Bigg Boss 19: Daily Discussion Thread - 16th Oct 2025
Bigg Boss 19: Daily Discussion Thread - 15th Oct '25
Yeh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hai October 16, 2025 EDT
NOODLES VRATH 16.10
GREENE FLAG ⛳
What will Yuvraj do?
Yeh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hai October 17, 2025 EDT
This is concerning.
Welcome Back 🥳
Pari and Mitali
i support farhana
Who is most loved character in gen 4?
Kyunki Detailed Written episode Oct 16. Pics attached (Hindi captions)
Mental health club - Only Positivity allowed 🌟
Acha wala gunda
Debate between Kareena-Ranbir fans about who's better?
Wanna see post leap trp ?????? Geetu vs Abhimaan romance who won??
Sorry-sorry-sorry guys! Screwed up internet connection at my place! I'm so sorry! Here's the next update. Hope you'll enjoy ;)
~ CHAPTER FIFTY ~
Cabir's and Mukti's unwanted appearance seemed to freeze time in its tracks. Siddhant had so badly wished that they wouldn't turn up sooner. Not now. Not when all this waterworks was going on!
Much to Siddhant's dismay, Roli's tear drenched face was the centre of attraction and he feared the doubts and questions that would follow. One question would lead to the other until the answer finally came out. And knowing Cabir, it wouldn't be long before it happened. And... if Roli ever spilled out the truth... about what happened in the stairwell... he could probably kiss his ass goodbye!
There was an amused twinkle in Cabir's eyes and a burning curiosity on Mukti's face that made Siddhant sting from head to toe with intense anxiety. In spite of the sweltering heat that overwhelmed him, he could feel a confusing swoop of air skim over his skin and give him the creeps.
"Arre!" exclaimed Mukti as she quickly got beside Roli. "What happened to you? Why are you so sad?"
"Nothing," she mumbled in reply.
"Nothing? Then why are you crying? Come on! Out with it!"
"Nothing..." replied Roli in a low quaky voice. "Really... it's nothing..."
Mukti could figure out that Roli was too distressed to talk about it so she turned her attention to Siddhant. "Siddhant! What's going on? You were here all this while, na? What happened to her? Why is she so upset?"
"Upset?" Siddhant's lip was quivering now and unnoticed by him, Cabir continued to watch him closely. "Who's upset? She's upset? Nah... she's not upset. Are you upset?"
"Siddhant!" snapped Mukti. "You were here only, right? So what happened? You might have noticed something."
"Arre! Nnn-Nothing! I told you," he stammered and flinched as he noticed Roli glaring up at him. She had that look on her face which screamed LIAR!
"Erm... was just... showing these toffees to her... She likes it... so..." The effort to contain his anxiety was herculean and he hardly rested his flickering eyes on any them for more than a second.
"What?" Mukti raised her eyebrows in disbelief. She knew that Siddhant was hiding something. "Come on Siddhant. Why would she cry over that? I mean... who in their right mind would?"
Siddhant's face was red and glistening with a burning hot sheet of perspiration. "Yeah," he replied nervously, "exactly what I'm saying. Who in their right mind would?" Shit, thought Siddhant desperately, I'm so screwed. Why is this female asking so many questions? To hint Cabir about something? If I could I would fire her this instant!
Cabir was doing a fantastic job of covering up the broad grin that threatened to spread across his face. He was simply loving the tough situation Siddhant was in - uncomfortable. Helpless. Clueless. Powerless... to name a few. He could see that he so badly wanted to break free of his chains and make a mad dash to safe haven.
"Actually Mukti," began Cabir. "She's not crying. She's happy. Incredibly happy. Those are tears of joy. Can't you see that? Are you blind? Don't ask so many silly questions and worry him. First of all, he's very stressed."
Mukti sighed deeply. She knew that Roli was really upset about something and hence wasn't ready to accept Cabir's explanation.
"Roli..." said Cabir with concern as he closed in on the girls with a hand cradled on his hip. "If you really liked toffees so much you could have told me, right? I would have got you an entire bag!"
Siddhant's horrified eyes bounced from Cabir to Roli to Mukti. She nodded her head and mumbled something as Cabir drew closer. Shit. This guy will get the entire thing out of her, thought Siddhant desperately. Have to distract him. "Umm... that's okay Cabir," said Siddhant urgently. "She's happy with this for the time being. Right Roli?"
Roli shot her teary eyes up at Siddhant once again to which he swallowed the huge lump that had lodged itself in his throat.
"I guess she is," replied Cabir thoughtfully. "She is happy indeed. Very happy." He had a crinkled smile on his face when he said this. The words he uttered seemed to be coated with irony. Having noticed Siddhant's alarmed expression, he immediately covered it up. "What?" asked Cabir, "She is happy, right?" Siddhant simply looked away at this.
"So tell me girl," Mukti decided to push aside this topic and switch to a more jovial atmosphere. "How are you feeling now?" she asked with a playful but gentle slap to Roli's arm.
"Hmm..." Roli forced a smile whilst she kept her eyes down and dabbed at her wet cheeks with the hanky Siddhant had given before.
"Come on!" tsk-tsked Mukti. "Cheer up! Don't be upset. It's not good for you. Alright?"
"Right!" chirped in Cabir. "Doctor said so. No tears. Only cheers. So Siddhant will be here in the evening to play clown."
At this, Siddhant ogled at Cabir. Play clown? "What?" he asked in surprise.
"Yeah!" said Cabir with expressive eyes. "Clown. Never seen one? Rosy red lips... colourful rainbow hair and big cherry-red nose? I've even got a costume ready."
"I think it'd suit you better," snapped Siddhant.
Mukti chortled at this. Roli however, remained the same. The source and reason of her sadness was much deeper and grave. It won't be that easy to come out of it.
"Anyways," continued Cabir, "we'll pop up in the evening. Till then you girls have fun." Saying this, the boys made their way out of the hospital and into the car. In a while, they were on the streets headed to Siddhant's home. The journey was pretty uneventful with a casual conversation and soothing music played on the speakers.
Pretty soon, Siddhant alighted at his place and waved adieu at Cabir. "Don't forget what I told you before," said Siddhant. "About Dhruv... push that guy and get him to finish up the pending work on the system."
"No worries bro," replied Cabir with a thumbs up. "Ciao! I'll pick you up in the evening."
Saying this Cabir drove off and Siddhant headed back to his lonely apartment. The room had been shut for longer than usual and smelt mouldy as he entered so he opened up the windows to let in some fresh air. He was dead tired and really shaken from his ordeal which had started last morning. Though it was just a day, it seemed like an entire year had passed by.
He desperately needed a good nap on his comfy bed so he popped into the shower and stood bare with his eyes closed whilst savouring the refreshing tingle of the cool water on his skin. He sighed deeply and skimmed his hand over the grooves of his rugged body. It was so comforting that he wished to stand under that shower forever! Comforting until... he ran his hand over his belly.
A sharp, stabbing pain shot from the surface of his abdomen to the underlying muscles. He hissed and cringed in pain. "What the f**k!" His eyes were wide open now as he gawked at the place from where he felt the pain. The water blurred out his vision so he immediately shut down the tap to get a better look.
"What the bloody hell..." he groaned as he noticed the purplish bruise on his abs. What is this shit? How the hell did this happen? And when? And then he remembered... Cabir's nasty punch last evening.
"Shit!" He was fuming now. "Shit! Shit! Dammit!" Why's that I took it? I didn't fight back? What the hell! Why? "Cabir... I'm seriously going to kill you. Just wait and watch."
Because you knew that you were wrong... the other voice in his head told him. And that he was right... You never wanted to hurt her but eventually you did.
Siddhant pursed his lips, stepped out of the shower and wrapped a thick towel around his waist. Enough of this for now... he thought as he dried himself up and pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of tracks. This was probably the worst day of my life. I need a break now. Let it all out.
You've dug your own grave, said the voice, now what are you going to do about it?
Ignoring the voice, he sunk into the bed and before he knew it... he was fast asleep.
______________________________
~ CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE ~
The doorbell knocked Siddhant out of his deep slumber with a start. He was so confused about everything that it took a while for his sleepy brains to kick start itself and reload all the previous day's incidents. He sat up on his bed with a deep groan and checked out the time. 11:15 AM. I thought I heard the doorbell. Or was I dreaming?
Like an answer to his question, the doorbell rang once again. I wonder who it is now, he thought to himself and shot to his feet like he always did but doubled over as he realized how much he was hurting in and out. He was still dead tired that his muscles were screaming in protest.
The doorbell rang again... this time... in an irritating way. "Coming!" he yelled followed by a mumbled "Goddammit!" He was quite surprised to find Cabir at the door so early. "Cabir...?" he asked in surprise. "I thought we were going to meet this evening. It's still mid-day."
But Cabir had a deadly grim expression. The same which he had sported last evening when he met Siddhant outside the hospital gates. There was no smile... no humour... no nothing. Just plain seriousness that would make one's spine tingle. "Just come out," he said in a low voice.
Siddhant felt an uneasy clench in his guts. "Co... why? What happened?"
"I said come out," repeated Cabir firmly and moved away from the doorway.
Something's not right, thought Siddhant as he obliged to Cabir and stepped out. "Okay," he started with a sigh and crossed his arms. "What is it?"
"What happened in the stairwell yesterday?" he asked.
Siddhant was dumbstruck for a moment, his anxiety ever so obvious to Cabir. It looks like he knows something, thought Siddhant in utter desperation, oh God... did she tell him? Please... But he managed to get a grip on himself before speaking up. "You popped up out of nowhere just to ask this?"
"Just answer my question," snapped Cabir. The guy looked possessed. Siddhant could swear that he saw an evil red gleam in his colleague's eye. I must be imagining things... he thought to himself. People's eyes don't shine that way... or did I really see it? He was really confused now.
"Nothing," replied Siddhant in a fed up tone. "Told you before."
"That you tried to scare her?" asked Cabir.
"Yes..." he replied with a sigh and leaned onto the wall. The attempts he put in to look bored was paying off. At least that's what he thought. "See look man..." said Siddhant as he straightened up and began to head back to his apartment, "I still haven't had enough sleep. If you're done with your pointless interrogations we can me..."
But Cabir cut him off and made him stop in his tracks. "That's not what Roli told us."
That's not what Roli told us... those words felt like a vicious slap to his face. The words got stuck in his throat. "What..." he looked away, cleared his throat and looked up again at Cabir with great difficulty. "What did she tell you...?" he said as he attempted to look confident about his innocence.
"Everything." Cabir folded his arms and bored his sharp eagle eyes into Siddhant's round stunned ones. The tons of pending sleep that tortured his muscles before seemed to have evaporated into thin air. Now he felt speechless. Breathless.
"What's wrong Siddhant?" asked Cabir through pursed lips. "Would you like to tell me something?"
Siddhant could feel his chest constricting. The need for air was growing increasingly desperate. No, he nodded.
"Are you sure?" prodded Cabir with his eyebrows raised in a sarcastic question. From the tone of his words, it was crystal clear that he knew everything. Every. Single. Thing. Now... there was no point in hiding anything. It was the end. Siddhant's lips parted as he debated on what to tell him. He had no explanations. Nothing at all. But what happened next blocked his airways for good.
Cabir lunged brutally at his neck and slammed him to the wall, not caring whether it hurt him or not. "I always knew that you were an asshole Siddhant," he growled through gritted teeth as he rolled up Siddhant's collar into a fist. "But this... How could you... how could you stoop so low?"
"Cabir... listen..." he gasped.
"How could you try and assault a woman? Huh? How could you assault your colleague! Roli!!!" His voice grew louder and echoed down the empty corridors. But surprisingly, this commotion attracted no attention at all. None of the neighbours stepped out of their apartments to check what was going on. The entire floor looked deserted. It almost seemed as if Cabir had planned all of this... and evacuated them... just so that he could beat him senseless to the ground.
"Buddy... let me explain..." wheezed Siddhant. His breath seemed to squeeze itself out through a narrow straw. Cabir's vicious grip was clamped so tightly around Siddhant's throat.
"Explain...?" There was intense fury and disgust in Cabir's eyes. "My fist... that's what will do all the explanations..."
WHUMP! Cabir blocked up the rest of Siddhant's airways with a ruthless punch to his upper abdomen. But surprisingly, unlike last evening, it didn't hurt at all. The punch delivered last evening had the power to transform him into a satellite and send him hurtling around the solar system. And it hurt like hell. But how come it didn't even hurt one bit now?
Siddhant was squirming on the ground already with a desperate need for air. He would have rather taken the punch than this bout of breathlessness. He wanted air. So badly. He wanted to breathe. It felt as though his lungs were and airways were wound up shut with a thick cable. "Cabir... please... help... stop... " his voice came out in whispered puffs of air.
"I was so wrong about giving you a second chance," spat Cabir with the least bit of concern. "I should have informed the boss about this. Which I'm going to do now."
"No... wait. Cabir... just... listen." Siddhant was in a state of utter panic. He was sweating profusely as he sat up and leaned against the wall with his hand clutching at his chest.
"And then Roli can file a lawsuit against you. Get your ass screwed for life." Saying this, Cabir spun around and hurried down the corridor which looked like a nightmare. It seemed like a gateway to hell.
"Cabir. Please listen to me. Please!" His desperate but voiceless cries just floated like mist in space.
"Minimum two years in prison," came Cabir's voice echoing down the corridor. He was now much farther away. "That's what's in store for you! For trying to assault her."
"Cabir!" Siddhant gagged helplessly. But in spite of all his efforts, he remained unheard.
_______________________
~ CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO ~
Siddhant woke up from his horrendous nightmare with a cough from hell. He was choking furiously and realized that his airways had in fact really been plugged shut. At least part of his dream was really happening! He scampered out of bed urgently whilst gasping for air and groped around in the cupboard in utter panic. Once he managed to get hold of his inhaler, he shoved it into his mouth and took two deep and desperate puffs. It didn't do much good in short notice, but gradually he was able to breathe once again.
He slowly sunk to the floor and leaned against the cupboard looking much relaxed than before. But he was so shaken, not just from the bout of breathlessness but also from the hell of a fright he got from his "dream". It had seemed so real and terrifying. I must see her... he thought to himself. Need to talk to her... and clear the misunderstanding...
He took a quick glance at his watch. Surprisingly, the real time wasn't much different from the time in his dream. It was close to 12 PM. Cabir had said that he'll pick me up in the evening. But I'm not going to wait for him to turn up. I'm going to go there right away and send Mukti back... I need to talk to her now...
In spite of the stiff resistance put up by his body, Siddhant rose to his feet, quickly pulled on a shirt and jeans and bustled to the front door. But before he could open it, the doorbell rang and startled him. Who is it now? He secretly wished that it wasn't Cabir... his dreams did have the potential to come true after all... especially those had in the morning... Siddhant quickly peeked through the peephole and saw the person he was least interested to see at the moment - Naina. Good Lord God, he thought irritably and clenched his lips. What the hell is she doing here? And now? Why did she come here? And how on earth did she know that I was at home? He stood there quietly whilst pretending that he wasn't at home, all the while hoping and praying that she'd just buzz off. But then, to add to his woes, his cell phone rang in all its glory. "Shit..." he hissed in frustration and fumbled it to silence only to discover that the call was from none other than Naina.
The bell rang once again, this time followed by a couple of urgent raps to the door. "Open up Siddhant!" he could hear her saying. "I know you're in there!!!"
He rolled his eyes whilst debating on what to do next. For the first time, he actually wanted her to f**k off. "Siddhant! I said open up!" she repeated. Left with no options, he finally opened up to meet a disgruntled Naina.
"Siddhant, why weren't you answering my calls?" she asked with panic in her eyes.
"Calls?" he asked innocently. "What calls?"
"I just called you now!" she ranted. "I could hear your phone ringing."
"Oh... is it? Strange..."
Naina frowned and eyed him from head to toe as if he was some alien. "What's wrong with you?" she asked. "You're acting so... odd."
"Me?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. God, she's just wasting my time, he thought, I need to get there fast.
"Yeah you!" she snapped. "Oof! Leave all that now! I wanted to talk to you urgently... that's when I came to know that you wouldn't be in the office for a few days. So I thought you'd probably be at home."
"Hmm... actually I..." He was desperate to divert the topic and get out of there. The more she lingered around, the more he was getting late.
But Naina ranted on without pausing to listen. "Why are you on leave? Is something wrong? You used to discuss all these things with me before... but now you're being really weird. As if there's something you don't want to tell me. And trust me... it's high time that we get to the root of this and talk it out. Do you understand what I mean?"
But Siddhant's distraction was evident and by now, he had already stepped out of his apartment and locked the door. "Actually Naina, I really need to make a move now. Wish I could hang around, but unfortunately..."
"Where are you going now?" she demanded and tugged Siddhant at his arm.
"Ermm... I... erm... I'm going to... the hospital!" he replied.
"Hospital?" she asked curiously. "Why? What happened?"
"My friend..." he blurted out. "My friend... met with an accident. So I'm going to see him."
"Oh no..." gasped Naina. "That's so bad! Is he okay? I'll come along!"
"No-no-no-no!" he snapped frantically. "Don't! Ermm... trust me... you wouldn't want to be there."
"But why?" she whined.
"Because..." Siddhant was thinking hard of an alibi. "...because... the accident... it was so horrible! Terrible! His intestines and other stuff were splattered all over the road. It was a disaster."
"Oh Gawd!" she winced in horror at his graphic description. "And he's still alive after all this?"
"Fortunately yes!" he said as he took to his heels with the desperate need to get away as soon as he could. "So you see what I mean. You wouldn't want to be there. It's a mess. A big nasty mess. I'll see you later."
**************
After braving the fierce afternoon sun and fighting through the enormous city traffic, Siddhant finally reached the hospital. He hurried along the corridors and headed straight to Roli's room only to find it vacated. "What the...?" He was absolutely stunned and stepped out just to make sure that he wasn't in the wrong room. But no, the room was the same. "Where the hell did they take her?" he muttered to himself frantically and rushed to the reception.
"Hey..." he said to the receptionist. "That patient in room number forty-two... where have you moved her?"
"Give me a minute sir," she replied and quickly checked her system. "Miss Roli Dwivedi?"
"Yes-yes!" he snapped in exasperation.
"She was discharged around half an hour ago," she replied.
"Discharged?" he asked in astonishment. "But... who?"
The receptionist had her eyes glued to the system. "One Mr. Cabir Dhawan has done all the formalities."
Siddhant was overwhelmed with anxiety that he let out a deep sigh. "Okay... thanks," he replied and walked out whilst dialling Cabir. How could they just discharge her like that? I don't think she was ready for it! She could hardly sit straight in the morning!
"Hello?" came Cabir's rich voice in a moment.
"Cabir!" Siddhant almost lunged at him verbally. "What the hell! How could you! You just discharged her like that? And you didn't even inform me? At least you could have put in a message and let me know about it! But you just..."
"Whoa-whoa-whoa!" Cabir interrupted. "Calm down. Just chill. Now take a deep breath and tell me what's bugging you."
"Roli!" he snapped.
"Roli's bugging you?" he asked in an amused tone.
"Yes!" Siddhant couldn't hide the panic in his voice any longer. "Man! Was she even fit to be discharged? Didn't you see her condition in the morning? She couldn't even handle a silly spoon for God's sake! And you just took her home like that?"
"Actually Siddhant," began Cabir. "She was being really stubborn after we left... saying that she wanted to return to her hostel immediately."
"Stubborn!!?" Siddhant spat in disbelief. "Stubborn!!!? Cabir. I can't believe that you're saying this! You should have tried to make her understand. She wasn't fit to go home! What if she gets another attack?"
"Bro just calm down," replied Cabir. "See, the thing is that even the doctor said that she could go home. Do you really think that the doctor will just allow her to walk out like that? Seriously? Moreover, she's on better meds now. So there's nothing to worry about. Plus we've got one of the girls to shift to her room for a few days... until the other girl is back."
"Whatever!" snapped Siddhant through gritted teeth. "At least you should have informed me! I am the one who got her to the hospital. Understand? So I must be informed. But why is that it didn't happen?"
"See look darling," replied Cabir though he knew that Siddhant hated being addressed that way. "You were damn tired and stressed out. I could see that. So I didn't want to disturb you. I was going to inform you in the evening anyways. So I'm not actually late. But... what are you doing at the hospital? And now? At least you could have informed me if you had plans to pop in early."
That knocked Siddhant off-guard. "Erm... Yeah. Well... I was... going to..."
"Wow..." mumbled Cabir. "I'm also very surprised."
"Surprised? For what?" Siddhant was pissed off at the whole incident. And at the same time, he was beginning to feel embarrassed. He had lost control of his emotions a while back.
"I didn't know that you had the ability to be so concerned about someone," replied Cabir with deep amazement in his voice. "That's good. Really good. I mean... you were actually concerned. Aww! That' sooo sweet!"
Siddhant's ears were burning hot with intense embarrassment now. "Just shut up!"
"What?" moaned Cabir. "What did I say? I was just admiring this new discovery... the new and improved Siddhant Bhardwaj."
"If... you say this to anyone..." he growled threateningly, "I'm going to kill you. And I mean it."
"Wow..." Cabir replied with a pronounced sarcasm. "Bro... trust me. You're really getting hyper. And yeah... I'm so scared now."
"Just... Bye!" he spat furiously and hung up without listening to anymore of Cabir's taunting teases. He rubbed his brows in deep frustration and embarrassment. He was too overwhelmed that he didn't even realize when he had accidentally opened up his vulnerable side. "Dammit," he hissed under his breath and headed back to his car. I must get to her... she being unfit to go off like that is one thing... but most importantly... I need to talk to her. Make her understand... Siddhant pulled out his phone and accessed the HR system. He breathed a sigh of relief as he found all the information up to date. "Thank you Dhruv," he said under his breath. "Thank you so much."
There it is... Roli Dwivedi... her address...
It didn't take him long to hit the streets and park his car across her hostel. He had almost stepped out of the car when he noticed her walk out of the hostel. "Where the hell is she going?" he mumbled and watched her curiously. All the while, he feared seeing her alone and vulnerable. She shouldn't be out like that. She's still sick. What's wrong with this girl? Is this why she fought to get out of there? Just to be out and playing like this? And that too in the hot sun? I must stop her!
But before he could act, he paused in his tracks. She seemed to stumble in shock with her eyes on the ground. He could see her mumbling something whilst her eyes brimmed with tears. And then... she kneeled down on the pavement.
_______________________
~ CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE ~
"Chikku..." Roli had tears of pain, guilt and disbelief flooding in her eyes as she knelt down beside the lifeless body of her canine friend huddled beside a parked car.
A man in his late forties came up from behind her and paused. "She waited for you all night and kept crossing the street to check if you were coming," he said with sympathy on his face. "But some car came and hit her down. I'm sorry..."
Roli's nostrils flared as she struggled not to break down into a sobbing fit. She gently stroked the dog's cold body as she sat there and grieved over her loss. Chikku the street dog had been one of her secret pleasures for a very long time. Thanks to which, she never felt bored or longed to go on a holiday like others did. Because of Chikku, Roli never felt empty. But now, thanks to her absence, her friend is dead and she could neither forgive herself nor... Siddhant.
Siddhant rolled up the windows as he sat in his car and watched Roli cradle the dog in her arms and walk down the pavement. As she disappeared around the corner, he cautiously stepped out and walked towards the spot where Roli was before. Curious to know what the scene was about, he casually entered a shop and bought a cola. "What was that all about?" he asked the shopkeeper who was none other than the middle-aged man who had approached Roli before.
"Poor girl," replied the man sadly. "She is so heart broken. She really loved that dog."
"Oh..." said Siddhant as he took a sip from the bottle. Though he pretended to look bored about it, somewhere deep down he was stinging with guilt. "That's sad," he added quietly. Is this why she was hurrying to get back? Because she knew that it would be waiting for her? Oh no...
"It is," replied the man. "Even I sort of liked that dog. It always used to be around. And it was around just because she was. The girl... she has a heart of gold. So much love and compassion towards a mute creature. And to all. If only everyone was like her, this world would have been a better place. But sadly, it's jam-packed with assholes."
"True," muttered Siddhant. He had this weird feeling that the shopkeeper was talking about him. Assholes...
"She used to feed it every day out of her own pocket," continued the shopkeeper. "Even I would give it a bite every now and then. But it's the bond which they shared. Both of them were lost and happy in each other's company. Such a sight to watch."
"Hmm..." mumbled Siddhant. Though he tried to look normal, he was feeling very low now. He couldn't help but realize that it was probably this animal that shouldered all her pain and made her forget about it. Pain which he had enforced on her. And now... she was left with an empty and painful void.
"I wonder where she had been," said the shopkeeper. "The poor thing waited for her all evening because that's when she usually returns from work. But last evening, she didn't."
Siddhant was quiet. The clenching pain in his chest was growing unbearably huge. She was in the hospital while this dog was waiting for her... she was in the hospital... because of me...
"It kept running up and down the street to check if she was coming," continued the shopkeeper, "that's when it got hit by a car. So sad."
Siddhant's head was reeling with guilt. It's because of me... I'm responsible... Oh God... what have I done... He quickly cleared his throat. "So where did she go with the dog now?" he asked.
"To the pet cemetery," he replied. "There's one not far from here."
"Oh okay," replied Siddhant and finished up the cola with a quick, urgent gulp. "Thanks," he paid the shopkeeper and hurried back to his car. He drove along the same path Roli had gone and very soon he halted his car across the graveyard. A part of the land was kept aside for burying dead pets. Not very far away, he spotted Roli taking the help of a man to get her friend buried.
Siddhant's guilt consumed him all this while. Burnt him from within. He wrapped his knuckles tightly around the wheel till it was pale. He so badly wanted to go to her and take over the burial. He wanted to tell her that he was sorry. For everything. He wanted to pat her sorrows away. But could he? He knew he couldn't that easily. The gash he had left in her was deep and unforgivable in many ways. Nothing he did or said could wipe her tears away. And this knowledge, killed him even more. The frustration of feeling helpless and unable to do anything was pure torture but again... like the voice told him before... he had dug his own grave.
When he glanced over at her again, the burial was completed and she was now on her knees at Chikku's grave. Grieving. Breaking apart. Knowing that she could never see her again. And alone... in every sense of the word.
His heart ached like never before. He could never forgive himself for a lot of things. He had hurt many. And for what? To douse the burning flame of pain and hurt that he was going through himself? And did it work...? No... it never did. The void in him which was craving for being loved, longed and cared for was filled with the satisfaction gained out of torturing others instead. He had wrongly chose to fill it with hate and anger. He lived out of people's pain and helplessness. Am I a sadist? No... I can't be... I've never felt good when hurting others... or am I one?
After what seemed like forever, Roli rose to her feet and carried herself out of the graveyard. Seeing her coming, Siddhant quickly rolled up the glass and sunk really low into his seat. He didn't want to be seen. It would only freak her out.
After a while, he drove back, parked his car across the hostel and watched her walk back in. Sure that she was safe now, he returned home.
***********************
Roli had company that night. One of the girls from the neighbouring room had so kindly offered to sleep along and watch over her until Jhanvi returned.
But Roli couldn't sleep in spite of her medications. She lay shrouded in the darkness of her room with the curtain of her eyes playing back the sweet memories she had shared with Chikoo. There had never been a moment she had to cry when she was around. All what existed in her presence was pure joy and heaven. Why all people can't be like them, she thought bitterly. Her heart was wrenching in pain knowing that the next day, Chikoo won't be waiting to greet her as usual.
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Siddhant rolled on his bed restlessly. The day's events still had not managed to wipe itself off his eyes. It had etched itself there and deep into his heart. The sight of her crying over something she loved... because of him... he had given her pain over pain.
Even she had been through pain, the voice in his head told him, but she isn't like you...
I had everything and yet nothing, argued Siddhant. Her case was different. She had nothing.
And yet she had everything... corrected the voice.
How? Wondered Siddhant.
What do you really want, the voice questioned.
I want... to feel like... I have someone... who loves me... Siddhant's eyes stung with tears now and his heart began to ache painfully.
What about Naina...
Siddhant was thoughtful. I don't know... I don't think that I have ever got what I wanted from her...
And what is that?
Love...
So what is all this about... the voice reprimanded.
I don't know... thought Siddhant.
Yes you do. You never loved her. You only wanted to believe that you did. You wanted to think that you were being loved. But you were just desperate. And out of your desperation to flaunt someone before everyone else, you just created something to believe in. But you could never hide the truth from yourself. You never loved her. And nor did she. You had never connected.
The words kept repeating in his head. You never loved her. And nor did she.
You loved Naina only on the surface. Love is strong. It is deep and it is real. It is the beat you skip and the clench you feel when you connect with your true soulmate. And it never breaks that easily. If it does, it will hurt like hell before it burns down to ashes. But the pain... will never go away.
The words sunk deep into Siddhant and opened his eyes in the process. He had been blind all this while. He had been so dumb, pitying himself for the things that he never had. And Roli... she had nothing... yet she had all. She never worried about what she didn't have. But she filled herself with the joy of giving out what she already had.
You don't have to get love to give it. You were born with it. We all were. Give it out and it will return to you tenfold.
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