What is 'Atoot'?

So after being subjected to nasty gossips and taunts and social ostracization, this girl stood her ground and got herself freed from the relationship she didn't want. And the first "samaj ka thekedaar" who came to her and questioned her justification for seeking divorce asked her "Its not like you have an abusive and alcoholic husband like your mother had, then what got into you to seek a divorce if your mother remained in the marriage for x number of years?" Her answer to this "samaj ka thekedaar" was: "Would you ask your daughter to stay in a marriage like my mother's?" This was the end of any attempt from any "Samaj ka thekedaar" to try and convince her that she was wrong in seeking a divorce, not because her marriage was like her mothers, but anyone who came to question her always used that logic that her marriage was so much better than her mothers so she should give it a chance...yet the fact that they gave an example of a "Failed Marriage" as comparison was completely overlooked by all of them.

A failed marriage is not one that ends in divorce. A failed marriage is any relationship where both or either partner does not have an interest in upholding the vows taken. Remaining legally married does not classify as "atoot" bandhan. What is truly "atoot" is the bonds of heart where you may not be a perfect person, you may lie and be weak, but you always come back to each other because you find a way to forgive and move on. The prime reason any human will find a way to forgive someone who has wronged them, is because you want to forgive...you want to give that relationship or person another chance. And where that "want" ends, there ends the relationship. END of Story.

If you are trying to convince someone of the sacred nature or sanctity of the institution of marriage then saying "You shouldn't seek a divorce because guess what you havn't experienced the worst of it yet." is just going against all common sense. Instead of pointing to all the other failed marriages and poor compromised situations, the friend of mine asked anyone to point towards a successful example of a marriage. And honestly there was not a single example to share where the couple wasn't just "making it work" with a lot of complaints and dissatisfaction. There was no happy couple to whom I could point to as an example and convince my friend that staying and experimenting further in her relationship might help her find happiness. Uma/Suman/Sujata face the same problem. They have no example to give to Vividha or Atharv where they can say that staying in an unwanted/broken marriage has brought happiness to anyone they know. Instead it has ruined their happiness and made a mess of all their lives. Now since this incident i have met couples who are genuinely happy but I have noticed a common factor in all of them...they love each other and wanted to be together opposing the pressure from society to split (ironic isn't it). And by society i mean anyone who was opposing the couple staying together for any reason. So somehow opposition to the thing that you "want" makes you work harder to attain it. Interesting!

And I agree with you how can it be atoot when one of the parties involved or may be both are not interested in upholding the vows?

Ppl should stay in any relationship bcoz they want to. Not bcoz it ain't the worst the society has seen.

I have seen people distributing wisdom to others in situations that they themselves have no experience in. But if the same situation were to be in their live they will do an about turn on their own advice. It goes to show that those who do "pravachan" about "do the right thing" don't have a clue what the "right thing is" actually. They neither empathize nor understand what the other might be feeling and therefore taking advice from such is the worst thing to do in any situation.

I always tell my younger cousins and nieces/nephews to use their own instincts to point them in the right direction. People are never happy doing what others expect them to do. There is a level of frustration that builds over the years when you do that. But unfortunately our Indian shows have been promoting this for over 2 decades now. A false sense of "Being good". Being good is not about meeting everyone's expectations, because expectations never end. You fulfill one dream and another one takes its place. But instead you be your true self, the one that treats everyone kindly, the one that supports others in their dreams but also knows what makes the self happy and strives for that, because face it...if you yourself are not happy, you will not spread happiness to others no matter how hard you try.

Life is not like what it was 20 years ago nor are ppl. Then y don't we bring that change in the powerful medium. Show ppl the few home truths the harsher side of life and how to overcome those.

But nobody is taking the risk. It's all the trp game at the end of the day .

Fact is be it a love marriage or Atrange marriage, its always a compromise on one thing or the other and now it soley depends on you that which is the part you willing to compromise for

If you compare here, Vividha loving Atharva and staying with him in marraoge are two different things but they trust and love each other so much . Their souls are connected, their whole being and existence is only for each other so after marriage they will be happily compromising on small small things for each other as without marriage they have already ended up sacrificing themselves for the other.

Whats their in Ravish Vividha marriage -

They never trusted each other fully

They always hide things from each other

They cannot get what they want from each other

They can never cry their heart out to each other.

It is just an adjustment they are making and especting outta situation and will stay unhappy forever if they continue this. It will lead to nowhere.

Its really depends what u willing to compromise for and what you shall let go because you will nevwr be able to give anything to that relation.

As i also said earlier in @kriti@whispa@reemz posts that marriage is purely a relationship based on trust, love & mutual understanding. If a couple is still in love & forgiving eachother mistakes & wants to continues this relationship then they will happlily makes comprimise on certain things for each other then this relation is sacred.

As Vivi said Relationships can be maintained & keeps by heart not by these 7 pheras.

And if couple willingly not wants to keep this relationship then there is no use of remaining in this marriage & vows & pheras holds no importance here.

Vividha is doing right by taking divorce from Ravish because she can't love & gives anthing to Ravish in this relationship.