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Part 19 - Repentance & Accusation!!
"True Repentance Never Leads To Despair. It Leads Home. It Leads Grace" - John Orbery
(Madhu's POV)
"Madhu, did you hear what my Rishu told? He agreed to get married! Oh my god! I m so happy" Radha aunty hugs me happily. I m numb. I couldn't believe what I just heard. My Rishu agreed to marry someone else.
"Madhu, Why are you crying? By the way why you were interrupting Rishu when we were talking? Did you both had any fight? Don't worry, he can never be angry on you for long" Radha aunty says soothingly & wipes my tears but it refuses to stop.
"Madhu, can you help me in selecting the best girl for Rishu?? I have already registered Rishu's profile in various matrimonial sites knowing some day he will agree to my plea & finally that day came. I will show you all the photos of beautiful girls who I have short listed & you choose the best among them, as you know Rishu so well" know him well? Me? If i did then i wont in this mess... I would have seen my friend's suffering & helped him out of his misery... But i dont know him well... That's why I became the reason for his heart break.
"Madhu, chose one good bahu for our family & perfect wife for Rishu" is she deliberately rubbing salt on my wound?? Is she punishing me now for putting her son through all this mess?? But I cant blame her. I hate myself for what all Rishu had gone through & still he is going through a lot... But its time for me to repent & set everything straight.
"Aunty, I... you please..."
"Oh come on, Madhu, don't you want to see Rishu happy?"
"Yes, I do" but don't you get he is not happy in getting married. Why are you forcing him? For you it might sound like pleading but yet again you people are forcing him. First my dad & now you. But dont you get He loves me & his happiness is me!! I want to cry out loud!! wait... omg! This is the missing jigsaw piece. I m his happiness. He is my happiness. We both love each other. Yes, I love my Rishu & he is mine. I need to fight for him. I dash my tears with the back of my hands & straighten my shoulders determined to fight back my love. I lost him once because of my folly, immaturity, stupidity, Idiocity or whatever it is. But I m not going to lose him again. Come hell or high water.
"Aunty, give me a minute, I will come now" I tell her & run to Rishu's room to check on him.
"Rishu..." I enter his room without knocking the door. He is sitting on the bed clutching a throw pillow over his stomach, staring the wall blankly, he looks terrible & tormented, his face is a clear picture of pain. Rishu never express his feelings openly or I have never seen his pain closely. I guess the latter one is correct. I was living happily in Rishu's protective cocoon. I love being pampered by him but never reciprocated it. I guess I was overly loved by him that's why I never know the value of love & when I am about to lose my love, I realize its worth. Rishu is my lifeline, I want him but he is really mad at himself for hurting his mother. Is this the right time to confess my love? If I do also he won't care anymore as he gave his word to Radha aunty. Oh god! What I am going to do now? How I will protect what's mine from this world? I want to keep him safe before any other girl snatches him from me forever.
"Rishu, I know you are not happy in getting married now. You don't worry, I will convince aunty & ask her to give you sometime, mean while we can work out things. Um... you better go back to Singapore as you have planned earlier, just escape from this mess for the time being. I will pack you bag"
"Don't touch anything" he says rudely throwing the pillow at me & i dodge it effectively.
"They will get you married to the next available girl, Rishu?" I tell him helplessly.
"What do you care?" he shouts.
"Just go away till the marriage storm passes."
"I don't want to run from my home just because I don't want to get married. Already I had hurt my parents a lot, not anymore."
"Why do you want to be a saint always?? be a little selfish man & think about your happiness. Why you want to please others always? Why you think about others happiness but never yours?" I shout at him.
"The word 'Happiness' is washed out from my dictionary, Madhu" he says smirking.
"Rishu, please don't say like that" I cry as I couldn't hear the raw pain in his voice.
"Just leave me alone, Madhu"
"Rishu, please, they will get you married to someone you don't like. Its your life, please don't do this"
"Madhu, stop it & go to your house, your parents must be waiting to see & wish you"
"I won't go" I say stubbornly.
"Go!" he snarls
"Rishu, please don't push me away"
"Madhu, I m a bad company right now so you better go before I say anything which will hurt you" he says & stands up to walk away but I rush to him & collar him.
"I don't care... You have the right to shout at me & hurt me... I blame you for not shouting at me... I blame you for not hurting me like i did to you though unknowingly... I blame you for not guiding me when I go wrong..., I blame you for pampering me too much, I was never in short of anything, I got everything in abundance so I didn't know the worth of anything including the most precious feeling in the world 'LOVE'..., I blame you for loving me too much when I failed to love you the way you deserved..., I blame you for thinking about only my happiness, you know what Rishu, I m ashamed to say that just few minutes back I found out that your happiness belongs with me..., I blame you for being so nice to me, yes you should have been little cold towards me then only I would have come to know that life is not bed full of roses..., I blame you for not fighting for me from myself, like a stupid that I am I asked you for divorce & you gave me that in a very unique way after proposing me, wah! & what I did? I was celebrating like a cheer girl dancing around the arena & I came & hugged you, thinking I was doing the best for you, for my best friend but I didn't know I ruthlessly pushed you into a living hell..., I blame you for easily letting me go, why the hell you freed me? I was like a baby in a mother's womb but suddenly I was rudely yanked out from your cocoon..., I blame you for hiding you pain, I thought you were honest to me but you are not, See, Rishu, I m not like you, you know my feelings before I do but i dont know what you feel. I see believe in what i see... Yes i see you but i dont see through your eyes... See though your soul... , you should have told me everything clearly, I don't have the uncanny power to read neither your mind nor your heart, see, even here I needed your help to help me see your true feelings but you didnt, you didnt let me in, you didnt let me see your pain, let me feel your pain, let me heel your pain..., I blame you for going away from me, yes, you abandoned me, I felt like I got lost in a jungle, I don't know where to go or what to do? I was in a complete mess & again I came running to you for help and what you did? You realized I was in love with you before I do & also got to know about my dilemma, yes, I was confused & you didn't give me the right solution, you just once again let me go instead of holding me in your safe shelter of arms..., I blame you for sacrificing your happiness & agreeing to get married for your mother's sake, I blame you... I blame you... I blame you for everything... you spoiled me rotten... You kept me in a fantasy world but the real world is hard. Now, I m struggling to live in reality, I blame you for that." I break down & cry my heart out, a cathartic release. I feel his arms enveloping me. I m crying but Rishu laughs hugging me as bury my face on his chest, I don't know why he is laughing? This is the first time I m seeing him laugh when I cry.
"What's so funny?" I asks leaning up.
"That was one hell lots of blames you have listed. But I blame you for not giving me the blame list earlier so that I could have corrected all my mistakes but now you are too late."
"What do you mean?" I ask wiping my tears.
"I gave my word to my mom, I need to make her happy by marrying the girl she chooses for me. I can't repent myself & be perfect for you now. I apologize for not showing you to the harsh real world, I just want to give you the world at the same time protect you from this cruel world, Baby" he says cupping my cheeks with his palms.
"Then protect me. Keep me safe in your embrace. Love me like you do? Please" I beg hugging him.
"Please give me a chance, Rishu? To repent. To give you back your happiness which i had snatched brutally from you, please."
he shakes is head in negation. I close my eyes & let my tears role down my teary cheeks. "That would hurt my mother more, she will never approve you after all you rejected her son"
"I'm sorry"
"Nothing is going to change by your sorry. Just forget everything. Enjoy your life as you please."
"Rishu..."
"We are not made for each other, Madhu."
"We are, Rishu" I assure him.
"No. I will marry the girl of my mom's choice"
"She is asking me to choose your future wife"
"Then go ahead"
"Are you serious?"
"I m always serious. I never play games with life"
"But why you let me play with my life? With your life? With our lives?"
"You are smart. You turned the table to my side" he chuckles
"Your baby brat is growing" I tell shyly.
"Yeah, I can see. The way you blasted me is enough a proof to say finally you are growing... Your muddled up BRAIN"
"What?" I shout & hit him hard on his shoulder.
"Go help my mom in finding the best match for me" he says.
"I will find a bitch for you" I warn him
"I don't care." he says coolly.
"I will find an aunty as wife for you"
"Good, I don't want to baby sit my wife, at least an aunty wife can pamper me like a baby" he grins.
"I will do that" give me a chance to pamper you, Rishu.
"You babysitting me? That's my job baby" he twitches my nose.
"Then keep doing that job, Rishu" I plead him cutely.
"I quit the job. Now dont waste your time. Go choose my future wife"
"I will choose an ape like woman for you"
"I have razors" he tells. Razors?? Why??
"I will chase away the girl who dares to marry you. Why, I will even kill her" I threaten him. Yeah i can turn a bitch at times.
"Good! Kill the ape like woman & go sit in prison, then I will ask my mom to find a beautiful sweet sexy little girl for me"
"This is not a joke, Rishu. Please don't do this?" I plead him.
"Madhu stop behaving like a baby & go to your house"
"Rishu, if you dare to marry anyone, I.. I will kill that bitch first then I will kill you too"
"You killed me already" he whispers looking away from me.
"Rishu... I m sorry" I beg.
Before he could say anything Radha aunty knocks the door twice & enters in. Rishu & I stand up on our heels & move a little away looking everywhere but not each other.
"Rishu, You okay?" Radha aunty asks in concern.
"Yes, Mom"
"I have chosen few girls for you & you chose one which you like the most" I can't bear this torment anymore. So I start to walk out but Rishu holds my hand. Is he going to tell he wants to marry me?
"I... Mom... I want Madhu... Madhu to chose my future wife" Rk says looking straight at her. Is he punishing me too?
"That's what I told but she came to see you" Time to play along, Madhu.
"I came to ask him what kind of girl he likes & he told me his preference" he wants a damned bitchy aunty ape like woman as wife. I scowl.
"Oh nice. Come Madhu, you see & fix one"
"Sure aunty" I say & dart a glance at Rishu, he looks impassive.
"See, this girl, she is so beautiful nah?" Aunty shows me a girls photo on the laptop.
"Her name is Anushka sharma" she tells me
"No, Aunty, she has a boyfriend."
"She is not cricketer virat kohli's girl friend"
"You watch cricket?" I thought I can fool her.
"Yes I do. Dhoni is my favorite"
"But still she is too skinny. I don't like her" See, Rishu how I m gonna reject all the girls.
"Then see this girl. So homely & modest"
"She looks like a behenji, Aunty" Rishu wants an aunty so show me little older one. I glance at Rishu. That moron friend of mine is trying hard to hide his laughter.
"I am sure you will like this girl, she is so young, just 19 years old" Radha aunty says & before I could reject her, Rishu rejects her saying "Mom, no need to choose young girl, she might divorce me showing big age difference as an hindrance. I m 28 yrs so choose someone of 25 or 26 yrs" I m 21 years now, so am I rejected? No! I won't let him marry any other women but me.
"Aunty, I m sorry but I don't like anyone in your list" I say & her face falls.
"Trust me, even Rishu will approve none of them"
"Okay, lets find for some more girls in the matrimonial site"
"Aunty, you don't worry, I know a perfect girl for Rishu, you will see her tonight in my birthday party"
"Oh really? Is she your friend?" Radha aunty asks surprised.
"Yes. She is Rishu's friend too." then I turn to Rishu& walk close to him & whisper "Rishu, don't miss my party, okay?"
He didn't reply but looks at me puzzled.
"It's my birthday so don't disappoint your baby brat by not coming to my party" I use my weapon to make him attend my party.
"What you will do if I didnt come?" he asks challengingly.
"I will slice your neck with a knife & eat it as my birthday cake"
"Whoa! I m scared. But my neck wont taste as good as black forest cake." he teases.
"You should be scared. & dont bother about the taste, i know you will taste delicious. Your kiss was the sample." I tell & he licks his lower lips in a tempting way. "See, I don't know to cry all day & beg you to forgive me & give me a second chance, because you didn't grow up me like that. You taught me to fight & today I m going to put one hell of a fight & make my tutor proud so do attend my party & the show begins at 6 in the evening"
"You are bad" he tells grinning
"Nah! I am just EVIL" I smirk evilly.
"Bring it on, Baby" he says grinning even wider this time. Probably enjoying the game. I m glad he is not depressed like how he was when I entered the room. I quickly peck his cheek & run out of his room to plot my plans for the evening which I want to make special & memorable.
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Sorry, I don't know to write full fledged emotional update so I always add funny scenes or dialogues. Well, I felt the update quite funny, don't know about you. Do tell me!
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