Hello Ppl...here is another OS...i don't know how you all will react to it but this is something that will always be close to me...will eagerly wait for your feedback
P.S. Isha kiddo i have tried to use your lori song though partially...i know you had expected somehting else out of the song but i gave it a different turn...still i hope you like it
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teri Main Balaayen Loon
( I take away all your problems )
Tujhe Main Duyaen Doon
( I bless you )
Tujh Ko Main Khushiyon Ke Saaye Doon
( I give you shades of happiness )
She sang while caressing her hair lovingly.
Khwabon Ko Sajaye Tu
( You decorate your dreams )
Aankhon Mein Basaye Tu
( And keep those dreams in your eyes )
Tujh Ko Main Doon Sab Jo Chahe Tu
( I want to give you everything you want )
She wiped her own tears with her free hand while her other hand continued to caress her hair.
He was watching this from far and shedding countless tears silently. But he had to hold himself and handle her. She would cry and ten people would surround her to wipe her tears but he didn't even have the liberty to cry freely. He had to bear his own pain as well as her pain. He had to be strong or atleast act to be.
So gayi, he asked in a low voice.
( She slept, he asked in a low voice )
Haan badi mushkil se soyi hai, she replied.
( Yes she slept after great difficulties, she replied )
Thik hai tum bhi so jao ab, he told her and started to leave.
( Fine you too sleep now, he told her and started to leave )
She held his hand to stop him and started weeping. He bent down, took her into his arms and left for the couch nearby making sure they didn't wake her up by their movements.
He sat on the couch and made her sit on his lap. He wiped her tears and kissed her forehead.
Raman: Kya ho gaya Ruhi beta...aise kyun ro rahi ho...tum toh papa ki strong beti ho na
( What happened Ruhi...why are you crying like this...you are my strong daughter right )
Ruhi: Papa IshiMaa kab tak aise rahengi...woh thik kab hongi...main unhe aise nahi dekh sakti
( Papa I cannot see IshiMaa like this...when will she be fine...I cannot see her like this )
Raman: IshiMaa bahut jaldi thik ho jayengi beta...aap ho na...aap unhe thik kar doge
( IshiMaa will be fine very soon dear...you are here...you will make her fine )
Ruhi: IshiMaa bahut sad hain na Papa...woh mujhse bhi baat nahi kar rahi hain...mujhe sulati bhi nahi pehle ki tarah...aapne dekha na maine hi unhe sulaya aaj lori gaake warna woh toh bas rote jaa rahi thi
( IshiMaa is very sad Papa...she does not talk to me anymore...she does not even make me sleep like earlier...you saw how i only put her to sleep otherwise she was only crying )
Raman: Haan beta maine dekha...Ruhi papa is proud of you beta...aap IshiMaa aur papa ki good girl ho
( yes dear i saw...Ruhi papa is proud of you...you are a very good girl of mine )
Ruhi: No...main good girl nahi hoon...warna toh IshiMaa roti hi nahi
( No...i am not a good girl...if i was IshiMaa would have not cried at all )
Raman: No beta...aap world ki sabse best girl ho...Papa and IshiMaa aapse bahut pyaar karte hain
( No dear...you are world's best daughter...and I and IshiMaa love you a lot )
Ruhi: IshiMaa thik ho jayengi na Papa
( IshiMaa will be fine right )
Raman: Haan beta zarur thik ho jayengi aur bahut jald thik ho jayengi...chalo ab bahut late ho gaya...ab aap so jao subah aapka school bhi hai na
( Ofcourse dear...she will surely be fine soon...come on now it is late...you go to sleep...you have school in morning )
Raman stood, took Ruhi again in his arms and made his way to the bed. He made Ruhi lie down besides Ishita and left for the couch after covering them both with the duvet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So much had changed in just two days, he thought while settling down on the couch. Ishita who was lively as ever in past three months was now lying there like a lifeless soul and he could do nothing to lessen her pain.
Truly, humans are the most helpless creatures on this earth.
Too much was going on in his head right now. His mind was haunted with so many thoughts; pain, old happy memories, guilt, regret. The house that used to chirp with the laughter of his siblings, resonate with both his mother's blessings and dance with Ruhi's excitement was so dull and silent today as if it was too mourning over the loss with them.
Kise Puchun
( Whom should I ask )
Hai Aisa Kyun
( Why it is this way )
Bejubaan Se Yeh Jahaan Hai
( The whole world is mute )
Khushi Ke Pal
( Those moments of happiness )
Kahan Dhundun
( Where should I search )
Benishaan Sa Waqt Bhi Yahan Hai
( Even the time has no signs )
Whatever happens is out of God's wish but that does not stop us from blaming ourselves. So easily we find fault in ourselves even if we are not at fault.
He too felt it was all because of him. One news that had changed everything for the good seemed like a curse today. Only if he hadn't given her all those hopes, life would have been different and much simpler today. They were a happy family of three with Ruhi, Ishita and Raman but deep somewhere, he knew she felt incomplete. And to complete her, he had given her those new hopes. But this is not what he had wanted to do.
He so wanted to punch himself for doing this to her. He thought he was the reason for her sufferings. But wasn't he himself hurt. Wasn't he undergoing the same pain? Was that loss not his too?
Jaane Kitne Labon Pe Gile Hain
( I don't know how many complaints I have on my lips )
Zindagi Se Kayi Faasle Hain
( There are so many distances from life )
Weren't my prayers that powerful to not let this injustice happen to my Ishita, he thought.
Jo Bheji Thi Duaa
( The prayer that I had sent )
Woh Jaake Aasman Se Yun Takra Gayi
( It went high in the sky and collided in a way )
Ki Aa Gayi Hai Laut Ke Sadaa
( That it has returned back unfulfilled forever )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He kept introspecting for hours and finally slept on a wet pillow. But sleep too had to ditch him today. Those good memories kept flashing in his subconscious mind.
Ever since it was confirmed medically that it was possible and Raman had expressed his desire about having a baby to her, they had waited for this day to come each day, every hour, every single minute and with each passing second.
And when the most awaited news was finally true, they were the happiest humans on earth. And not only they but the whole family was celebrating as if a long going war was won. Yes, Ishita was pregnant; it was a dream coming true for Ishita and Raman, a plea answered for Amma and life's priceless earning for Toshi Ji.
More than happy for himself, Raman was happy for her. He knew this was what she had always craved for. Barren, unfruitful, incomplete woman and what not she had to listen but now it was all over. Though he never believed in this human made definition of completeness but as per society norms, he wanted to tell the world that his lady was a complete woman too.
What a grand celebration was thrown that evening. Ruhi was more than happy for getting promoted from the youngest member of the family to a senior "Didi" Bhalla. She had told Ishita infinite times to teach the baby already to call her Didi as soon as he comes out into their world. Ishita had laughed so much on seeing her daughter's innocent excitement. Appa and Bhalla Ji had danced until they breathed heavily. Every single member of the family had a wide smile on lips and tears of happiness twinkling in eyes.
Happy were those days and beautiful were those nights which were spent in having those long dreamy conversations about the baby. How Simmi and Romi had fought for putting a baby poster in their room, how Amma and Toshi Ji had argued about the color for baby's sweater and how Appa and Bhalla Ji had adopted a healthy lifestyle so that they could live a little longer in this world.
And Ishita, she was flying without any wings. Her happiness was evident on her face and in her eyes. She was content and peaceful now. She could not ask for anything more in this lifetime atleast. When Ruhi had made her a mother, this baby would take her through that magical journey of motherhood. She was to get the most beautiful benefit of being a woman; to procreate, to be god for once and give life.
But no, it all had to shatter. All those dreams had to break into pieces and all those hopes had to scatter. One fine night, when the whole world was in deep slumber, she was getting punished for some unknown fault. She woke up to an uncomfortable pain suddenly and it was over. She was rushed to hospital immediately only to receive the worst news.
She had suffered an early pregnancy miscarriage owing to her medical reasons. Everyone knew it was going to be a tough journey and they were ready to fight but this failure at such an early stage was least expected. They were fools to think that their unconditional love and eager wait will bring the baby safely into this world. With the death of that unborn baby, each family member had died alive too.
Jo Bheji Thi Duaa
( The prayer that I had sent )
Woh Jaake Aasman Se Yun Takra Gayi
( It went high in the sky and collided in a way )
Ki Aa Gayi Hai Laut Ke Sadaa
( That it has returned back unfulfilled forever )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maine kaha na mujhe kuch nahi khaana hai phir aap kyun baar baar aa jaati hain mere paas yeh khaana lekar, she shouted.
( I told you I don't want to eat anything then why do you come back again and again with this food, she shouted )
Amma: Ishu thoda khaalo beta please
( Ishu have a little food dear )
Ishita: Amma aapko ek baar mein samajh kyun nahi aata hai...aap please jaiye yahan se
( Amma why don't you understand on being told once...you please leave from here )
He woke up to hear her shout and her Amma cry.
Kya ho gaya Amma aap ro kyun rahi hain, he asked while getting up from the couch.
( Amma what happened, why are you crying, he asked while getting up from the couch )
Amma remained silent and only showed him the untouched food that she had got for Ishita.
Raman came to Amma, took the plate from her and gestured her to leave.
He sat beside her and was about to speak but...
Ishita: Raman please...ab aap shuru mat ho jaiyega...mujhe nahi khaana hai kuch...main pehli hi kya kam pareshaan hoon jo aap log mujhe aur pareshaan karna chahte hain
( Raman please...now you don't start atleast...i don't want to eat anything...am i already less troubled that you want to add on to my problems )
Raman: Thik hai nahi kahunga khaane ko...pareshaan bhi nahi karunga tum bas shaant raho...main samajh sakta hoon tum kya feel kar rahi ho
( Fine I won't ask you to eat...I won't bug you as well...but you please stay calm...i can understand what you are feeling )
Nahi aap nahi samajh sakte...koi nahi samajh sakta...aapne kabhi apne ander se kuch khoya hai nahi...Amma ne khoya hai nahi...kisi ne kuch nahi khoya hai...sirf maine khoya hai islie mujhpe kya beet rahi hai yeh sirf main samajh sakti hoon, she said rudely.
( No you cannot understand...nobody can understand...you have never lost anything from within...neither did Amma nor anyone else...nobody has lost anything expect me...only i have lost it so only i know what i am undergoing, she said rudely )
He knew she was only punishing herself by talking rudely to him. This was happening for the 3rd consecutive day today and he had to end it now. If he didn't it would eat her from inside like a pest.
Acha thik hai koi nahi samajh sakta tumhe par tum gussa mat ho na jaan...jaise tum chahogi waisa hi hoga, he said taking her hand in his.
( Ok fine nobody can understand you but you please don't get angry...everything will happen as per your wish, he said taking her hand in his )
Jaisa main chahti waisa hota toh yeh na hua hota Raman, she said a little softly this time.
( This would have not happened if it was all as per my wish, she said a little softly this time )
It was not in our hands Ishita, he said while rubbing her hand.
Raman aapko kya lagta hai aisa kyun hua...kya meri bheji hui ek bhi duaa mein asar nahi tha...koi ek praarthna koi ek mannat toh kaam aa jaati Raman, she said getting even softer.
( Raman what do you think why this happened...was not even a single prayer of mine created no impact...any one prayer any one wish could have atleast worked, she said getting even softer )
Ishita yahi bhagwaan ki marzi thi shayad, he said taking her into a hug.
( Ishita maybe this is what god's wish was, he said taking her into a hug )
Nahi yeh bhagwaan ki marzi nahi thi meri galti thi, she said rudely once again coming out from the hug.
( No this was not god's wish but my fault, she said rudely once again coming out from the hug )
Nahi Ishita ismein tumhari kya galti thi, Raman said again trying to hug her unsuccessfully.
( No Ishita this was not your mistake, Raman said again trying to hug her unsuccessfully )
Thi Raman meri hi galti thi...shayaad clinic jaane se kuch hua ho ya shayad main jaldi jaldi stairs se neeche utarti thi islie...aapko yaad hai mummy ji ne kaha tha heels na pehnu phir bhi maine pehne shayad us wajah se hua ho...Amma ne kaha tha dental camp ke liye travel na karun par maine kiya kya pata yahi reason ho...Raman kya pata humari unn nazdikiyon ne hi humare bache ko nuksaan pahuncha diya ho, she said looking into his eyes questioningly.
( It was my mistake Raman...maybe it happened because i used to go to clinic...i even used to climb stairs hurriedly so probably it happened because of it...do you remember mummy ji told me not to wear heels yet i wore, this could be the reason...Amma told me not to travel still i went for that dental camp maybe it all happened because of this...who knows Raman those moments of intimacy hurt our child, she said looking into his eyes questioningly )
Ishita tum bas karo khud ko blame karna...tumhe bhi pata hai tumhari koi galti nahi hai...it just wasn't meant to be Ishita...please khud ko sambhalo, he said patting her back trying to calm her down with her endless questions.
( Ishita stop blaming yourself...even you know you weren't at fault...it just wasn't meant to be Ishita...please handle yourself, he said patting her back trying to calm her down with her endless questions )
Agar meri koi galti nahi hai toh yeh kyun hua mere saath...Aapne dekha tha na main khud ka kitna dhyaan rakhti thi...time se khaana time se sona time se sab medicines lena...Raman maine sach mein bahut dhyaan rakha tha khud ka phir kahan kami reh gayi, she said regretfully now.
( If I was not at fault then why it happened to me...you know how much i took care of myself right...i slept on time, ate on time, took my medicines as prescribed...Raman i swear i took good care of me then what lacked, she said regretfully now )
Bas Ishita please bas...na tumne koi galti ki na koi kami chodi, he told her.
( Enough Ishita...please stop now...neither did you commit any mistake nor you lacked anywhere, he told her )
jiska daaman haath se chutna hi tha us khwab ne mere ungli pakdi hi kyun...jis sapne ko taaron ke doobte hi doob jaana tha woh sapna meri aankhon mein pala hi kyun...bolo na Raman hume yeh ehsaas mila hi kyun jab yeh pura hona hi nahi tha...bolo na Raman kyun, she questioned him with teary eyes.
( why did that dream held my finger when it had to leave me eventually...why did that dream took birth in my eyes when it had to break as soon as stars set...Tell me Raman why we got this feeling when it was not meant to be completed...tell me Raman why, she questioned him with teary eyes )
He had no answer to any of her questions. She on getting no answer from him which was expected in a way cried like a baby curling herself. He who was too weak by now could not take it any longer and left from there.
Jo Bheji Thi Duaa
( The prayer that I had sent )
Woh Jaake Aasman Se Yun Takra Gayi
( It went high in the sky and collided in a way )
Ki Aa Gayi Hai Laut Ke Sadaa
( That it has returned back unfulfilled forever )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He came out and cried silently banging his head with the wall.
Toshi Ji: Raman shaant ho jaa puttar...main jaanti hoon mushkil samay hai par tu khudko sambhaal...tujhe Ishita ko sambhalna hai na puttar
( Calm down son...I know it is tough time but you have to keep yourself calm...you need to handle Ishita as well )
Raman: Nahi sambhaalna mujhe kisi ko...kisi ko sambhaalne layak nahi hoon main
( I don't want to handle anyone...i am not capable of handling anyone )
Toshi Ji: aise nahi kehte hote puttar...aa tu mere saath aa
( Don't say like this son...come with me )
Toshi Ji took her upset son with her to the hall and made him lie down in her lap. Only if this pain was small enough to get erased on getting mother's lap, he would have felt better too but today nothing could relief him.
Raman: Maa yeh sab meri galti hai...Doctor ne kaha tha kuch chances hai par maine kuch word ko ignore hi kar diya...pehle Ishita ko tasalli toh ki woh maa nahi ban sakti par ab sab badal gaya...bhagwan ne use woh khushi toh di par pura hone se pehle wapis bhi leli...abhi tak toh hum puri tarah khush bhi nahi hue the maa...abhi toh bas sapne dekhne shuru kiye...abhi toh bas woh pehli udaan li hi thi aur aise gire ki ab zindagi bhar nahi uth payenge
( Maa it is all my fault...doctor had told me that there were only slight chances but i conveniently ignored the word slight...earlier Ishita was satisfied to know that she cannot be a mother but now everything had changed...god gave her that happiness but took it back even without completing...we didn't even celebrate our happiness completely till now...we took our first flight just now and we fell in a way that we won't be able to get up all our life )
Toshi Ji: Raman ab tak main keh rahi thi ki chup ho jaa par ab main hi keh rahi hoon ro le puttar...tera gussa, pachtava aur dard sab bahaar aa jaega...tu halka mehsus karega tabhi Ishita ko is dukh se nikaal payega
( Raman till now I was telling you to calm down but now I am only telling you to cry as much you want...atleast your anger, regret and pain will come out...you will feel light and maybe then you will be able to bring Ishita out of all this )
Raman: Nahi Maa main Ishita ko is dukh se bahaar nahi laa sakta...mujhe toh yeh bhi nahi pata ki kounsa dukh pehle kam karun...uska shaaririk dukh jise woh aur jyada badha rahi hai ya uske mann ka dukh jo use pal pal tod raha hai...main uske paas jaata hoon toh khud ko doshi paata hoon...uski aankhen har pal mere aankhon mein kuch aise sawalon ke jawaab talashti hain jinke jawaab shayad bhagwaan likhna hi bhool gaya hai
( No Maa I cannot take out Ishita from this pain...I don't even know if her physical pain is big which she is increasing intentionally or her emotional pain is big which is breaking her with every passing second...when I face her, I find myself guilty...her eyes search for answers of those questions in my eyes for which maybe god too does not have any answer )
Toshi Ji: Shaant ho jaa Puttar...sab thik ho jaega
( Calm down son...everything will be fine )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ruhi tum samajh gayi na tumhe kya karna hai, Raman asked an upset Ruhi.
( Ruhi you understood what you have to do right, Raman asked an upset Ruhi )
Yeh karne se IshiMaa pehle jaisi ho jayengi, Ruhi asked innocently.
( Will IshiMaa be back to normal by doing this, Ruhi asked innocently )
Haan beta...hum dil se try karenge toh ho jayengi, he answered her though he himself was not sure if it would work.
( Yes dear...if we try by all our hear, she will be fine, he answered her though he himself was not sure if it would work )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IshiMaaa dekho main aa gayi school se...aapne mujhe missie kiya, Ruhi asked excitedly.
( IshiMaa see I am back from school...did you miss me, Ruhi asked excitedly )
IshiMaa aap please mujhe khaana khila do na, Ruhi requested Ishita on not getting answer to her previous question.
( IshiMaa please feed me lunch, Ruhi requested Ishita on not getting answer to her previous question )
Seeing no effect on her, Ruhi ran and lied down in her IshiMaa's lap.
IshiMaa aapko pata hai meri maths teacher keh rahi thi is baar pakka mujhe maths mein highest score milega...aapko mere maths ki tension rehti hai na but I promise is baar bahut ache marks aayenge...aapko pata hai aaj dance class mein maine aur meri friend ne ek ladke ko gira diya bada maza aaya...aapko pata hai teacher ne yeh bhi kaha ki Ruhi class ki best student hai...maine kaha main best student hoon kyunki mere paas world ki best IshiMaa hai, Ruhi kept on blabbering but didn't get any response.
( IshiMaa do you know my maths teacher said I will be getting higher marks this time...you were really worried for my maths marks right but I promise I will perform very well this time...you know what we did today...me and my friend pushed a boy in dance class it was so much fun...you know my teacher said i am the best student of the class...i said i am best because i have world's best mother in this world, Ruhi kept on blabbering but didn't get any response )
Raman smiled slightly seeing his daughter trying hard to make her IshiMaa smile.
Aap ab mujhse pyaar nahi karte na IshiMaa, Ruhi said feeling genuinely dejected this time.
( You don't love me anymore IshiMaa, Ruhi said feeling genuinely dejected this time )
Aapke liye bas baby hi important tha kya IshiMaa...main toh hoon hi nahi aapke liye kuch...aap uske liye ro rahe ho jo nahi hai par main jo hoon uski aapko chinta hi nahi hai, Ruhi said crying.
( Only the baby was important for you IshiMaa...i am nothing to you...you are crying for the one who is not here but ignoring me even though i am here...you don't care for me any longer, Ruhi said crying )
Ishita was in tears hearing this. Yes she was at fault slightly for ignoring Ruhi but was she even in a state that her faults could be counted upon.
Raman was shocked at his daughter's matureness. Nobody had told Ruhi what had happened but she understood it all and said those words to Ishita which were not even taught to her by him. Maybe this was the special connection, she shared with her IshiMaa.
Aapko pata hai main school mein bhi ro rahi thi...meri IshiMaa ab pehle jaisi nahi rahi...is se toh acha hota baby ki tarah main bhi God ke paas chali jaati...phir aap mujhe yaad to karte kam se kam, Ruhi said crying even more now.
( You know i was even crying in school all the time...my IshiMaa does not love me the way she used to...it was better i too went to god like the baby...then you would have recalled me atleast, Ruhi said crying even more now )
And that was it.
Ruhi, Ishita shouted and cried hugging Ruhi.
Aisa nahi hai bittu...tumhe dekh kar toh main jeeti hoon...kabhi dobara aisa mat kehna...tum mujhse dur hui toh meri saansen bhi mujhse dur ho jayengi...i am sorry beta I am really sorry, Ishita said sobbing.
( There is nothing like this dear...i live by seeing you...don't ever repeat those words...if you go away from me, my breaths will leave me too...i am sorry dear i am really sorry, Ishita said sobbing )
Aap mujhse pyaar karte ho na pehle jaisa, Ruhi asked calmly now.
( you love me like before right, Ruhi asked calmly now )
Haan mera bacha...main tumse sabse jyada pyaar karti hoon...tum meri jaan ho...You have completed me, Ishita said and pulled Ruhi back into the hug.
( yes my kid...i love you the most...you are my life...you have completed me, Ishita said and pulled Ruhi back into the hug )
She kissed Ruhi infinite times as if compensating for last few days. Both cried and gave solace to each other.
Aap mujhe sulaoge na pehle ki tarah lori gaake, Ruhi again asked innocently.
( You will put me to sleep like earlier by singing a lullaby, Ruhi asked again innocently )
Ishita laughed at her daughter's honest question.
Teri Main Balaayen Loon
( I take away all your problems )
Tujhe Main Duyaen Doon
( I bless you )
Tujh Ko Main Khushiyon Ke Saaye Doon
( I give you shades of happiness )
She sang while caressing her hair lovingly.
Khwabon Ko Sajaye Tu
( You decorate your dreams )
Aankhon Mein Basaye Tu
( And keep those dreams in your eyes )
Tujh Ko Main Doon Sab Jo Chahe Tu
( I want to give you everything you want )
Ishita and Ruhi sang together for each other and slept.
That was the beauty of their relation. A mother would always do this for her child but here, the child too gave that motherly love to her mother.
Raman smiled and cried at the same time witnessing this pure and unique form of love. It wasn't that pain was reduced or the loss was covered up but now he knew, Ruhi will make things better for them.
Jis bheji hui duaa ke takraane se hum itna roye woh toh pehle se hi Ruhi ke roop mein humare saath thi, he thought and smiled.
( We were crying for an unfulfilled prayer but that prayer that wish was already with us in Ruhi's form, he thought and smiled )
Jo Bheji Thi Duaa...
( The prayer i sent )
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