He had not seen her all evening. He supposed she had been running around making sure everything was running smoothly, dealing with last minute errands and requests. But now it was time for the exchanging of the rings, and so he knew exactly where she would be. He had carefully selected where each member of his household should stand and he knew that when he looked up now, she would be right there.
She wasn't.
The sheer disappointment and irritation that hit him was like a punch to the gut.
"I have the rings," her voice to his side. His whipped round to face her so quickly that it almost made his head spin. She looked so beautiful, he almost felt his heart skip a beat.
Of course, she had looked beautiful earlier when they'd had their- moment- in Priyanka's room. He had let himself believe in an alternate reality for that stolen moment in time. She was his and he was hers and they were helping each other get ready for a night they would spend together. He hadn't been able to stop himself from taking the fantasy further, placing his arm around her and looking at them together in the mirror. Capturing the moment in a mental snapshot he had already glanced at several times that evening.
"Oh, thank you Anika darling. Can you take them out of the boxes and place them on that cushion in front of us?"
"Of course."
Now under the pretence of watching her taking the plain platinum band of his ring out of the box with her non-bandaged hand and positioning it carefully on the cushion, he was free to take in what Priyanka and Soumya had done to her hair and her face after he had left the room.
She was the single most lovely creature he had ever seen.
He watched her open the box containing Tia's ring. She looked... confused?
"Is this your ring, Tia?" Anika turned the box around to face her.
"Of course, darling! Isn't it exquisite?"
"Yes. It- it is."
Shivaay couldn't read the expression on Anika's face at that moment, had absolutely no idea what it meant.
"Congratulations." Her voice toneless as she finished setting up the rings. "Will there be anything else?"
Shivaay wanted to say something, but no words would come.
"No thank you Anika, darling. Oooh, I think it's time."
It was a different ring. It was a different ring. It was a different ring.
The one she had seen earlier had broken her heart because as soon as she had seen it, the almost primal thought of "Mine!" had rushed, unbidden into her head. She had thought the ring perfect for her in a way it never would be for Tia. Had the ring actually been meant for her [Anika], then her heart would break all over again.
The thought that Shivaay had bought a ring which seemed to have been made for Anika and Anika alone, even though he could and would never give it to her, was something she could not let herself focus on because that was even more heart-breaking than the idea of him giving it away to Tia.
She was wrenched from her thoughts by applause and looked up to see that both Tia and Shivaay were now standing. The inordinate number of photos being taken meant that everything was moving at a snail's pace.
Tia reaching for Shivaay's ring. Placing it on his finger. Pushing it down until it was securely in place, sitting right where it was supposed to be.
And then it was Shivaay's turn. He picked up the imposter ring and reached for Tia's hand, took it in his own.
Anika realised she was crying and quickly rubbed at her eyes. Her hands came away streaked with black. She knew she would look a state and would have absolutely no explanation if anyone should see her. Ducking her head, she started weaving through the crowd towards the doors at the back of the hall. The cheering and applause was raucous around her, and Anika choked back a sob as she realised that meant Shivaay Singh Oberoi now had a fiancee.
He could no longer be hers.
Shivaay nodded at Tia and tried to smile, but his eyes immediately went to where he knew she would be standing. She wasn't there. He began scanning the faces in the crowd, trusted that he would be able to hone in on her. He saw the doors at the back of the room opening, a figure clad in black slipping through.
Anika dampened some tissue and used it to carefully wipe away the streaks of mascara on her cheeks. As soon as she had locked herself in the bathroom, she had told herself that she could now cry. But the tears would no longer come. Instead, she felt a kind of helpless anger.
She knew whatever she felt for Shivaay wasn't one sided, and nor was it based on anything as shallow as physical appearance, no matter what he might tell himself. She was also absolutely certain he knew this too and yet, he had cast her aside for a more socially acceptable bride without so much as a conversation. Without so much as a proper acknowledgement of this beautiful and precious and powerful thing that had grown between them, which now tied them together with a bond she knew instinctively would be agonising to break.
How could he? She knew that ring was hers, that he had bought that ring for her. He had been looking at her ring the night before his engagement and it was her ring he kept close to him. Anika sniffed and looked at her appearance in the mirror to make sure she looked presentable. She took a deep breath before stiffening her jaw and clenching her fists, feeling the bandage on one hand, the bandage he had put on her, against her palm.
He might be engaged, he might now belong to another woman, but she could still force him to admit that giving himself away to another without first taking back the pieces of him which belonged to her was doing his future bride a disservice. And in order to give back the pieces of Shivaay which Anika held, she would first make him admit that he had given them to her.
Whether or not she would have the strength to demand back from him the pieces of herself held by him, she would have to wait to find out.
The determination to fight leeched out of her the instant she was in his room. She didn't want to fight anymore.
Anika had been holding herself back from admitting what her heart had known for quite a while now. She knew it was probably too soon and she knew that for the most part, her interactions with Shivaay should not have warranted such a feeling to grow. But it had. And now it would probably destroy her.
Dazed as she finally admitted to herself what she supposed she had long known to be true, she wandered over to Shivaay's bedside drawer and opened it, taking out the small black box inside. She took out the ring and placed it on the ring finger of her left hand. It fit perfectly.
Anika's legs gave way and she collapsed to her knees on the ground, staring at the ring as it shone like a star even in the dim moonlight. This was what he thought of her. It had to be.
She noticed a pile of clothes on the sofa, where Shivaay had neatly folded and left them to be put away later. On top of the pile, the shirt he had been wearing earlier that day. Anika stretched out her arm and caught the sleeve of it, pulling it to her.
Not entirely sure what she was doing, Anika found herself slipping first one arm into Shivaay's shirt, then the other. She trembled as his scent wrapped around her, pulled the edges of the shirt close to her face so she could breathe it in, inhale it. Trap it in her memory forever. Clambering up onto the bed, she did the same with his pillow, took in the clean crisp smell of it, knew she would never be allowed to lay her head here again. If Shivaay didn't fire her after tonight, Anika would have to quit. She couldn't allow herself to be here anymore, couldn't put herself through this anymore.
Anika could not let herself be around Shivaay anymore, not now that he belonged to Tia. Not now that she knew she loved him.
"I love him." She whispered into the silent room, needing something if never someone, to bear witness to the truth.
And so the floodgates were smashed open and Anika began to cry. She cried for herself and she cried for Shivaay and she cried for a love that would never, ever be. She cried and she cried until her sadness overwhelmed her and exhaustion overtook her, her tears giving way to an unrestful sleep.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
He hadn't seen her for the rest of the evening, knew his family hadn't either as different members had variably expressed concern and annoyance at her disappearance. Shivaay himself had just been feeling hollow. It was a sensation which intensified every time he looked down and saw the ring on his finger, branding him as Tia's. He knew this wasn't how he was supposed to feel when he looked at his engagement ring, looked at his fiancee. But he knew that he was supposed to marry Tia. He was supposed to forget about the woman who had left at the most important moment. He wasn't supposed to be wondering where she had gone and why she had left in the first place.
It was well past midnight now and he was finally heading up to bed, having sent off the last of the guests. He went first to Omkara's room, wanting to just... decompress by talking to him for a while, but his room was empty. Shivaay frowned and closed the door. There wasn't anyone else he was in any kind of mood to see right then, so he headed towards his own room.
Even before he turned the handle, he knew she'd be inside. The hairs on his arms and the back of his neck prickled to attention and the knowing rasped over his skin. She was in his room.
The tidal wave of emotion that hit him when he opened the door cracked like thunder through his heart.
Udne Ki Aasha
Hollywood
