IshVeer FF : La Douleur Exquise| Important Announcement (Page 51) - Page 26

Chapter 20: Unbreak My Heart

The storm from the night before had passed, leaving behind a sublime quiet one feels when everything's set right, but also reminisces the damage that probably cannot be undone. Ranveer rolled over, hiding himself from the onslaught of the sunlight that began tingling his eyelids long before he was ready to open them. He covered himself with the duvet which did nothing to prevent the heat from assaulting him, instead gradually pulled him out into the reality. And he found himself drawing out of the slumber, he felt his heart getting heavy, almost as if it had burst from pain a few hours ago and the pieces were beginning to float in an empty space. The crushed bits still bled but they seemed to be miraculously drying themselves, for the pain was still not over but the paralyzing agony was gone. He turned over, facing upwards, the white ceiling glistening with the faded colours from the years. The same years that took no moments to pass in the last decade. The first meeting with Ishani flashed before his eyes. The way she had intimidated him with her presence when they first met, or the way she had laughed at his reaction. He was in love. Was this the love at first sight, he did not know, but one thing was for sure: he would never feel like this for any woman again. If life had given him a chance to live, she was the sole reason he would, and she had proved that again and again, becoming the cause of his life for last fifteen years.

This was Ishani. The girl who had owned him from that moment he set his foot into the Parekh Mansion. She wasn't meant to part with him, he always told himself, and she promised the same. As children, they had made thousands of promises to each other to spend their lifetime together. From their birthdays to their most painful moments when no one was there to hold on, they would remain by each other's side. And he had loved her more. Like the stars loved the night, fading away gradually when the night passed as well. The analogy was true... she was dark as the night, and ironically fierce as the fire that lit the lamp to keep the darkness at bay. But he had forgotten the night faded away eventually, embraced with all her flaws by the dawn.

Why couldn't he be the dawn? The question broke him a little more.

Ranveer got up, rubbing his eyes, and bringing his feet to rest on the cold floor. He took a deep breath as he closed to his eyes, suffering through another avalanche of uncontrollable, haunting memories, and what waited him in future. He shook his head and gave a long sigh, his mind trying to decide about the day. What was he supposed to do? Despite all the thoughts of wanting to know Ishani's decision, he could not bring himself to face her. What if she said yes? Ranveer swallowed down the pain, blinking the tears that brimmed at the painful sensation. And suddenly, anger surged through him.

What was the cause he had become so selfish? Wasn't this meant to happen one day? He was no prince of whom Ishani had dreamt her whole life. He was the servant of her house. The driver of her family! She didn't love him and would never either. What was so hard in this calculation? Why was it hard to admit the most obvious truth? No. Ishani needed to be happy. She deserved the world she had longed her entire life. The perfect life. It wasn't about him, ever, but her. Ishani needed to be happy, and he would do anything to ensure her happiness.

The next 45 minutes were spent in getting ready to get to the office. Ranveer told his Mota Babuji to meet directly in the office instead of coming home first. Despite all the assurances Ranveer gave himself, he could not bring himself to face Ishani, and break himself once again. He was no robot. He had a heart which was broken yesterday and it would perhaps take an entire lifetime to get over the cavernous loss. Ranveer shook off the thoughts and turned back, and locking the door left for the office.

He realized he was quicker than usual for the office today, with no Harshad Parekh yet in his cabin waiting for him like he had expected. He was never late, and today the he had no reason either. Ranveer dialed his Mota Babuji's phone number, the response returning in silence only. One time. No response. Two times. No response. Three times. No response. And at last he received a small text message.

Look after the work, Ranveer. I'm stuck elsewhere.

And Ranveer realized all that he had to do. The meetings he was to accompany the associates of Harshad Parekh and the introspection on the matters left incomplete yesterday, helping them in the deals and the trading. All of it was enough to keep him engaged for the day, keeping him away from thinking about Ishani or the inevitable doom awaiting him. Thankfully, Ishani did not yet call him, asking why he hadn't turned up to see her, for if she did, he probably wouldn't be able to lie. No, it was good to stay away from her for a while today. For his sanity and probably hers too.

As Ranveer sat outside the office on a bench reading the files for the next project, the phone in his pocket vibrated, startling him.

"Hello?" he said, more of a question, for the phone came from an unknown number.

"Ranveer!" His mother sighed. "I was trying to contact you for a long time! Why didn't you talk to us? Your Baba and I were tired to calling you and you wouldn't pick the phone up!" There was reprimanding note in his mother's voice which made him smile. Genuinely smile for the first time since last night.

"I'm sorry, Maa," he said, his voice as strong as he could make without giving away the idea of his misery. "I've been busy with work. Mota Babuji isn't in the office today, so looking after things he gave me to take care of."

He could hear his mother smile from another side. "Is it necessary to work so much?" she asked.

"Maa!" Ranveer drawled and rolled his eyes. "What am I supposed to do with any holiday, anyway?" His mother chuckled and Ranveer laughed as well, shaking his head. "And was there anything urgent you wanted to talk to me? How's the case going? When is the hearing? And Baba? How is he?"

"The case is almost hopeless," his mother answered. "It's just a matter of time when the hearing gives the verdict against us. We don't stand a chance."

"Maa," Ranveer said. "We have a home here. And we'll have a home of our own very soon, here in Mumbai. I promise."

Amba smiled. "I was worried about you," she said, ignoring the rest of the statement by him. "It felt as if you were in danger... and you wouldn't pick up our calls. All left us worried. Are you alright?"

"I'm sorry, Maa," Ranveer answered. "It was just..." The words dripped in sheer lie wouldn't come out of his mouth, but he went on anyway. "...ever since Baba went, his most of the responsibilities regarding Mota Babuji are on me. The day passes taking care of them. It's only late at night I get the free time and when I do, I'm terribly tired." He was sure his voice shook while speaking to his mother. Ever since his father had gone, he had hardly been accompanying him.  

"Are you sure?"

"You don't trust me?"

"I do, Ranveer," she said, resigned. "But a mother's instincts never lie. And I feel something's wrong. That's it."

"It can very well be your over thinking because of the case, Maa." He smiled. "Anyway, I'm going. There's a meeting in a few minutes and I need to hand them over the files. I'll talk to you later."

Ranveer disconnected the call, wondering for how long would he be able to conceal the truth from his parents anymore.

The meetings lasted for an entire day, Ranveer remaining busy in all with no time to think until the evening. The sun had almost gone down, welcoming the dark. He was one of the remaining people in the office, with two others left to accompany him for the remaining work. He glanced at the watch, striking 7 in the evening. Tired from the day's turmoil, he sat back on the chair, watching the final embers of the sun fading from the horizon. And suddenly, his mind halted at the thoughts of his Mota Babuji. Where had he been whole day?

Quickly, he dialed the number, but no one at the other end answered. The gut feeling leading him towards an unpleasant destination. He would talk to him soon and make amends for the day. Ranveer still had no courage to dial Ishani's number or anyone from the Parekh family, lest they happened to give him the news he was not yet ready to listen. He again dialed the number, and this time the phone was answered with a small response which soon disconnected immediately. Did his Mota Babuji even speak?

He again dialed the number and this time, finally, the phone was picked.

"Hello!" A careless voice from another side spoke, dragging as though the words took longer to come out.

"Mota Babuji!" The much panicky voice hardly holding anger back. "Where are you? And where have you been?"

"I'm alright, Ranveer. I'm fine," he answered, and Ranveer could feel him smile. But there was something unnatural the way his voice slurred, lisping along the spoken words. "I had come to Ketan's office, and we had this little celebration! I got drunk and I can't move now." He laughed maddeningly for a while that made Ranveer shiver.

"Where are you now? And celebration for what, Mota Babuji?" He was hardly prepared to listen to the "good news" as his Mota Babuji took time to utter the next words. "We finalized a deal, that's it. Ketan and I will now be the co-owners of our company, too."

Ranveer forced a smile, heaving a sigh of relief, but there was something else which floated in his mind, stinging him. "Mota Babuji, I'm coming to take you home. Stay where you are and don't move."

"No, no, Ranveer," he said immediately. "Ketan will drop me, I'm sure. Will you, Ketan?"

The other man sounded pleased. "Of course. Now, now. Come. I'm taking you home."

"See, Ranveer? I'm going home. Don't worry and don't take stress, alright?"

"Are you sure?" Ranveer said despondently. "I'll come check on you soon." He couldn't conceal the anger which rushed through him, surpassing the respect he felt for the old man. What was wrong with him? Why did his Mota Babuji behave so strange nowadays? Drinking the alcohol? If there was a man who never gave in to this intoxicating substance, it was him, and today? Why did something not feel right?

"Ranveer?" A voice disturbed his thoughts, and he looked back. "I'm leaving for the day. Do you need something else, too? Shankar is already gone." One of the remaining two men spoke.

"No, thank you," Ranveer said. "You can go. It's already late."

The man smiled and took the leave.

The evening passed without anymore adventures calling Ranveer, for which he remained eternally thankful. He had talked to Harshad Parekh who was safe home and thanked Mr. Mehta for the time and help. Ishani did not call him either and he wondered if she had taken any decision today. To spend the rest of his evening, or the late evening which would descend into the late night soon, he decided to stay outside when people from the beach had retired and he was one of those wandering souls who found more solace in the world outside than in the comfort of their homes. The small bottle of alcohol he had bought was finished, but it, too, did absolutely nothing to erase the burning images of a day before; or the painful sensation of what might await him if he got home today.

Tired from waiting and assuming and pitying himself, he ultimately got up, hobbled to the highway and took the taxi. It didn't take long to reach home when the traffic was at its lowest with rarely people in sight. The house was quiet, lights closed. Ranveer sighed. For the first time in years he had stayed away from Ishani for an entire day, and for the first time in life it didn't hurt. A part of him longed to see her before going to sleep, but another silenced it with another set of the memories sizzling though him. The servant quarters were quiet, and Ranveer nudged himself into the room.

The silent home had never stung so much and he suddenly wished he had his parents with him. His mother would know if something troubled him and his father was always there for him, like a friend, sharing the crazy things that hardly made sense, but were enough to heal the wounds he had suffered.

Only if they could heal him anymore...

Ranveer was supposed to be asleep, but no sleep came over him, and he found himself walking towards the window. The wind felt peaceful and clean. The gentle lapping of it across his face was a warm welcome.

"Hey, Ranveer!" his father said.

"Mm-hm?"

"You know, there are three phases in a person's life!" his father said. It was one of those days when the two had gotten drunk and decided to put the senses aside.  

"I know, I know," Ranveer whispered, turning to rest on his back. "Childhood, adolescence and old age."

"No, silly!" His father sat up, smiling to himself, and Ranveer couldn't help but laugh at his antics. Did the drunk people really lose their sense like this? "Kishore, Rafi and Mukesh."

He only smiled. What these legendary singers had to do with the phases in a human's life, Ranveer was clueless. But his father made sure to

"See, when a person falls in love, it's young, crazy and wild. That love reminisces the songs of Kishore. Then, there's this phase of being in love when this feeling grows on you and you're uncaring of the world around you. That's called the Rafi Phase."

Ranveer nodded his head.

"And when their heart breaks, it's Mukesh."

Ranveer laughed uncontrollably for a few minutes before he subsided, only to witness his father's eyes glaring at him.

"You don't believe in me? Wait, the day you'll fall in love, you'll know what I mean!"

His father had fallen asleep soon afterwards, leaving him to ponder over his remarks, but they made Ranveer smile all the same. He smiled, remembering the day when he had laughed it off, but today realized there was never Kishore or Rafi in his life. Just Mukesh. His love story had itself begun from the grueling end. Where was the life supposed to go from now on, he didn't know.

Ranveer sighed, feeling the wind caress his face and intoxication of liquor taking over him slowly. He dozed off, barely toppling on the floor as he supported himself, leaning against the wall. He shook his head and suddenly his eyes fell on Ishani. Ranveer felt his breath catch in his chest, and heart quiver frantically. Was she real? It was too late for her to stay awake anymore. No... He was imagining the things. This couldn't be Ishani. But she seemed to gesturing him to come towards her and Ranveer leaned forward to take a better look of her.

"Come!" she said, seemingly irritated at his carelessness, and Ranveer signaled her to wait. Mustering the courage to face her apparition- because she couldn't be real- he walked towards the door. He wasn't prepared to see her at the moment, nor to lie why he hadn't been there for her all the day. The days where they remained by each other's side were gone, taken away by the thing called reality just a day ago. He couldn't explain her that this time he couldn't be happy in her happiness. Even if he tried, he would end up breaking down, cheating the promises he'd make to be happy in her happiness. Amidst the thoughts rushing through him, his hand reached to the doorknob, and he opened the door, only to be witness a glaring Ishani. A smile passed through his lips at her sight, and Ranveer realized no matter where he'd go now, nothing would ever give him the solace her presence did. And even that was about to get lost.

Ranveer slowly moved his hand towards her, touching her shoulder.  

"You're real!" he shrieked with a jolt, and wondered if she could see the myriad of emotions flash in his eyes. He cursed himself for being careless about himself right now.

"What?" Ishani asked, confused. "What are you doing? And are you drunk?" She stepped backward suddenly.

"No, no..." he garbled, trying to keep his eyes open. Alcohol had its own weird ways to handle people. Why did he suddenly feel like sleeping? "I was in a meeting late evening, and those guys made me drink. Not my fault." He shook his head like a child. "Well, what are you doing here? It's late and you should be sleeping." His voice slurred strangely and Ranveer wished he could control himself better.  

"I want to take you somewhere with me." She did not elaborate and Ranveer scowled at her.

"Where?" he asked. They had to get used to being without each other.

"Chirag's home."

"I'm not going anywhere," Ranveer said, suddenly feeling irritated. Couldn't she see him at all? He needed to stay away from her! "You need to work for yourself now. I'm not going to stay by your side you all your life, or come to your husband's house to do your chores. Learn to live without me as well."

"Stop this nonsense, and I'm not yet married. So as long as I'm here, working for me is your duty," Ishani said flatly.

"Alright, but my duty for the day is done, and I'm off duty now."

"When you can't handle this stupid alcohol, why do you drink so much?" she snapped, ignoring the plight in his voice. "Come, the car's outside."

"O maate!" Ranveer said, holding her back to face him. "Drink and drive? It's a criminal offense!"

"You don't have to worry about that. I want you to come with me. That's it!" She grabbed him by the wrist and dragged alongside to the car. He took the passenger's seat and Ishani sat on the driver's one, her eyes never meeting him. She drove quickly, much quicker than they were used to. The night was growing, glum and little cold, and the surroundings on the dark road were illuminated by the occasional lightning. Clouds rumbled alongside and roads smelled of the damp. All the things he hated at once.

"Ishani," Ranveer asked, "are you drunk too?" He chuckled involuntarily.

Ishani glared hard at him for a moment but remained quiet. The journey continued in silence, neither of them speaking.

Ranveer continued to wonder at the future which probably had no meaning anymore. Was this the last time they went together somewhere? She'll have Chirag soon, as her friend, her fianc and then as her husband. When she will be gone, the small moments like this would haunt him painfully. Ranveer shook his head and hoped the tormenting thoughts left and never came to him. No matter how much prepared he was for the current situation, Ranveer realized he wasn't ready to let her go. Not yet. If she left him, he wouldn't live, and this wasn't a lie.

 "Ishani," Ranveer said again, but Ishani only sniffed. The hint that she'd heard him, but was too mad at him to respond directly. "Ishani? Say something please."

She still remained silent, her hands on the steering wheel tightening.  

"What happened? Say something, Ishani!"

She turned towards him, and for a moment closed her eyes as though trying to make up her mind on what to say, and then opened them again. "Where were you whole day?"

"In the office." The simple answer, but not enough to convince Ishani. She shook her head.

"All the work ended by 8 in the evening, right? I was waiting for you because I needed to talk to you! But you were nowhere to be seen. Not even Papa knew where you were. And do you know how many times I checked your room, thinking you might be there now?"

Ranveer watched her in silence, her each word piercing his heart sharply. "Why?"

Ishani fell silent again.

"Ishani, don't stay silent."

But suddenly the heavy drops of the rain came lumbering down, unexpected, and enveloped the entire city in their incipient drapes. The sound growing slowly, while the earth shuddered with the reverberations of the thunders.

Ishani spoke nothing more and car suddenly halted when Ranveer realized they stood in front of the gates of Mehta Mansion. The journey hadn't taken them more than 30 minutes, but the painful silence made the journey look much longer. Ishani got out of the car, not worrying about the rains wetting her completely, and waited for Ranveer to do the same. But when he showed no progress she peeked inside, watching him inquisitively. Ranveer smiled weakly and shook his head.

"You go, I'll wait here only."

Ishani nodded and disappeared in the dark of the mansion. Ranveer leaned back, waiting for something he didn't even know. His eyes closed, and he imagined Ishani... a perfect life in which she lived and her laughter resonated in his ears like the serene echo of the water touching the ground. In her perfect life, he wasn't there to make her happy. But she was happy, and that's what he had prayed for his entire life.

Time passed long and soon enough Ranveer saw Baa and Falguni Maa emerging the gates of the mansion, walking towards the car. His heart sank. Did they come to fix the date of the marriage? Why would they come so late at night? What was going on? And where was Ishani? The questions hadn't stopped, when Ishani appeared as well, now completely drenched in rain.

"Ishani!" Ranveer asked, "is everything alright? I just saw Baa and Falguni Maa here. Did they come to fix the date of the marriage?"

She remained quiet and put on the seatbelts.

"Is everything fine?" he asked. "You look angry. Did you talk to Chirag what you wanted to talk to him about?"

Ishani nodded. "Yes, all that I wanted to say is done." There was a lightness in her tone that pricked Ranveer's heart, and he turned himself away from her gaze. "Don't you want to know why I came here so late at night?"

Ranveer shook his head, as the tears unchecked escaped his eyes. "No, I don't." For a moment he didn't care if he sounded a little rude to her. The burden he was beginning to feel was costing him much more than he could even imagine, and he couldn't go on with Ishani like this either.

"But I want to tell you," she insisted, and forced his face towards her. "You know what, Ranveer?"

Ranveer turned himself away from her and wiped the tears.

"Are you crying?" she asked, her voice softer now. "Ranveer, look at me."

He didn't, and to resolve her suspicion he shook his head. "I'm fine."

"No, you aren't," she added firmly, and made him to look into her eyes. His eyes remained lowered towards his hands . "You came home so late at night and I brought you here with me, treated you like a driver. This hurt you, right?"

Ranveer shook his head again and turned away. "No, it's not like that. I don't drink that much, and today I overdid it. So, maybe that's why..."

"No, I know it did. But you're my best friend, Ranveer, and I need you by my side all the time! You give me courage and trust me, if it wasn't for you, I would never have been able to say no to Chirag."

Something snapped in Ranveer and he turned towards her with a jerk, his eyes glistening with what his insides dared call hope. "What did you just say?" he asked, making futile attempts to keep his curiosity and excitement at bay. "You came to say no to Chirag? For what?"

"For marriage and what else?" she said casually, shrugging her shoulders.

"So, you aren't going to marry him at all?" he asked with the same excitement washing over his face, and Ishani smiled.

"NO, I'm never going to marry him!" The determination in her tone made him smile. "And now, please, don't force me to marry him!"

"Not at all!" he exclaimed in excitement.

"What?"

"I mean, if you don't want to marry him, I'll never ask you to do this. Alright?"

Ishani smiled.

"But why did you say no now?"

"Well, I told Papa that I didn't want to marry him, and he sort of agreed. I thought it was the end, and Papa left for a meeting outside. We didn't contact the whole day, and in the evening he comes and says I should reconsider my decision. And what does that Chirag Mehta think of himself? He insulted Disha by rejecting her at our home, so I went to his and insulted him by rejecting his proposal!" She shrugged and gave him a proud smile.

What was this girl really made of?

Ranveer smiled, feeling his heart getting lighter as he continued watching her.

"What?" she asked and Ranveer realized that he was laughing unintelligibly now.

"Nothing. I just thought you thought of me as your driver, and I was worried you'd get married too."

"Worried?" Ishani asked, interested in his answer more than ever.

"Well..." He shrugged. "We're best friends, Ishani. Why wouldn't the thought of you going away hurt?"

Ishani smiled and shook her head. "I'm not going anywhere for a while, alright? You'll have to endure me for a little long more while."

"Oh, God!" Ranveer said, as though complaining and earned a punch on his shoulder. "Sunny, stop it!"

"Let's go home! I'm starving!"

"Then let's go to Marine Drive! You won't find a better somosa and chutney anywhere in Mumbai than that place!"

"Let's go! What are we waiting for?" Ishani said, excited. "I'm starving."

She drove the car and they reached the destination in the next fifteen minutes. Ranveer smiled watching her breathe carefree once again. A part of him suffered through the guilt of being selfish and not being with her when she needed him today, but another rejoiced the fact that he wasn't yet losing her. There was still time, and their moments together were stretched for a few more days. Although for a little long while, he would have Ishani by his side, and they could be whole again.

She looked up at him from the distance, her mouth full and gestured him to join her. But he shook his head and smiled. The rain which had begun falling an hour ago had now subsided, leaving the roads damp and weather cold. Ishani returned the smile and engaged herself in guzzling the meal. The girl was truly starving. Suddenly, a harsh bout of cough assaulted Ranveer, and Ishani rushed towards him, worry evident on her face.

"Ranveer!" She rubbed his back, easing up slowly. "Are you fine now?"

He nodded and Ishani gave a small smile. They paid the bill and returned back to the car, both of them loving the new feeling of freedom, the happiness after the jolt they were given. The slushy streets were no more an irritation for Ranveer. A thought still hung about tomorrow, the worry deepening, but it was no agony anymore. The dawn was drawing close, prickling him slowly with an anticipation for what might come tomorrow. The contrast of the present moment from a day before was warmly welcome, as they laughed together.  

But as Ishani began driving the car, for he was still quite drunk, did he realize she had immense power over him, rendering his shattered heart unbroken in the matter of a moment.

There truly was no Ranveer without Ishani.