting in em
"Jaan se zaida" [More than my life]
Shivaay caresses Anika's face, and brings her closer he kisses her forehead. "Tum nahi jaan thi mein tumse kitna pyaar kartha hoon" [You don't realize how much I love you.] Anika hugs him dearly, memorizing the feel of him, his scent, his embrace, hoping it could last forever.
Mujhe maaf karde na Shivaay, mein aako thoda sa bhi dard nahi dena cha thi. Par ye aake bahle ki liye hai.Mein bhi apse bohat pyaar kar thi hoon isliye ja rahi hoon. [I hope you forgive me Shivaay, I didn't want to hurt you at all. But this is for your own good. I too love you a lot]
Midnight
The two lay cradled in each other as they slept, Anika lay awake hours memorizing every detail of her Shivaay. She caressed his face as he slept, and watched as he relaxed into her palm. In the early hours of the morning she quietly got up and walked to the washroom and changed. She came back and grabbed the bag she had packed the previous day. She walks up to Shivaay and kisseds him. She places her letter on the dresser and walks to their door. "I love you Shivaay" she whispers before she disappears.
Morning
Shivaay arose and looks to find the other side of the bed empty. "Anika?" He gets up and speaks louder "Anika?" He looks around and notices the dresser is emptier. He walks to the bathroom door and knocks "Anika?" He goes out to the main hall, and then the kitchen, asking all the staff if anyone knew where Anika was. He returns to his room.
"Itna subha wo kahan gayi hai, kisi ko bhi bina batai?" [Where'd she go so early, without telling anyone?]
He walks by his dresser to find all her things gone. He picks up the paper placed under his cologne.
"Shivaay, mein chali gayi hoon. Aapko meri kasam aap mujhe doode gaye nahi. Aur meri baat dayaan se sunyi. Mei aapke leik nahi hoon. Jiske koi naam, khoon, khaandaan nahi wo aapke leik kaise ho gyi? Mei aapko kuch nahi rak pati, mei aapka sar sif jukathi nahke utathi. Mei aapse door jha rahi roon, please mujhe bhool jana. sooch ya ga ke mein kabhi thi hi nahi. Aap ko meri kasam Shivaay mujhe bhool jiye. Aap ko meri Kasam.
- Anika"
[Shivaay, I've left. Swear on my life you won't try to find me. Listen to me carefully, I don't deserve you. How can a person without an identity deserve you? I can't keep you happy, I can only bring you down, not up. I am going away from you, please forget me. Think that I never was. Swear on my Life Shivaay. Swear on my life.]
Buddy for update Notifications
Link to Part 1
http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=4881895
Health and Fitness
Tum Se Tum Tak
