{Humnava--ManYa OS}
"I can't take it anymore!!! I don't want to be your wife, I don't want to be Amaya Gupta!!" she screamed at Rama.
She sunk to the ground. She had tolerated so much for the sake of her family, but today all her efforts were vain because Rachi Di knew the truth. Just because she didn't want to accept Rama as her husband, Sumitra had gone ahead and told everyone the truth; the bitter truth that Amaya had been trying to hide within her for the past several months. But it didn't matter, she didn't regret her refusal. Amaya loved her family more than her life, but she wasn't willing to allow someone else to love her like she had wanted Mantu to. She wasn't going to sell herself for her family, she couldn't.
"Amaya, you are my wife aren't you? One of these days, we will have to accept this truth and think of our future together," Rama tried to persuade her.
She braced the edge of the bed frame and lifted herself up letting her screams and tears collide into a painful and weary voice, "Your mother wants us to... And you agreed? How could you?!!! You know what---I cannot do this anymore. I look in mirror and I---I-I cannot look at myself without feeling disgusted at the wretched person I have turned myself into! And now I want to be Amaya Mathur again, I want to be my Superman's supergirl!"
She looked down at the ornament of black beads adorning her neck remembering Mantu. She tore it off and threw it at Rama while rubbing off the sindoor lined in her parting as if it was an ugly scar on her soul. She had fixed one thing; she had freed herself from the lies that she was living, but someone deserved some answers.
*********
Mantu sat silently on one of the steps in his aangan. He didn't know what to do, suddenly he felt so hopeless and worthless. He had only gotten this feeling once before in his life, when his parents had passed away. Today he once again felt like he had lost everything he had ever hoped for. The only reason for him to even be alive now was Chiklu. He heard a knock on the door and he slowly rose heading towards the entrance of his home.
Eh Humnava , mujhe apna bana le
Sookhi padi dil ki iss zameen ko bhiga de
It was Amaya. She looked so distraught, her hair messy with a faint red color smeared along the hairline. Tear streaks all along her cheeks, and marks lining her neck perhaps where her manglasutra had been. She appeared just as she had on the day of her wedding with Rama, the difference was that today she seemed to be defeated. She struggled to let her eyes meet his, but when she did, he could see this longing that seemed to join the broken pieces of his heart. She threw her arms around him and began to cry. He wrapped his arms around her petite vulnerable looking figure and didn't realize that his eyes had started to water uncontrollably. All of the unsaid emotions came tumbling out with those tears, with those cries.
Hoon akela, zara haath badha de
Sookhi padi dil ki iss zameen ko bhiga de
He held her and led her into the house. She choked on her sobs, trying to explain why she was there, but was unable to say anything. Mantu brought her a glass of water and calmed her down, telling her that she didn't have to say anything, but she was adamant.
She took a deep breath and swallowed the tears that she felt rising in her throat.
"Mantu-----" she paused her voice resonating the anguish of her heart, "Mantu, I am so sorry----- and I love you. I wish I would have told you earlier, but I didn't and I ----- I am just----- I am a horrible person. You know-----I left Rama and our fake relationship because I couldn't take it anymore and I couldn't give him that place in my life and heart that belongs to you. And I am going to be Amaya Mathur again, the one that you loved. I was here to ask you to help me in that, but--------I won't."
Kab se main dar dar phir raha
Musaafir dil ko panaah de
Tu awaargi ko meri aaj thehra de
Ho sake toh thoda pyaar jataa de
Sookhi padi iss dil ki zameen ko bhiga de
Mantu couldn't believe it, Amaya was going to be his. He thanked Mahadev for reuniting him with his love, but he couldn't hear her feel so helpless and rejected.
"Amaya," he said bringing her to face him, "you are the girl I loved even though you messed up, I still love you and will always love you. Don't say that you are a horrible person, my Amaya is the best, do you understand that?"
"No Mantu, you don't understand, I don't deserve you and your love! Ever since I entered your life and world, I have only given you pain. Look at yourself, I have ruined you! And if I stay with you much longer, I am afraid I will destroy the remnants of what you have left-----I cannot let that happen. Don't love me, please don't love me," she sniffled. "Actually, I came to let you know that I am leaving Benaras. Maybe if I am not here, everyone will be happier." She turned to leave, but paused trying to find words for her thoughts. "Can I ask you for something-----Will you take care of my family for me?"
"NO!" he yelled. "I won't take care of your family because YOU will do that, understand?! You are not going anywhere, I won't let you go, not again! Amaya if being with you will destroy me, I am willing to be destroyed. But being without you would mean that I will die, I can't live you without you!!! Mantu is incomplete without Amaya. "
Murjhaayi si shaakh pe dil ki
Phool khilte hain kyun
Baat gulon ki zikr mehak ka
Acha lagta hai kyun
Un rango se tune milaaya
Jinse kabhi main mill na paaya
Mantu slid his hand in Amaya's and squeezed it. She let go and backed away towards the door. She had to leave.
She saw Mantu crashing to the ground, joining his hands begging her to not go.
"AMAYA please don't leave me, I will die Amaya, please!! I cannot live without your love. I breathe because of your existence, if you aren't there then------Amaya don't go..."
She didn't know how to respond, but she wanted to let go. Maybe it was time to forget everything and move on. Maybe it was time to be selfish, to think for herself. Maybe it was time to be with her Mantu and forget her responsibilities.
She ran in to his arms, and he engulfed her in his warmth. He would never let her go now, they would fight the world together.
Dil karta hai tera shukriya
Phir se bahaare tu laa de
Dil ka soona banjar mehka de
Sukhi padi dil ki is zameen ko bhiga de
Hoon akela, zara haath badha de
Sookhi padi dil ki iss zameen ko bhiga de
Waise toh mausam guzre hain
Zindagi mein kayi
Par ab naa jaane kyun mujhe wo
Lag rahe hain haseen
Tere aane par jaana maine
Kahin na kahin zinda hoon main
Jeene lagaa hoon main ab ye fizaayein
Chehre ko chhooti hawaayein
Inki tarah do kadam toh badha le
Sookhi padi dil ki iss zameen ko bhiga de
Hoon akela, zara haath badha de
Sookhi padi dil ki iss zameen ko bhiga de
______________
I wrote this in like ten minutes so let me know how it was :)
Love, Loveleen
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