Award season is upon Bollywood; so, every weekend for this month, we will get to see one new awards show handing out prizes to the deserving and undeserving. Various newspaper supplements and entertainment pages will flood us with earth-shattering happenings from the red carpet. We now know that Rekha and Jaya Bachchan will hug each other at the Screen awards which will be aired next week, that Kalki Koechlin was acting in a play at Prithvi when she received her best actress award and that Saif Ali Khan avoided Salman Khan at the Sansui Stardust Awards and other startlingly fun tid-bits. It's all very exciting.
Some of us less fortunate will sit through hours of the award ceremonies and come away as traumatised and questioning about the method behind the madness of Bollywood awards, as we do every year. Last evening was the first of the Mohicans"the Colors Sansui Stardust Awards. And here are my observations after sitting through almost four hours of the show.
First, the Stardust awards organisers are fans of irony. What else could explain Aftab Shivdasani, known for his acting prowess in films such as Grand Masti and the soon-to-be released Kya Kool Hai Hum 3, being asked to present the Editor's Choice Best Film award? Or "actors" Nikhil Dwivedi and Sophie Chowdhury being asked to present the Editor's Choice award for Best Male Actor? After all, there were actors and directors of great skill sitting in the audience. Why not ask any one of them? But no, this was like Snooki being asked to present Best Director to Guillermo Del Toro at the Golden Globes.
Second, it is really not wise to get Botox just before accepting a lifetime achievement award. It makes you look like you're frozen in time, but the wrong time. You can't even crack a smile, leave alone speak clearly while accepting your award. This is not a good move"pun intended.
Third, you can be one of the top actors in the industry and a Nawab to boot, but even you must sing for your supper. Sansui was one of the co-sponsors of the awards last evening and Saif Ali Khan is its brand ambassador. So it mattered not that he's an actor of some repute and does have blue blood coursing through his veins. He still had to get on stage and read out the new specs of Sansui's latest TV"just like the salesmen in the showroom do. Who knew that the fallout of removing the privy purse would still be felt so many decades later?
Fourth, if you're Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, you can make a horrendous film like Jazbaa where you were either running or shouting and in some scenes doing both at the same time"and not worry about public ridicule. Because awards shows will create a category called Power-packed Performer Of The Year Award and present it to you. In another ironical turn, the awards organisers decided to get Rekha to give Aishwarya the award. Senior Bachchan did a wonderful imitation of Jeetendra at that moment.
Fifth, you can make beautifully scripted and enacted films like Dum Lagaa Ke Haishaa and Piku, but what will be nominated for Best Film? Stunning cinema such as Prem Ratan Dhan Paayo, PK, ABCD 2 and Bajrangi Bhaijaan. I'm impressed that they did include Piku in the line-up, though. But which one won? Bajrangi Bhaijaan, but of course.
Sixth, in India, if you own the channel sponsoring the awards show, it is only fair that you are called on to present the main award and that you are praised more than the actors themselves. "Educationist, philanthropist, sports enthusiast, most wonderful, elegant and generous, she's changed the lives of more than 40 lakh people". No, this wasn't Malala or Mother Teresa resurrected. This was Nita Ambani being heralded on stage, accompanied by the convicted-and-now-acquitted actor and "darling of the masses", Salman Khan. We were also told at the same moment that the event was being held at Jio Gardens. Even the gardens were complimented extensively. Whoever's doing PR for Colors, a word of advice"subtlety is a virtue. One which should be adopted at such moments.
What I was impressed by was by both Kajol Devgn and Aishwarya Rai. Two working mothers. Neither of whom owe their fame or popularity to their husbands. Neither of whom needs to be working. But both of whom are doing so in a work environment which is anything but friendly to women over 30 years of age, if that. So more power to them and hopefully more women will emulate them.
But most importantly, and the impression that will stay with me for days to come, was that Jeetendra's expression hadn't changed from the beginning of the show till the end. What great command over his facial expressions. A true actor. He truly deserved that Lifetime Achievement Award.
CID
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