A letter from Sona to Dev- independence day( fun post)

Dear Husband,

Let me begin by telling you that I love you. I was talking to Gowri the other day, and she said that every time she wants to break some bad news to someone, she begins with a piece of good news. That way, the blow won't be as bad. My news isn't exactly bad, but let me reiterate - I do love you, soppily. Like cashew drunk on it's own toddy. Like basmati rice drunk on beer. Like - ugh, you'll have to make do with that much.

Your mother really irritates me. Oops, sorry, bad landing. Should've softened it a little. Eh, everyone knows I'd be a horrible pilot anyway, with my sense of direction. At least I didn't crash a plane on your head (did I?). But she really is annoying. Don't worry, the feeling is mutual, and I don't think either of us particularly wants it to be any different. I grew up on saas-bahu serials, so when you said you wanted to live with your parents the rest of their lives (who'd have thought that they'd live so long?), I didn't expect any different. I love my parents too, but I did leave them for you. What to do? You're a man, I'm a woman, so I never thought about it when you proposed. I'm not fixated on it even now, actually.

Then why this letter? Because you keep telling me I'm not enough of a patriot, and that's what I'm trying to be here. Exactly 70 years ago, a number of men declared freedom for a nation. This nation. Our nation. Bharat Mata ki Jai (there, I said it). So I'm drawing inspiration from them: I want you to declare independence for me from your mother. Sorry, I want you to declare independence for me from my mother-in-law. Don't worry, I'm not threatening to leave you. But I want to be married to you, only you, not to your family. Especially not to your mother - sorry, my mother-in-law. So I do want a divorce. Not from you. From her.

So, Husband, on bent knee, I ask you - will you be my divorce attorney? It won't be too hard, I promise. I've done all the preliminary work. All you need to do is get her signature on the following separation agreement:

Wife and Mother-in-law were unlawfully married on Saturday, 9th August, 2008 in Bangalore, Karnataka. Due to several problems between Wife and Mother-in-law, they hereby agree to live in the same house, together, subject to terms and conditions as set forth below:

1. Wife and Mother-in-law have made an incomplete, unfair and inaccurate disclosure to each other of matters relating to the Husband affecting this agreement.
2. Wife has been advised and counseled by Husband regarding her legal rights as related to this agreement, but Husband will not talk to Mother-in-law about her legal rights because he is too uncomfortable to confront her.
3. This agreement is intended to be a final disposition of the matters addressed herein, though Wife is aware it will not be final, now or on any future event, and may be used as evidence and incorporated into a decree of divorce or dissolution.
4. Should a dispute arise regarding the enforcement of this agreement, as Wife is sure it will, the prevailing party (Mother-in-law) will unfortunately be entitled to her unreasonable costs and demands.
5. Custody and Visitation: The Husband of this marriage will reside with both the parties and custody will be shared according to the following schedule:
   1. 7 am, coffee and newspaper: Mother-in-law
   2. 8 am, breakfast and lunch dabba: Wife
   3. 6 pm, tea and biscuits: Mother-in-law
   4. 8 pm, dinner: Wife
6. Personal property: Both parties will treat Husband as personal property.

Signed: Wife (Wife) Signed: (Mother-in-law)
15th Aug, 2016 15th Aug, 2016

Affectionately,
Wife

Sonakshi.