Veetoda Mappillai

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Gisel

@Gisel

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

No. Nothing at all. But, trying explaining that to our elders.

We live in a country where its Apex Court rules that divorce could be sought in the event of a woman separating her husband from his parents.

We have a long way to go.

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autumnsconcerto

@autumnsconcerto

Navigator

Posted: 9 years ago

I don't think there anything wrong with that...but in this particular case, context matters. Senthil is the eldest son in a family with no father. Consequently, he is not just a son, but the eldest male figure in his family who needs to be present for his mother and two younger siblings. Furthermore, in this instance, Jaya's mom isn't asking this to ensure that Jaya-Senthil will be happy moving forward. Rather, she is asking for the specific purpose of breaking the couple up. It is Jaya's mom's intentions, rather than the request itself, that is unjust.

That being said, as long as there is enough love and respect to go around, a couple can (and should) live anywhere they see fit. If this means living with either set of in-laws, so be it. If it means living alone, so be it. There is no need to name and shame people who want to live their lives the way they see fit.

As a side note, it's always interesting how familial bonds are portrayed in Indian media. If a girl leaves her family to be with a guy - it's applauded. If a boy leaves his family to be with a girl - it's derided (like in the movie Thangamagan for example). A son-in-law (and by extension, his entire family) always has to be treated with the utmost respect by his wife's family, but the opposite does not apply. The double standards are shocking, to say the least.

Edited by autumnsconcerto - 9 years ago

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Shravya1

@Shravya1

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: Gisel
No. Nothing at all. But, trying explaining that to our elders.

We live in a country where its Apex Court rules that divorce could be sought in the event of a woman separating her husband from his parents.

We have a long way to go.

Really?😲 I had no idea.. I don't live in India, so am unfamiliar with these rules.

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Gisel

@Gisel

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: Shravya1

Really?😲 I had no idea.. I don't live in India, so am unfamiliar with these rules.

*Bitter laugh*

Trust me when I say it is very recent judgement! Oct 2016

The HINDU Newspaper link

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Sush

@coffeebuff

Sparkler

Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: Gisel

*Bitter laugh*

Trust me when I say it is very recent judgement! Oct 2016

The HINDU Newspaper link

Whoa! 😲 It's surprising enough to know that such a law exists, let alone the fact that it was passed less than half a year before. :/

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Sush

@coffeebuff

Sparkler

Posted: 9 years ago

I think it's totally justified as long as it is a mutual decision by both partners and it serves beneficial to both of them.

It shouldn't happen in the event of one person or one's family being harmed with the decision, which is the way Jaya's mom is headed. She wants Senthil to be a veetoda maappillai to separate him from his family completely, which is not moral or correct. If Jaya goes to Senthil's house, she would have the independence from everyone to live and support her family as she pleases. Will Senthil get the same opportunity if he goes to Jaya's house? If he will, sure, no problem. He can gladly comply to Jaya mom's condition.

Yes, it would still be better for Senthil to stay with his family as he's the eldest male as well as the backbone of the family. Jaya is as such in her fam too, but Mr. Chandran is far more capable than what he's contributing to the family right now. I don't disagree that he's a great father, but he could definitely contribute more to the family as a whole. And then there is always Ramya, Janani, and Shakthi (now that she's working too). If Jaya alone can provide so much, I'm sure if all of these people pitch in a little more to the family, Jaya's mom would be assured of her wanting luxury.

In this show's particular context, Jaya moving out and still contributing to her family + her family members putting in more effort to contribute would work better than for Senthil to move out and contribute to the best of his ability to his family. It's only him who's capable of providing for a sufficient living in his family.

Otherwise, a couple should live where they find best fit to do so. Regardless of with whom or alone.

Also, a question. By meaning 'veetoda maappillai' does it mean just having the groom stay over at the bride's place, or does it mean him losing his rights to having a job, earning for himself, supporting his own family, etc ?

If it's the latter, in this situation, it is in no way justified for Jaya's mom to ask for that. Especially because Jaya would never have to lose any of those rights just because she goes to Senthil's house. But in general, neither of the families have the right to forbid the bride or the groom from working, earning, or what they choose to do with that money.

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Shravya1

@Shravya1

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

Originally posted by: Gisel

*Bitter laugh*

Trust me when I say it is very recent judgement! Oct 2016

The HINDU Newspaper link

Thanks for the link! I am shocked that it was a recent event too!

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Pallanguzhi

@Pallanguzhi

Dazzler

Posted: 9 years ago

Great topic Gisel! Loved reading all the responses 👏

Indeed context is important - Senthil's mom raised her three kids single handedly without a husband 😭 - now Shalu is still in school and Kamal just started his restaurant business - so I favor Senthil staying with his porandha veedu and supporting them. He can still help out Jaya's family though - that's his wish ultimately.

It is fine if Senthil accepts the request to live at his in-laws' place and continues to support his own family too. But the motive behind Jaya's mom's request was selfish and money minded. What if Jaya has a family next time - did she consider that - she can't be fully supporting her family all her life

Sush, I guess to Jaya's mom -' Veetoda Mappillai' is merely Senthil living in their house after marriage - I don't think she means him staying at home or even wants him to - after all if he works, there is one more person supporting the family - and for Jaya's mom - more money the merrier !! 😆😆

Edited by Pallanguzhi - 9 years ago

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TiaMaaaaa

@TianaWrites

Rocker

+ 6

Posted: 9 years ago

Being a veetoda mappillai is not a question of pride and I think it's not wrong for a man to decide and stay in his wife's house after marriage, though as many of you guys rightly pointed out, the context in which this decision takes place matters a lot. I strongly believe that this decision should be taken by the husband and wife and not by the family members. After all it is THEIR life.

In this context, neither of them(Senthil/Jaya) want this. So, it is not right for Jaya's mom to put forth this condition. Had any of them wanted this, then Senthil and Jaya arguing would make sense. Here Jaya doesn't want him to be veetoda mappillai and truth to be said, she would be treated much better and be very happy in his house.

And Jaya's mom... I don't understand why she wants Jaya to stay in her house even after Jaya said that she is ready to send all of her salary to her mom. Her condition would make sense if someone in that house was sick or needed physical support. Senthil's mom, on the other hand needs support. She is alone, her daughter is still very young and her younger son is still struggling. We saw how Jaya had to take care of her when she became sick... she has no one to take care of her. It would be morally wrong if Senthil leaves his mom in this situation.

I feel the best thing to do now would be that... Senthil should convince Jaya's mom or put a condition that if he has to be veetoda mappillai, then his entire family will come and stay with their family(I know this is not possible, but I want to see Jaya's mom reaction😆, people who put such conditions need to get a taste of their own medicine).

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Gisel

@Gisel

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#10

Originally posted by: ...Tiana...
I feel the best thing to do now would be that... Senthil should convince Jaya's mom or put a condition that if he has to be veetoda mappillai, then his entire family will come and stay with their family(I know this is not possible, but I want to see Jaya's mom reaction😆, people who put such conditions need to get a taste of their own medicine).

That's actually a good idea😛!! But, we know that's not going to happen. I hope Senthil's mom understands Jaya's mom's evil intention (becoz she had that doubt when they were talking abt Senthil-Ramya in the temple) and explains it to Senthil.

And if this whole thing happens; Janani-Kamal break up is inevitable this time!

Edited by Gisel - 9 years ago

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