HEARTBEAT -TWINJ- FF -Page 44- What is Love? Note page - 49 - Page 10

wow dear'

Amazing Part Griffy

Originally posted by: 3dancelover

So many emotions

thank you for the pms

update soon!

thanks so much

Thanks dear


Thank u😳

Thanks soo much for being such a loyal reader 😳😳

aww thanks a lot dear and yr most welcome😃😃

Thanks a lot dear

Thanks so much😳😳

Part 10

I was lost again in his eyes...

He was distant bt i was trapped in his eyes...in his world...

I heard everyone clapping around me...

Chinki nudged me...

"clap Twinkle! it was meant for u...!!"

And I clapped...and an even cuter smile came on his face!

It was as if he was waiting for my clap...

I know it was his way of declaring his love for me...

"Love"?...I was still confused considering the entire Riya thing...

Then only the organizers switched on the music and everyone got up and started dancing...i lost sight of Kunj...

I couldn't see him in the crowd...

Chinki went and joined Sunny...

Maybe he's dancing with many of his admirers...half of our class had been his gf's at least that's what I had heard

I felt jealousy and sadness I got up deciding to head back not knowing what to feel

And when i turned my eyes met his eyes...

He stood right in front him

I was lost again...in his cute blue eyes...

I felt him holding my hand...

I broke away from the stare...

Without questions i let him pull away from the crowd...

The questions and answers could wait...

...

I looked into her eyes...I knew she loved me too...I knew we were meant to be together...

I held her hand and she agreed to come with me

I still couldn't speak anything

Our hearts as usual did the talking

But I knew I had to tell her...

I knew something had changed suddenly

Maybe Chinki talked her into it

I took her a bit far holding her hand firmly...

She didn't say anything

I looked into her eyes.. and found love for the first time... I knew it..

I didn't see fear which I always had...

Then my phone rang...

And I let go of her slowly and picked up the phone...

Why hadn't I put it on silent I cursed myself...

I looked at her face...

She looked scared again..

It was Riya

I cut it and switched off my cell ...

I wanted to say I love you... or was it too early?? Only some days back I had made her friend...

I just looked at her...unable to say anything

Maybe it was all too fast...

She was looking somewhere far avoiding eye contact...she still looked scared

"Are u scared of me??"

My words brought her back from wherever she was she looked at me ...unable to answer with words ...

...

I looked at him...I wasn't scared of him I wanted to tell but I had lost my voice

All this was happening too fast ...I knew he was going to declare his love for me now but ...wasn't it all too fast?

Was I ready...?? till 2 hours ago...I didn't even want to accept what I felt and now here I was standing with him alone...

All this switched my brain on ...I remembered how hurt I had been I remembered how hollow I had become after I lost Dhruv all those years of struggle to achieve where I was now...was I ready to let go??? I hardly knew him ...I know what I felt for him was strong but Love???...He felt right.. and yet I was paralyzed by my fear..

The last few hrs felt like a dream and his words had brought me back

Scared ??????... yes i was scared

Scared to lose again

Scared to love again

Scared to end myself again

Scared to submit again

Indeed I was hell scared

And finally my feelings were overcome by this fear

My expression hardened I knew the moment Riya told him it would be all over...

So I said "yes..I want to go back to tents"

His expression changed

He looked offended somewhere deep down I knew I was hurt to see his face but the fear was too much and i turned back and ran..

Chinki didn't understand ..."but u said!..."

I looked at her and some tears escaped my eyes but I wiped them and went to sleep or at least pretend to...

I knew I wasn't getting any sleep

My hand felt different..as if it had been touched by something pure.. as if his touch could protect me from the world.. and somewhere I knew I would regret running back like this

...

I stood there watching her leave ...

Speechless ...

Not knowing what had happened

No proposal and yet it still felt like rejection

She wasn't my girlfriend yet it felt like I had been dumped...

Her one line carried a story behind it...I knew what she felt for me and yet her voice and spoke volumes too yes she was scared ...but not from me but from...

I couldn't figure out!

My heart beats raced...

It felt like a heart ache...

And i sat...in my tent wondering...

The next day of the trip was blurry...we were going to head back tonight

The feeling of heartache ...the feeling of being rejected...persisted in my heart throughout the day

And the only relief I got were those stolen glances where for few seconds I could lock her image in my heart...

Whenever our eyes met ...my hell would turn into heaven and then again hell when she looked away

She looked as if a war had been waged in her mind...

She looked as if she had lost at a battle she had begun...

As every moment past I lost hope and regained it when i looked at her...

The day passed and we were back on the bus

She chose to sit far behind...

I wanted to talk to her

I made my way back...

She was already asleep or maybe pretending to..

At least that let me steal a long glance at her

Until someone pushed me..and I was brought back to reality...

The noise woke her up

And again we were trapped in each others eyes...

All my eyes asked where "why?? Why are u scared of me"

And her eyes spoke thousands of words but I was sure none spoke hatred then why scared?'

...

The next day was almost hell for me...

I was so scared to admit that again I had committed one of the biggest mistakes of my love

Though both were opposite actions...they were equally destructive

One was declaration of love and one was rejection?!!!

Love???

Every time I thought Kunj loved me...i shivered

Yes I was scared...

I decided not to talk to ever him again...

He'll forget me just like many of his g-f's...

Gf's?..I didn't even qualify that category...

And yet it felt as if I had dumped him...

I hoped somewhere he wouldn't

And somewhere I prayed that he does forget me

Every time our eyes met I saw slight hope in his eyes and every time I looked away I know he shattered a bit...

So it was better that i stayed away from him...and got my head sorted...

We were back on the bus

I went far back hoping he wouldn't try to talk to me as now I couldn't run...

I sat and pretended to sleep

After few mins I felt his presence

Suddenly there was a noise and I opened my eyes

And yes my heartbeats were right he was there...

And again I got lost in his blue eyes unable to blink away as if he had captured me for few seconds...

I broke away somehow turned my head to the other side..

Soon it would be over when he talks to Riya... he will know the truth...

And then he wouldn't have to endure the pain...I had just seen in his eyes...

And his questions will be answered...

He will hate me...just like Dhruv...

I closed my eyes again...

And almost fell asleep

...

"I love you Dhruv...I thought u were my best friend...but i feel more for you"

I finished writing those words when

...

Suddenly my phone rang...

I broke away from my sleep

It was my mum checking up on me...

I said I would reach in 2-3 hrs

Everyone was asleep in the bus...

They all were tired after all the fun

I realized I had been sweating..my bad memories were coming back

Everything I had shut away in my heart...far away...so that I needn't witness them again...

It felt like all my wounds were opening up

I got up to check on Chinki

And there just in front of my seat Kunj lay asleep...

I looked at him a few more tears passed by...

I had lost him? A question wandered...and my heartbeat ran at a faster speed!

(Next Day)

I got down from the bus..

I still didn't feel sleepy

All night i had been lost in thoughts ..lost in past...

I was hell confused ...

I turned around he was standing at far end of the bus...

Staring...his eyes still questioning...will he ever talk to me again?

A small voice in my head said "no" and that small whisper almost tore my heart apart if even that was possible...

With a heavy feeling i searched for auto rikshaw..

Chinki was too sleepy...

Sunny had to leave urgently for hospital...

I looked around...

"Twinkle!"

I turned

Kunj was sitting in his car...

Before he cud ask i opened my mouth to say no..

But Chinki went and sat inside...muttering she was really sleepy

I was forced to go..

He gave a weak smile..

The journey was quiet except my directions for Chinki's home

Finally those 15 mins which felt like a lifetime got over and we reached Chinki's home

All I felt was guilt for treating him that way...

Pain of losing him...

And sadness about what had come off my life

Chinki got down..almost awake now

I started getting out of the car

...

"stop Twinkle I will drop u..."

She turned

She was almost pale now..

Guilt sadness pain ...I could read in her eyes ..everything...

Maybe I should treat her normally forget what all happened

Maybe she won't feel guilty about whatever she was ...

I calmed my tone...

Straightened my face..

I a put on a smile with a lot of effort..

"your house isn't that far...i can drop you its not a trouble"

...

His smile almost melted my heart...

I knew he had put lot of effort in it...

But it worked I sat back

The silence persisted until my home came...

He dropped me.. i requested him to not get off the car...

And I got down...

I turned and with lot of effort..i gave him a weak smile

And in return he gave me a weak smile...

Maybe...

Even before i could feel my thoughts in words my heartbeats raced!

...

Thanks to everyone who has stayed on and given such wonderful comments!

They mean a lot to me and encourage me to carry on

Cheers

Griffy

loved it, so sweet wish she could tell him her fears

another awesome update dear

Amazing update Griffy

Amazing update. Loved it.
Hope everything gets settled soon.
Continue soon plz.

Great updatee...loving the moments between the two...

It was amazing di!!! 😳