CHAPTER 46
Rudra led her to the
terrace and pushed the door open. He held on to her hand until he could switch
on a few lights. She was grateful not being the bravest person in the dark.
They sat down on the swing together. "Paro, I need to tell you something
important. It's a little complicated but I hope you understand how I feel about
this," he said holding her hands. Tears started to well in her eyes. They had
to move. That's why Kakisa hinted about her leaving them and Bapusa was looking
so morose. He must have discussed it with the elders in the family. "I don't
want to go. I like it here. This is our home," she whispered trying to hold
back her tears.
Rudra felt his heart
clench tightly. There was a time when her tears never mattered to him. Rather
it spurned him to bully her more. Now even the absence of a smile felt like
someone was twisting a knife through his heart. He wanted to dismiss her fears,
to reassure her that they would live here forever. But he knew the nature of
his job.
"I know you like it
here. And Bapusa is at peace here too. But eventually I will be transferred
away from here. I can't leave you both behind like Sisodia Sir and travel. You
know better than me what toll it took on Shatabdi and her mother," he
explained.
She nodded. They hated
it. The constant worry of the father being away, the dull pain of not having
him around more, the pure terror when the phone rang, it wasn't easy. But Vicky
didn't have a great life either as he was in hostel her aunt and uncle
travelled due to his job. She pointed this out to him.
He laughed his head
off, "Vicky is away at the best school in the country getting the finest
education money and power can buy. Any child will be lucky to go there. It is a
class apart from the various local schools he will be in the areas VK Sir was
stationed in." Paro was not convinced, she spoke to him atleast once a week. He
was so eager for news of life here. He definitely wanted to be here.
Rudra sighed and rubbed
the back of her thumb with his, "He just misses his family but that doesn't
mean he is not happy where he is. Paro, I went ahead to ensure his security
before he joined. It is a beautiful campus with experienced faculty, huge library,
state of the art laboratory and tons of extra-curricular activities to keep him
well rounded. It's the kind of school I would want our children to go to." She
swiftly pulled her hands away and scolded, "Don't you dare pack my boys to
boarding school. They will stay with me all the time." He was annoyed that she
shot his suggestion down without even thinking about it. He couldn't shout at
her though, they were fighting over children that didn't exist. Paro realised
it too as she burst out laughing, "Let's talk about this when we have kids old
enough for school."
He sighed dramatically,
"I miss her." She looked at him curiously wondering whom he was talking about.
"I met this girl in Delhi who was ready to travel to the ends of the earth with
me. She was even ready to stay in my tent if I go to war. Maybe I should have
married her instead," he teased. Her face bloomed like the roses she loved so
much when he reminded her of the day he whisked her away from Aman's wedding to
show her around Delhi. "I said I would travel with you not move. I always want
to come back to this place, this home, this family. You know Rudra when we were
having lunch in that garden restaurant. I saw this big happy family,
grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins, laughing together as they dined. That's
what I want for us as we grow old, a big happy family of our own."
Rudra always knew she
felt so strongly about family. It surprised him that she thought him capable of
opening his heart again to embrace everyone. It was still hurting from the
backlash of Mala's fickle loyalties. He knew that she stayed here trying to
carve a place for herself in his home rather than support her terrorist husband
who will be convicted tomorrow. Had she changed sides again because it was
convenient? Or was she repentant for the damage she had done to him? What about
his father, does he honestly not have a problem with her here after everything?
What about his Paro, will she want to give her another chance, once she knows everything?
Would she try to make her a part of her big happy family?
They ate in silence for
a few minutes when Paro realised that Rudra seemed withdrawn. Whatever was
bothering him downstairs was back again to haunt him. "What was it you wanted
to tell me?" she asked politely. She saw him hesitate and cajoled, "You don't
have to think so much. You're my Jallad,
I won't feel bad even if you feel like shouting at me." That earned her a small
smile. "I don't know exactly where to start. I don't know if I will ever be
able to explain why I kept it from you for so long," he started. She placed her
hand on his lips, "You kept it to yourself because you weren't ready to talk
about it yet. I'm glad you want to share this with me now. There is no need for
explaining yourself."
Rudra kissed the hand
of the woman who is so kind to him. How was he going to rob her of a happy
memory of her childhood? Would she forgive him just like she did for all his
past grievances? She misread his anxiety and asked him to start from the
beginning. "Tejawat's wife..." he started when she shook her head. She should
have known that Thakurainsa's presence here would bother him. "You remember
when Kakisa forced us to leave this haveli and we stayed in your BSD tent for a
while? I was your enemy, someone on the other side of the battle lines. But
still you took care of me when I injured my foot," she reminded him. He slowly nodded remembering the first time
he forced himself to acknowledge that she was a delicate flower, one that
needed his aid. "You did what you had to do. Just like that, this is what I
have to. I hurt her Rudra and I have to help her get better. Otherwise I will
be just as insensitive as she is," she admitted.
He shook his head
vehemently. Paro was nothing like this woman. He knew these things, Ranavat had
explained this part. "It's not that simple..." he tried to tell her. She covered
his mouth with her palm, "I know that it is complicated. I will take her to the
doctor tomorrow and once he confirms that Thakurainsa can take care of herself,
I will drop her home. I haven't forgotten what she means to you. He shut his
eyes in despair. She had no clue. "Paro,
she is the one who was married to Ranavat," the words tore out of him finally.
Paro turned white and connected the dots. "She is the one who brought me into
this world," he confirmed in the smallest voice she had ever heard him use.
Paro was shell shocked.
How could this be? Her Thakurainsa was supposed to be a kind and loving woman? Was
she heartless enough to leave her own family behind? Even her own little boy.
She saw the heart broken boy in the bus again, he couldn't stop crying. His
entire world had been destroyed. It was so hard to believe that the lady she
knew all though her adolescence was responsible for his tears.
Then she remembered how
she tended to forget the Birpur brides once their baraat left her haveli. A small voice in her heart pointed out that
leaving her son behind was a different affair all together. A son who would
have needed her, especially when his father was going through his own trials.
Bapusa had admitted that he had been awful to his former wife but he couldn't
have been half as bad as the Jallad he raised. And if he had been worse that
what she assumed, how could she leave Rudra behind? Why did she walk away from
him? Why did she stay away for years? Surely the soft-hearted Danveer Kaka
would have helped repair his brother's family. And how did she end up in Birpur
as Thakursa's queen? Did Thakursa steal her away from her home? But there was
so much love in his eyes for her, he would have rescued Rudra if she had asked.
Then her Rudra would have grown up with her in Birpur. She smiled softly at
that idea.
Looking at the anxious
face of her husband she asked, "When did you find out?" He looked away guiltily.
He had been holding this secret for a long time. "Rudra, did she finally come
to find you?" she asked knowing that he had been waiting for his mother to
return since the day she had been gone. She held his hand urging him on.
He shook his head and
recounted his tale. Her eyes grew wide as he told her of the day he found the
portrait of Tejawat and his wife. Her breathe caught when he revealed how he
felt like his insides were quartered. Her soul ached when he told her that he
couldn't even share this with his father was just out of death's grasp. Her heart swell with pride when he told her
how he decided to focus on putting Tejawat behind bars rather than be
distracted by his wife's true identity. Her knuckles turned pale as she held
the swing-seat when he told her that how they met face to face with a gun
separating them. Her head bowed in grateful prayer when he told her how Sumer
made sure he stayed strong the night he arrested the couple.
Rudra saw the various
emotions fleet across her face but didn't stop. The effort to speak out was
humongous, but the effort to stop impossible. He needed her to hear him out,
all of it. But what surprised him was the calm face she held till the end. Calm
like a forest lake which stays tepid no matter how harsh the sun burns. "Paro,
say something," he asked rubbing the hand that still held him. She looked at
him thoughtfully, "I always wondered how she could be so sweet to us when we
were growing up and so indifferent to us once the baraat left. But now I understand
better, she walked away from her only son so easily. Forgetting us would have
been a lot easier."
Rudra looked away. He
hated to think of himself as Mala's son. But that was an indisputable fact as
long as he lived. He felt lighter after talking to his wife. It helped him see
things objectively.He watched her pick up their dishes and walk towards the door.
"I should make sure if Bapusa has had his medicine," she said before going
down. "Are you all right, Paro?" he asked. She nodded and replied that she meet
him downstairs. She had her own duties to attend to and his words to process.
Rudra knew she needed a
little time to think things over. Mala had carved a place in her heart too, before
she had proceeded to break the trust that she had built over years. Paro was
already hurt by Mala's actions even though she was polite to show it. But he
knew, her heart broke every time she thought of her family and friends in
Birpur who were sacrificed for Tejawat's greed. Mala was in a position to stop
all of that. She could have saved those girls but she chose to be blind. Paro
thankfully had a heart as beautiful as her face and was trying to fix those
broken souls through her NGO.
He stayed up for a long
time looking at the stars wondering what would happen next. Could he really
ignore her? His father managed to be civil to the woman because of Paro. His
aunt treated her like an unwanted guest who would leave shortly. As for
himself, he knew that she stuck around wanting to win his favor. He was blind
to neither her actions nor the intentions behind them. But he couldn't go back
to the way things were. He wasn't Paro, he couldn't forgive or forget her
transgressions. He just wanted to go on with his life like she decided to do
years ago. He didn't want to look at her or talk to her anymore. If he is
lucky, the doctor would give her a clean bill of health and she would go back
to the cottage allotted for her stay. But fortune had always been a fickle
friend to him. He might have to confront her before she leaves.
When Paro got to the
kitchen, she noticed that Shatabdi and Jeeja were still there. "Uncle looks so stressed these days. The last
time I saw him like that was when Rudra got his first posting order. He was so
scared that someone would steal him away," Shatabdi said. Jeeja smiled and
replied that as a parent he will always be anxious about Devarsa especially
since he is his only child. "Then maybe he should be wary of Paro. She is the
only one who can charm his Rudradev away," Shatabdi teased seeing her friend
enter. Paro shook her head, she had no such plans. She wasn't the kind of wife who
would keep her husband away from his family.
"Paro, you finished
your dinner," Maithili asked taking the dirty dishes from her hand. She nodded
and asked what was wrong with Bapusa. "His blood pressure is a little high. The
doctor thinks it's because of stress. But don't worry now that you both are
back he will be fine," Jeeja explained. Paro knew that Rudra wasn't the cause
for the added stress. "I should go see him," she turned to go when Shatabdi
showed her the clock. It was 11pm. She had to wait till the morning for her
Bapusa to wake up.
Maithili handed a glass
of milk to Paro and another to Shatabdi. The two women were a little surprised.
"Masasa said you should be given a glass of milk as you are looking pale. And
this is for Sumer banna," she explained. Paro frowned, hating that she had to gulp
it down. "I'm glad that I don't have to drink this Jeeja. But does Sumer have to?
He is already getting a paunch," Shatabdi complained.
Mohini chose that exact
moment to enter the kitchen. Her latest daughter-in-law rushed out saying a
brief goodnight. "Foolish girl! Didn't even realise that you were giving her an
opportunity to say good night to her new husband before retiring to Sunheri's
room," she told the other two. Paro expressed her surprise that her friend was
staying with her old roommate. "It looks like a new tradition, unmarried girls
staying over with Sunheri until the wedding," Mohini replied remembering Paro's
stay.
Maithili asked if
Shatabdi has to move in with Sumer immediately. "Why do you want me to ask the
pandit to find out an auspicious day for that, it's not as if everything else
has been done as per our customs," she scolded tugging her pallu. Maithili
almost chickened out sensing her mother-in-law's mood. But her sister's
encouraging nod led her to suggest they have the Satyanarayana puja performed
before she changes quarters. Mohini smiled, "Fine, make the arrangements for
that. Now go sleep before tomorrow knocks on your door."
"Drink quickly. It's
just milk, not hot lava," she quipped to Paro who stood there holding the
tumbler. The young woman took a big gulp of the creamy liquid snapping out of
her own thoughts. "I will call the doctor over tomorrow. It might be just the
travel but why take chances," Mohini informed observing the pale woman in front
of her. "A doctor would be needed tomorrow. Not for me, for the Thakurain's
check-up. I'd like to make sure she is alright before sending her back," Paro
said softly.
Mohini wanted to dance with glee. Finally the
wretch was leaving them for good, hopefully. Even the kind-hearted Paro didn't
want her here. Then she noticed the downcast eyes, the girl was in pain. She
was not her usual chirpy self. She gently guided her to the dining room. "He
told you, didn't he?" she asked guessing what must have happened up on the
terrace.
Note: I won't be by the forum until Monday. So wishing you all an amazing 2016 ahead.
May this New Year give you
all the courage to triumph over your vices
and embrace your virtues!
comment:
p_commentcount