This is what I would wish to happen, even though it might not, but oh well; here goes nothing.
Wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming
It's the day after the big night, the night that she had been waiting for since the last 4 months; the night that finally brought Fab 5 together. Everything felt right after so long, well somewhat right, she knew what was missing. That giant enormous gap in her heart ached for him, churned for him and yet there was no way to go around it. She just had to put on a smile on her face and fake it till she herself finally believes that she's happy. But without him she wondered if she'll ever be truly happy.
She turned to see her friends; Mukti, Alya, Dhruv, Aryamaan and then since last night it seemed as if Maddy had decided to join them in their cahoots. She smiled at all of them around the table, they were all chattering away but her mind was fixed and transfixed at the image, the silhouette she saw last night. She was sure it was him, she saw his figure turn away from her and she knew that it wasn't a hallucination. It was different there was something different about it this time, it felt too real.
"Nandini,"
She looked up to see that Aryamaan had nudged her ever so carefully and was smiling down at her, she tried to smile back, slowly failing but that was the best she could do in that moment.
"What's wrong?" Aryamaan asked her.
Nandini looked at him, she looked around and then turned to face him. "Nothing," she replied back with ease. "Just tired from last night." She tried to smile back at him and from his smiling response back it seems as though she had managed to fake it quite well.
"Urm guys," Nandini started saying as she stood up from her seat. "I think we should go to class."
She saw as Mukti and Alya nodded at her and moved to stand, followed swiftly by Aryamaan Dhruv and lastly Maddy. Nandini smiled at them all, it was weird seeing them all together, and she knew how dysfunctional this all was. But knew herself that both Aryamaan and Maddy could never replace what Manik and Cabir were, not to her or the rest of the other members. It seemed that they were all slowly healing. But she, well healing was the last thing on her mind.
She turned her head down the corridor to make her way down to her music class, but before her feet could go any further she was stopped in her spot. She heard the familiar music filling up the air around her, she heard the soft beats to the sound and song she knew, more than knew; she loved. Her eyes were open wider than flying saucers at that point, her breath harsh and shallow but her heartbeat that was a different story. She felt her heartbeat pounding in her chest, so hard that she could hear it in her ears. The room felt tighter and her palm of her hands grew wet, in anticipation, in worry but overall in fear. Fear of this being all too wrong.
She shut her eyes closed and tried to push the sound away in hopes that it was just another hallucination but it grew louder instead. The soft sound of the strums of the guitar filling her senses, inviting her in and making her hope and hope. She opened her eyes, as she turned around to face the other five people around her, she turned to look at Maddy with harsh eyes, anger oozing through them.
"Maddy," she could hear the venom in her voice, almost ready to spew out any second. "Is this one of your tricks?!" she demanded, she begged, even through the calm composure she put forward her words shook in shock. "Are you doing this?!"
She asked him again and then once again. She looked at her other friends who looked just as curious as her and just as surprised. She turned to face Maddy in hopes to just spewing her anger out at him for pulling such a disgusting joke on her, not after everything that she's been through, not again.
"I swear guys," Maddy started. "This isn't me!" he exclaimed.
Nandini's breath hitched in her throat, this couldn't be what she was thinking, and it was too much. Too quick and too strong. She turned away from her friends, her feet moving at their own accord and soon she figured that her feet were dragging her in the direction of the music. She could hear the frantic calling of her name from Aryamaan, but she wasn't the least bothered. She knew something was waiting for her and she wanted to know now.
Nandini's feet dragged, faster and faster. Her speed quickening up and her heartbeat that was just taking a bad toll on her. Nandini could hear it thumping in her ears but she couldn't slow it down, her breath was getting harder to take as if all the air was being sucked out of her and being transfigured into that room, the room from where the beautiful music was coming from. She didn't stop as she came towards the end of the corridor and came to see the jamming room door left wide open. She stopped in her tracks and slowly made her way towards it, knowing that her friends were mostly right behind her.
She wasn't ready for the sight that greeted her eyes. No, nothing could prepare her of this. She stood shell shocked by the door, as her feet slowly came closer, and closer, and even closer; to him.
The music, the strumming was still ringing in the air, but Nandini was shocked. She felt as if every ounce of her strength was taken away from her, for a minute everything went hazy in front of her eyes because she couldn't remember the last time she took a breath of air. She opened her mouth to breathe, to wake up from this hallucination maybe, anything to stop the pain.
"Manik!"
The music stopped. Nandini stopped. She stopped breathing. She couldn't believe what was happening in front of her eyes, and just as she was about to say something further, probably ask and beg herself to wake up, she saw him turn. And in that moment it felt as though she didn't need to breathe, she didn't need to take another sip of air because she felt complete. Nandini was captured by his face, every feature of his face, every dent every new stubble, every memorable feature. Slowly and ever so carefully Nandini watched as his legs moved, and then slowly his body and for a minute she felt the need to take a step back because she forgot. She forgot how grateful his presence was, how every minute in his company she would cower, not in fear, not in fright but in the need to be enriched in his warmth. She watched as he stood tall in front of him and she looked straight at him.
Nandini's lip quivered, she felt her eyes grow brim in tears as she lifted her eyes slowly from his feet to scan his entirety. She felt her hands itch to touch him, and when she saw his own hands she wanted nothing more than to go run and touch him but every time she touched him he would disappear, she couldn't afford that. She slowly shook her head, she couldn't lose this time she had with him. Her eyes lifted from his hand as they slowly moved passed his torso and calmly sitting on his face.
Nandini shut her eyes because it felt too real. Felt like it was too much, she felt a tear roll down her cheek as she opened her eyes once again to find his eerie presence still in front of her. Maybe he wouldn't disappear this time, her heart hoped, it sang.
Her head slowly titled to the side as she stared at his face, how she remembered every single part of his face, every molded and shaped dent, every groove and curve, every sharp edge and mostly every smooth surface. She yearned to touch him, and as her eyes moved from his cheeks and her jaw to finally rest in his eyes. She felt her eyes tighten and prickled with tears, her throat felt strangled, as if a sob was dying to weep out. She took a deep breath in as she watched in dismay and in a hypnotised motion as his eyes started to get moist, she couldn't believe what was happening; it was too real. Too much. Too quick.
Nandini moved her feet, a step at a time she made her way towards him, her Manik. If he was going to disappear from her again maybe she could enjoy the shortest time they had together. Step by step she found herself in his aura; she looked down at her feet and then stared right up. This was her Manik, the one who made her feel safe, comforted and secure by just standing in front of her. Tears prickled her eyes again as she longed for him to be with her again, and Nandini watched in strange fascination as a tear started to roll down his eyes.
She titled her head to the side, she never saw him cry in her dream before. She watched and watched as the tear dropped down from his cheek and came to venture down the top of his lip. Her hands moved at will, leaving her feeling breathless as she moved to stop the tear from rolling onto his lip. She couldn't allow it. Even in her memories, her dreams and nightmares, her Manik wouldn't be sad, he wouldn't cry, she won't allow for it. She frantically shook her head at him, as she wiped away the tear from the top of his lip.
"No, no," she whispered to herself, her voice so hushed that she could hear it louder than ever.
As she lifted her eyes she saw his eyes shut, almost as if he was savouring her every word, her every touch. How was that possible she wondered? But once again before she could even think any further her finger caught onto the tear and slowly pushed it aside. Doing so she caressed his face and slowly leaving her imprints on his skin for as long as time allowed her to do so. Nandini watched as his chest broaden, almost as if he was finding it hard to breathe, she stood confused and puzzled in front of him but that didn't stop her tears from escaping her eyes one by one.
She saw as his lips opened, he was trying to breathe, and Nandini felt her foundation shake as she felt a chill run to the inside of her core. She brought her fingers down to his parted lips and pressed. She gasped in shock at the warmth of it, the feel of it, just as she had remembered. She saw his eyes open but she paid his gaze no heed as she slowly rubbed her finger carefully and tenderly on his lip, she felt a smile appear on her face and as she caressed his lip she felt his lips turn upwards. Nandini couldn't do it anymore, she felt paralysed to the core and she didn't want to move away. But it was getting too much for her, the feel of his skin on her skin, the warmth of his body. It was too real and it would kill her to spend any more time together if he disappeared again.
So she took a deep breath and slowly removed her hand from his face, she saw as his body pinched together and the desperation in his eyes deepen. She moved her fingers to the side of her arm and she pinched. And pinched. But alas nothing changed. Nandini shook her head as tears dripped down her cheeks.
"No, no!" she mumbled as she closed her eyes tightly and tried to shake herself out of this hallucination. She couldn't deal with this any longer. "Please no, please," she begged in hushed tones.
"I can't do this anymore." She cried as she tried to shake herself out of it. "It's not real Nandini, it's not real! He's not real!"
Nandini heard her name being called, it sounded like Dhruv but she wasn't listening, all she knew was that she wanted to wake up from whatever she was in. It hurt too much being around and loving him and not getting it forever. It hurt too much knowing that her hamesha was left incomplete. It pained her.
Nandini opened her eyes and looked up and saw that he was still there. No no, she thought, as she closed her eyes again and blinked harder to erase away what was in front of her eyes. She couldn't fall for the trap again and again it was driving her insane.
She looked down, eyes shut, as she pinched on the side of her arm once again. Hoping, praying and wishing that she would open her eyes to just nothing and not the constant reminder of what could have been. She heard through the terror she was working on her arm, her name being called from behind her, she wanted to shout at them and tell them that she was trying, but she couldn't wake up. Anxiety hit her like a brick as Nandini found it harder for her to breathe with the stress revelling in her body and before she knew it Nandini felt a shadow forming around her, she wanted to push past it.
She opened her mouth to plead once more before it all came to a halt. Nandini stilled. She felt a head nudge against hers, a nose nudge against her own, slowly nuzzling into her, and then she felt his lips. Right above hers.
Nandini paused as she felt his lips caress her lips, it was almost real too real and it felt like it was pulling her deep within. She felt his lips tender on hers, slowly moulding in with hers, they were soft and moist and above all they were caressing into hers, pulling her closer, making her drown and consuming every aspect of hers. Nandini didn't move though, her head was filled with shock, the shock of real and dream merging into one and she didn't know how to react.
The lips stopped moving, and Nandini wept, she whimpered as she felt them pull away but only for a moment, she heard a whisper softly touching her lip; "Nandini." His breathtaking voice brought Nandini out of her senses, she opened her eyes and stared right into his own and in that very moment she knew. She knew.
Her hand reached into the back of his hair as she clamped their lips back together and this time Nandini didn't hold back. She reached to him and moulded her lips to his, fighting and clashing with each other, drawing each other in with every kiss. She nibbled on the bottom of his lips as she felt his hands tighten on her hip, pulling her in, almost as if he was worried she would disappear. If she wasn't attached to his lips she would have laughed at the irony, but she couldn't, wouldn't, move away. She nudged her tongue on the bottom of his lips, begging for entrance, and when his lips opened up beneath hers they didn't waste any time before they set about rediscovering each other again. Their tongues dancing together in sweet soft harmony as Nandini removed her right hand from his hair and brought it down to his chest and then she froze for a second.
She heard his heartbeat; it was thumping under the feel of her hand. She could feel it, so clearly. She kissed him even deeper, pulling him in, he was real, he was here, kissing her, holding each, touching her and never letting go of her. Nandini revelled in the passion, in his touch. Her Manik was holding her, and leaving her breathless. She felt him bite on her lip, slowly pulling it into his soothing it with his touch, she felt herself smile against his lip as she kissed him one last time before she pulled herself away.
Her breathing shallow now, almost to the point where she could hear how breathless she sounded but it was nothing compared to the sight in front of her. She looked at Manik's lips; they looked delectable and absolutely swollen to the point where they were budging. She couldn't believe what she was witnessing from her own eyes, the shock hadn't worn off at all but the smile one her face was just too much and she knew she couldn't stop it.
"Manik," she whispered, her voice hoarse.
He smiled at her as she watched on. "Nandini." His voice echoed through the whole room as Nandini just leaped into his arms and wrapped herself around him, holding him closer, bringing him closer than what was humanly possible. She felt his arms wrap around hers and he lifted her off the ground and into his arms, she felt so safe, so secure. She buried her face into his neck as she felt him do the sae and finally, finally she sobbed.
Nandini felt wetness on her neck, and she cried even harder hearing him cry into her hair and neck, she pulled onto him and reassured herself once again that this was real. It was happening. Her Manik was holding her and comforting her and keeping her safe. She had so many questions, so many, the what, where, when, how's were all rushing through her head, but she felt too happy, so sated in that moment to question anything else.
"Manik!" Nandini felt Manik's head lift from her shoulder, probably to where the rest of her friends were standing, she realised that it was indeed Mukti's voices that pulled them out of their embrace.
Nandini felt her feet touch the floor and just as she quickly huddled herself closer to Manik, pulling onto his top to bind herself to him. She couldn't imagine another second without his touch on her and vice versa. It seemed that Manik had the similar idea as he pulled her closer to him and nuzzled his cheek onto her head. Her fingers were gripping onto his t-shirt as she heard the desperate cries of the rest of the Fab3 as they asked questions and questions and patted Manik and hugged him and filled him with their embrace but through it all they didn't let go of each other instead with every passing moment they pulled themselves even closer in the hopes and fears of losing the other.
Nandini lifted her eyes from Manik's chest and looked up to his smiling face as he was hugging a very tearful Mukti and Alya but at the same time he was holding onto her too. She had too many questions to ask, too many things she needed to know, but as she cuddled herself closer into his chest and took in a deep breath she realised that she had all the time in the world to ask him her questions. Now that she had him back; she wasn't letting him go. She'll hold onto him; hamesha.
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