Rishbala Contest OS: Breaking the Vow!

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Posted: 8 years ago
#1


Thanks for the beautiful gift Mer and Simmy! Thanks for the gifts 😛

Hello friends! Here is the OS I posted for the Contest. And it made me win the second Runner up title. I was so overwhelmed and happy...so much happy to see my name in the list! This is my first Contest. I can't believe this story is even voted...I completed it in the last two days as I was so lazy to write before. But this brave theme in the Contest really caught my eye. So I decided to write the story on this concept.


Few members and readers asked me to continue this story as the end seemed so abrupt or they found more scope in this story. But I am sincerely sorry Peeps! I don't know whether I would be able to continue...my college is starting next week. The working hour is literally the whole day. Moreover I don't have laptop or desktop to write and post! Poor me!


I sincerely thank everyone who took their valuable time and read this story. Extra thanks to all who had found it worth voting for! You all made me so happy friends! Thanks Mer and Sudha akka for organizing this wonderful Contest and giving a chance to an amateur like me to participate. It means a lot to me!


Friends thank you so much!




Few things to clear before you proceed...

1. First of all, no historical love stories can be written without any inspiration. We didn't live in that period and observe them LOL! 😆

2. Rishbala in the story is inspired from the supporting characters of the Book Shiva trilogy by Amish Tripathi. No...it's not from any historical movies but solely this book. Rishab is inspired from Parvateshwar, the Chief General of Kingdom Meluha and Madhubala is inspired from Anadmayi, Princess of the neighbouring Kingdom Swadeep. Only the characters are same but the scenes and their interaction is written by me!

3. In the old times we call Doctors as "Royal Physicians". There are so many historical terms in the Regional language. But in English it's hard to find such terms. Moreover I want this story to be a blend of both historical and modern. So the setting of the story is not completely ancient but Kingdom Vrushali and Kingdom Dyumanak are civilised and evolved from their ancestors. So you can see both the ancient and modern surrounding in the story...

4. There maybe flaws in the story. I wrote it in the last minute so the story may seem like a puzzle! Forgive me friends...

5. Yeah my speech is over here and you can start reading the story 😆 Thanks readers! Without you this feat is not possible...


SCROLL DOWN TO READ THE STORY


Edited by vishuv - 8 years ago

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Posted: 8 years ago
#2

Breaking the Vow!



Rishab smiled hearing the sound. He liked nothing better than seeing the warriors practice. He guessed the name of the weopon while hearing the sound they made. Being a General for the past 20 years had sharpened his tactical mind. He was born for it. As far as he could remember, his childhood was filled with bloodshed. The little Rishab was practicing from the age of 3. His memories were filled with him fighting warriors with almost all the types of weapons and devices used at that time. As the new invention came into being Rishab learnt it like a true Warrior and mastered the skill. He was an exceptional Warrior and excellent swordsman. He is not the one to be left behind. Rather he is way ahead of time. He is the most revered brave General India has ever seen. He knew he was destined to protect his kingdom. He is the General of the Kingdom Vrushali, one of the strongest Empire in India. He loved his Kingdom more than his life and had deep respect for the King ruling their Kingdom. King Mohan. A just and brave Ruler. Rishab wants nothing more than to fight under the right ruler. He valued righteousness and honesty more than his life. He would gladly die for his Kingdom, if the situation arises. Rishab was lost in his thoughts when he suddenly found the surrounding eerily calm. He was disturbed. What happened to the loud noises his soldiers were making while practicing?' He quickly climbed the stairs to see an exquisite site. He was dumbfounded by what he saw. Madhubala, the Princess of their neighboring Kingdom Dyumanak was practicing warfare. He was stunned to silence as he watched her flexible yet erect posture of a warrior. She didn't show a tinge of cowardice or fear in holding a mighty long sword. The ancient swords were pretty longer than the recent ones. If one handled without proper knowledge it's sure that he will let himself be doomed. It could be a dangerous weopon. It wasn't a normal sword but a long one twisted at the ends. Its handle made of wood was quite short. Rishab admired the way the Princess was standing and holding the sword. In his words a 'true warrior posture'. So lost was he in her that he didn't hear her calling him out.

"General!" called Madhu breaking his reverie.

"Yes your Highness!" Rishab bowed down making a smart Military salute.
Princess Madhu looked at him narrowing her eyes at him.

Rishab unaware of her thought process decided to tell what was running in his mind.

"Your highness you are progressing well. You are mastering all the moves perfectly."

Madhu heaved a sigh of relief hearing him. She raised her brow "So impressed?"

"Time is the essence" said Rishab looking at the sword as if not hearing her earlier remark. "My doubt is that your Highness why do you want to learn all this?"

"You truly didn't understand for what I did or are you deliberately covering up?" Madhu asked him disappointed.

"My Lady! Forgive me for my inappropriate words."

Madhu looked at him with suppressed anger and sadness. "You may go!"

"On your command Your Highness!" Rishab did a quick Military salute and walked away leaving the Princess upset.

Trishna looked at her Mistress sympathetically. She was sure that her Mistress is in love with the General. It was well apparent with the way she talked to him. But what confused her was his ignorance towards her. She clearly saw the look on his face whenever her Mistress talked to him. Only when she moves away from the place he would breathe, literally. The duty bound confident General would become nervous if Princess Madhu called him. His acting at concealing it is futile. She looked at her Mistress. She was watching the retreating form of Rishab. Then she turned around to face her attendant cum best friend Trishna determined.

"My Lady!"

"Trishna!" Madhu called her tiredly. "Nothing was going as she expected to be. You are my only confidant and best friend. Call me by my name."

"No your Highness!" Trishna voiced out her silent protest.

"Nobody listens to me." Madhu said upset looking at the sword deeply.

"Your Highness!" Trishna looked at her sadly. "Madhu".

"Thank God I thought you forgot my name" Madhu hugged her friend.

"Princess what are you doing?" Trishna asked worriedly looking everywhere to see if any one saw that.

"Look Trishna nobody harms you. Not even my father."

Trishna listened to her silently. She knew the rebellious character of her Mistress. Things were sour between the loving father and the daughter duo for some time.

Princess Madhubala's father, Shamsher Malik was the king of the neighbouring Kingdom of Dyumanak. He was a Sub King of the Kingdom of Vrushali. He ruled Dyumanak a Kingdom named after a mighty King cum Warrior Vishwadyumana. The insult to the people of Dyumanak, commonly called the Dyumanaks is the defeat of their King in the Yagna. Precisely Ashwamedh Yagna or the Horse sacrifice. In ancient times if an ambitious Ruler wished to expand his territories and display his Military prowess, he would release a sacrificial horse to roam freely through the length and breadth of any Kingdom in India. If any King stopped or captured the horse, the Ruler's enemy would declare War against the challenger, defeat the King and annexe that territory. If an opposing King did not stop the horse, the Kingdom would become a vassal of the former. The unfortunate Kingdom was Dyumanak. They have to pay annual tributes to the Kingdom Vrushali since they didn't stop the Horse. The custom was still followed. In spite of all this, the relation between the Kingdoms turned out to be good which surprised most Vrushalis as they considered themselves to be superior after conquering far greater lands. But its because of the King who ruled Vrushali who didn't want any unnecessary bloodshed, for, he believed, battles affect the life of common people who are caught between the useless ego and greed between he Kings. He didn't consider Dyumanak to be any inferior. He valued his relation with the King Shamsher Malik, the King of Dyumanak. He also grew increasingly fond of the King's daughter Princess Madhubala. She is one of the handful of Kshatriya women. A Woman of principles. He adored her fiercely nature and honest heart. For the King didn't have any children, the grief was reduced by Princess Madhu even though she didn't realise it. So the two Kingdoms shared a good rapport with each other. But the tributes which rightfully belonged to the King Mohan after his victory in the Yagna wasn't denied. It was sent regularly.

"Madhu calm down. He will come along."

"How long should I wait for him Trishna? A mastermind, a brave General, a ruthless Warrior and what not? But he can't understand or he pretends to be unaware of my love towards him. Why? Why god? Why should I suffer for his stupid godforsaken oath?"


Princess Madhubala is in love with the General of the neighbouring Kingdom Vrushali, Rishab. Rishab made the oath that he would be a lifelong celibate forever. He was a gem of a man. He knew about the dangers involved in his life. For his life's mission is to protect his country without any distractions, without compromise. He can't risk becoming a family man. His only relation in the World is his mother Meera.
Madhu got up frustrated. "It's either Rishab or no one. I will make him fall for me. So dangerously that he won't be able to come out of it" Madhu smirked wickedly. She is a Woman on a Mission. To lure her lover to fall for her. She went to meet her parents in the Royal Chamber. They were discussing something seriously but quietened down seeing her. Madhu found it weird but she didn't say anything. She walked out of the chamber after ordering her attendant to arrange an audience with the King of Vrushali, King Mohan.

"My Lady, the King summoned you now."

"Oh yes. Thank you! You may leave."
*******

Princess Madhubala went to meet the King. She was looking everywhere except the path she was walking on, to find General Rishab somewhere. She hit her leg on the Pillar as she walked absent mindedly. She hissed in pain. All of a sudden General Rishab emerged. He ran to the Princess to check for any wound on her foot. Madhu, who was taken aback seeing him so closer to her, was both happy and shocked.

"Madhu is it paining?" Rishab asked Madhu softly caressing the swelling on her toe.

A smile crossed Madhu's face as she realized that her Rishab called her Madhu'. She replied happily "Not as much as it pains you Rishab."
Rishab was brought back to Earth when Madhu spoke to him. Quickly wearing his mask he said "Am sorry Princess! I will escort you to the King's Private Chamber."

Madhu sighed as Rishab went back to his confines once again. She nodded at him. Taking on the cue General Rishab walked behind her quietly. Madhu, for once, became happy. She saw his real face a few seconds before. That is enough for her. He loves her even though he won't acknowledge it. They reached the Chamber.

"Thank you Rishab" Madhu said looking at his eyes which clearly showed the love he had for her. But the mask was back again.

Rishab looked at her "It's my duty Princess". He did a quick Military Salute and retreated.

Madhu wished the Guards outside as they saluted her. She spotted King Mohan settled comfortably on a normal platform rather than his throne.
"Your Highness!" exclaimed Madhu seeing him sitting down.
"For now am your uncle Madhu."

Madhu smiled at him. "Ok my dear uncle. I have an important issue to discuss with you."

"What brings the great Madhu here? Is it personal or professional my dear?"

"That..."Madhu didn't know how to tell him about Rishab. "I...you know...I..."

King Mohan was surprised to hear her stammer. He knew what she was about to say but still maintained his composure. Madhu would speak a thousand words in a minute not allowing others to talk. She is always non stop talkative girl. And now she is nervous.

"Is it about your love?" Mohan asked seeing her blush.

"How do you know uncle?" Madhu asked him astonished.

"Face is the index of the mind Madhu. So who is the lucky man?"

"You know him" Madhu blushed again. She was very happy to talk about Rishab to her uncle. A secret only her attendant cum friend, Trishna knows. "Its General Rishab" Madhu said rather quickly before her courage deserted her. But she was shocked to notice that her uncle smiled at her warmly rather than shouting at her. She had expected much more.

"You know?" Madhu asked him surprised.

"Yes Madhu. Something that concerns you is always my trouble Madhu. And if I am not wrong you are in love with him for the past two years."
Madhu was taken aback. He was right. But she didn't talk to anyone right?
"Madhu I guessed it when I saw your eyes two years before...when General Rishab came into the Palace to inform about the Courier Pigeon sent by the Kingdom of Mesopotamia. I don't know if the others know about it. But I do. And I also think Rishab knows."

Madhu sat near her uncle stunned. She was lost in her thoughts. Then the love of her life also knows this. Madhu looked at her uncle a sweet smile forming on her face. "Is my face such a give away?"

"No my dear...how can a father not know what's bugging his daughter's mind?"

Madhu hugged him overwhelmed. Then questioned him not sure of what to expect. "Are you not angry with me uncle?"

"Of course I was. But I had faith in your decision. Even now I have. If somebody is truly worthy to have you as his wife, then it would be Rishab. No one else."

"Thank you uncle!" Madhu hugged him happily.

"Madhu I didn't say I accepted him."

Madhu withdrew and looked at her uncle bewildered.

"I was just joking. I know it's a terrible joke. But still you can pretend to laugh."

Madhu smiled heartily. Her love has gained acceptance. She looked at her uncle and said truthfully "I was scared to discuss this with my parents. They are looking for a Prince from another Kingdom. Today I heard them talking about some Prince called Sultan. I was clearly unhappy and displeased to hear my name linked up with a man other than Rishab."

"You believed me didn't you?"

"Yes uncle. I thought you will shout at me. But you will also hear my reasons. You will think rationally. So I got the confidence to tell the truth."

"Still you are late. I expected you sooner."

"Sorry uncle. I was late because of Rishab. That idiot is not accepting my love due to his so called oath."

Mohan laughed hearing her reply. "Madhu, Rishab is a good man. He loves our country more than his life. Do you think he will break his oath for you?"

"I will make him do it uncle. Madhu is nothing without her Rishab. And so is Rishab. I swear I will make him love me by hook or crook."

"But my child how? I know Rishab loves you. I have seen it in his eyes. But he will neither accept it nor give up his oath."

"I have a plan for that uncle."

"Madhu am not going to allow you harm yourself."

"I have no plans for that uncle. Listen to me now. You have to execute this."

"Mohan agreed to it but didn't think it would work out."

"We will see uncle. I believe in my love."


In the Royal Palace:


King Mohan sat at his throne with an air of confidence. Next to him on the throne meant for the Queen, sat Radha, his wife. The Royal family of Dyumanak, King Shamsher Malik, his wife Padmini and Princess Madhubala sat in the seat of honoured guests.

"I have an important announcement."

The Room was silent hearing their Lord speak. Madhu looked at Rishab who was standing at a respectable distance away from the Royal family but close enough to protect them if something happens.

"Princess Madhubala of Kingdom Dyumanak is like a God daughter to me."

Everyone in the Room nodded. They were very fond of their Princess though she belonged to another Kingdom. Queen Radha glanced at Madhu affectionately to which Madhu smiled warmly.

"All of them in the Kingdom know about her righteousness and honesty, her valour and skill. Princess Madhu is a true Kshatriya."

The Malik family looked at their daughter proudly. Madhu who did not like being the centre of attention squirmed in her seat. Unknown to her Rishab gave a knowing smile as if indicating he knew everything about the Princess.

"This announcement is about her. Bbout her future life."

Everyone began whispering to each other hearing it.

"Yes. The time has come. Our Princess is getting married."

The Room was stunned hearing it. Then came a joyous cry and excitement. But everyone failed to notice a person in the corner of the Room who was clearly unhappy with the turn of events. Except King Mohan and Madhu who expected this. Madhu had seen him stiffening hearing it. For a moment he looked at her angrily. Madhu was taken aback seeing his eyes for a brief moment. Anger, suppressed fury, confusion, and love! But he looked down quickly after that as if gaining courage to face the reality. Then he was back. His face an ever confident and ruthless General. Madhu looked at him stunned. This man is clearly a man of words. She grimaced as she realized that she has to work harder to break his vow and confess his love.

"Who is that lucky Prince Your Highness?" asked a cheerful Courtier.

Madhu looked at the Courtier with anger. Who the hell devised the rule that a Princess should marry a Prince, or for the fact, a Royal? She thought.

"We are looking for Suitors" said King Mohan looking at a disturbed Madhu. "As for now it is Prince Sultan. We are taking it slow. For Princess Madhu deserves the best man in the World."

Madhu looked at Rishab eye to eye as if challenging him. Rishab bent his head down confused. What does she mean by it? Is she really going to marry someone other than me?

*******


Rishab was sharpening his sword on a smooth stone. He was doing what the most Kshatriyas would usually do when they have nothing else to do. He was lost in his thoughts. He mistakenly cut his finger while doing so.

Soon enough Madhu came towards him and took his hands in hers. Rishab watched her immobile his eyes clouded with a mix of emotions for her.
She slowly sucked his thumb while Rishab watched her quietly. Madhu was aware of his gaze on hers. But she knew that if she looked at him he would again start pretending. "Are you alright Rishab?"

Rishab quietly nodded. "Is your foot paining still?"

Madhu looked at him surprised. Then she smiled warmly. "Am fine Rishab. Why are you still hiding?" She asked him painfully.

Rishab looked at her shocked. "Madhu...sorry...Princess it has nothing to do with us. You are a Royal and I am a General."

"Then you know about me clearly don't you?"

"My Lady! Listen..."

"Stop calling me 'My Lady'. It makes me feel as if I belong to you when you clearly don't want that. It makes me feel the emotions that I want to feel."

"Princess Madhu..."

"It's 'Madhu' for you Rishab" Madhu shouted furiously. Then she quietened down. "Why don't you acknowledge it Rishab? Don't you find me beautiful? Don't you find me loveable? Don't you find love?" Madhu asked tears streaming down her face. For the first time she has opened up to him.

"Madhu no..."Rishab looked at her worriedly unable to see her in pain. Moreover being the reason of her pain. He said sincerely "You are one woman any man would be lucky to have. You have the quality that every man wants his wife to possess. You are so precious Madhu."

Madhu gestured him to stop. "You clearly don't want to be my man then why are you even insulting my love? Just tell me that I am unworthy of you."

"No No Madhu. You deserve someone better than me. I am no match for you Madhu."

Madhu cast a withering look at him and stood up. "Then so be it General. You are not only spoiling your life. Also mine. Remember that always." She stormed away from there angrily leaving him in shock. Then just as swiftly she went she turned back and said with determination that stunned him. "I would pursue you to the end of the world. I would fight the whole world for you. I love you."Rishab captured her beautiful face and the powerful words. He closed his eyes as his heart felt light. For the first time he regretted being a mere General. He is the incharge of Army, Special forces, the Navy and the Police. He was a respectable man. His position is revered but his stature is not worth a Royal. His lineage is not a Royal. He looked at his amulet on his hands which clearly stated that he is a Warrior. He cursed the fate for having him pushed into this situation.

Rishab walked back to his room like a defeated man. His mother, bed ridden due to ageing looked at him worriedly.

"Are you true to yourself Rishu?"

"True to what ma?" Rishab asked carefully avoiding the supposed topic.
Apart from King Mohan and Rishab's best friend in the Army Captain Mukund, Rishab's mother is the only one aware of their love. She was so happy that her son would finally let go of his oath and marry Madhu but she soon lost hope. She knew he wasn't happy with his decision he took years ago. Yet her son was so stubborn to give up.

"Rishu have you lost it? What are you going to get by being like this?"

"I am bound by duty. Towards my nation and towards my people Ma..."

"What are you trying to prove? You are not true to your feelings Rishu. Why can't you go by your heart? For once think of yourself."

"Ma please...we are not talking about the Princess once again."

Meera quietened but her eyes had numerous questions which had no answers. She has seen him silently suffering when her marriage was announced. But still he was in no mood to accept the truth. A sudden loud noise interrupted them.

Rishab wielded his sword ready for an attack. "Be safe ma." I will be back. He bent down to get her blessings and went out to see a commotion broken out.

******


It was their enemy Kingdom. Kingdom Maatali. Rishab found out by looking at their outfit and the Maatali technique of infantry. "Spineless idiots! Don't have the courage to fight in the war. And coming at the night to show their power". He fumed as he ordered his soldiers and brigadiers to wield their Weopon. "Get into positions." Rishab shouted and continued "No mercy!" The soldiers understood their General wanted every one of them to be killed.

"Ask Mukund to switch on the emergency button" Rishab ordered his men. There were only few of them. The Maatalis clearly outnumbered them. He didn't want any casualties on his side.

Rishab looked at the two enemy soldiers who were about to attack him. One from behind and one from the front. He grimaced at the thought of not fighting by the rules. Attacking from behind is an act of cowardice. He expected nothing from the incompetent and coward enemy soldiers who are ready to fight an unprepared Army, unannounced.

The soldiers were diminutive. They didn't realize the sheer brilliance of the upcoming attack on them. Rishab wielded his sword simultaneously at both of them severing the hand of his opponents. He used two swords simultaneously which only a handful of warriors excelled at. Rishab proved once again that nobody could match his warfare as he began attacking his enemies ruthlessly, without mercy. Then he heard a soft cry of a woman. He strained his ears to hear the voice properly amidst the loud noise in the rebellion. Then he heard. The voice which he loved beyond all reason, was calling out to him. Madhu. His Madhu. He finally acknowledged. "Rishab watch out!" She shouted.

Rishab regained his composure quickly but still the opponent had cut his shoulder from behind. He looked at the blood rushing out from the wound and wielded the sword at him cutting through his abdomen. As the opponent fell back, Rishab tore a piece of cloth from him and tied it on his shoulder to stop the blood flow.

A group of five soldiers approached him swiftly. Not the one to be left behind, Rishab started fighting with them. The ratio 1:5. All of a sudden he heard the cry of Madhu. He looked at the sight in horror as Madhu's limp body fell before him, an arrow cut through her lungs. Rishab let out a loud cry of fury as he beheld the terrifying sight. He killed all the opponents who came on his way ruthlessly. He became insane seeing his Madhu lying there injured while she tried to save him. She did save him. When the five soldiers engaged Rishab in a combat, another soldier who used his brains decided to fire an arrow from the distance since his opponent's concentration was on the five of them. But he didn't think his arrow would be interrupted. Madhu who sensed the danger came in the middle to save Rishab. It all happened in a fraction of second. Rishab still furious having seen Madhu wounded killed whomsoever came on his way. Soon the emergency Squad arrived. The tide of the battle changed as large troops arrived. He lifted Madhu carefully and went to the hut panting. The Doctors were arranging the hut to save the soldiers injured in the ambush.
Rishab made Madhu lie down on the soft cotton bed. Madhu who was half conscious looked at him with all the love she had for him. This time she was happy. As she saw the same love reflected from his eyes. With lots of effort she spoke, which turned into a whisper. Rishab bent low to hear her. "Rishab I love you!"

"I don't care about your stature General. You are living by your duty. I want to live with you as long as live. I want to be your side as your strength and support. As your wife and your love. Is that too much to ask?"

Rishab broke down hearing her confession. He wanted to be Rishab for his Madhu. He is no longer going to run away from his destiny, his Madhu, his love of the life.

"Don't talk. You will be alright." Rishab said more to himself than her calming his frantic heart beats. He was afraid that something bad would happen to Madhu as the sword cut her vital organ.

"Please say it!" Madhu whispered with difficulty.

Rishab softly caressed her hair. "I will my love! I love you! As far as I remember I have loved you." Rishab said looking at her passionately. "I will no longer let you suffer. You are mine. I will give you two choices. Either you come back or take me with you to heaven. I am not the one to be left behind."

A smile broke out on her face despite battling for life. Her face became a picture of Peace and Serenity. She didn't care if she died, she would die on his lap happily, at Peace. She had saved her love, that's enough for her. But she wanted to live with him. She is ready to fight for her life if that's what Rishab wanted.

"I am not letting you go. I will fight with the Lord of Death if I want to bring you back my love!"

Madhu smiled and closed her eyes not wanting him to see her in pain. Before he moved out she whispered "Take care of your shoulder."


The Doctors springed to action after preparing all their surgical instruments. Rishab moved out of the hut to prevent any infection from affecting Madhu during the surgery. An another Doctor stitched his deep cut on the shoulder as he watched the hut in which Madhu was operated on. He prayed to his Lord. "Let her live. Take my life instead. She had loved me while I had acted like an idiot ignoring her. She deserves to live."

Hours later good news reached his ears. "She is alive!"

An ecstatic Rishab ran towards the hut like a heavily thirsty man in a desert ran towards the Oasis. He looked at her from outside. She was sleeping due to the anaesthetic. He was glad that she was still breathing.

Madhu's family were on their way to reach the place. Only Madhu had managed to escape her Guards to save Rishab. Precisely to see him as her instinct told her something bad was going to happen.

After some time he got permission from the Doctor to let him inside. He sat by her side and spoke to her. "Am sorry for everything I did Madhu. For I truly believed that I am doing everything for the goodness of you. I didn't realize you were suffering. Am sorry Madhu. I will make all the wrongs right. I swear I will love you till eternity. I won't leave you Madhu, even if you asked me to. I have been an idiot I know that. But I am only yours. You are mine. No force can separate us" Rishab kissed her hand.


Madhu smiled in her sleep. Rishab adored the beautiful smile on her face as he kissed her on her lips warm and deep. He sat beside her for the dawn to break out as he waited for a new beginning. "I love you Madhu. I love you!" he replied earnestly and went into a deep slumber beside his Madhu.


Thanks for reading! Do like and comment. Let me know your views! 😊


Thank you all for making me win Runner up 2! Love you dearies 🤗

Edited by vishuv - 8 years ago
madhurish thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#3
First of all... Congratulations dear!

I knew for sure that your story will surely grab a spot in the top 3 places! and i was so rite!

I loved you story so much!

You have written it so beautifully!

I haven't read the novel which inspired you to write this story.. but i m glad i read this story..

I told you before that while reading the story for the first time in the contest thread i visualized Ram charan and Kajal agarwal of Magadeera movie... but when i read it again... i was able to imagine Rk and Madhu in that place!

Gosh! Rk looked so hot in the warrior attire with metal vest and all... oh just imagine him which two swords in both the hands and fighting... that too showing his bare chest... taut muscles and bulged biceps!

Few things which i loved the most about this story and made me vote for it:

1. Brave - you are one brave writer who took this unique and tough theme and wrote an epic historical story!

2. Brilliant narration! It was so neat and crisp! no lag and no drag!

3. Portrayal - you portrayed Rk's role so perfectly... he was so brisk, brave and bold.. a perfect blend to be a General! And Madhu's role was strong, she was so graceful, witty, brave and determined! oh and beautiful and simple! she respected everyone... she didn't show her 'highness' attitude! she was so friendly and considered everyone equal! Rishbala's kind nature and undying love added essence to the story.

4. Most loved supporting character - King Mohan! i really loved him so much! he as so sweet... he didn't create any trouble in Rishbala's love life... he was so supportive and friendly which made madhu to tell about her love for Rk first to him.. not even to her parents! I respect him.

5. Happy ending - you know my love for happy ending so i really loved this story so much... i expected some tragic ending at the end.. becos u know warriors are meant to die in war LOL!!

6. No negativity - That's one highlight... there were so many chances to show lots of negativity in this story but u didn't show any... for instance, you could have brought in Sultan and made him fight for madhu against Rk... Of course Rk would have won his love but then you didn't show any over the top drama... even Madhu's parents could have acted against for her love... they would have wanted for Madhu to marry a prince and not a General! though you didn't show what will happen in future in Rishbala's life... whether Madhu's parents will approve Rk or not... but that question will never arise in future... becos you have subtly answer the unasked question by mentioning that Madhu's kingdom comes under Mohan's kingdom and Mohan is madhu's supporter so he will take in charge in convincing them... you cleverly tackled one big issue there...

7. Rishbala's love - It's actually one beautiful love story of a BRAVE couple!
their love shone brightly in their eyes... it was clear in one scene where madhu get her leg hurt and Rk called her 'Madhu' for the first time which brought smile to her face and his concern warmed her heart.

8. Madhu's stunt - haha... yeah Madhu actually pulled a stunt by agreeing to get married soon and scaring Rk but then too Rk didn't give much away... he got mad at her momentarily but composed himself... so mercurial!!

9. Madhu's braveness - she bravely jumped in front of Rk and took the dagger in her saving her loves life... she didn't care about her own life, even when she was badly wounded and before drifting to darkness, she asked him to get his shoulder treated *claps* that was so touching ... that shows her unconditional love for her man!

10. Breaking the vow - Apt title! He broke his vow of not falling in love or getting married and fell in love with Madhu... who can resist this irresistible princess for long? haha!
So yeah... all the above 10 points made me love this story so much... i wished this story never end... but all the beautiful thing are meant to come to an end nah? i m just happy this beautiful story ended in a beautiful way!!

You really proved that you are one amazing writer dear! i love your writing style!
keep writing whenever you get time as i know you life will be hectic from next week!

Thanks for giving us this fabulous story to read!
Once again Congratulation dear!

God Bless you!

With love,
your sis Sudha
Edited by madhurish - 8 years ago
.Poorva. thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#4
Congratulations Somu!!!!

Story is simply fabulous! Character Portrayal WOw! Finally Madhu won Rk with her love
Edited by .Poorva. - 8 years ago
Mona_90 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#5
Congrats soumya..
Intresting story plot..
Risabh dil ka pyar ko apne promise ka liya bhulna chahta hai but madhu apne pyar ko pana chahta hai risabh chahkar vi madhu sa aur uska dard sa durr nahi reh sakta nahi usa pain ma dekha sakta hai..
Madhu ka uska liya pyar jiska liya madhu na apne jaan ko dao pa lag di ya dekha kar risabh ko madhu and uska pyar samjha ata hai and usa apne dil ki baat boalta hai..
Edited by Mona_90 - 8 years ago
varshajoshi17 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#6
Superb is dear loved it
N congratulations to u
PriyaKABHI thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#7
Congratulations!! for winning the Contest.👏
It was so Happy to see this.😊
Thanks for PM,Dear.😊
It was Awesome Os.😊
The Whole Os was Different and Interestingly explained.😊
Rishbala Conversation was so Nice.😊
At the end,the way Rishab expressed his love to Madhu was so Nice.😊
I am Wishing you to fulfil all your Dreams like this.😊
Once Again,Congratulations!! Dear.😊
__________________________________
(MISSING KSG and KABHI So Much)
PriyaSweety-Anu


Edited by PriyaSweety-Anu - 8 years ago
gurtimuskaan thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#8
a well written os.. nice concept
dharsii thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#9
Congratulation .
ur os is very nice.
u have written very well.
Some scenes related with mahadeera movie.
Lily30 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#10
Love the story👏
Thank you for the pm😃

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