A/N: Hey there everyone! :D :D Here is the next update! :D :D
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"Shhh... It's okay... It's okay... I'm here... I'm here..." was the only mantra Ishaani stuck on to the moment Ranveer fell limp in her arms, his wails now reduced to whimpers.
After an indefinite amount of time when she felt it safe enough to separate him from her, she gently pulled him apart, her grip on his arms never faltering. Ranveer stared at her silently, his eyes searching her own greedily for the first sign of her wanting to leave the room. But she expressed no such desire. She cupped his cheek, wiping away the tears from his face with the sleeve of her night-suit as he sat silently, his hands lying idly upon his lap.
Ruffling his hair slowly, she let her eyes now scan the room for the first time since she entered it that night, an audible gasp escaping her lips. Apart from the mess of colours, brushes and the wooden stand around, her eyes fell upon what Ranveer had done across the canvas and she could not believe her eyes. The only thing that she managed to express was the word 'whoa'.
Getting up quickly just as Ranveer made to protest, she quickly walked towards the switchboard and turned on the lights of the room. Ranveer groaned softly, the harsh lights rendering them both blind for a few moments as Ishaani blindly navigated her way back to him through streaming eyes. But when they opened their eyes again, both of them stared at each other, astonished. What lay before them wasn't just a mass of colours huddled and thrown ruthlessly upon each other.
Ishaani walked ahead and saw the two canvas papers before her - one completely spattered with yellow, orange, red and black in an abstract painting that had a painful beauty about it. But what caught Ishaani's eye was the painting that lay adjacent to the first one. It was a masterpiece of a young girl. But not just any girl.
It was a painting of herself.
The canvas contained the shades of red, orange and yellow in the background just like the previous one, but this time Ishaani's black, wavy hair captured the focus of the painting, her green dress dazzling against something blue in the distance. When she viewed the picture closely, she realized that the picture depicted her sitting upon the grainy sand of the beach at sunset. Ranveer stared at Ishaani disbelievingly, muttering furiously to himself.
"Oh God... What did I do? What have I done? How did this happen?"
But Ishaani had eyes only for the painting. Even before Ranveer could come up with sufficient words, Ishaani threw herself upon him, hugging him so tightly that Ranveer was certain that she had crushed his bones.
"Ranveer, this is beautiful! I didn't know that you could paint so magnificently!"
"I didn't know that I couldn't paint as well..."
"Well, well, what else is to be expected from Mr. Prefect Perfect? Now add painting to your list of conquests as well."
And before she could say anything further, Ranveer laughed softly - for the first time in three months. It wasn't half his hearty-self, but he laughed nonetheless. And along with it, he gave Ishaani a smile. Just there - his smile. His smile that could lighten up her world without even trying. His smile that gave her hope for the first time in three months that maybe all was not lost. His smile that gave her the hope that there was still a battle to be fought ahead, but victory was no longer an impossible dream.
His smile, that made her believe that her Ranveer was still alive, albeit maimed.
She smiled and cupped his cheek as she stood up and collected all of the bottles of paint, putting them all back into the box that lay forlorn a little distance away from the sheets. Collecting the sheets and listing the wooden stick again, she set everything back into order except for the two paintings that remained there, freshly painted. Ishaani stared at the abstract painting for several more minutes that reminded her of something that she had just escaped, but chose to say nothing.
She quickly exited the room and returned back two minutes later with a basin of soap water in her hands, while Ranveer stared at her bewildered. She set the basin upon the floor and took Ranveer's hands and immersed them in the water, Ranveer instantly shutting his eyes at the cool sensation of the transparent fluid. Washing away his hands neatly, Ishaani took them out and wiped them clean before discarding the basin away.
Sitting down at par with Ranveer once again, she put his arm around her shoulder and hoisted him up awkwardly, his body dangling upon hers like a puppet without strings. She gently laid him across the bed and adjusted his legs properly, pulling the blanket over him once he was comfortable. She smiled at him as she sat beside him and took his hands into her own. Ranveer contended himself with staring at her curiously.
"What are you doing here?"
"I came to check up on you... Came to see whe- whether you were alright," she whispered back to him, somehow not meeting his gaze anymore.
"At three in the morning?" he asked, his tone sardonic. The smile left Ishaani's face and brought upon instead a deep worry. Ranveer didn't fail to notice that she was shaking slightly.
"Why is it so surprising?" she retorted half-heartedly, and Ranveer instantly noticed that she now looked highly disturbed.
"What's happened? You look pale," he remarked, but she shook her head, gripping his hand firmly.
"I'm fine, really. It's just... these three months have not just been hard upon you, you know. It's been hard upon all of us. And..." she trailed off abruptly, her voice ending with a sniff now.
"Ishaani, look at me," he said gently, but all Ishaani did was play with his fingers, her eyes resolutely stuck over them.
She could not help but notice that it was the first time in three months where she had heard the love in his voice that she had been aching to feel. Yet the turmoil her heart was battling couldn't let her acknowledge the fact. Ranveer pushed away the hair from her face and noticed that she had begun to cry, her tears glistening in the light of the moon that now streamed effortlessly into the room.
"Why won't you meet eyes with me?"
His name was all she could whisper in answer before she shook her head vehemently, tresses of hair obscuring her face from him once again.
"Ishaani, look at me. What is it?" asked Ranveer, now genuinely worried as he pushed himself up and cupped her cheek within his palms. He felt his heart skip a beat when several tears fell upon them at once, everything else instantly obliterated from his mind. She cried for a few minutes without speaking another word, throwing her arms around his shoulder and holding on to him like there was no tomorrow, as though the moment she would let him go, he would cease to exist.
"Promise me that you'll never save my life again," she pleaded frantically, her face now buried into Ranveer's shoulder.
"Ishaani, what are you talking about?" he asked in return, unable to keep the worry and panic out from his voice.
"Please promise me," she repeated once again with the same desperation in her tone. A long, bewildered silence continued before Ranveer began unsurely.
"Ishaani, how can I-"
"Do it! Promise me now!" cut through Ishaani hysterically, finally breaking from the hug and staring at him dead in the eye. Ranveer noticed that her face had gone red.
"Alright fine, I promise that I'll never try to save your life again," he said reluctantly, but Ishaani noticed that he had crossed his fingers.
"Without the cross-fingers, Ranveer," she retorted outrageously, while he gave her a grudging look.
"I promise that I'll never try to save your life again. Now will you tell me what's going on?" he asked, the frustration evident in his voice.
Things hadn't gone back to the way they used to be; they had just started getting a little better. The cold was still there - the only difference was that it wasn't as icy as before. Ishaani gave him a watery smile before her eyes widened to the size of saucers.
"Did... did you just prop yourself up?" she asked, astonishment and a sparkle of the wildest happiness now evident in her eyes.
"No, I-" was all Ranveer managed to speak before his own eyes widened, and he looked at himself disbelievingly. "Wait, did I... but I- I couldn't do that... then how did I..."
"Oh my God!" was all Ishaani said before they hugged each other again, both of them crying upon each other's shoulders once again.
Both of them could not still decide whether it was from the pain they had fought together or the tiny ray of happiness they had found in that moment. But they knew that this moment had changed their life once again. Separating from the hug once again, both of them wiped away each other's tears before Ishaani did something that she had never done before - she kissed him on his forehead and smiled, while Ranveer closed his eyes.
And for the first time in those three months, he had succumbed to the human flaw of love. He sat still as he let the small moment pass between them, his mind suddenly blank. It was as though all his pain had been wiped away to leave behind a clean slate. Devoid of any emotion, except for the one of love.
Love.
He opened his eyes to see Ishaani smiling at him softly, returning her smile with one of his own this time. She stared at him silently as he now contemplated whether it was time to tell Ishaani about Love and how exactly was he to explain it out to her. He did not realize when the room disappeared from his sight and returned back again, but it was only when Ishaani cupped his cheek once again did he snap out from his thoughts. She gave him a blazing look and spoke something unexpected, and to Ranveer's complete astonishment.
"Tell me whatever you have to. I'm all ears."
4th April, 2001:
Love.
That's who Ranveer told me all about. Told me how she's been a part of his life and how she's been helping him cope with everything that was happening with him. He tells me how he met Love four years ago in his dreams back during the time he had been a part of the ragging incident and how she had helped him return back to normalcy in spite of her intimidating and eccentric behavior at times.
A lot of things make sense to me; a lot still doesn't. But I know how much this confession has made Ranveer fall at peace. I could see the way his eyes constantly searched my own frantically as though expecting me to run away, but when I sat resolutely and gave his narration serious thought, he knew that I wasn't taking it as a joke.
I so longed to tell him what really brought me to his room tonight, I so longed to tell him the truth. But I couldn't. How could I burden him with something as mundane as a nightmare when he had been fighting down so much? Had I told him what had been gnawing and tugging at my heart in that moment, he would have made all of my pain his own. And I simply couldn't have that. Not when he had been given hope at long last.
After having been told about Love, the two of us let the still quality of the night envelop us into its own realm of tranquility before I remembered that I had to tell Maa and Papa about it. Before Ranveer even had the time to react, I quickly pressed the buzzer beside his head, hoping that they could make their way to the room quick enough.
And thankfully enough, they did. Maa and Papa looked at me, puzzled, when I told them that Ranveer had managed to prop himself up on their own. They couldn't have been more jubilant as Papa sat beside Ranveer and began asking him a string of questions that the doctor had given him to ask Ranveer if he showed any sign of improvement like this. Maa brought Ranveer a glass of water, before simply pulling me into her arms.
I was so certain that Maa and Papa would scold me for being awake so late in the night, that too with Ranveer, but somehow they never seemed to have taken this into consideration at all. Maybe they were simply relieved at the signs of life that Ranveer showed. Maybe they knew that this was to happen someday. Ranveer let both Maa and Papa hug him while he reciprocated genuinely for the first time in three months with a smile. His smile still has quite some way to go till it gets back to its original self, but for now, this was my haven.
I show Maa and Papa the paintings that Ranveer had created tonight, and both of them share a look between themselves. Apparently, they understand a little more than I do. Maybe that's what the doctor told them that Ranveer required to do - emote. But even through this look of understanding, I could see that they were genuinely blown away. I won't blame them - Ranveer has created two beauties.
Before the three of us could leave the room, Ranveer simply calls us back and tells us two things - thank you and sorry. Thank you for doing so much for him and for treating him like family. And sorry for being so difficult and tiresome to bear with. And I notice that for the first time, he doesn't mention anything about being a servant and being unworthy of it. And I know why - he just needed to feel loved, to know that he could trust. The pain was his to deal, but all he needed was for us to stand with him like a pillar, knowing that we would hold him whenever he stumbled.
He only needed the colours of love in his life, not death. As to me, I need to find a way to overcome this latest addition of burdens that has fallen upon my shoulder - this unaccounted for nightmare.
Ishaani paused, letting the pen down for the first time since she began to write. She turned over to the previous page and read through what her singular nightmare contained for the umpteenth time since its first appearance four years ago. Her nightmare always remained the same; never changing even in the slightest of detail. They always appeared in phases - a couple of days before they completely stopped for months, until they returned and then stopped again.
By now, she knew the details of it by heart, but what disturbed her was its unpleasant reappearance after two whole months. Trying to make sense of why she was seeing what she was, or any hidden clue that may have escaped her eyes, she finally sighed, beginning to read.
Today must have been the most abysmal day that I've had since the past three months. If I thought that things couldn't get any worse, I was sorely mistaken. It's been two days since Kaka and Kaki left for Jammu, and Ranveer is as resolutely mute as ever. I don't know what's gotten into him - he only keeps staring at the blank walls as though hoping that they'll consume him entirely.
Maa and Papa are worried for him now. They say that if he continues this behaviour for another day or two, they are going to take him to a psychiatrist. There's never been this much pressure upon me from both sides before, and it's practically suffocating me now. Perhaps it was this combination that brought back my nightmare tonight, for I awoke, cold with sweating, sobbing brokenly.
I was back into the mysterious mist again and I was desolate. My parents were dead and with them all the strength and wisdom of the world. Nowhere in the world was there anyone to turn to, anyone to rely upon. And something terrifying was pursuing me and I was running, running till my heart was bursting, running in a thick swimming fog, crying out, blindly seeking that nameless, unknown haven of safety that was somewhere in the mist about me.
And just like that, I stop. The mist starts clearing away and I find myself standing in an alleyway, with three masked people running behind me. I am no longer thirteen, but instead am in my late-twenties. I try fighting them off, and am successful to a certain extent until I'm thrown upon the ground ruthlessly, one of them having a gun pointed at me.
I get upon my feet slowly, my eyes never once wavering away from the gun that could very well be the thing that kills me. And just like that, out of nowhere, somebody comes in between the gun and myself and I hear the gun go off at the same time, the blood splattering across my face as well. I feel something hit my shoulder a moment later, but it can wait. For I need to see the person who saved my life.
As though my thoughts were heard aloud, the person in question turns around and I let out a cry of shock. Just like me, he is no longer fourteen, but is as old as me. Even before I can say anything, he crumbles to his knees as the softest of gasps escape his lips, his eyes already half-shut. I fall upon my knees as I see his lips quivering with pain, taking his head into my lap just as he's about to hit the ground. There's no one in the alley anymore. Just the two of us.
He looks at me gently, his eyes just as soft as they always were while his bloody hand finds its way upon my cheek. I put my hand upon his bleeding chest even though I can see how quickly his shirt seemed to be soaking away all that blood. I cry unabashedly as I see the pain flick across his face every few seconds, but all he tries to do is wipe my tears away.
"Thank you..." is all he manages to say before he shuts his eyes for one final time, a thin stream of blood now escaping his lips. I can only stare at him horrified before I find myself falling upon his chest, with only one name escaping my lips - Ranveer.
Ishaani turned the page across angrily, mentally slapping herself for even having dreamt of something so brutal and evil. But somehow, even as her eyes landed upon the Love's name, something flit across her mind momentarily only to be lost a moment later. Glaring at the page where she had left writing, she picked up the pen and yawned simultaneously just as the clock struck four. She shut the book after ending her narration with only one question.
Tonight, Ranveer saw Love die, and I saw him die. What was I supposed to make of it all?
Constructive criticism will be more than welcome and sorry for any typos. :D :D
Next chapter:
Epistle 37
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