Groggy and disturbed, I rose from bed, wondering if I had slept at all. Once I was ready to leave for work, the conversation from the night before came rushing back in all its detail. I had shared personal details without much hesitation and felt so close to him, it scared me. What did it mean? Weren't we strangers? So why had I let him come so close? He hadn't forced me or pressured me and yet I felt it like a shock going through me every second. I felt him close to me, watching me and my heart raced with a gallop.
I had the morning free and opened my laptop. I went online and sat there staring at his name in my chat. The anxiety kept building up inside and then just like that, he came online. Before I could stop myself, I wrote hurriedly- I'm very disturbed. I couldn't sleep. Why, he asked. I don't know, I said, maybe because of the things we discussed. I really don't understand whats happening to me. Its ok. Relax, he said. I have to go, can't talk, but you can write whatever you feel and mail it to me. Ok, bye.
I wrote an email repeating whatever I had just said in the chat and added that maybe sharing such personal things was strange for me. I haven't had such an intimate conversation before with anyone.
In the evening I got an email from him. He had written few lines- If you are uncomfortable in talking like this or sharing so much then we should stop talking now. I wish you all the best in life. I hope you will be happy and keep smiling. As soon as I read this, my heart stopped. No! it screamed. This can't end. I don't want it to end. Then came another question in my head. Do I trust and move forward or do I back out right now? It took me only one moment to decide what I wanted.
I wrote back that he can't decide alone whether we should stop talking or not. Its my decision and he should let me decide for myself. I wanted to talk further and get to know him better but I would understand if he didn't want to. And then I wrote a line from one of favorite songs- Yeh lamha filhal jee lene de and hit send.
I waited with bated breath to hear from him. Would he call again? Would he come online? At ten that night, I stared at my computer screen hoping to see him in the chat again. And suddenly he called on my phone. Hi, I said, did you read my mail? Yes, I did. So you want to live this moment with me? He asked, teasing me. Yes, I do. I smiled. Then I added, how can you say that you'll never talk to me again? Do you really want to stop? If you do then you can tell me but don't assume anything until I tell you. I want to talk more, I blabbered on nervously and he interrupted, you talk too much. I'm putting a finger on your lips so be quiet now, he said. Which got me to shut up instantly and I relaxed. And then he shocked me again, saying -Will you please come into arms now? It was such a good feeling to have him ask this, that I gave in instantly and replied with a shy yes. Hah! So much for not getting too close too fast.
Cricket
