Manan FF - Kaisi yeh Yaariyan season 3 - Chapter 123 & note - Page 32

"You can't leave just like that, ok? You have to talk to me, we have to talk this out." She grabbed both of his wrists as tightly as she could and stood before him like a human barricade.

"Leave me alone Nandini, before I do something for which I would have to repent later. " He jerked her hands off him. What was she thinking, with that size of hers, she was going to be able to stop him? He freed himself in less than half a minute and reached for the door.

"If you walk out of the door now, leaving me like this, I would take it that you are walking out on me, on us."

She knew she could never overpower him physically. That was practically impossible. But then she also knew, no matter how angry or upset he was, he could never leave her for good. She could and in fact she had. Her stubborn anger had almost caused him an amputated arm. In panchgani, she had banged his hand against the car. Time upon time, she had walked out on him, in anger and despair, but he, despite being the impulsive angry soul that he was, had never stopped caring for her, not even when she had broken his trust.

He took one step back and that was all she needed, that one signal from him, that one ray of hope, no matter how bleak it was.

"Do what you want to do Manik, but just talk to me please." She crashed against him, locking her arms around his stiff body.

What would he say, when he himself couldn't decipher what was going on inside his head. Was he angry? Was he upset? was he feeling pity for himself ? What was it... What was bothering him more, Nandini's hiding all of this from him, the shithead called Neel Dixit or the circumstances that had brought them here. And what was it that he wanted to do now.

"Why did you not tell me earlier? Why did you f**king not tell me earlier? What did you think that I am this nursery kid who can't handle things because I am sick, because my memory is playing tricks with me and you the hero will handle him all by yourself. What were you trying to do, first sacrifice your life for your family and then stay mum for me? Who do you think you are, Mother Teresa?"

"Exactly, you are a nursery kid because this is how you handle things, with anger. Come..come with me" She broke away from the hug and pulled him towards the balcony. He could break free if he wanted to, she knew he was fully capable of doing that, but he didn't. "Look at that...that broken table and the broken bottles and this..." She said, putting her finger over his heart "this shattered thing here, this is how you handle things Mr. Manik Malhotra"

"Right, I am a good for nothing piece of shit! One who has swallowed three whole years of his life, who is stuck up somewhere in time, who is living over a bed of lies... and who can't protect his own girlfriend. Why are you still here with me? Go..go away and leave me alone."

"I am not going away anywhere. I am staying right here with you, whether you like it or not. I have loved you and I am going to hang around your neck for the rest of your life." She said it with an authority he hadn't seen in her before. She had grown stronger and now he knew why. A part of him did realize that she wasn't at fault. She was the victim, but then that's what we do. We vent out on the very people who mean the most to us. He wasn't particularly angry at her, he was angry for her.

"How could he do that to you? How could you let him do it, even after I was back. What if usne kuch kar diya hota.. Pehle bhi you did the same thing, with that Pandit. You don't learn your lessons do you." He was beginning to talk to her instead of throwing words in the air.

" Yes I don't. I f**king don't. Mujhe to maza aata hai na trouble create karke? Excitement milti hai aise jerks ke saath rehkar? Ek bar Manik, put yourself in my shoes and tell me agar tum meri jagah hote to kya karte. 3 f**king years I lived without you and then one fine day you turn up out of nowhere, not knowing who you are. You think it was bloody easy acting like a stranger with someone I love more than my life. You think I was having fun with this sword hanging over my head. How would you feel if you saw me like that, clueless, lost, helpless. Would you care about me or dump your f**king problems on my already burdened chest."

"Why are you shouting, and since when have you started swearing like a pro? A lot has happened behind my back. You have changed."

Her nerves were fraying, waiting to burst out. She was supposed to calm him down but as their conversation progressed, she herself started losing it, years of anger and frustration were finally coming out.

"Yes I am cursing, because that's what I feel like. Its been eating me from inside Manik. Don't just see your side of the story, try to see mine too, at least for once. I am not having fun Manik. I had become a skeleton in your absence...a living corpse. And then when I got you back, for the first time in 3 years I was happy, I was smiling, I felt alive. Main bol deti tumhe. Agar bolna hi nahi tha to why would I have written it here in this diary. But you know why I didn't tell you, because your accident was not an accident, it was a sabotage. He did it and then he threatened me that if I tell you anything more he would kill you. Main dar gayi..."

"bas***d... I will dig his grave" This guy was a psycho.. Manik couldnt believe so much had happened right beneath his eyes.

"And besides, kitna bolti tumhe, apni halat dekhi hai tumne? Tumhe kya lagta hai, I don't know how it feels to be in your shoes. I know because I have lived it too. Jitna mushkil apni life ke best memories bhool jana hai, utna hi mushkil samne khare hokar use witness karna bhi hai. Chot tumhe lagti thi aur dard mujhe hota tha. Itna easy nahi hai Manik, Kuch thik nahi hai life mein. Had a job, lost it, family mein kisiko nahi pata. Chacha ka case abhi bhi court mein hai, friends sab bikhre pare hai, you are going through so much and on top of that the fear of losing you. I couldn't handle it. May be I should have just told you everything, but the only reason I didn't was you.

I can tolerate anything, but not losing u one more time.. N i almost did.. ."

He had gone silent, trying to rationalize his feelings. But the more she spoke, the angrier he grew at fate. Why them, why always them. Why was their life a series of struggles and mishaps? Why couldn't it all end for God's sake?

All this emotional upheaval, fighting like cats and dogs wasn't doing much for her already frail health. The bile in her stomach was rising in rushes. She had controlled it till now, but she was not going to be able to hold up any more. She scurried towards the washroom for a second round of vomiting.

This time though , she wasn't alone. His hands rubbing her Made a world of difference.

"Are you ok?" His face was still livid with disgust, his eyes still dangerously red, but this could be far worse. Who knew his infamous anger, better than her? In a condition like this, he would always shut his eyes to the world, refusing to see logic, denying every emotion except raw & putrid anger. And then nothing could penetrate through to him.

Thankfully he was still accessible to her today after zoning out for a brief while.

"No, I am not. " she rested her head on his throbbing heart. They stayed there for a while before Nandini pulled back to look into his eyes. "Are you going to repeat that?"

"Repeat what?!!"

"Push me away from you, like you did in Soha's case?" Her voice had mellowed down, she was losing out on her strength.

"Will you go even if I push you?" He was behaving as though he wanted to get rid of her, but in reality he was asking her. Asking and hoping to hear a resounding No.

"No, I won't... I can't...I am selfish."

"You should drink some water and have something to eat." Even in this condition he remembered that she had not had any food with her drink and that is what was making her puke so badly.

"I need a shower, I am stinking"

He nodded. His jaws were taut, his brows pulled together in a frown and his kind eyes, the ones she loved most wore no expressions. What should she make out of it, what was going on in his mind? Had her words reached his heart, or had he shut the doors on her. Was he even understanding , or all of it was a mere pretense only because she was unwell.

"You will be here right, tum mujhe chorke to nahi chale jaoge?" Her eyes had already started welling up and her heart was crumbling inside.

"Call me if you need help, I am here"

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The moment she locked the bathroom door, she turned on the shower & slumped on the floor, wailing. The tears could no more be tamed. The brave face she had been wearing, fell through, leaving behind a vulnerable young girl, whose world revolved around the guy waiting on the other side of the door. He was all she could see, he was all she could hear, he was the reason she woke up every day & he was the strength that kept her going through the cruelest of cruel circumstances life stacked against her one after another.

What if he had walked out, what if he still walks out. What would she do? Where would she go? How would she live? How would she make him see through his blinding rage? How would she make him understand that her engagement was the biggest farce ever and that she could never in her senses give in to another man. Nobody except her, knew what she had planned for her wedding night if she indeed had to marry Neel.

There could be no existence for her without him because Manik was not just her love, he was her life, he was all her prayers answered together.

His face was pressed on the bathroom door as he stood leaning against it. Stupid girl, what did she think, the noise of the running water would stifle her cries and he would not know. 'Jhoot bolna to dhang se seekh leti Nandini, why try when you can't? ' He thought to himself. He was crying too, he was crying and screaming, but his screams had no voice & his eyes were dry. He was dying inside...

Song Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYOOFKaT71w (donot miss the video)

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Replies:

@Shoana: Once more belated happy birthday my love. Many of my readers have wished u on wattpad too.U r spot on about this

"i don't know what manik must be feeling...betrayed...helpless or may be guilty coz d great manik malhotra has a bad habit of feeling responsible for every bad thing that happens in his loved one's life "

Yes, he is a mix of everything...even he doesnt know whats going on. and like every other times it is nandini that has to shine for him.

love u too dear.

@monstermanik: Thank u so much dear. I wanted to tell u a special thanks for your previous comment . I wanted to reply then and there but just couldnt. I just wanna let u know that i love u..and i feel extremely fortunate that my words stay with you throughout ur day.Its a feeling that cant be bundled in words.stay blessed.

@thamannamanan1 : mera sevaiyan kidhar hai? Are ur heartbeats normal now??

@ac2000: Ab neel ka kya hoga? I am wondering. bechara has dug his own grave but before that lets c wat our manan r upto.

@devilkhusi: Thnk you thank you. He should actually start counting his days, neel dixit.

@monstuholic4ever: I love your name. thank you. and welcome onboard this journey :)

@vaannii078 :See I didnt miss you this time. Everything you wrote is so damn true. He is human too. U cant always be a supe human.Both of them have suffered way too much more than they deserve, and its only because of each other that they are still trying and still fighting. Let me know how u liked the next part.

@manansamkhan: Thank you :)

@jesse93: ok, its up. Now quickly read and let me know if you like it or not.

@rebeccasweety: Ok first and formost, thank you for this essaish comment.comments like these give me that scoring 100/100 wali feeling. Two platonic kisses to u for that.BTW I shared your last comment on wattpad :)and there were 22 comments on top of that.

You know what precisely my point that we should all feel happy about neel because every time that dumbass ends up doing something better and he himself keeps on falling lower and lower.

However, coming back to u. do ur exams seriously. Story , is not going anywhere. So you can read later as well.

And as far as PM is concerned, I used to send across PM after every update, but I have so less time, saving every minute counts. So i dont send pms anymore. Sorry

Now all my silent readers: Comments and likes have nosedived. I guess you are no more liking the story, at least not enough to hit like or drop a comment. right?