Broken Trust.
"Shivam, you know there is something I want to tell you, Hmm...actually I...have...be...en in lo...ve...I mean I ha...ve been in love with... you know, hmm Sh...sha...Sharon."
I spoke to my reflection in the mirror for the eleventh time in that evening. Despite how many times I practiced, at the end of the section where I come to the truth, I just end up stammering. I spent the whole evening in front of the mirror in my washroom, and still, I just could not gather any guts to go up to my brother and confess the truth that had tied us all together in the predicament.
"What the hell Swayam, what the heck was that? Why are you stammering?" I asked myself the same question again. After taking a puff of breath, I released it through my mouth relaxing. "You can do this." I mentally prepared. "It is easy, just go and speak your heart out, he will understand, Swayam."
It is not easy, as it seems. I think I should call Rey.
I walked out of the bathroom to my room; taking the mobile from the bedside table, I dialed my best friend's number.
"Hi Rey,"
"Hi," Rey responded, surprised.
"How are you?"
"I am fine, but why did you call?" There was a strange tone in his voice; I could feel something was wrong.
"Is everything ok there?" I inquired while walking towards my balcony.
"Yeah, why would you ask that?"
"You are sounding weird."
"Nothing much, just so everyone is excited about the marriage, you know...they are waiting for you three."
I tensed again.
"Ohh, by the way, I called you to ask something."
"Ha, what is the matter?"
"Actually, I'm thinking to tell Shivam everything." I bit his lips after those words escaped.
"Are you sure?" He was surprised, but his voice came out as concerned.
"Yes,"
"I told her Rey, I told her everything." I looked up at the sky, feeling vulnerable, the day almost came to an end, and the sun had gone to the horizon.
Rey went silent, scaring me.
"Rey, did you hear me? I told Sharon everything about my past." I continued when Rey did not react.
"Yeah, I heard, but I am just surprised. What did she say?"
I heard some shuffling voices from the other side. The marriage arrangements are happening there.
"That I have to talk to Shivam."
"So you suddenly can't see anything but Sharon." Rey accused, at least that is what I felt.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, what about Shivam? He will be heartbroken." His voice was low, almost unclear.
This time I went silent.
"You know, he was hurt when he got to know that Sharon have feelings for someone, but he will break down when he comes to know that, the guy is you."
I know, Rey was not trying to discourage me, but he was just trying to give me a moral support. He has always wanted Sharon and me to be together, but he never wanted to hurt Shivam.
"I thought you will invigorate me, but you are demoralizing me, Rey."
"No Swayam, I am just trying to tell you that, this is not going to be easy. I don't want you to back out of what you are going to do, but I want you to be strong enough to face the consequences."
"Hmm, wish me luck then." A smile formed on my lips, hearing what Rey said, that is what I wanted to hear.
"All the best my friend and make sure to dodge every hit he will throw at you." Rey chuckled at the end.
"Done," I smiled, but the smile had a worry line, I am going to hurt my brother.
I ended the call.
Before I could walk into the bathroom to practice one last time, Shivam sauntered into my room, looking devastated. He walked relaxed but his exterior was tight as if he will burst anytime without a warning. I visibly stiffened.
"What happened to you? It looks like you are disturbed."
Shivam asked me with a perfectly raised eyebrow and there was a crooked smile on his lips. I halted in my steps, reading something wrong.
"Nothing, I think I should ask you that."
I returned the same expression Shivam had when he walked in, with an eyebrow raised and a crooked smile. I walked up to the table that was at the corner of my room to pour myself some water.
"Nothing," Shivam repeated, almost puzzled.
"Water," I asked him.
"No," He rejected then he marched towards the couch and plopped down on it.
"Yeah, why did you come?" I walked to the bean chair and sat opposite to the couch where Shivam was sitting.
"I wanted to ask something."
"To me?"
"I think there won't be anyone else who could give me a better answer than you." He sat up straight.
"Okay, what is that?"
I took a sip of water and watched Shivam's actions, amusedly. Shivam stood up from the couch and walked to a distance far from me. Approximately, for five minutes he did not speak up. "What's the matter Shivam?" I probed.
He turned to face me. After wasting another five minutes, he asked the unexpected. "Do you love Sharon?"
A silence crept inside the room; I for a second forgot to breathe, numbing my organs. It would be an understatement to say I was shocked, I was gobsmacked.
It was highly unexpected.
"What are you up to, Shivam?" I stood up and acted as if I am unknown to what he was talking. This is not how I planned the things to be done; this is not how I wanted him to know.
"Just answer me, Swayam. Do you love her?" He asked again, after taking two steps towards me, he continued, "Reply either a yes or a no?" I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. I continued to open my mouth and close it like a fish in the water.
Only one thing registered in my mind, I was caught.
"Shivam, actually..."
"Yes, or No," He shouted and I know, he wanted the truth, so I said that.
"Yes, I do."
As soon as those words slipped out of my mouth, the expected thing happened. Shivam's hand attached to my nose. The blow was hard enough for my nose to bleed. Rey was right.
"You bloody cheater," Shivam yelled and threw another punch.
"Shivam, stop it. Let me explain." I held his hand before it could damage my face anymore.
"Explanation! My foot, who the heck wants that?" He jumped to me and tackled me to the ground.
"What the hell are you doing?" I shouted and tried to escape from his hold, but he was strong.
"You fuc**r" He cursed and held my neck, choking me to death. We wrestled on the floor for some time, when I saw him getting tired I somehow pushed him and succeeded to get him off me. When I got free I ran towards the table and drank the bottle of water at once. I didn't look at him to see whether he was alright because I could hear his unsteady breathing. When I peeked sideways I saw him sitting on the floor with his head hung low.
"Was it that difficult to tell earlier?" He asked vaguely and I turned to see him sitting in that same position looking downwards. Nevertheless, I didn't reply. He stood up and yelled again almost shaking the whole building. "I asked you something Swayam, was it that difficult to tell me earlier?"
"Shivam, I am sor..." I began to apologize, but he raised his palm interrupting me.
"Don't...Don't speak now." He warned me, his postures showed an emotion I never wanted him to feel, Hurt and betrayed.
"Then he disappeared."
"And you found him at the bar, wasted," Sharon spoke up and I nodded at her.
"We hurt him," Sharon mumbled and I followed her gaze, she was looking at Shivam who was sleeping soundly.
"But I am not giving up on you," I confessed with a smile on my face. She turned her face and looked at me and reciprocated my smile.
"Yes, we will fight till the end."
***
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