Chapter Thirteen
Zoya woke some time during the night with a searing headache. She stifled a groan as she dragged herself from bed.
She made her way to master suite bathroom and, after swallowing a couple of painkillers, sat on the edge of the bath, willing them to work before she made her way back to bed.
Zoya?' Asad's voice sounded from just outside the door. Are you all right?'
I'm fine,' she answered in a low tone.
I thought I heard you groaning. Are you sick?'
Not really.'
Can I get you anything?'
She eased herself off the edge of the bath and opened the door. I'm fine...It's nothing. Just a headache.'
Asad touched her forehead to check the temperature. It's little warm.'
You don't need to worry, I'll be fine. Just go back to sleep.' Zoya said as she slowly tried to walk past him.
He caught her wrist on the way and turned her back to face him. You look pale.'
Aapko meri fikar karne ki zarurat nahin hai.' She said on the verge of crying.
I'm your husband,' he said. If you are sick, it's my duty to look after you.'
She pulled out of his hold. I am not sick! I just need to be left alone. Is that so much to ask?' She felt the blur of tears film her eyes and spun around for the door.
Asad caught her hand and pulled her against him with a hard jerk. He turned her around and looked into her streaming eyes, something deep inside him loosening as he saw the tears swimming in her eyes.
He brushed the pad of his thumb across her cheek where a tear was making a crystal pathway, the softness of her skin like velvet beneath his touch.
You are crying,' he said, his tone sounding surprised.
Of course, not!' She gave a little choked sob and brushed at her eyes with her free hand.
Why are you crying?'
She lifted her head to look at him. Do you have a law against it, Asad? Do I have to ask your permission before I cry?'
No...I was just asking.'
I'm crying because I always cry when I feel sick.' she sobbed. I can't help it. I get overly emotional and start blubbering over the stupidest things.' She blew her nose on the tissue he handed her from the box nearby and continued, I didn't mean to wake you. I'm sorry...but I...'
Hey.' His hand cupped the back of her head and brought it into his chest, his fingers stroking through the silky strands of her hair in soft soothing strokes.
Zoya buried her head into his warmth, her cheek pressed against the steady thump of his heart, her arms going around his waist before she could stop them.
Shh,' he said softly. Don't cry.'
His kindness and gentleness only made it worse. Her guilt over all the lies she'd told him assailed her and she sobbed into his chest all the harder.
After a while Asad felt her settle against him, her crying bout over. He stood with her in the circle of his arms, his chin resting on the top of her head. He wished he could freeze time and stand here forever with her, holding her close to him, his body silently communicating the love he had been unable to stop himself feeling in spite of her past.
I'm sorry.' She eased herself away from him and let her arms fall to her sides. I've made your shirt wet.'
He looked down at the damp patch and smiled. That's all right. I was just about to take it off anyway.'
Zoya gave him a little embarrassed glance as her hand fluttered in the door's direction. I...I'd better go back to bed. It's late.'
'I like holding you in my arms.'
W-why?' she asked, looking up at him earnestly.
His eyes held hers for seemingly endless seconds before he answered. Because when I hold you I forget about my brother. I forget about my grief. I think of nothing except how you feel in my arms.'
She drew in a breath that got caught somewhere in the middle of her chest, her heart squeezing at the honesty in his dark gaze as it rested on her.
Zoya, I don't think it's a good idea for you to sleep alone tonight. Come to my room.'
'N...No, I'm feeling much better now.' She said stuttering and becoming nervous.
'Please...' He said in a tone she couldn't refuse.
He led her out of the bathroom, his fingers curling loosely around hers as they walked down the passage to his bedroom, every step she took reminding Zoya of every lie she'd told which had paved the pathway to this.
He thought she was Zoe and was attracted to the persona she'd projected, never once suspecting the woman he'd married was a fake, a total lying fake who had no business being in his life, let alone in his bed.
Asad pulled down the covers for her and she slipped between the cool sheets, carefully avoiding his eyes as she curled on her side.
She heard him going in the bathroom brushing his teeth and a few minutes later the sound of the shower running. She closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep before he joined her but her nerves were on high alert, finely tuned to pick up every single sound he made.
The bathroom door opened. She tightened her eyelids and, keeping herself to the furthest edge of the mattress, held her breath as he approached the bed.
She heard the soft rustle of cotton as he slid the covers back, felt the depression of the mattress as it took his weight and the sound of his small sigh of relief as his head finally met the pillow.
The silence seemed to be creeping towards her from every shadowed corner of the room, curling around her, making it impossible for her to relax enough to sleep. Her legs felt twitchy and uncomfortable and she longed to stretch the tension out of them but didn't want to encounter his long legs in doing so.
She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to count back from a thousand but she'd only got to nine hundred and twenty-seven when she heard Asad turn on the bedside lamp and felt him move towards her.
Her eyes sprang open to see him propped up on one elbow, his mouth tilted as he looked down at her. Are you always this restless in bed?' he asked.
I'm not used to sleeping with"' She stopped mid-sentence as she realized what she'd just said, her cheeks heating from the inside out.
The smile went from his mouth. You mean you didn't spend the whole night with my brother?'
The pain in his eyes made her heart cry out. She wished she could take her words back.
Asad wished he could control the tide of jealousy that assailed him every time he thought of her with his brother.
Did you ever spend a whole night with my brother or did you just service him and leave as quickly as you could?'
Zoya flinched at his blunt crudity. I don't need to answer this,' she said angrily.
Did you ever spend a full night with him?' he asked again.
It's none of your business.' She shut her eyes and turned her back.
His hand came down on her shoulder and turned her over in one swift movement, his expression grimly determined as he held her gaze. Did he ever pay you for sex?'
What do you think?' she said with a challenging edge to her tone. You're the one who has answer for everything. Do you think I would do something like that?'
Asad wanted to believe her incapable of such behavior but everything his brother had said proclaimed her guilt. Besides, the allowance he had given her had disappeared almost as soon as it had been deposited.
After a tense moment that seemed like forever, he released her. He twisted round to switch off the bedside light and lay back down and closed his eyes, wishing he could wake up in the morning to find that the woman he had come to care for was someone else instead of the woman who had destroyed his brother's life.
Asad?' Zoya whispered in the darkness a few minutes later, but there was no answer except the deep even breathing indicating he had fallen asleep.
She flopped on her back and stared at the ceiling. If only she could fall asleep so easily, she thought with a touch of resentment. Her conscience was very likely to keep her awake for the rest of her life.
Some time during the early hours of the morning Zoya became aware of strong arms holding her, the warmth of a large body behind her making her feel safe in a way she'd never felt before.
She closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep but it was impossible.
She drew in an unsteady breath as he began to nuzzle her neck, his mouth playing further havoc with her senses.
Mmm,' he murmured against her skin, the movement of his mouth tickling her. You taste wonderful.'
I"I do?' She gave a tiny shiver as his tongue unfolded in her ear.
'Asad.' She called his name in a husky whisper.
'Hmmm?' He mumbled, brushing his lips against hers.
I wanted to apologize for our earlier argument.' She said softly against his mouth.
You have been doing a lot of apologizing just lately.' He gave her a wry smile. Is there anything else you need to get off your chest while you are at it?'
Zoya's eyes skittered away from his, her cheeks instantly growing warm. No! No, of course not.'
Just asking.' He brushed a strand of hair away from her mouth with a gentle touch which brought her troubled gaze back to his as he'd intended. Sometimes, Zoya, I think you are holding something back from me. Something important.'
He watched her throat move up and down in a small swallow, the nervous shadow moving behind her grey eyes another indication of her increasing uneasiness around him.
What could I possibly be hiding?'
I don't know.' He watched the play of emotions flitting across her face. I have been trying to work out who the real Zoya is but I keep drawing a blank.'
I find it hard to be myself around you,' she said, absently plucking at the sheet with her fingers.
Why?' he asked. Because of my brother?'
No, because of my sister, she wanted to say, but couldn't.
You've been so angry at me all the time,' she said instead. I'm not used to dealing with such a barrage of negative emotion.'
She heard him release a heavy sigh. You are right. Ayaan's death on the top of my Ammi's knocked me sideways. I have not been myself for ages; sometimes I wonder if I ever will be again. But I meant what I said about a truce for Lily's sake.'
She lifted her eyes to his, her expression soft with empathy. I do understand, you know.'
He gave her a twisted smile. Yes, I suppose you do. You lost him as well and, even though you say you did not love him, when all is said and done he was still the father of Lily, and that must count for something, surely.'
It counts for a lot,' she said softly.
Asad settled himself back down with another deep sigh. Better get some sleep, Zoya,' he said with his eyes closed.
Zoya watched him for a long moment. The normally harsh lines of his face were more relaxed than she had ever seen before. She wanted to reach out with her fingers and trace over his aristocratic eyebrows, feel the ridge of his nose where it looked as if it had been broken some time in the past. She wanted to press her lips to the line of his, feel the way his mouth responded to her, fought with her, mated with her.
Asad?' She whispered his name in the silence.
Mmm?'
I want you to know that I think you're a wonderful father for Lily.'
She felt him reach for her hand, his long fingers squeezing hers momentarily. Thank you,' he said. I love her as if she were my own.'
So do"' She stopped, her heart giving a hard ram against her ribcage at the slip of her tongue.
She waited in agonizing silence for him to pick her up on it, her stomach rolling in panic, her heart racing until she could feel the blood thrumming in her ears. But his breathing had evened out, his chest rising and falling at neat intervals, indicating he was already asleep.
Zoya eased herself back down beside him, her breathing gradually returning to normal as she realized that so far her secret was still safe.
But it had been close. Far, far too close.
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