Nandini flinched as the sunlight pouring in through the window fell on her lids. Still groggy, she extended her arms to hold him tighter. But instead, when the cold fabric of the bedsheet brushed against her arms , she woke up with a jerk. Alone on that bed, except for the crumbled bedsheet and the ring lying abandoned on the bedside table, there was no trace of his ever being there. Her heart started to race at once, her temple broke out in cold sweat. Nandini climbed down and darted out.
The living room was desolate. She checked Ranbir's bedroom, but Manik wasn't there as well. She was just about to open the entrance door to look for him outside, when her eyes fell on the balcony and there he was, standing in one corner, his back to the wall.
Nandini closed her eyes & heaved a sigh of relief.
Where had life tossed them? How had it come to this, this fear..this numbing anxiety...this apprehension of 'What now' infiltrating every single corner of her brain? His absence for just one brief moment, could send her into a tizzy ...forcing her to draw terrible scenarios in her head? This is not the Nandini she had known all her life. This petrified girl who didn't trust her own destiny...this wasn't her.
Every relationship, at its core is the same, whether its between two people or between man and his destiny, without 'trust' neither can grows, & without 'love', both would eventually wilt. Had she not trusted Manik, had she not chosen to look beyond his monstrosity, would she have ever discovered the real side of him?
She would have to do the same with destiny, trust its design and instead of cursing it for the hardships strewn across their path , thank it for at least bringing them together. What is the probability that out of 7 billion people, you bump into that one person you thought you had lost? How many people survive the kind of accident, Manik had in Panchgani? How many of us are blessed with the kind of friends and lover, that she had? Why then had she overlooked her blessings and only counted the mishaps?
She gently patted over her own thumping heart, tricking it into believing, it was going to be just fine. Well, may be not fine all at once, but she had her hope to pull her through, pull them through. She took another deep breath and stepped into the balcony.
"Manik..tum yahan the...n I was looking for you all over the place.."
He didn't respond.
"Waise.. Goodmorning.." She tried to keep the conversation moving.
"What's so good about the morning?"
"How are you feeling now..?"
"Fine!"
"Coffee peeyoge?"
"No"
"Acha fir chai?"
"No"
"Nimbu pani? I think you should definitely have nimbu pani..your hangover will go away..tumhi ne to sikhaya tha..remember wo when we were lying on the roof of your car..?"
"Nandini...can you just stop!!" Manik bawled, forcing her to go silent abruptly. But then realized at once, he had been unnecessarily harsh on her. "I didn't mean to... I .. I just need some time alone Nandini..I need time to think straight and waise bhi you should go home ..your family would be worried, you were out all night WITH ME." He added with a hint of sarcasm.
It hurt her that he was being so distant, so indifferent, as if her presence or absence made no difference to her. It hurt that he was hesitant to pour out his true emotions to her and was pushing her away..it hurt that he called them 'Her family' instead of chacha- chachi-Rishab as he had always done and he had'nt even asked her, if her bandaged wound was still paining.
"I Understand Manik" Nandini retreated to a corner, and settled on the dusty floor, a little away from where Manik was standing. She looked away from him, towards the bus stand across the street, quietly watching the neighborhood come to life as the morning sky slowly changed its colours.
**********
From the corner of his eyes, he was keeping a tab on her... waiting for her to get tired, stand up and walk out on him...like the rest of the world. But even after two hours , when he saw no signs of her moving anywhere, he could no longer keep himself from blurting out. "You won't go home ?? How long will you wait here like this?"
After two hours of silence, amidst a world of busy sounds blending into each other, his voice felt like a leash of fresh air. Disregarding the anger in his voice, she was just glad he had at least spoken up.
"No I won't go home...but tumhe worry karne ki zarurat nahi hai ok...take as much time as you want, I will wait yanhi pe." she replied very softly, looking at him.
"Wow impressive!!! But what if I choose to be like this for the rest of my life?" Nandini saw his deadly smirk, even as the sarcasm in his words, pinched her.
But she wasn't going to give up. Definitely not now, and hopefully not ever "I would still be waiting." She replied nonchalantly.
She prodded into his eyes. They looked ok on the surface, but she knew they weren't, for only she could read they were frozen and closed. They didn't let her peep into his soul. He had shut himself down. " Manik if you wanted to ask, when would I stop caring for you, that's not going to happen anytime soon. Tum chahe kitne bhi kharab mood mein ho, circumstance chahe kitne bhi compelling ho, infact hum chahe kitna bhi fight karle aapas mein, but I am not getting up and walking out of your life. I can't stop loving you..just as I can't stop breathing. Kya tum bina oxygen ke zinda reh sakte ho??? Nahi na...to fir why asking me if I can live without loving you?
If you want space, I can give you 3 meters. I will not intrude, I will not talk nonsense, I will not even crack stupid jokes. I will quietly sit at a distance from you.. Jahan se I can see you, and will just wait ki kab tum khud se aake baat karoge.. but please don't ask me to leave, I am sorry, mujhse nahi hoga."
Manik fell silent, replaying each word in her monologue with utmost care. What was it in them that could pierce through the thickest of walls he built around himself, what was in that tiny little frame of hers that made her so much more stronger than him. Why, despite not wanting to utter a word, he was feeling this heaviness, which he couldn't contain in his chest anymore. "But in darkness even your shadow deserts you.." he finally said.
"And that's why we have the stars...who shine for us in the darkest of nights. Let me be one for you..let me be the only on for you.." She replied.
"You knew it right? You knew the whole thing and yet it never occurred to you that you should tell me?"
She got up and strode up to him. " No I didn't know the whole thing, but I knew that for some reason, he wanted to keep you away from us. I won't pretend to be innocent.. I won't give you any excuses. Truth is, I always knew it would come to this, but I was scared. I tried to hide the truth, tried ki you don't bump into your dad and get hurt like this. Kya justification doon tumhe except that ki like a fool I thought, this can go on forever and I can protect you from getting more hurt..already itna kuch ho gaya ki I myself didn't have the strength to face another reality."
"Why does everyone think its ok to make assumptions and take decisions on my behalf.. My Father thinks its ok for him to choose who I should be friends with, as if he knows everything about me, when infact he never had the time to even check on me. And you all thought you were doing a great favour, shielding me from whatever you knew. Hai na.. Like I am this puppet having no control over my life and people toss me whichever way they want to. When I returned to Mumbai...main pagalon ki tarah sochta raha ki main koun hoon..I asked him so many times ki who am I , what's my identity.. Who were the people in my life before this happened but he saw me suffering and cribbing but never revealed a word.. I was like a ruddarless ship, stuck in a sea storm and you all just let me be..
but truth eventually comes out , and when it does, it hurts just that much more. If at all, I stand guilty today..my own dad screwed up the lives of my friends..they had to pay the price of friendship and no wonder they all fell apart..meri galti hai..I am bloody responsible for it.
Imagine Dhruv performing in that cheap bar...chiii...it's a den of criminals...and why?? because my dad...MY BLOODY DAD ruined his career??!! "
"Manik I understand.."
"Oh shut up Nandini... you would never understand."
Right, she thought, how would she understand how it felt to carry the burden of someone's else's actions. Only that she knew too well, for she was equally guilty for whatever Amms had done to Manik..But she anyways stayed quiet.
"Do you remember that evening Nandini, just before the musicana event, when I told you that I don't love you and it was all a joke to avenge your punch?"
How could she ever forget that night, when for a while it felt like the world was closing in on her. Like someone had chopped down her tiny wings even before she could take her first flight. He was her first love and the feeling of being in love had been so beautiful, so effervescent...so warm..until he had mercilessly shattered her illusions by sticking that label on her temple. It still sent shivers down her spine, when she recalled just how badly it had hurt.. Like someone was nibbling at her flesh, like she had become paralyzed and would never be able to stand up again and open the doors to her heart.
"It feels just like that, only much worse. Because you knew me for a few months then and I know this man for a life time. I have grown up knowing that he is everything that Nyonika isn't. He is what I thought family is or should be. I felt bad that he never took me along but you know I never complained. I never complained that he didn't come to see me often, that I would speak to his secretary more than I could speak to him because he was always busy. I went to see him because I thought he was busy. I actually thought he loved me... shit.SHIT!!! Even till yesterday I thought he loved me. What a dumbass I am.."
"Manik please" Nandini clasped his arm.
"He used that manipulative woman against me? My own dad? Can you believe it.. Nyonika...of all people ..NYONIKA MALHOTRA.. That woman who screwed up my whole childhood and made a beast out of me??"
"Kabhi kabhi people get blinded in love.. Manik.. Shayad your dad wanted to..."
"No No NO... don't you even dare justify this with your goodness theory .. I am so done. I am just so done with everyone. Nahi samhalna tha to paida kyun kiya? Zindagi bhar he kept on substituting love with expensive gifts and jis din that trick stopped working, he withdrew that also, as if I am not a human being but a life sized machine that runs on his currency notes." Manik chocked on his breath and started coughing.
Nandini rushed to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
Nandini extended the glass of water, but before Manik could grab it, it slipped from Nandini's hand and its contents spilt over Manik. Already in a terrible mood, when he realized he would have to let the wet shirt dry on him because he didn't have a change of clothes, it pushed him over the brink.
He grabbed his head and started screaming "f**k man...kahan aa gaya main..kya ho gaya..damn I got that ring..I had plans to..i got it with my first earning and damn..its all.."
Nandini could not tolerate it anymore. She hugged him with both hands, and started rubbing his back, as tears began streaming down her face.. "It will be ok Manik..piece by piece we will pick up the broken shards.. We will rebuild it Manik, we will rebuild everything together. I am with you..we will start from scratch and it will take time but we will reach there... trust me..trust us.. Trust aiyappa...sab thik ho jayega..please tum aise himmat mat haro.."
Finally Manik broke down, surrendering himself completely to her, no more trying to shield his pain with anger. He hugged her tighter, clung to her as if drawing strength from her feeble little body.
No woman had ever given him strength, the strength that only a woman can give..except Nandini. No woman had ever cured him with her kindness, ever made things right with her sheer belief. He wanted to believe, her words would come true and they might indeed rebuild life. But he was scared, for he was penniless and directionless. He didn't know which way to head, what to do, which door to knock...he had struggled to stay alive, but he had never had to struggle to survive..
When he had calmed a little in her arms, Nandini planted a dozen gentle kisses all over his face. "We all break Manik, hum sab kabhi na kabhi tut jate hain, because its through those cracks that light enters. Dekho na, all your life you regretted ki kyun u had to grow up with money and without love..abhi life has given you this chance, to grow up with love and I will love you itna ki you would never feel the shortage of it.. I will fill up all the holes, others have burnt in you, I will make up for all wrongs you ever had to go through..just give me a chance.
He looked at her through a layer of tears..
"u had once granted me a blank wish, agar aaj kuch mangoon to doge?" She asked.
"I don't have anything to give you.. " He broke a little more, cringing as he uttered those words. It had still not sunk in that he indeed had nothing left.
"Agar tumse tumko mangoon to? Will you marry me...Manik?"
Song link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ix4cgvD1sTo
CID
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
