" Ishita I am not feeling hungry. Please don't force me " he denied to eat dinner while she was adamant him to feed. They already changed in comfortable clothes, where he wanted to tell her everything, she was refusing. She knew the coming minutes will be hard for them, will broke him emotionally. She forwarded another morsel towards him but he turned his face.
" Ishita please. I am not feeling hungry. Eat if you want "
" Which means I will skip my dinner again. Fine I will not force you more " she kept the plate on table. She was about to go when she felt his hold on her wrist.
" Which means you was skipping your dinner from last 2 days? Are you mad Ishita? Didn't you know how much regular diet are important for you? "
" Didn't you know that I didn't ate anything without you? You haven't talked to me from past 2 days, you was sad, you was crying, both of us were living in tears and grief Raman and u was expecting me to eat something. How can I eat something when I knew that your condition is also same like me, probably worse then me " she whispered slowly and looked at ground while he was staring at her.
" They were away from each other but still were together, at every second, at every moment " he silently picked a morsel and made her eat. She smiled at him while he took another bite and fed himself. They smiled at each other and silently started to took dinner.
With each morsel, their heartbeats were increasing. The moment will be there in some minutes when she will knew everything about him. That one photograph, his confession in tipsy state started to revolve in front of her eyes. She clutched the bedsheets in nervousness. He looked at her while keeping the plate on table. They shared a eyelock again. They can read their unsaid fears again. Where she was afraid to losing him and his heart was thumping loudly thinking about the future of their relation.
She looked at him, he was going outside the room. His sudden action made her confused. They were supposed to talk now but he was going outside the room. She left her place on bed and went towards window. The moon was on its full glory today, spreading light everywhere. The calm whether made her smile. Did something same was going to happened with them? Will everything became fine between them after his revelation? She clutched her thalli which was adoring her neck. " Please murgun sab kuch theek rakhna " [ please god made everything fine between us ]
She was in her thoughts when she felt his touch on her shoulder. He was back. He was finally there, with her. The moment will be finally here. She looked at him, his face was blank. Her eyes travelled towards his left hand which carried a black bag with him. It was same bag which she found in storeroom. He took her hand in his and tangled his fingers with her, tightly. She tightened her grip on his hand in reflex and they both started to go towards balcony.
They were now sitting on small sofa kept in balcony. She was staring at his face constantly while he was staring at random spot in sky. Their hands were in each other hands while other one was clutching black bag. She noticed a small drop of tear was trickling down from his eyes. This made her tensed more. " Raman... " She slowly whispered his name. Her anxiety to know about his past was replaced into her worry for him. " Why he is crying? It is my fault, I shouldn't pressurise him for it. I know this thing hurt him. "
" Raman, I am sorry... sorry Raman. I...I don't want to know anything, anything about that bad memory. I don't want to hurt you Raman. I only wanted to know because I wanted to share...share your pain but didn't wanted to hurt you. Please Raman leave this, come. we are going inside " she took his hand in her and about to go inside but stopped after hearing his voice.
" Her name is Shagun, we met before 2 years " She felt a freeze for a second after hearing her name. She turned towards him and found he was looking at her. She silently sat beside him. He lit the lamp and opened the bag. She was staring him silently. Numerous emotions were flooding in her heart in mind, her mind wanted to stop Raman but her heart knew that he needed her most now.
She looked at Raman and found he was looking at some random photos. Many of them were known to her. She already saw many of them. She saw the smile on his face, how excitedly he was caressing his and mihir school days photograph. " Will he became excited after watching her photo? " she asked to herself.
She looked at him and found his gaze was fixed now. It was a girl photograph. " Yeh Shagun hai " [ She is Shagun ] he said slowly. She looked at her photo. She already saw her photo but was looking perfectly today. She was a girl who any man can desire. She looked at her, she was smiling carelessly and wholeheartedly. Her big black eyes were conveying her happiness, her long hairs were floating with wind. The mole on upper part of her lips was adding more beauty. " I first time saw her here "
We met 2 years back through our parents in a business event. It was my first event which I attended after coming back to India. We mingled so well after formal introduction as we was only two who was of same age. She was a fashion designer who was working for an European brand from past 1 year.
It was a normal meeting, we chatted normally, shared about our families. She already knew about us while mom and her mother were friends while her dad was one of the powerful investor in eastern Asian markets. She always wanted to became a fashion designer and that was the reason of argument between her mother and her.
It was only a first meeting, we chatted normally with each other, hardly 30 min, but I felt something different with her. I never felt something for any girl but she was first. Her smile, her eyes, her talks everything made me attracted towards her. After that party I wanted to meet her again but didn't have courage to ask mom. But God fulfilled my wish again. We met again after a week on mom dad 30th wedding anniversary celebration.
I literally acted like a fool that time when. saw her in party. She came there on white floral gown. Bala, Romi, Mihir...everyone was staring her while I was glaring them. I think that night we were together all time and exchanged our no. After that we started to met frequently, sometimes at sport complex, sometimes at malls, sometimes for coffee also. After Each meeting I started to develop my feelings for her. I started to feel strange but beautiful. Everyone used to tease me that I fell for her but I was one who didn't understood.
But soon I understood that it is love when we started to work together actually not together. One of my friend wanted a designer for his event and I introduced her there. She also agreed to work as she have whole 2 months to return Germany. I found a perfect excuse to meet her daily after that. She was also comfortable with my company. Slowly slowly I wanted to make her mine. But before my confession, our parents announced our engagement. I was on cloud nine that day. My feet's were not on ground Ishita, I can't tell you how much excited I was on that day.
She looked at their hands, he tightened his hold on her, his face was telling how much happy and excited he was that time. He continued further, It was probably first time when mine and mom dad decision matched. They were happy because of their own profits but for me it was something different. Someone going to enter in my life who will fill my void life with her presence. Shagun presence always made me happy, always helped me to forgot my worries and after our engagement announcement, I was sure that she will live with me always "
Our engagement date was approaching, each day was filled with a new excitement and happiness for us. Our home was filled with a hustle bustle. Someday discussion was about dresses, someday it was about decoration, other day it was about venue, both families wanted to make this function grand as possible. Where our parents was busy in inviting the guests, we children were busied in preparing for that day. Bala, Romi and Mihir was the most excited person during that time. We thought everything is fine but things were not fine at others side.
I became blind in my happiness that I didn't even asked her view. Her behavior started to change from the day when our parents announced our engagement. I thought might be she is worried or nervous. I did every possible thing to made her happy. We used to go for drives, late nite chats, shoppings, disco everything. But nothing worked Ishita. Her smile,her laughs nothing was same liked before. She started to reduce our meetings suddenly, I thought might be she is nervous because of these sudden changes. I didn't even asked to her wish, was became blind in my own excitement. She was going to became mine,this simple reason was enough for me to forgot other things.
Soon our engagement day came. The engagement was grand affair. Numerous peoples, flashes, media everything was there but everything faded when I saw her. Her mere presence was enough for me to forgot the world. Her face was different that day also. I asked her many times during the function but she didn't said anything to me. Vandita also mentioned me about her unusual behaviour but I again ignored her.
But soon things started to change between us when panditji announced our marriage date. She started to ignore me slowly slowly. Her sudden mood changes, her unusual yell whenever we were together, always left me confused. Whenever I tried to ask her, we were intrupd by someone. Sometimes by her mother, sometimes by my mom and sometimes by our friends.
Vandita was another one who was worried like me. She also tried to guess but things always went in vain. The moments which were supposed to be exciting for us was changed into nervousness and tension for me. We were waiting each day to know something from her and finally that day came before one week of our marriage.
She messaged me that she wanted to meet me as soon as possible. I was relieved that finally we will meet but unknowingly I was scared. Bala and Mihir told that I was thinking over but it was not over Ishita. My assumption, my fear was going to come true. Something wrong was going to happen with us. But I brushed aside my thoughts and went to met her. We met in our favourite coffee shop. My lips automatically curved when I saw her and took her in my embrace . She was there, finally in front of me after a whole week. But she was not like Shagun, she was not like my Shagun. Who used to smile whenever we met, whenever we went to coffee or shopping. I looked at her from head to toe. She was looking mesmerizing that day, with mehendi in her hands with a scared thread which panditji gave us.
As usual we sat after ordering our favourite coffee. She was still silent while I was waiting something from her. I never saw her hesitate. As there was no place of hesitation in our relation, but that day she was fidgeing with her fingers. I assured her many times that she can speak with me, she can share anything with me but she was silent. My patience level also started to decrease after each passing second but still I tried to became normal. After lot of time, finally I took her hand in mine, she looked at me, I know after that she will feel more assure with me.
" Raman please don't get me wrong, I wanted to confess something. Actu...actually I wanted to say but I was scared Raman but it will be injustice with you if I became mum. Please forgive me Raman, I never wanted to hurt you but I am helpless Raman " tears started to came from her eyes which was enough to made me tensed. My grip again tightened on her hand while she continued further
" Raman I don't want to marry you. I...I never imagined you as my life partener Raman. I thought we are simple friends and I never imagined that equations will be changed like this. Raman I am sorry " Her sudden confession made me froze. I forgot to blink my eyes, was staring at her. My hands became numb at the moment when she confessed her wish to me. I wanted to scream loudly that moment ishita when she said that words to me. I wanted to cry, wanted to ask her why she is saying like this to me, where I was wrong in my love? I did every possible thing to made her happy, to feel her safe. I never loved to go disc but we often went to disc as she wanted to go there. At that moment I found I lost everything Ishita.
" Didn't you asked the reason behind her sudden confession Raman? "
" I asked her Ishita and then I realised that she was not in fault, the fault was from my side Ishita. I was one who assumed everything and didn't even gave her chance to speak. "
" What she said to you Raman? "
" She told me about her mentor, Keeth for whom she was working in Germany. She was in love with him from one year. She always wanted to marr him and wanted to live away from all the mess of her parents. She told me everything about him, how she met him, how she fell for him. He was really nice person Ishita the way she described to me. I witnessed her smile when she was sharing her and Keeth memories with me. And that time I realised how wrong I was Ishita. I forced her in this relationship Ishita. She must felt suffocated because of me, only because of me Ishita " She saw his tears were flowing uncontrollably from his eyes. Her heart piecred into pieces when she saw his tears. How could she bear his tears. She gently wiped his tears while he tightened his grip on her hand.
" Then what you did after that Raman? " she asked gently after wiping his tears while her hand was rubbing his hand.
I did whatever I felt appropriate Ishita. I can't destroy her life even after knowing the truth. My heart cried when I took this step but it needed Ishita. I decided to call off this marriage. I took this decision in matter of seconds but never thought that situation will became worser after my decision. Each second became harder for me to live Ishita. I decided not to reveal the real reason in front of families. Only vandita, bala, mihir and romi was aware with my decision. My life suddenly changed after this declaration Ishita. My world, my parents was not with me Ishita. I was quite but they didn't even tried to know the reason behind this sudden decision. Now one was with me Ishita, no one. Dad was mad on me because he lost his profits while mom was angry as she faced lots of humiliation from her friends. Everyone was worrying for themselves but what about me Ishita? No one was there for me, no one. No one tried to understand my mental state Ishita. I lost my dream that time, I lost my parents affection which I started to get after so many years.
After that I didn't remember the word family Ishita. This home became house for me Ishita. Unknowingly we became 2 families. My most hours spent in office. I tried my level best to give all those things which we lost because of Aroras. Happiness, smile, fun...this type of things were no more in my life. My work gave me happiness Ishita and that was enough for me. I avoided to came home also. That time this room was filled with her memories, our dreams. The dreams which I weaved for her, for us. You know I thought the life will always remain like this Ishita. But suddenly one day you came in my life, as a blessing. You changed everything in my life Ishita. I know this marriage was not easy for us, both of us were unable to accept each other but still you tried to prove yourself at every step Ishita.
He was staring in her eyes, their eyes were moist. She witnessed his love for Shagun in past moments. She could feel how much she loved her. He was madly in love with her. For some moments she even assumed herself another one. Might be she never got chance to became a part of his life. First she thought she was first one who is special for him but she was not first one. Before her, someone else already made her special place in his heart. His heart is still filled with her memories. Her mere mention is enough to made her cry.
" Ishita " his voice brought her back from her thoughts. She brushed her thoughts aside and looked at him. He was looking at him with questioning look. She composed herself and again hold his hand.
" Are you alright Ishita? Did I said something wrong Ishita? I don't want to hurt you, I...I never wanted to hurt you. "
" you will never hurt me Raman. Are you fine? And stop blaming yourself Raman. You was never at fault. Actually both of you was not at fault. Simply it was not destined Raman. Stop blaming yourself Raman. " he looked at her, she simply said those words. She understood his state within some minutes but why was his parents were unable to understood him.
" How is she now? I mean what she did after that incident?" she inquired further. sadness converted into smile when she asked this question from him. " She is fine Ishita. After that incident she went to Germany and after a month she called me about her marriage with Keeth. Booth of them are happily married now. Shagun never came back to India in these 2 years. We hardly talked in this 2 years ya but few months back Keeth mailed me something which was beautiful. She is a mother now Ishita, mother of a 7 months old boy. They re happy in their small world Ishita, they are away from all mess. And this single reason is sufficient for me to forgot everything.
I always asked this question to myself, why our parents always used us for their own benefits? Whenever they need name, they used us. Whenever they need profits they use us.Whenever they need money they used us. Why Ishita. They needed investors so they fixed my and shagun marriage. They didn't even tried to ask her opinion Ishita and after knowing the truth they still pressurized her. Why Ishita, why?
What? Did her parents were aware with the truth Raman?
Yes, her mother knew everything Ishita, she knew everything about her affair, about her denial but she still forced her to marry me, she strictly told her not to mention anything to me. She was bound because of her mother and I another side I was excited like a fool. I thought she loves me but...they played with my emotions Ishita, they played with my emotions only because of their own profits. How could they do like this with me?
You never tried to tell them the truth? They never asked you the real reason behind your sudden declaration?
They never wanted to listen Ishita. Business is not about profits and loss, its about dominance and jealousy also.They believed in this theory very strongly Ishita. They were blind in theirselves so much that they never bothered to know anything about me, about that incident. They made me stranger again in my home, made my home a house again.
But why was you drunk that day Raman? I know you hate such things.
I didn't drunk Ishita, u know I hate this things but circumstances became worser that day. We were in a party that day, basically me and dad went there to meet our Australian investors but surprisingly we met to Mr. Arora, Shagun father and after that what happened between them you can imagine. He insulted dad again despite of fact that he is happy with his daughters marriage. He mocked dad and again dad yelled on me on mistake which even didn't committed. I wanted to leave that party but host didn't allowed me to do so, so I started to drink and didn't realised when I consumed excess alcohol. I am sorry Ishita, literally I hate this things but I found alcohol best at that day
Raman...stop being sorry please. I can understand. Every time situation are not in our under control Raman. She rubbed his back while he silently rested his head on her shoulder. She started to caress his shoulder while he was crying silently. Her own tears started to fall when she saw his tears again. She rested her head on his head and closed her eyes.
" Thank you Ishita " she heard his small whisper. She turned at him and found he was looking at her with smiling face. She smiled at him and wiped his tears with her thumb. " I am your wife Raman, your companion. You can share anything with me Raman, anything and anytime and trust me I will always with you " she said with a smile. He said nothing but came closer to her and hugged her while she wrapped her hands around his waist. They were feeling contented now, he was away with burden he was carrying from all these days while she was happy that he finally poured his heart to her.
" Raman, its late now. We should sleep now. You already stressed yourself so much Raman " she said while caressing his hairs.
" I wanted to sot here for some time more. please sit with me Ishita. I can't tell you how much I am feeling satisfied after sharing everything with you. I ever thought why I am alive, no one is here for me, no one wants me why god kept me alive. he should ki... "
" Enough Raman. stop talking nonsense. who said you that no one wants you,no one is here for you. Your friends, your work, daai ma, your well wishers and me...we all need you Raman "
" I know you need me, you gave me a reason to live Ishita, you gave me a reason to smile. I know you will always stand for me no matter whatever will happened but why this things are liked this? why can't we live a normal life with our parents like mihir and mihiks lived. "
" Its not liked that Raman they loved u so much, you are their only son, who is obedient, dedicated, hardworking and always respects his parents. Please stop thinking like this Raman they loves you. "
" You have answer of your own question Ishita. Ask to yourself, did you remembered last time when your father hugged you, when he caresed your hairs, when he praised you. " she was silently looking at him, he was right. They was never important for their parents. She realised this thing long back but never admitted it. But after hearing him, after listening him she realised that he was right. No one was never for them, never...
" I want to go somewhere, somewhere away from all these mess Ishita, I never wanted to get you affect because of them Ishita. I always tried to fight with them, but not more Ishita. I can't fight with them more." he sighted and buried his head in his palms while she rested her head on his shoulder. She closed her eyes with him, he was not fighting with their past but with circumstances also.
" Thank you Ishita " she raised her head and looked at him. he reduced the gap between them and held her hands. " I never thought that I will be able to share my past with someone. I was so scared initially Ishita, I thought u will also misunderstood me Ishita but I was wrong, you understood everything Ishita. You listened everything Ishita. Thank you for becoming my healer. Thank you " she smiled at him and hugged him, it was much needed hug for him. he immediately wrapped his arms around her and rested her head on her shoulders.
They were sitting silently now. They were enjoying cool breeze, with closed eyes. They were sitting together now, while he was feeling contented she was going through some more questions. She looked at him, his head was on her shoulder while fingers were entangled but this time more tightly.
" Raman,... can I ask you something? "
" Hmmm "
" Please don't get it in other way I wanted to ask only "
" you can ask anything from me Ishita "
" Did you still love her? "
he raised his head and found her questioning eyes. what he will tell her? Did he have any answer of her question? yes he have but how will he answer her? He turned his face another side while she was still looking at her.
" I..I am sorry Raman. I am not doubting on you and even didn't wanted to hurt you but simply asked you. leave it Raman. Let's go for sleep "
" I don't know how will u react after listening my answer and I don't think that we need to brouch this topic, she was first girl who came in my life, she was one whom with I started to imagined my life, my each day, my mornings, my days, my nights...everything. Yes it was love, it was my love for her and after knowing the truth, everything changed in my life. My trust on relations broke into pieces. This was the sole reason I have no hopes from our marriage but I never realised when I again started to belief on relations, on a word healer and soulmates " he cupped her face and gently peaked her forehead.
They held each other hands and headed towards their room. They were contented now. Raman was smiling now and this mere reason was enough for her to smile. Today's night was different. They laid on bed but without gap between them. His head was on her one arm while another hand were entwined, was resting on his chest and gave them to a peaceful sleep after so many days.
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That was all about this part. I don't now whether you peoples will like this or not so I am really nervous. Please share your views and comments. Waiting for jootas and chappals again 😊 and yup enjoy this festive month and happy diwali from me in advance to all of u
Edited by aarohi26 - 9 years ago
Anupamaa
9