"He is a very flawed hero.. An anti-hero perhaps...he is not a particularly likable man in many ways..he remains rather cruel , a bully , riddled with bitterness and insecurity - and yet he loved , he showed loyalty to that love and ultimately laid down his life because for it ... That's pretty HEROIC..." - J.K.ROWLING about SNAPE
PART 13
Swayam woke up in the morning to find aru and sharon sleeping beside him... as much as he wanted to resist , he couldn't help but smile slightly at how Sharon was sleeping with her mouth opened... he quickly looked at aru and checked her fever... Her body temperature was perfectly normal.. he bend down leaving a kiss on her forehead and got down from the bed...
Swayam's mom entered the kitchen to find swayam boiling water for his morning coffee...
"swayam mai bana deti hoon..." She came forward... swayam looked at her and then took the coffee from the shelf...
"swayam go to your room.. I'll send.. adaat nahi hai toh..." Before she complete swayam spoke up...
"nahi addat hai.. apko nahi hai.. mai isi time pe har roz coffee banata hoon... kaka ko pata hai..." he said stirring the milk with the water and adding sugar to the mug...
"swayam... jo hua woh sahi nahi tha par..." both swayam and his mom looked at the entrance hearing footsteps.. Sharon and taani were standing there...
"swayam ... tum ek baar sab ko sun lo..." Sharon came forward and stood in front of him... swayam poured the coffee into the mug and looked at his mom and Sharon.. taani was standing in the corner looking down...
"right... but sharon the ironic thing is... today you are speaking for mom but that day , when I was asking everyone to listen to me no one spoke for me..." He said eyeing taani...
"swayam please... zid mat karo..." Sharon said looking at his mom who just wanted swayam to hear her out...
"achanak kyun???" swayam frowned at Sharon...
"swayam achanak nahi.. tu sun toh..." His mom said although she knew this was not how swayam would understand.. had he been the swayam before 4 yrs , he would have patiently listened to her but now he was someone else...
"right.. achanak nahi... saboot milne ke baad...jaise us din ka letter dekhke aap logon ne maan liya wais eek aur letter dekhke maan liya.. but mom.. dono letter kisi aur ne likha tha... apke bete ne nahi..." he said pursing his lips to control the sudden build of pain contracting his chest... so much that he felt difficult to breath...
Swayam waited for someone to say something , but all he got was silence... he didn't want to say and hurt anyone but couldn't control his instincts and before he could understand what he was doing , he heard his own voice...
"apne husband se zyada tumhe ek anjaan larki pe bharosa hai.. her words dictated your action..." he looked at Sharon who was looking back at him... as much as Sharon wanted to go and hug him tightly , she didn't... she didn't want swayam to know or for that matter even get a single hint that , Sharon was not fine without him.. that , she needed him with each breath she took... and the reason was very much unknown to her...
Swayam noticed taani looking down with silent tears drenching her cheeks... he just wanted to go and cuddle her in his arms , but he couldn't... he didn't want to disrespect himself now... every step he would take towards that girl crying in the corner would remind him of every single tears he had shed alone in the darkness of the night when no one took any step towards him...
"kyun ro rahi hai??? kal raat kyun khari thi bahar?? Don't cry... maine complain nahi kiya kabhi..toh tujhe bhi hak nahi hai .." he just wanted her to stop crying..
"bhai please...aise mat bolo...hum mein se koi bhi khush nahi the... mai har roz shayad puchna..." She started sobbing... she wanted swayam to know that as much as she behaved rudely with swayam , she wanted to go and question him every time she found his rebellious red eyes...Sharon gestured taani to stop crying...
"pucha nahi...were you scared taani?? You didn't want me say That probably the reason behind it is you..." Swayam regretted saying it the very next moment... they all knew by "you" swayam had meant everyone... but even if he had regretted saying it , he had hit the right chord... he never in his life wanted anyone to feel guilty.. he knew probably they were not wrong.. but he knew for sure that he was not wrong too.. and even the punishment for being a bad person cannot be what he had gone through...
"swayam.. koshish kar rahe hai sab ..." before his mom could complete he looked at her in exasperation...
"yeah try... try to give if not four years , my three past three years... I want to see aru's birth... I want to listen to her first word... I want to see her take her first step..." And this hit Sharon hard... more than what swayam had missed she could only think about swayam wanting only the three years with aru back... all he cared was for aru and not her... and that hit her hard...
Swayam knew no one would say anything else...
"mujhe koi interest nahi hai.. kisika beta.. kisika bhai yaa kisika pati banne mein... mai sirf aru ka papa hoon and that's enough for me...when she will be grown up enough to understand we'll let her know about our divorce..." as soon as Sharon heard him utter the word divorce , her body went numb...
Finding her completely shocked to say anything , his mom spoke up , " swayam...divorce? Kya bol raha hai tu???"
Swayam picked up his mug from the cabinet and looked at his mom... " apki aur Sharon ki wish thi nuh?? Kar dunga pura..." Only he knew what he needed at that moment to carry on with his voice...
Swayam went to his room , kept the mug on the table with a bang and sat on the bed resting his head on his palm...
As soon as taani went out of the room , swayam had sunk on the floor... he just couldn't believe that his Sharon was gone...she was gone like a shooting star...
Taani had called rey and told him whatever had happened... rey was out of station , but as soon as he got her call , he took the next flight to Mumbai... he was standing outside swayam's room banging the door hard but of no avail...
"swayam if you don't open the door right away , I promise that you will never see me again..." rey warned and immediately swayam opened the door...rey got inside quickly and locked the door...
Rey switched on the lights and gave swayam a glass of water.. he kept it aside...
They sat there in silence...
"taani ne bataya hoga..." swayam finally whispered almost to himself...
"par mujhe sach sunna hai... I know swayam whatever she said was not the truth..." As soona s rey had said that , swayam had hugged him tightly and told him everything that had happened since last night... rey was more than furious on everyone including swayam...
"and you decided to keep quiet...great..abhi jake mai neeche sab kuch batata hoon..." rey was about to get up but swayam pulled him down...
"you really think I kept quiet???mujhe kisine bolne ka mauka hi nahi diya..." Swayam said unable to control his tears any more...
"Sharon ko dhundna hai swayam..." rey got up and pulled swayam up...
"chali gayi.. ek baar bhi nahi pucha... kuch nahi.. chehera tak dekha usne mera... taani.. mom.. kisiko nahi laga mai shayad... shayad galat nahi hoon..." Swayam said looking helplessly at rey...
"aur tu taani ya mom ko kuch nahi batana.. woh log saboot ke bina kuch nahi manenge.. mere paas saboot nahi hai.. and I don't have the strength to see their distrust again...tujhe meri kasam..." Rey looked at swayam helplessly...
"thik hai.. ab chal Sharon ko dhundna hoga.. saboot baad mein.. wo kahan hai ye toh janna hoga..." both of them had tried to search for her everywhere... everywhere they could have imagined Sharon to be... his mom and taani had stopped them from informing the police saying that Sharon would be fine without him...
Swayam came out of his thoughts as he heard his phone ring... he brushed his thoughts away and concentrated on the call..
*****************
Swayam was in his room working over a project in his laptop when Sharon barged inside his room , this time without knocking...
Swayam immediately stood up..
"what the hell is this swayam???" Sharon shouted at him showing him a bunch of papers.. swayam knew that she would be coming to his room and asking this question soon... He calmly went and closed the door , took a pen from his table and took the paper from sharon's hand and signed it...
"swayam...tumne sach mein divorce papers banwa liya???tum ye chahte ho???" Sharon tried to calm her erotic breathing...
"really?? Kuch din pehele tum sab yehi chahte the..." He looked away... Sharon was about to scream her lungs out at him but decided to stay calm...
"kya chahte ho tum?? Agar tum bhi divorce chahte ho toh abhi tak akele kyun ho?? shadi kyun nahi ki firse???" Sharon couldn't control her anger ...
"illegal hai.. I am married to you..." Swayam said pretending to sound crisp... every fiber of his body were objecting whatever he was saying...
Sharon was about to open her mouth but the changed swyaam in front of her put her into shock yet again ...
"maine sign kar diya.. tum bhi kar do azad ho jao... Look Sharon... mai tumse gussa nahi hoon... I know tum galat nahi the..." Even if he didn't believe it himself he said it coz he knew Sharon wants to hear this...
"ek rishte ko aise khatam karte hai???" Sharon asked him feebly.. she was losing everything from inside her...
"rishta?? Shadi nuh?? You know what's a marriage without faith?? It's a compromise... and compromise karke zindegi nahi chalti... age bar jao.. mai barna chahta hoon... shayad hum firse khush rahe..." Swayam knew it was a clear cut lie... even if he tried to give himself a chance with another girl , he won't be able to... even if he wants to fall in love with someone else , he won't be able to.. and here he doesn't even want to try... he knew that Sharon was the name written in every inch of his existence...
"you can't do that..." Sharon said glaring at him...
"and why so???" swayam turned to look at her eyes...
"because you still love everything that you once did...even I do..." Sharon said as sincerely as she could...
"I know you loved me , but you didn't choose me..." swayam licked his dry lips... but Sharon could only hear swayam's choice of tense... "loved" , that's what he think Sharon feels... how could he even think that Sharon doesn't love him...
"you are just not understanding me swayam... ek baar.. ek baar mujhe samjhne ki koshish karni paregi tumhe..." Sharon felt her voice was rising out of anger and pain...
"you went... for me you went away... too far Sharon..." swayam was talking in a trance...
"swayam...i had to... you can't deny what I saw..." she said gritting her teeth...
"and you can't deny what I felt..." Swayam shouted back at her.. sharon flinched back... "was it fair that it was so easy for you to stay away when each day I felt difficult to breath??? Was it fair that it was so easy for you to smile seeing your kid when I was sitting here and wishing to get a life... was it fair ?? was life fair to me??? And if you say that it wasn't fair to you as well , then I am sorry... I can't do anything about it... I can't think about anyone else's problem right now... you know why?? Cause no one gave a shit about my pain..."
"you just have never known me swayam.. otherwise you couldn't even utter what you said right now... You'll never know half the things I feel , I think..." sharon sucked in a long breath to control her tears.. she couldn't cry.. she couldn't cry in front of swayam... because that would prove her to be weak... "and if you are talking about what I told you that day on holi... you should know I didn't mean it that way..."
"really??? You meant every word you said.. you thought your husband is a person who could actually get a girl every day to ..." Swayam didn't complete what he had started..yet , Sharon flinched seeing swayam's eyes tearing up... she flinched because , deep down she knew swayam was right.. she had meant it when she had said that... if sheena wouldn't have cleared things out , she would have still thought the same... but she knew it was not her fault that she was thinking like that... everything had forced her to do so... " and between everything that you said but never meant whatever we had , is lost..."
"and between everything that you meant but never said , whatever we have , is fading..." Sharon whispered making swayam look at her...
"and I really don't know why I am wasting my time talking to you..." Sharon said sarcastically... "it's a divorce paper.. sirf tumhare sign karne se kuch nahi hota.. aur mai ye sign nahi karungi... do whatever you want..." She said and turned to leave...
As she was about to get out of the door she saw aru come in... her conversation with swayam didn't help her keep her calm...
"aru.. you are not well.. mana kiya tha nuh kamre se bahar ane ke liye..." Sharon said strictly... aru pouted and mouthed a sorry melting sharon's anger.. before she could say anything else to aru calmly swayam had come and picked her up in his arms...
"kaisi hai chocopie..." he asked cooing into her..
"thik hoo.. apne magic kia aur mai thik ho gayi..." She said clapping her hands...swayam smiled at her...
Sharon kept looking at him smiling at aru , wishing him to be the same with her too... the old swayam she knew was not lost in time... he just comes to existence only with the kid in his arms... Only if he would take her in his arms too and smile like that... She smiled at the thought ... but this simple thing was really difficult for her to admit in front of him... after all feeling are complicated...
I JUST FELT LIKE WRITING THE QUOTE ABOVE CAUSE WHENEVER I THINK ABOUT SWAYAM IN THE STORY I REMEMBER THIS QUOTE...
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Edited by flyinghigh_ani - 10 years ago
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Indian Mythology
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