Hey everyone! Surprised to see an update?! Well I got bored of studying confederation, so here I am. This is the last update I have for this SS, and am not sure about how it turned out, but here it is...
Part 5 Today was their 3rd anniversary. Today was the day 3 years back when they had gone out of that dinner date arranged by his mom. He sat waiting for her anxiously to show up at the restaurant they had their first date in. He had been this nervous around her in their initial meetings and had slowly it he had become more comfortable with her. But today he was once again nervous because he knew today was the day. Until yesterday he was unsure about how she would react to what he was about to do, but after yesterday's incident he was completely sure this was something the both of them wanted...
Yesterday...
They were both in his room watching a movie as he cuddled onto her on the couch. He was engrossed in the movie as he snuggled under the blanket holding her hand while she was lost in her own thoughts. She knew for a fact from what Mihika told her a couple of days ago that Raman was planning on a proposal. At first she was overwhelmed and on top of the world when she heard, but then Mihika's words about her still not letting Raman know about her infertility brought her back from her imaginary world. She had been dreading this moment the day they got together when she would have to tell him what could be the biggest hurdle in their relationship, and with the fear of him walking out of her life, she had made the decision to avoid the heartbreak and just end this herself before so neither of them would have to bear too much pain of rejection and betrayal.
She sighed as she knew that today was the last day she would be able to snuggle next to him in his warm embrace and inhale his scent while he was too busy in his action movie and seem more interested in the character's punches and kicks than her. This would be the last day where she would tease him about the actor's abs which would result in a load of blush, a few kisses and of course him taking of his shirt off to prove how his abs were no less.
And today would be last day where he would hold onto her hand tightly and run his fingers by her legs to tease her and she would no longer be able to punch him playfully and rest on his broad shoulder or clutch onto his arms tightly falling asleep leaving him to carry her over to his bed, but never did he cross the boundaries they had created in their relationship. They shared the same bed sometimes, but not once did he even attempt to do anything that made her uncomfortable in fact there were times he had move himself onto the couch to make sure she was asleep peacefully and would wake up the same way.
As she thought about all these times, she looked at him to find him looking at the TV screen as he rested his head on her shoulder exhausted from his day. Tears started to brim her eyes as she looked at the man she had been lucky enough to be with in these past years, but knew it was time to let go of him...
His eyelids were getting droopy and he looked like he would fall asleep soon and she found this opportunity to gently move away from him leaving him to sit up straight and rub his eyes waking up...
"Raman! How many times will we watch this movie? Even you fell asleep during it! It's getting boring. In fact this is all getting boring...everything!" She started the conversation trying to indicate what was coming up.
"Don't worry darling I will make sure tomorrow is going to be a very special day for you." he smiled at her and she knew what he was planning on doing tomorrow.
"But Raman I want to tell you something really important before tomorrow."
"And what's that?" she took a deep breath as she began.
"I...well...I" she stood up almost scared of doing this and the results of it and he followed her actions also worried seeing her scared face.
"What happened baby? What's wrong?" he cupped her face sensing something was wrong due to her hesitance. She pushed away his hands much to his surprise before continuing.
"Raman I can't do this anymore! You don't want to continue this relationship ... actually more like I don't want to."
"What are you saying? Get to the point Ishita!" he said out of fear and frustration seeing her changed behaviour all of a sudden.
"Point is I don't want to marry you. I know sooner or later this is where you are thinking of heading, but I can't do that! This was just a small little thing, don't think of it as something serious." She tried to keep on a serious yet hard expression.
She watched his face as he tried to take in what she had told him and was hoping he wasn't hurt too much by her behaviour, but much to her surprise she stood still with no expression and then chuckled to himself...
"Ishita you got me for a moment! I was so scared!"
"Raman! I am not joking! I DON'T love you!"
"Ishita jaan I know you're mad about my stupid joke last week, but I swear I was just pretending to check out that girl in the club, she was nothing compared to you!"
"Not everything is a joke! I told you I want to end this!" she pushed away his arms blinking away tears that were coming forth.
"You're...you're serious...?"
"I am very serious right now!"
He was quiet before he sadly smiled at her. What was happening to him? He didn't understand. What were her eyes saying? He couldn't tell. Was he hurt or angry at her? He didn't know. All he knew what she wanted to leave and he just didn't know what to do at her sudden decision, so he just thought aloud...
"Oh wow, your parents thought I was the one passing time with you initially, but now it seems like I was the time pass for you. I am just a joke, a worthless piece of trash aren't I?"
What was he saying? Why didn't he get mad and walk out? And why in the world was he calling himself a joke? She didn't know what to say since this wasn't the response she was expecting, but she had to continue her pretense.
"No it's nothing like that. You're not trash or a joke, but you just took this small relationship and hoped to make it longer."
"Then what else am I? 3 years! It's been 3 years since I have loved you. Where did I go wrong...Okay listen, if you're mad for something I did, I'm sorry. Really sorry Ishita, but don't do this to me."
He couldn't hold back his hurt any longer and attempted to save this relationship that seemed fine just until yesterday, but today was on the verge of breaking apart. Now she saw what she didn't want to see, his heart was broken and it was visible in his eyes. The tears were going to fall and she would be able to see them, so she turned her back to him giving him an answer, avoiding seeing his tears and him seeing hers...
As she turned her back on him, he tried to hold back his sobs, but failed. Why was she doing this to him? He loved this woman with all his heart and she was acting like a heartless stone right now. He gave her his heart and she was trampling all over it. Many questions ran in his head when she told him she couldn't marry him, but now as she turned her back on him, it was as if she gave up on him and his love...
"Fine! You know what? I don't hate you for this. I honestly don't! I hate myself for being a fool and falling in love. I should have known love doesn't exist. I was just stupid that I couldn't see that love is just a big lie after my parent's divorce, they got divorced months before their 25th anniversary and I just spent 3 years with you. I should have known better... But Ishita do you really not love me? Please tell me because I have loved more than anyone else in these years and you always made me feel that you shared the same feelings. Please tell me what happened all of a sudden. Please just tell me, so I can at least know where things went wrong!"
He kept on pleading to her, crying as he didn't know why she was acting like this and made all attempts possible trying to her to change her mind and save this relationship. She on the other hand hated herself so much right now! He had opened himself up to her in these past years and shared how difficult it was for him when his parents had gotten divorced after so many years. He told her he had lost faith in love since he had seen his parents' lives full of love and how it ended horribly in less than a year...that was until she came into his life. And leaving all his fears and doubts aside, he had openly declared his love for her only to have her throw it away like this.
He didn't deserved this, he deserved more, he deserves better than her for sure. And that was she was leaving, but...she couldn't be this brutal to him, she didn't want him to go back to being the quiet Raman who kept everything inside of him, she wanted him to go out and find someone else to love and she couldn't stop herself from trying to tell him love is real...
"Raman love is real, but love isn't everything needed for a marriage. And those important things will never come into your life if I am there. It's better to end this right now." She said quietly not sure if this would give away she was hiding something.
He could tell she was hiding something and it was hurting her as well. Her voice told him she was trying to hold back from crying. He was sure something was wrong as she just contradicted her words of this relationship not being serious to saying their love was real. She was at a vulnerable point right now and as much as he hated to do this, he needed to push her into telling the truth.
"Ishita I only want you and that is enough to make our relationship work. I am willingly to make every compromise needed to have you with me only if you love me! And trust me Ishita if I can't live with you, I don't want to live at all!"
His last words were her breaking point. This was nothing close to what she had expected his reaction to be. She cried as he loved her so much and she couldn't return a part of his love to him and couldn't even give him a small happiness in the form of a child and this made her decision more firm, but as he repeated his last words again, it was enough and she yelled out...
"Can you live an infertile woman?! Can you?! TELL ME!"
"Ishita..." He said blankly as he tried to understand what she had just said.
"I can never give you children Raman! I can't carry the symbol of our love...ever!"
"Oh my God..." his hand covered his mouth. She knew this was going ot happen and though she had tried to avoid it, here it was.
"See! I knew it. I never wanted you to know and just wanted to leave your life peacefully. But you made me tell you everything. I know you feel hurt and betrayed, but Raman I couldn't bear you leaving me, so I decided to leave myself."
"..."
He was quiet. She was hiding this from him for so long, such a big thing about her and he was completely unaware. As he looked at her behaviour today, he was hurt, but not as much as he was now. He could understand why she didn't let him know for the initial days of their courtship, but now it had been so many years and she hadn't said a word to him, why?
As he was lost in his thoughts staring blankly into space, Ishita kept on looking at him for a reaction which she never got. This was bound to happen she thought to herself. He was going to leave now, and she thought she was prepared for this, but she was wrong. Now when all this was happening, she couldn't believe it and probably wouldn't until he said something to her...even if it was harsh words, she wanted him to say something...his anger was much tolerable than his silence...
"Raman! Please say something! Raman!!" She shook him and cried placing her head on his shoulder sobbing as she tried to get him to say something...
"This is why I never wanted to tell you! Raman, I can't bear your silence, please say something."
"Why couldn't you tell me before?" he asked without any expression on his face and no specific tone in his voice. She looked up and found him in the same position and expressions as before.
"I was scared you would walk away..." she said quietly and almost embarrassed of hiding all this from him. And knew it right there her insecurities had gotten the best of her, and he wanted to take them away so she could be happy and would never even think of leaving him despite all the love they had.
"Is that all the trust you have on me and our love? Because I am telling you Ishita my love isn't that weak that it will fall to something like this. This is something that can be sorted. We can go to doctors and I have contacts too, it will all be fine."
"You think I didn't try? Remember my trip to the US a few months ago?"
"When you stayed there for 3 weeks?"
She nodded and he remembered her trip...
Flashback
She had told him of an important conference she had to attend in the US and he had agreed to let her go after much debate and hesitation. She was lying to him and hiding this once again, but she had told herself this would be the last time. The day before her trip, he had spent the whole day with her at her place.
He had helped her pack sadly and checked her flight detail numerous time so he would know exactly when she would land so he would talk to her. They spent the whole day just hugging each other and giving each other small kisses whenever they got the chance to. And when he and Mihika had dropped her off, he had a change of mind and asked her not to go. Mihika left with the excuse of the bathroom giving them a moment that was much needed between the two. Ishita took advantage of it to go to a corner and throw her arms around his neck just standing there. He buried his head into the crook of her neck as she placed her feet on his. They both sway swayed slightly and there were a few tears that ended up by her neck and his chest. He didn't want her to go away for so long and she did either, but knew this was all for them. They broke off their hug as her flight's boarding was announced and she kissed him goodbye before leaving...
She had spent her time looking through their pictures on her phone and preparing herself for what she was about to do while he sat in his office unable to concentrate on his work and his thoughts kept on wondering to what she would be doing right now.
And when she had called him immediately when the clock in the room struck 2 at night for him. She knew he would be upset with her if she didn't call and though unwillingly had to wake him up from his sleep to let him know she had reached safely.
"Hello?!"
"Raman, it's me."
"Finally! I was waiting for your call."
"You were awake?!"
"Just finishing up pending work. I was going to wait for your call, so this seemed like a better idea than just hanging around."
"But promise you will sleep right after this call."
"I will!"
"Good! So..."
"I miss you." He said in a quiet voice.
"Raman...it's only been a few hours."
"I feel lonely since you're always with me."
"It's just 3 weeks."
"Just 3 weeks?! Just? More like 21 days!"
"You're crazy!"
"Am I? And by the way what didn't you take that blue dress I bought you. It would have been perfect for your conference."
"Well...actually..." she thought of a way to avoid having to answer his questions when she realized...
"Hold on. How do you know I didn't take the dress with me?"
"I...I just-"
"You're at my house aren't you?!"
"Kind of."
"And why are you going through my closet?"
"I wasn't! I was looking for my jacket I left last time. It's quite cold here."
"It should be in the drawer on my night stand. If it's not just take out an extra blanket." She lied as she removed the jacket from her suitcase.
"Why is it there? Do you use it?" he had a small smirk on his face and she knew it for sure.
"Maybe...and now hang up the phone. I'm tired and you are too. Will talk to you tomorrow."
He hung up the phone leaving them both wanting the conversation to be longer. But they didn't have to wait too long as he would called when he woke up and she would call after her appointments. The three weeks passed with much difficulty for the two of them. He missed her so much, he had almost started to stay at her house as Mihika was out on a trip and Ishita was also gone, and so with the house empty he would stay at her place snuggling her pillows and pictures while she hugged his jacket after her painful days as it helped her overcome her pain when she thought of how happy he would be with all this...
Flashback Ends
"What about that trip? What did you do?!" he asked her anxiously.
"I went for my treatment. I wanted you to only find out after everything was fixed...but...but it all failed. Nothing worked and I still cannot be a mother. Raman I am an infertile woman and I will be forever!"
"..."
She placed her hand on his shoulder after backing off a few times.
"You went through everything alone...for us?" a tear rolled down his cheek.
"For us." He turned around looking right into her eyes. They had tears filled in them reflecting the tears in hers.
"Did it hurt?" he asked in a soft voice a tear rolling down his cheek.
"I could only think about us and our future."
He got his answer right there. He cupped her face and kissed her forehead as more tears ran down.
"Ishita, I am so sorry I wasn't with you. I'm so sorry baby."
He gently hugged her and kissed her head as he held her in his arms just imagining all the pain she had gone through to stay with him, to give him what he wished for...and didn't even think about herself at all.
She let loose in his arms as she heard his words. He was a truly selfless man who after all this still didn't think about how she did the truth from him, instead he was apologizing to her for not being with her. At the moment, she wondered what she had done to deserve him in his life as he thought the same for the woman who tolerated so much trying to get him happiness. She decided she was being so foolish by letting him go when he had already tied himself to her, and she knew she wanted to be with him at any cost now. But her fears of the future problems this medical issue could create and so she clung onto him as if trying to hold on as long as she could...
"Raman...please don't leave me! I can't live without you! I promise I am willing to go through every treatment out there. I will give you a child no matter what. Don't leave me!"
"Shh...I told you I love you and only want you."
"Raman...a baby-"
"Is important. But not as important as you. And there are so many ways we can have children; we can adopt someone else's child and make it our own. We can look for other options after talking to doctors. But I will not have you go through those painful treatments again. I don't want you putting yourself into situations like that for anybody. And if you want a baby, then we can plan it out later. And even if we don't have a child, we have each other. Don't you think that's enough? I know you're perfect for me, but am I good enough for you?"
"Of course you are Raman! But-"
"Then no ifs and buts. I want you to never feel this low about yourself that you will try and walk away from me because you feel like you aren't good for me. Do you promise me that?"
"I do Raman I do!"
"I'm sorry Raman...I'm sorry for hiding everything."
"Shhh...It's okay. But you have told me everything now?"
"Not everything..."
"What else don't I know?!"
"That I love you even more than before!"
"But I still love you more..."
"No you don't."
"Than prove it!"
She smiled faintly as he picked her up and carried her over to their bed placing her on one side and laying down on the other himself.
"I'm sorry Raman."
"Enough sorrys! I don't want to hear it anymore. Just stay here next to me and don't ever think of leaving me again."
"I won't! Promise!"
They smiled at each other as she moved herself closer to him much o his surprise. And he engulfed her into a huge hug and they two stayed like that all night not wanting to ever be away from each other again. She slept peacefully knowing he had accepted her with her flaws and had finally gotten the burden of this lie off her shoulders. He on the other hand was lost in his own thoughts, after learning about Ishita's infertility, he didn't have any problem because she was more important than anything else...but her insecurities were what worried him. She had taken so long to tell him and he was lucky enough he had sensed something was up otherwise she would have left him and wouldn't have said a word to him. He knew it was time to let her know she was everything for him and he genuinely wanted to be with her, so he was now totally sure about what he was going to do tomorrow...
Present day
She arrived at the table he had booked for the two of them. She noticed silence in the restaurant and how most of the place seemed empty. She asked him the same after greeting him and taking a seat. He replied as if he had no idea when this was all his planning to pop the big question to her in this spot. However as they ate their dinner talking about their previous times in this restaurant, he didn't feel like this was the right place for his question and thought of something else as they finished up their dinner.
They went out for a small drive when he thought of the perfect place to have some privacy with her. He drive up to the place where he had gotten ice cream for her the first time. She was visibly excited when she saw him pull over to the side of the road. They got out and walked hand in hand to get her the one thing she loved more than him; her ice cream.
The vendor knew them well by now since the two would often end up on this quiet road after their dinners, so he kept his stall open slightly longer on the weekends. They had started off walking side by side, then holding hands and nowadays his arm was around her waist while she leaned her head against the arm she encircled. They would walk around enjoying the cool breeze as she ate her ice cream and would feed it to him as well. Today was no different at least that's what it seemed like to her...
As she finished her ice cream, they sat down on a bench near where they had shared their first kiss. As they both remembered their first date as they laughed about how initially they both didn't want to go on that date.
"We have so many memories from that date don't we?" she said just in general.
"Of course we do, it was our first and favourite date, right?"
"I don't know, I liked going shopping with you."
"Of course you like the shopping."
"Raman..." she smacked his arm gently.
"Listen I have been wanting to ask you something..."
"What?" she asked with a small smile on her face wondering if this was the moment he had decided to ask her the question.
And she was right, he got down on one knees and pulled out a blue box from his pocket opening it to reveal an elegant diamond ring...
"Ishita, I met you and was attracted at once, though I thought you were crazy because of that one lakh confusion. But in these 3 years I have gotten to know you so much better and loved you more each time I learned something about you. And that includes yesterday. My love for you has grown immensely and I promise you it will always be this way. Please give me the chance to spend my life with you doing everything I can to make you happy. I will take you shopping all you want and you can eat as much ice cream as you like...so will you marry me Ishita?"
She knew this was coming, but she was still surprised and was getting emotional as he spoke his words with sincerity and love. She was overwhelmed by his words despite his efforts not to make it too emotional by adding the last few lines. No words came out of her mouth and she nodded as he put the perfectly fitting ring onto her finger. She hugged him and he hugged her back and lifted her slightly off the ground. As he put her down, she asked still embraced by him...
"So you learnt what I like?"
"A private moment in a special place." He replied with a wink as she looked up.
"I love you Raman!"
"I love you too!"
They stood under the moonlight hugging each other and cherishing this moment for as long as they could. For this was just a beginning for another chapter of their lives...
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That was all! Please like and leave your feedback! Will look forward to reading it and will reply when I get some time!
Edited by smilesforever98 - 10 years ago
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